[LFC1892]

Taken from another site:

Fabio Capello`s English Phrasebook

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* After much consideration, I have decided that someone who urinates on the floor of a nightclub is not a good choice for England captain.

* I have decided to bring in the last English manager to take a team into a major final. Step forward...Simon Cowell. And Sarah and Sean from Same Difference.

* That's my biscuit, Frank.

* Who is Jermaine Jenas? I have never heard of him.

* Along with Paul Scholes, I will be looking to bring back other great retired players if I believe they can offer something better than the current alternatives. For example, I watched Chris Waddle in the Masters and he's kept himself very trim.

* No Sir Alex, with all due respect, I do not believe that Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand and Owen Hargreaves all have niggling injuries ahead of this friendly against Switzerland. And no, I don't want Wes Brown and Michael Carrick instead.

* Are you sure that Brad Friedel is not English? Marcus Hahnemann? Petr Cech? Jose Reina? Kasper Schmeichel? That bloke at Bristol City?

* That's my arm, Frank.

* Who is this Harry Redknapp? Is he related to Louise Redknapp? I was a big fan of Eternal.

* I am disgusted with the theatrics of Joe Cole and Steven Gerrard - this is not how we do things in my country.

* Yes, I know Ashley Cole is an egotistical, greedy, poisoned dwarf but the alternative is Nicky Shorey.

* Please Mr Carragher, I beg you - I will pay for the security guards myself.

* Why have I picked Ashley Young? He's quick, he's strong, he's got a nine-inch schlong...

* Nice trick, Mr Downing. Now what else can you do?

* I wonder if you can help me, I am lost and I'm looking for world-class players in England...do you know anybody?

* I have made the effort to learn English. Perhaps Mr Wright could do the same...

* What is Jeff Powell's address? I have a spare horse's head.

* So, does the FA secretary come as part of the package, Brian? And can I pick which one?

* I have spoken to Steve McClaren and he has passed on some invaluable advice...apparently the best way to get to Wembley is the North Circular.

* I love The Neviller. He has a fantastic moustache.