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February 1100
The champions of the twin Clubs are as follows:
London: Oscar Siddorn 6-1-2 (3)
York: Axegrinden Brown 6-1-0 (3)
By decree of the King, all new fighters will learn their way in the ring against the following five opponents in the Test of Manhood:
1. A statue of a bear. Can our intrepid young men down a statue of a bear? If they can't, maybe they should not be boxing.
2. An actual bear. This one is a little bit better because it fights back.
3. Orange the Golem. Not really a golem because magic is not real (or at least that is what I am supposed to say, what with the London Taxman standing behind me and all) but a marionette with powerful hands.
4. Shackled Miscreant. The shackles should keep him from doing too much harm.
5. Stupid Commoner. He is what the name implies. Not a very bright person.
The way that this will happen, the first day of every month shall see each new boxer fight the first four men in a one-day test of their mettle. The following day, all new fighters shall beat up on the Stupid Commoner, for he is stupid and therefore deserves to be beaten. The first two men to face the Test of Manhood are as follows:
Leo Ayling
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Statue KO
Bear KO
Golem Dec
Miscreant L-Dec
Idiot KO
Dermot Quenby
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Statue L-KO
Bear L-KO
Golem L-KO
Miscreant L-Dec
Idiot Dec
Needless to say, Dermot Quenby's career has not gotten off to a good start. He hit the statue of the bear in such a way that part of it fell on him and knocked him out. Then, perhaps woozy from this initial hit, he allowed the actual bear and then Orange the Golem to knock him to the fertile loam of the Henge as well. Finally, he managed to at least only lose a decision to the Shackled Miscreant. This is one way to become a man, we guess. At least, a man who can accept being a big fat loser.
To add insult to injury, Quenby got poked in the eye by the stupid commoner, who doesn't understand that you punch with your fist, not your thumb. He'll miss at least a month.
As for the actual fighting...
York
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Ethelstamp Woodger (4-4-1, 1) def. Fatman Chubb (4-4-1, 2) by decision
A close, close decision, but an upset nonetheless.
Axegrinden Brown (7-1-0, 4) def. Hapye Gayford (0-8-0) by KO in 5
The man's actual name was "Gayford", we swear. We did add the "Hapye" bit on, but did not check his ratings prior to doing so.
Following the card, Fatman Chubb kicked a dwarf down a flight of stairs. He was no doubt unhappy with his loss, but nonetheless dwarf-kicking shall not be tolerated in this new Club and as such he has been subjected to 90 days of hard labor.
Intramural
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Ethelbal Alty (3-5-0, 1) def. Frazer Purdy (3-5-0, 1) by decision
We'll allow the Saxons to take this one victory over a Norman.
London
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Harry Miskin (5-3-0, 3) def. Logan Tennison (1-7-0) by KO-8
Miskin was down 69-64 according to referee Basington Basilthipe when the KO occurred.
Spencer Sefton (6-2-1,1) def. Oscar Siddorn (6-2-2, 3) by KO-11
Sefton simply had his way with Siddorn. How did Siddorn become the champ in the first place?
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