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Old 10-10-2008, 04:30 PM   #113 (permalink)
Syd Thrift
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US Army Baseball Engineers

Overview

It wasn't that bad of a year, really. In times of peace, the US Army Corps of Baseball Engineers is perfectly content to allow the other American teams to bask in the limelight

of winning records and not losing. We are more than happy to learn from Cincinnati, New York, and to some extent Chicago (not literally, since the Army still does not allow

African Americans in its front line ranks, and we strongly consider the USACoBE to be on the front lines!) and even send some of our better men out on "furlough" so that they

might infect the whole country with their fighting spirit. Given this, we think it highly encouraging to have finished ahead of anybody at all, even if the two teams worse than

use were brand new.

Retirements
-------------
None

Code:
73-89, .451 PCT 8th, 24.0 GB
Home		36-45, .444 PCT
Road		37-44, .457 PCT
X-inning games	 9-9,  .500 PCT
One-run games	20-25, .444 PCT
Versus LHP	17-24, .415 PCT
Versus RHP	56-65, .463 PCT
April		10-10, .500 PCT
May		14-18, .438 PCT
June		16-15, .516 PCT
July		10-18, .357 PCT
August		14-13, .519 PCT
September	 9-15, .375 PCT

Batting Average		.264 - 10th in AA
On-Base Percentage	.314 - 10th in AA
Slugging Percentage	.348 - 9th in AA
Runs Scored		 713 - 8th in AA
Hits			1504 - 9th in AA
Extra-Base Hits		 326 - 10th in AA
Home Runs		  43 - 6th in AA
Bases-On-Balls		 399 - 8th in AA
Strikeouts		 509 - 6th in AA
Stolen Bases		 326 - 1st in AA

Earned Run Average 	4.25 - 8th in AA
Runs allowed		 813 - 8th in AA
Hits allowed		1599 - 7th in AA
Opponents AVG		.276 - 7th in AA
Home Runs allowed	  82 - 10th in AA
Bases-On-Balls		 536 - 7th in AA
Strikeouts		 461 - 7th in AA
Pitching

The pitching staff had no player on it "drop and give us 20". Twenty losses, we mean! That's an Army joke, son! Go take a lap! Kids today. It's a good thing the Army instills the kind of discipline that keeps our new recruits from laughing mockingly at us and just refuse to laugh at jokes they haven't learned to find funny yet. Hey, wait a minute. All the rest of you, take two laps! That will teach you!

Code:
Player				Age	W	L	Pct	G	GS	SV	IP	H	ER	HR	BB	SO	ERA
Patrick Marshall		27	17	18	0.486	37	37	0	301.2	275	105	15	120	79	3.13	
Tom Wheeler			30	14	13	0.519	35	35	0	256.1	293	132	19	74	102	4.63	
Wyatt Dorsey			27	15	9	0.625	26	26	0	210.1	221	69	7	36	93	2.95	
Ernie Franklin			37	4	12	0.250	28	17	0	142	181	89	6	72	35	5.64	
Steve Parker			22	7	8	0.467	29	14	2	134.1	159	61	6	46	43	4.09	
Jim Jones			33	6	7	0.462	15	15	0	113.1	118	42	4	39	43	3.34	
Ralph Bryant			26	4	13	0.235	20	17	0	109.1	132	73	10	51	19	6.01	
Luther Cain			27	2	8	0.200	47	0	3	87.2	106	53	6	39	22	5.44	
Daniel McGowan			22	4	0	1.000	29	0	4	52.2	49	28	5	32	12	4.78	
Herbert Guss			23	0	0	0.000	12	0	0	25.2	30	14	1	16	8	4.91	
James Raymond			22	0	0	0.000	5	0	0	14.1	21	14	3	7	4	8.79	
John Lee			22	0	1	0.000	1	1	0	6.1	14	6	0	4	1	8.53	
Team Totals			26.5	73	89	0.451	284	162	9	1454	1599	686	82	536	461	4.25
Batting

The French lent us a couple of players for the 1919 season but deteriorating relationships between us and that nation of whining surrender-dogs caused them to end this agreement. As a result, we were left trying out a bunch of guys at catcher and in the outfield all season long. This did not work as well as we might have hoped; we'd have loved it if a "platoon" arrangement would work out, since we like that word "platoon". It's a lot like "dragoon". Are you snickering again, private? Drop and give me twenty! No, not 20 losses! You aren't even a pitcher! Give me 40 now! And then take a lap!

Code:
Pos	Player			Age	G	GS	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	SB	CS	BB	SO	AVG	OBP	SLG		
C	Palmer Hartley		24	100	81	302	27	73	7	1	1	29	1	0	6	13	0.242	0.264	0.281		
C	 Reed Billington	31	61	47	163	16	39	1	1	2	22	1	0	14	18	0.239	0.291	0.294		
C	Mitch Little		22	31	19	68	6	17	2	1	0	7	0	0	1	13	0.250	0.261	0.309		
C	Jeremy Franklin		23	28	15	54	1	4	1	0	1	3	0	0	0	7	0.074	0.074	0.148		

1B	*Clay Davis		35	106	98	372	51	119	30	7	4	65	0	2	54	12	0.320	0.400	0.470		
1B	Adam Walker		21	52	52	179	15	40	1	1	1	15	11	4	6	32	0.223	0.255	0.257		

2B	Jason Miller		20	122	72	263	27	67	5	2	2	22	0	2	27	34	0.255	0.325	0.312		
2B	*Mark Scrivner		22	70	65	241	23	69	15	2	2	33	5	2	10	24	0.286	0.311	0.390		
2B	Oscar Stephens		32	87	28	163	10	39	10	0	1	10	2	2	3	12	0.239	0.260	0.319		
2B	#Felipe Muñóz		19	23	0	4	1	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	1	0.250	0.400	0.250		

3B	Ken Griffin		31	107	104	356	41	100	19	3	3	54	1	1	32	34	0.281	0.345	0.376		
3B	Morris Watkins		31	139	84	313	29	87	9	4	0	40	6	5	19	37	0.278	0.318	0.332		
3B	Dennis Binion		23	45	0	28	4	5	0	1	0	0	3	0	3	4	0.179	0.258	0.250		

SS	Brian Frank		22	150	145	590	102	172	25	14	4	50	88	20	37	32	0.292	0.340	0.402		

LF	*Brett Price		22	139	107	429	58	123	13	8	7	61	38	17	30	60	0.287	0.336	0.403		
LF	*Félix Martínez		35	134	43	249	31	66	6	3	2	27	4	1	35	17	0.265	0.360	0.337		

CF	Clyde Daniel		22	126	75	347	45	80	15	6	1	36	54	12	21	39	0.231	0.277	0.317		
CF	*Jeffery Gordon		29	115	71	314	43	84	19	3	1	31	11	4	24	18	0.268	0.326	0.357		
CF	*Steven Terry		27	45	43	179	23	51	10	2	4	31	11	6	8	2	0.285	0.312	0.430		
CF	José García		26	15	13	54	9	16	2	0	0	2	10	2	2	3	0.296	0.321	0.333		

RF	Dan LeBlanc	25	155	134	534	78	159	18	7	5	67	54	20	60	11	0.298	0.367	0.386		
RF	Rick Chandler	23	89	0	17	26	2	0	0	0	3	26	17	0	4	0.118	0.158	0.118		

 	Team Totals	26	2223	1458	5697	713	1504	217	66	43	646	326	118	399	509	0.264	0.314	0.348
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by John Hodgman
I didn't know that a dinosaur could do that much cocaine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Markus Heinsohn
You bastard....
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