Hey sports fans. Once again it's the beginning of the season and as such time to take a look at the year ahead of us. I'm your host Jim "Generic Name" Smith and joining our roundtable are minor league veteran pitcher Jesse "Rawhide" McLagan...
JRM: Pfah. Just because I played in leagues that existed before the MLB doesn't mean they were minor. I'm a Hall of Famer, I am!
JS: Sure thing, Mr. McLagan. Whatever you say. Also with us today is the recently retired Joshua Cohen.
JC: I've got my finger on the pulse of the players. Not literally.
JS: And, rounding things out, on loan from the Doc Savage Institute of Smart Things, William "Johnny" Littlejohn.
WJ: I'll be superamalgamated!
JS: I don't know what that means and I don't care. Let's get started...
League News
JS: It looks like the two big new additions to Major League Baseball are the All-Star Game and a reworking of the free agent rules. Let's start with the All-Star Game. Your thoughts?
JC: Man, that would have been great to have had an All-Star Game when I was still playing. You know, I might not have felt the need to go to Pittsburgh at the end of my career if there was an All-Star Game. How else would the National League have known how awesome I am?
JRM: Baseball is a team game. No stars! Just a team. An All-Star Game is a sign of weakness. I bet the team that puts the most All-Stars on the field finishes last!
JS: I find that unlikely.
JRM: That's because you never played the game.
JS: (weeps)
WJ: It is factual that I have never entered into a professional match for the passing of currencies but I am of the opinion that the finest collections of talents shall also compose the finest team play. Therefore, I must only conclude that Mister MacLagan's supposition is a falsity.
JRM: You're a falsity!
JS: Calm down, people. Let's move on to the next topic, one that Mr. Littlejohn and his scientific talents might put to best use. Baseball seems to have done completely away with free agency and in exchange has allowed the players to plead their case in arbitration starting with their 2nd year in the league.
WJ: It was a superamalgamated decision by Commissioner Landis if you ask me. You had an issue with teams paying out the nose for older, post-prime ballplayers due to the 12 year rule and at the same time underpaying for their youthful ingenues. This way, the most money shall go to those with the most talent.
JRM: I don't like change.
JC: I don't like this either. Back in my day you had to sit patiently by until you reaped your big payday. Now kids are going to be able to get paid early on and - I can't believe I'm saying this - not have to work in the offseason in some cases. I ask you this: what are players going to do in the winter months if they don't have a daily job to go to? Get fat, that's what.
JRM: Yes, that's absolutely right. Players are paid too much as it is. We would have played for free in my day.
Predictions
JS: So, who do you think's going to win the American League?
WL: I have done myriad calculations on this very subject using the Doc Savage Computer Terminal and have determined that the American League champion shall be... the St. Louis Browns.
JC: What!?
JS: Huh?
JRM: You are a fool.
WL: Oh, pardon me. I had my spreadsheet upside down. The New York Yankees shall emerge victorious for the second consecutive season.
JRM: That's a little more sane. Personally, I think it's going to be the Philadelphia Athletics.
JS: But they haven't done a thing this offseason and they lost Jay Carbaugh for the first third of it!
JRM: Precisely. While the other two contenders have to deal with chemistry issues, the Athletics already know what each other can do and will stake a big lead. And if you ask me, losing a homerun happy circus freak like Carbaugh will only help the A's.
JC: I have to admit, I never liked Carbaugh. A lot of people don't like him. But to say he's a net negative is crazy talk.
JRM: I liked you better when you agreed with me.
JC: Anyway, my pick is the Chicago White Sox. That deal they made with the Phillies upgrades them at two positions without losing much of anything. In contrast, the Yankees just have too many question marks going into the year for me to pick them.
JS: Good enough. What about the National League?
JRM: Homeruns or not (spits on the floor), I think you'd be crazy not to pick the Giants again. They could be a lot worse than they were last year and still run away with the league.
JC: I have to agree. These guys will have Mason Taylor and Fred Fleming on the club for an entire year. That's a scary thought.
WL: My statistics agree with you, but I do provide the St. Louis Cardinals with a 14.5732573% chance of winning the pennant. They successfully picked the bones of the Browns clean. Lester Archie alone might be worth 10 wins to this team and by my calculations 87 victories puts them on the brink of contention.
Final Thoughts
This is a bad idea but my editor told me to do it anyway. What are your final thoughts on this season?
JC: I have it on good authority that the ball will be deadened somewhat this year. Or else the weather won't be as hot. Yeah. The weather. That's it. Look for a return to normalcy with homeruns and runs scored this year. That's all I'm saying.
JRM: Kids today don't appreciate how good they have it.
WL: Walter Carlson will be the fourth man to reach 3,000 hits in his career. What I find superamalgamating is that once he reaches, all but one of those men will have played for a Philadelphia team at some time in their career. Is it the water?
JRM: This is how we got the stock market crash.
JS: One thought only, please.