[cknox0723]

With no one else rested and ready, it's time for Marc Kaiser Roll to make his first major league start, though all I really hope is that he gets out of the first inning. He'll face Chan Ho Park, who's turned in a few years slightly above league average since the start of this sim. He's yet another soul happy that OOTP only knows ratings, not names. His 2.56 ERA in his first seven starts this year would scare me, but regardless of how the program views him, he's just not that good. I stack the lineup with lefties, since they hit him for about an .800 OPS last season, and away we go.

Our only baserunner in the top of the first is courtesy of a walk, but all eyes are on Marc Kaiser in his first major league start. And he doesn't disappoint...Ranger fans, that is, walking leadoff hitter Ramon Nivar on four pitches. Somehow, his first pitch to Corey Patterson (who's taking all the way) is a strike, but his second pitch is a hanger, and C-Patt puts it in the cheap seats. 2-0. What was that about getting out of the first inning? Kaiser retires Hank Blalock, giving me some small amount of hope, but it proves to be futile, as the right-hander surrenders a couple of doubles right after that, and another one after managing to retire Laynce Nix, again on a comebacker. Kaiser then walks the bottom two in the Texas order, including the pitcher Park, which loads up the bases for Ramon Nivar. Kaiser runs the count full, and like so many young pitchers, overthrows on the payoff pitch, missing way outside and forcing in another run. C-Patt then hits a weird groundball that turns into an out, but at least it ends the inning. (see here: http://www.ootpdevelopments.com/boar...363#post768363)

We do squat in the second, and Kaiser gets hammered again in the second, though there's a rain delay called after the first two base hits. And for the few seconds that I was reading "it's still raining...", I found myself wishing, though I knew it was impossible, that the game would get rained out. There's got to be a word for that - anyone know? In any case, 48 minutes later, Kaiser trudged back out, and apparently refreshed, gets out of the inning eventually, only surrendering two runs.

7-0 score, top of the third, and I get a momentary chuckle when Enrique Wilson, pinch-hitting for Kaiser Roll, hits a ground ball to second. Normally, that's an easy out, but the play-by-play tells me that Ramon Nivar "slips on the wet grass". Ha. I picture the Dominican rushing toward the ball for no real reason, then slipping and getting up only to see himself covered in patches of mud and soaked as though he'd taken a shower. I hear the heckles now..."Need a hand, Ramon?"...hehehe. We don't score, but that's the kind of stuff that makes this game enjoyable.

I bring in Rick Ankiel for the third, but any thoughts of another failed-starter-turned-closer are put to rest when the second batter he faces, Corey Patterson hits a 464 foot long ball to dead center. Wow. Despite a wild pitch and passed ball, Ankiel gets out of the inning without any further run scoring.

The top of the fourth isn't noteworthy but for the fact that Park comes out due to an unnamed injury. I think they just want to rest him, but maybe we can hit around that Texas bullpen a bit. After we finish flailing away, Ankiel marches out and throws a perfect fourth inning.

I lift the young lefty for a pinch-hitter in the fifth, not wanting his confidence to be destroyed by giving up seven runs to the top of the Texas order, and fortuitously, Laynce Nix drops Joe Borchard's can of corn. However, we still don't score, and P.J. Bevis comes in and has one of his bad days in the fifth, surrendering the first career home run of one Chris O'Riordan. As the inning continues and every pitch Bevis makes is pounded, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with the game, though the pitcher fouls off a bunt with two strikes, just to break the monotony and get an out on the board. Bevis starts hitting people and giving out free passes after that, and once he's given up eight runs, made the score 17-0, and loaded the bases, I put in The Out-Sucking Machine to pitch, as a protest to the OOTP Gods. Of course, Ricky Ledee hits a three-run double. 20-0. Uribe then walks three guys, but gets the pitcher to fly out, and we enter the sixth down 21. Twenty-one. After a twelve run fifth.

We go down in order in the sixth, and Uribe apparently settles down in the bottom half, only walking two, and so Corey Patterson's triple and Mark Teixeira's single only lead to a couple runs.

Ramon Vazquez leads off the seventh with a liner into the right field corner, and I've found my nickname for him, as he hustles into third base with triple. The moniker - The Disillusioned One. Sausage, Peppers, and Onions then comes through (!!!) with a huge single to break up the shutout. It's 23-1. The Hacktastic One follows with a single, putting runners at the corners, and looking to pad the stats with The Big Hurt pinch-hitting, I tell Lugo to steal second. And Gerald Laird guns him out. Great, that's another move I've made that's pissed off the baseball Gods. Expect a 47-1 loss in September now. Thomas eventually draws a walk, and Matt Herges relieves a tired Rosman Garcia (so that's who was pitching), but Jeremy Reed greets him with a solid line drive -- right at Texas third baseman Chris O'Riordan. Piazza falls into a sinkhole five steps down the line and gets doubled off. Fantastic.

With Piazza indisposed (somewhere in the inner circles of the Earth), I bring in Miguel Olivo to catch and Superfluous Kiko Calero to pitch. He gives up a leadoff single and then a two-run shot to Gerald Laird, but getting out of the inning after that really feels like an accomplishment today. Our 2-3-4 hitters (D.Y., Mags, Fullmer) go down in order in the eighth, but I bring in Joe Roa and he pitches a scoreless inning. Way to go, Joey! He's officially off my "Turd List" forever. Fittingly, we go down in order in the top of the ninth, and thus ends quite possibly the lowest point in the franchise's history. Worse than the Black Sox scandal, I'd say.

CHW 1 TEX 25

WP: R. Garcia (1-0) - 2.2 IP, 1 R, relieved Park when he spontaneously combusted
L: M. Kaiser (0-2) - 2 IP, 7 H, 7 R, 6 BB, 0 K, game score of 4 (!)

I would have laughed my skinny butt off if there was a save in this game; unfortunately, Matt Herges only worked the last two and two-thirds perfectly for Texas. All he needed was one more out!

Game Ball Goes To.. You're kidding, right?

Some notable box score stuff:

THE PALE HOSE	AB	R	H	RBI	BB
THE TEAM	32	1	5	1	2

TEXAS		AB	R	H	RBI	BB
2B Nivar	2	5	2	1	5
CF Patterson	7	4	4	6	0
1B Teixeira	6	4	6	1	0
RF Ledee	6	3	4	5	1
SS Graffanino	6	3	3	3	1
C Laird		3	2	2	4	3

After these last few games, I'm thinking about putting this dynasty out to pasture, so to speak. I've enjoyed writing this up immensely, but this just doesn't seem like it'll be worth all the effort, in the end. It's not the losing so much as the comedic lack of realism. The 6.03 patch fixed a lot of the AI problems I was seeing, but it's pretty tough to go with a no-ratings, no-talent league when the minor league stats don't mean much, and the game results seem predetermined to the point of not being logical. (The results are predetermined, but that's not the point - the play by play is terribly inadequate, for one thing) I don't think that I'm through with this team, just curious to see what everyone and anyone thinks, if anything. Let me know - I'll hold off on the updates for a bit so y'all can get caught up.

Craig