Originally Posted by jaxmagicman
May I be as bold to make this suggestion to move the red text to the end of the first paragraph. I like the way that reads.
You, who hate cliffhangers, want me to tease you some more and THEN drop the hook at the end of the paragraph?
Good suggestion, though. It does read a little more dramatically that way. And thanks for all the great comments, everyone. I'm hard at work on future chapters (I write about two hours a day), so if I get far enough ahead I'll post a chapter in mid-week. Probably not the next chapter, but maybe after that.