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July 1st, 3006
As we reach the All-Star Break, Guru Nahak continues to defy those who would desire to oppress him as he leads the DCL with 58 Home Runs and 127 RBI. His .506 BA is nothing to sneeze at either. Guru Nahak's performance has not gone unnoticed as the New Orleans Catcher has been selected to his first All-Star game.
"There comes a time in life when you have to ask yourself," proclaimed Nahak, "Am I going to let these naysayers drive me down, or am I going to use them to lift myself up to a better place? I have chosen the latter and you can read all about it in my upcoming self-help book/autobiography : The Basepath Less Traveled." Nahak then continued for 20 minutes listing off several Border's bookstores where he would be available for signings.
Our deity All-Star snubs list decreases by one each year it seems, as this year, only two deities will not be making the trip. 3005 World Series Champion and Post-Season MVP, Enlil, was not named to the starting squad. Enlil was cast in the lead of a DisneyPlanet commercial following his heartwarming success in last year's playoffs, but the offers have slowed dramatically this year. While many point to Enlil's .388 average (2nd lowest amongst deities) - Enlil claims that other deities have been spreading unfavorable rumors about him amongst Hollywood insiders.
The other deity who won't be suiting up for the 3006 All-Star game is Roman God and Cincinnati Catcher Jupiter. Jupiter has fared fairly well this season - his average is on par with other seasons and stands at .449, however his HR and RBI numbers have grown each of the past two years and projections say this year he will finish with impressive increases in those two categories again.
Monthly Highlights
6/1/3006 - Missing their star Satan, who was visiting a sick family member in Hell, Orlando is NO-HIT in Houston. A Thetan was 1 for 3 with an RBI single in the game, which Houston won 5-0.
6/7/3006 - It was yet another reason to drink for followers of the Irish deity Anu, as the Celtic Crusher was awarded his first career Player of the Week Award for his .619 / 9 RBI week. Anu was the lone remaining deity who had not received a Player of the Week Award. In the CL, uKqili (.500 / 11 RBI) was awarded his 9th PotW.
6/11/3006 - Mortal Ernie Banks once said "Let's play two!" Well, in Houston, Chicago and Houston pretty much played 2.1111 as their game was not decided until the 19th inning. The 6 hour and 24 minute marathon saw no runs scored in the 10th-17th innings, but the 18th and 19th held plenty of drama. Chicago scored a run in the top of the 18th to take the one run lead. In the bottom of the inning, Scientology icon A Thetan led off with a HR to RF to tie the game at 5 all. The deciding run came in the top of the 19th, as Buddhism icon Siddhartha Guatama led off the inning with a drive to deep Left-Center. Houston was unable to score in the bottom of the 19th. On the day, A Thetan was 3 for 6 at the plate with 2 doubles, a HR and two stolen bases. Siddhartha Guatama was 3 for 8 with a stolen base and the game-winning HR. It was a very bad day for Houston outfielder and mere mortal Dennis Castaneda, as he went 0 for 8 with 2 strikeouts.
6/12/3006 - Columbus Shortstop Vishnu, who was the first overall pick of the DCL, singlehandedly smites Gadsden as he goes 6 for 6 at the plate, hitting 2 singles, a double, 2 triples and a Grand Slam in the 15-6 routing. Vishnu stole a base, scored twice and drove in 7 runs on the day. It was the 38th cycle in league history and the first of Vishnu's career.
6/14/3006 - Once just wasn't enough, as Anu (.583 / 6 HR / 10 RBI / 1.417 SLG) wins his 2nd straight and 2nd career PotW Award. This leaves A Thetan as the low deity on the totem pole, as he is the only deity with just one PotW. In the CL, NY Catcher Awonawilona (.667 / 6 RBI / .760 OBP) is awarded Player of the Week.
6/15/3006 - Lewiston Catcher Altjira goes 5 for 5 with 2 singles, a double and 2 HRs in Lewiston's 14-5 drubbing of Seattle.
6/16/3006 - Zulu God and Norfolk 1B uKqili has 5 hits (a single, 2 doubles and 2 HRs) in Norfolk's 7-5 victory over Chicago. uKqili scored 2 runs and drove in 4 on the day.
6/18/3006 - Atlanta Catcher Viracocha hits the 39th cycle in league history but it wasn't enough as Atlanta is soundly trounced by Phoenix 12-5.
6/18/3006 - Not to be outdone, A Thetan hits the 40th cycle in the league's 2.5 year history. Thetan's cycle was enough for Houston, as they defeat visiting Oklahoma City 7-3.
6/21/3006 - Voodoo God Bondje (.647 / 12 RBI / 1.941 SLG) and Hindu deity Vishnu (.500 / 4 HR / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.
6/28/3006 - Phoenix 2B and Confucianism namesake Confucius (.579 / 9 RBI) wins his 5th career Player of the Week Award. In the UL, Gadsden 2B Odin (.650 / 3 HR / 9 RBI) wins his 4th career PotW.
6/29/3006 - Cincinnati Catcher and Roman God Jupiter hits 3 HRs and collects 5 RBI in Cincinnati's 7-3 win over Greensboro.
7/1/3006 - Norfolk 1B uKqili (.456 / 40 RBI / 1.156 SLG) and Gadsden 2B Odin (.578 / 33 RBI) are named Batters of the Month.
Deity BA Leader: Vishnu .549
Deity HR Leader: Guru Nahak 58
Deity RBI Leader: Guru Nahak 127
Deity SB Leader: Jesus Christ 57
Deity Career RBI Top 10
1.) Vishnu 523
2.) uKqili 516
3.) Odin 515
4.) Siddhartha Guatama 483
4.) Zeus 483
6.) Altjira 482
7.) Mohammed 480
8.) Ometeotl 477
9.) Jesus Christ 475
10.) Ra 474
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