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enigk · 10-20-2004, 06:45 PM

August 1st, 3006

The month of July sees one of our deities on the verge of breaking a record which has stood for 1065 years, another of our deities being felled by injury, the first deity to reach 250 Career HRs and the requisite mortals winning PotW following the All-Star Game.

Guru Nahak's early-season success seems to have been going to his head as his average and power numbers have been in a free-fall. Nahak has put up monthly averages of .511, .522, .482 and .439 and HR/RBI numbers of 22/50, 18/44, 18/33 and 13/28. We'll have to see if Nahak can right the ship to close out the season.

Monthly Highlights

7/4/3006 - A normally happy holiday turns ugly for Babylonians and Oklahoma City fans everywhere as their deity and starting SS, Apsu, suffers a Strained Rotator Cuff Muscle and will miss at least 5-6 weeks. Apsu was extremely displeased following the injury and was visibly angered in the post-game press conference. "They say I am lucky that it is just a strain and not a tear," began Apsu, wearing a Steve Balboni throwback jersey, "To which I reply, it is lucky for you people that I cannot move my arm or else the streets would flow with your blood as I picked my teeth with your bones."

On the season, Apsu has hit .464 / 41 HR / 99 RBI. The woes were twofold for Oklahoma City as not only did they lose Apsu in the 2nd inning, they lost the game 10-0 in Phoenix.

7/4/3006 - It was a happy holiday for Greek God Zeus, who jacks 3 HRs with 4 RBI in Little Rock's 7-4 win over Seattle.

7/5/3006 - For the third year in a row, mere mortals are awarded Player of the Week Awards immediately following the All-Star Break as human pitchers Norman Strack (2-0 / 2.08) and James Gwynn (1-0 / 3.38 / 9K's) get the nod. Inside sources at the commissioner's office say that next year, this PotW Award will be officially renamed to the "Token Human PotW Award". We'll keep you posted as we hear more.

7/6/3006 - Raleigh's 1B and Egyptian Sun God Ra is 5 for 5 at the plate with 2 singles, 2 triples, a home run and 3 RBI in Raleigh's 13-7 win in Pittsburgh.

7/6/3006 - Greensboro CF Lao-tzu collects 5 hits in 6 trips to the plate with a double, 4 HRs, 5 runs scored and 8 RBI in Greensboro's 16-7 clubbing of Gadsden.

7/11/3006 - Voodoo God Bondje hits the 42nd cycle in league history while driving in 4 runs in Hartford's 10-6 win in Phoenix.

7/11/3006 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu makes the news again as he collects another 5 hits in Greensboro's 12-11 win over Columbus. On the day, Lao-tzu was 5 for 6 with 3 HRs, 4 runs scored and 5 RBI.

7/12/3006 - Hartford RF Bondje (.750 / 5 HR / 17 RBI / 1.875 SLG) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.586 / 10 HR / 18 RBI) are easy choices for Player of the Week Awards.

7/15/3006 - 4 days after hitting the 42nd cycle in league history, Bondje hits the 43rd. It was Bondje's 6th career cycle, putting him 2 cycles ahead of 2nd place deities uKqili and Viracocha. On the day, Bondje was 4 for 5 from the plate with 6 RBI and a stolen base. It was more than enough for Hartford, as they topple the host Philadelphia squad 11-4.

7/16/3006 - Enlil has had a hard paper route following his World Series victory. On this day, Enlil is 0 for 3 at the plate with a walk and Cleveland is NO-HIT by Gadsden mortal Michael "Stinky" Lechner. Gadsden only managed one run on four hits, but it was enough as the Cleveland bats couldn't wake up. "I can't me-damn believe we were no-hit by someone named 'Stinky'!" Enlil could be overheard yelling from a closed-door team meeting. Enlil might not be in too much of a position to talk, as his .409 average and 47 HRs are currently 21st amongst deities.

7/19/3006 - Voodoo God Bondje continues to make a run for the MVP AND Triple Crown as his .643 / 16 RBI / .714 OBP earns him another Player of the Week Award, the Deity-Leading 10th of his career. In the UL, Irish deity Anu (.680 / 15 RBI) is also pushing for MVP and the Triple Crown and is awarded his 3rd career PotW.

7/19/3006 - Oft-mentioned Bondje carries his Hartford teammates to victory with a 3 HR, 6 RBI day in an 11-6 win over Atlanta.

7/22/3006 - Columbus Shortstop Vishnu does his Hindu followers proud as he collects the 44th cycle in league history in a 12-11 win in Seattle.

7/24/3006 - Zulu God and Norfolk 1B uKqili crushes 3 longballs and collecting 5 RBI in Norfolk's 12-4 win over Atlanta.

7/25/3006 - New York Catcher Awonawilona has a nice day, going 4 for 5 from the plate with 3 HRs, 4 runs scored and 6 RBI in NY's 8-7 win over oft-beaten Atlanta.

7/26/3006 - Scientology icon A Thetan (.550 / 5 HRs / 10 RBI) and Hindu deity Vishnu (.565 / 15 RBI / .615 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/27/3006 - In the bottom of the 6th inning of Norfolk's game against Oklahoma City, uKqili hits a 431 foot 3-run HR over the CF wall to become the first deity to reach the 250 career HR milestone. It wasn't enough, however, as Norfolk falls at home 9-7.

7/29/3006 - With Enlil missing the game to receive an honorary doctorate from Texas Tech University, his Cleveland teammates are NO-HIT for the 2nd time in a month, this time at home and by Lewiston mortal Russell "The Spade" Miller. The Cleveland manager said after the game that Enlil will not be allowed to miss any games where the opposing starting pitcher has a nickname.

8/1/3006 - Bondje (.620 / 49 RBI / 1.446 SLG) and El Paso RF Anu (.532 / 20 HR / 54 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards. It is Bondje's 3rd Career BotM and Anu's 1st.

8/1/3006 - El Paso RF and Irish deity Anu is sitting on a 50 game hitting streak, only 6 games away from tying the 1065 year old record held by Joe DiMaggio of 56 games. Anu has refused to speak of the streak or even acknowledge it publicly. A very superstitious Anu has also refused to change any of the routines which occurred when the streak began. Every day, he has the same breakfast, "accidentally" pisses on his left shoe while at a urinal and has even refused to change or wash the clothes he has been wearing. In the El Paso heat, this has led to some rather pungent aromas clearing sections of the bleachers on windy days. El Paso and teams hosting El Paso have offered unusual promotions such as: "Gas Mask Night" and "Free Clothespin Day" to help their fans cope with the smell.

El Paso is in Gadsden for a 4 game series, has a day off and is then in Seattle for a three game series. Assuming Anu doesn't take any days off during the week and continues the streak, the record projects to be broken Sunday, August 8th in Seattle. If Anu does sit for any of those games, El Paso is back home to host Columbus in a 4 game series. So far this season, Anu has hit .588 against Gadsden, .625 against Seattle and .478 against Columbus. The world has its collective eyes on the Irish deity - will he be able to break the millenium-old record?

edit:
Deity BA Leader: Vishnu .546 (+.008 over 2nd place)
Deity HR Leader: Guru Nahak 71 (+4 over 2nd place)
Deity RBI Leader: Bondje / Guru Nahak 155 (+5 over 2nd place)
Deity SB Leader: Jesus Christ 72 (+6 over 2nd place)

Top Career Player of the Week Award Winners
1.) Bondje 10
2.) uKqili 9
3.) Siddhartha Guatama 8
4.) Vishnu 7
5.) Apsu 6
5.) Enlil 6
5.) Ometeotl 6
5.) Ra 6
5.) Zeus 6
10.) 7 deities tied at 5

10-20-2004, 06:45 PM	#70 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	August 1st, 3006 The month of July sees one of our deities on the verge of breaking a record which has stood for 1065 years, another of our deities being felled by injury, the first deity to reach 250 Career HRs and the requisite mortals winning PotW following the All-Star Game. Guru Nahak's early-season success seems to have been going to his head as his average and power numbers have been in a free-fall. Nahak has put up monthly averages of .511, .522, .482 and .439 and HR/RBI numbers of 22/50, 18/44, 18/33 and 13/28. We'll have to see if Nahak can right the ship to close out the season. Monthly Highlights 7/4/3006 - A normally happy holiday turns ugly for Babylonians and Oklahoma City fans everywhere as their deity and starting SS, Apsu, suffers a Strained Rotator Cuff Muscle and will miss at least 5-6 weeks. Apsu was extremely displeased following the injury and was visibly angered in the post-game press conference. "They say I am lucky that it is just a strain and not a tear," began Apsu, wearing a Steve Balboni throwback jersey, "To which I reply, it is lucky for you people that I cannot move my arm or else the streets would flow with your blood as I picked my teeth with your bones." On the season, Apsu has hit .464 / 41 HR / 99 RBI. The woes were twofold for Oklahoma City as not only did they lose Apsu in the 2nd inning, they lost the game 10-0 in Phoenix. 7/4/3006 - It was a happy holiday for Greek God Zeus, who jacks 3 HRs with 4 RBI in Little Rock's 7-4 win over Seattle. 7/5/3006 - For the third year in a row, mere mortals are awarded Player of the Week Awards immediately following the All-Star Break as human pitchers Norman Strack (2-0 / 2.08) and James Gwynn (1-0 / 3.38 / 9K's) get the nod. Inside sources at the commissioner's office say that next year, this PotW Award will be officially renamed to the "Token Human PotW Award". We'll keep you posted as we hear more. 7/6/3006 - Raleigh's 1B and Egyptian Sun God Ra is 5 for 5 at the plate with 2 singles, 2 triples, a home run and 3 RBI in Raleigh's 13-7 win in Pittsburgh. 7/6/3006 - Greensboro CF Lao-tzu collects 5 hits in 6 trips to the plate with a double, 4 HRs, 5 runs scored and 8 RBI in Greensboro's 16-7 clubbing of Gadsden. 7/11/3006 - Voodoo God Bondje hits the 42nd cycle in league history while driving in 4 runs in Hartford's 10-6 win in Phoenix. 7/11/3006 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu makes the news again as he collects another 5 hits in Greensboro's 12-11 win over Columbus. On the day, Lao-tzu was 5 for 6 with 3 HRs, 4 runs scored and 5 RBI. 7/12/3006 - Hartford RF Bondje (.750 / 5 HR / 17 RBI / 1.875 SLG) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.586 / 10 HR / 18 RBI) are easy choices for Player of the Week Awards. 7/15/3006 - 4 days after hitting the 42nd cycle in league history, Bondje hits the 43rd. It was Bondje's 6th career cycle, putting him 2 cycles ahead of 2nd place deities uKqili and Viracocha. On the day, Bondje was 4 for 5 from the plate with 6 RBI and a stolen base. It was more than enough for Hartford, as they topple the host Philadelphia squad 11-4. 7/16/3006 - Enlil has had a hard paper route following his World Series victory. On this day, Enlil is 0 for 3 at the plate with a walk and Cleveland is NO-HIT by Gadsden mortal Michael "Stinky" Lechner. Gadsden only managed one run on four hits, but it was enough as the Cleveland bats couldn't wake up. "I can't me-damn believe we were no-hit by someone named 'Stinky'!" Enlil could be overheard yelling from a closed-door team meeting. Enlil might not be in too much of a position to talk, as his .409 average and 47 HRs are currently 21st amongst deities. 7/19/3006 - Voodoo God Bondje continues to make a run for the MVP AND Triple Crown as his .643 / 16 RBI / .714 OBP earns him another Player of the Week Award, the Deity-Leading 10th of his career. In the UL, Irish deity Anu (.680 / 15 RBI) is also pushing for MVP and the Triple Crown and is awarded his 3rd career PotW. 7/19/3006 - Oft-mentioned Bondje carries his Hartford teammates to victory with a 3 HR, 6 RBI day in an 11-6 win over Atlanta. 7/22/3006 - Columbus Shortstop Vishnu does his Hindu followers proud as he collects the 44th cycle in league history in a 12-11 win in Seattle. 7/24/3006 - Zulu God and Norfolk 1B uKqili crushes 3 longballs and collecting 5 RBI in Norfolk's 12-4 win over Atlanta. 7/25/3006 - New York Catcher Awonawilona has a nice day, going 4 for 5 from the plate with 3 HRs, 4 runs scored and 6 RBI in NY's 8-7 win over oft-beaten Atlanta. 7/26/3006 - Scientology icon A Thetan (.550 / 5 HRs / 10 RBI) and Hindu deity Vishnu (.565 / 15 RBI / .615 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards. 7/27/3006 - In the bottom of the 6th inning of Norfolk's game against Oklahoma City, uKqili hits a 431 foot 3-run HR over the CF wall to become the first deity to reach the 250 career HR milestone. It wasn't enough, however, as Norfolk falls at home 9-7. 7/29/3006 - With Enlil missing the game to receive an honorary doctorate from Texas Tech University, his Cleveland teammates are NO-HIT for the 2nd time in a month, this time at home and by Lewiston mortal Russell "The Spade" Miller. The Cleveland manager said after the game that Enlil will not be allowed to miss any games where the opposing starting pitcher has a nickname. 8/1/3006 - Bondje (.620 / 49 RBI / 1.446 SLG) and El Paso RF Anu (.532 / 20 HR / 54 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards. It is Bondje's 3rd Career BotM and Anu's 1st. 8/1/3006 - El Paso RF and Irish deity Anu is sitting on a 50 game hitting streak, only 6 games away from tying the 1065 year old record held by Joe DiMaggio of 56 games. Anu has refused to speak of the streak or even acknowledge it publicly. A very superstitious Anu has also refused to change any of the routines which occurred when the streak began. Every day, he has the same breakfast, "accidentally" pisses on his left shoe while at a urinal and has even refused to change or wash the clothes he has been wearing. In the El Paso heat, this has led to some rather pungent aromas clearing sections of the bleachers on windy days. El Paso and teams hosting El Paso have offered unusual promotions such as: "Gas Mask Night" and "Free Clothespin Day" to help their fans cope with the smell. El Paso is in Gadsden for a 4 game series, has a day off and is then in Seattle for a three game series. Assuming Anu doesn't take any days off during the week and continues the streak, the record projects to be broken Sunday, August 8th in Seattle. If Anu does sit for any of those games, El Paso is back home to host Columbus in a 4 game series. So far this season, Anu has hit .588 against Gadsden, .625 against Seattle and .478 against Columbus. The world has its collective eyes on the Irish deity - will he be able to break the millenium-old record? edit: Deity BA Leader: Vishnu .546 (+.008 over 2nd place) Deity HR Leader: Guru Nahak 71 (+4 over 2nd place) Deity RBI Leader: Bondje / Guru Nahak 155 (+5 over 2nd place) Deity SB Leader: Jesus Christ 72 (+6 over 2nd place) Top Career Player of the Week Award Winners 1.) Bondje 10 2.) uKqili 9 3.) Siddhartha Guatama 8 4.) Vishnu 7 5.) Apsu 6 5.) Enlil 6 5.) Ometeotl 6 5.) Ra 6 5.) Zeus 6 10.) 7 deities tied at 5 Last edited by enigk; 10-20-2004 at 06:49 PM.