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enigk · 11-09-2004, 03:17 PM

3007 DCL All-Star Game - July 1st, 3007

The CL is 3-0 against their UL counterdeities in the DCL's All-Star history. Some of our CL deities are rather prideful heading into the game. "I may play the game sitting down," joked starting CL CF Satan, "although Jesus Christ is playing shortstop today, so I'll probably have to go grab a couple of the balls he should have fielded." Incan God Viracocha was also rather jovial heading into the game. "I'm going to have a busy day at catcher," he joked, "What with chasing down all those pop-ups behind the plate and all."

The UL remained unfazed by the joking, "Let them laugh," noted Egyptian Sun God Ra, starting at 2B today, "We will see who laughs last."

This year's Starting Lineups are as follows:

CL's Starting Line-Up
1.) RF Tekkeitsertok (.385 / 28 HR / 77 RBI)
2.) 2B Siddhartha Guatama (.418 / 44 HR / 101 RBI)
3.) LF A Thetan (.462 / 41 HR / 98 RBI)
4.) C Viracocha (.435 / 36 HR / 86 RBI)
5.) SS Jesus Christ (.461 / 38 HR / 110 RBI)
6.) 1B uKqili (.456 / 43 HR / 104 RBI)
7.) 3B Confucius (.457 / 55 HR / 124 RBI)
8.) CF Satan (.429 / 36 HR / 87 RBI)
9.) P James Erb (11-4 / 3.81 ERA)

UL's Starting Line-Up
1.) RF Lao-tzu (.440 / 42 HR / 96 RBI)
2.) 2B Ra (.498 / 44 HR / 106 RBI)
3.) SS Hunab Ku (.500 / 52 HR / 109 RBI)
4.) C Guru Nahak (.506 / 55 HR / 123 RBI)
5.) 1B Vishnu (.469 / 60 HR / 114 RBI)
6.) 3B Odin (.458 / 41 HR / 106 RBI)
7.) LF Zeus (.489 / 42 HR / 107 RBI)
8.) CF Mohammed (.484 / 48 HR / 111 RBI)
9.) P Russell Miller (8-5 / 4.15 ERA)

GAME RECAP

Top of the 1st - Tekkeitsertok came to the plate and flied out to Mohammed in CF for the 1st out. Siddhartha Guatama singled just past a diving Ra at 2B for the one-out single. A Thetan drew the walk, putting men on first and second. Viracocha followed with a high fly ball to left which Zeus easily squeezed for the 2nd out. Jesus Christ came up to the plate next and drove a 1-0 Slider over the left field wall for the 3 Run Homer. Zulu God uKqili was next up and drove a 2-1 slider into the Right-Center Field gap for a triple. With two outs and a runner on 3rd, Confucius popped out into foul territory down the first base line.

CL 3 / UL 0

Bottom of the 1st - UL RF Lao-tzu stepped to the plate, trying to get the UL off to a good start to hopefully reverse the negative fortunes they have drawn in All-Star games. He took a 1-0 pitch to deep center field, but Tekkeitsertok climbed the wall and robbed Lao-tzu of the home run. Lao-tzu was notably upset and smashed his helmet against the dugout wall. Ra was next to bat and popped one up behind the plate which Viracocha easily grabbed for the 2nd out. Hunab Ku took a cut at a 1-0 pitch and grounded it to shortstop, where Jesus Christ easily threw him out for the 1-2-3 inning.

CL 3 / UL 0

Top of the 2nd - Satan grounded out to Vishnu at first base for the first out. Mortal pitcher James Erb grounded one hard to the mound, but fellow mortal Russell Miller made a nice stop and throw for the second out. Tekkeitsertok went to 0-2 as he grounded out to Odin for the 3rd out.

CL 3 / UL 0

Bottom of the 2nd - Guru Nahak and his 55 HRs came to the plate and grounded out weakly to second base. Vishnu was jammed on a 1-1 fastball, but managed to drop it in between 2B Guatama and RF Tekkeitsertok for the bloop single. Odin worked the count full and drew the walk, putting men on first and second with one out. Zeus took the first pitch for a strike as Vishnu and Odin double stole, putting men on 2nd and 3rd. Zeus slapped one to Jesus Christ at SS who fired to first retiring Zeus as Vishnu crossed home plate to put the UL on the board. With two outs and Odin on second base, Mohammed drove a sinking liner into deep left-center field, but Satan made a beautiful diving catch to rob Mohammed of the RBI extra base hit and end the inning.

CL 3 / UL 1

Top of the 3rd - Siddhartha Guatama watched the first 3 pitches sail past for balls. He was looking fastball on 3-0 and got one right in his wheelhouse and he crushed it over the left field wall for the solo HR. A Thetan was next up and drove one high and deep to left field, but not deep enough as Zeus was able to corral the ball for the first out. Incan God Viracocha stepped to the plate and took a monster cut at the first pitch he saw. He got all of it and drove it 469 feet from home plate, easily clearing the CF wall to give the CL a 5-1 lead. Jesus Christ came to the plate and drove an 0-2 slider deep to right-center, but RF Lao-tzu made the catch on the track. Zulu God uKqili strode to the plate next and drove one high into RF, but Lao-tzu was there to make the catch to end the inning.

CL 5 / UL 1

Bottom of the 3rd - Mortal pitcher Russell Miller led off the UL half of the 3rd by watching a called third strike. Lao-tzu was came to the plate and destroyed a 2-0 fastball, sending it over the left field wall a distance of 484 feet. Egyptian Sun God Ra got a hold of a 1-0 pitch and drove it into the right field corner for the stand-up double. Hunab Ku walked, putting men on first and second with one out for Guru Nahak. Nahak worked the count full and then drew the walk as well, loading the bases. With the bases full and Sitar music blasting through the PA system, Vishnu came to the plate and drove one deep to right field. Tekkeitsertok retreated to the wall and timed his jump perfectly, but the ball was hit too far and landed in the fourth row of seats for the GRAND SLAM which gave the UL the 6-5 lead. CL Pitcher James Erb tried to settle down, but walked Odin. Zeus came to the plate and fouled off a number of pitches with the count full, but got one he liked and drove it into the right-center field gap for the double, putting men on 2nd and 3rd with still only one out. Islamic icon Mohammed came to the plate and worked the count full before driving a 3-2 fastball over the left field wall for the 3-run HR, expanding the UL lead to 4. The CL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal pitcher Curtis Stegner (5-2 3.72 ERA). The UL left in their pitcher, Russell Miller, who had already struck out for the first, and only, out of the inning. This time, Miller went down swinging as he strikes out twice in the same inning. Lao-tzu came up next with two outs and nobody on. He took a cut at a 2-1 changeup and drove it into the right-center field gap for the stand-up double. With two outs and a deity on 2nd, Egyptian Sun God Ra rolled one down the first base line and into the corner for the RBI triple. The UL had the CL back on its heels as Hunab Ku drew the walk to put men on the corners with two outs. Guru Nahak watched the first pitch as Hunab Ku took off for 2nd base. Viracocha's throw was a little low, but Jesus Christ scooped it and applied the tag, but it was a fraction of a second too late. Now with men on 2nd and 3rd, Guru Nahak took a walk on 4 pitches to load the bases again for Vishnu, who had already hit a grand slam this inning. Vishnu took a cut at a 0-1 pitch and drove it in between second and first for a 2-run single, expanding the UL lead to 7 and giving him 6 RBI for the inning. Odin came to the plate with runners at the corners and took the walk to re-load the bases for Zeus. Zeus worked the count to 3-1 and watched a fastball just miss the outside corner, giving him the RBI walk. Mohammed, who had already hit a 3 run homer this inning, came to the plate with mortal pitcher Russell Miller in the on-deck circle ready for his 3rd at-bat of the inning. Mohammed took a cut at the first pitch and skipped it at uKqili, who made a very nice play to corral the ball and step on first base to finally end the inning.

CL 5 / UL 13

Top of the 4th - The UL replaced pitcher Russell Miller with mortal pitcher Wilson Mijares (3-2 3.34 ERA) to face the reeling CL squad. Confucius was first up and welcomed Mijares to the game with a double into RF. Satan followed with a double of his own, scoring Confucius from 2nd. Babylonian deity Apsu (.484 / 44 HR / 113 RBI) pinch hit for the pitcher and grounded one to first, allowing Satan to advance to 3rd. With one out and Satan on 3rd, Tekkeitsertok drew the walk to put men on the corners. Siddhartha Guatama was 2 for 2 and worked the count full, but flew softly out to Zeus in left field for the 2nd out. The number 3 hitter A Thetan came to the plate and watched the first pitch sail past for a strike as Tekkeitsertok took off for second base. UL Catcher Guru Nahak fired a perfect strike to Hunab Ku who got the tag down just before Tekkeitsertok gripped the bag for the 3rd out. Somewhere, Enlil kicked a dog.

CL 6 / UL 13

Bottom of the 4th - The CL All-Stars brought in mortal pitcher William Medera (10-5 3.89 ERA). His first batter was UL pitcher Wilson Mijares who grounded out to Christ at SS for the first out. Lao-tzu checked his swing and rolled one slowly at Confucius at 3B. Confucius charged and bare-handed the ball, firing it to first base and just barely beating Lao-tzu to the bag for the 2nd out. Egyptian Sun God Ra fouled off a number of pitches and working the count full before driving one to the left field track which A Thetan was able to nab to end the inning.

CL 6 / UL 13

Top of the 5th - A Thetan led things off for the CL and drew the walk. The UL brought in a new pitcher, Leon Pullam (8-5 3.61 ERA) to face CL Catcher Viracocha. The first pitch was a pitch-out, but A Thetan was not on the move. Viracocha worked the count full and then drove a 3-2 fastball over the right field wall for the two-run homer, his 2nd HR of the game, which cut the lead to 5. Christianity namesake Jesus Christ was next to bat and took a cut at the first pitch he saw, lining it hard into CF, but Mohammed was on his horse and managed to run down the blistering hit for the first out of the inning. Zulu God uKqili came up and worked the count full before driving one just over a leaping Lao-tzu's glove in RF for the solo HR, cutting the lead to 4. Confucius followed with a weak groundout to SS for the 2nd out. Satan drew the 2-out walk. The CL pinch-hit for the pitcher with Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona (.445 / 44 HR / 116 RBI). Awonawilona took a cut at a 2-2 pitch and flew weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 3rd out.

CL 9 / UL 13

Bottom of the 5th - The CL brought in pitcher Ezequiel Melo (3-2 3.45 ERA) to start the UL half of the 5th and the UL countered by pinch-hitting Ometeotl (.458 / 53 HR / 126 RBI) for Hunab Ku. Ometeotl had a hitter's count at 3-1, but popped one into CF which Satan easily grabbed. Guru Nahak drew the walk, putting a deity on first with one out. Vishnu followed with a walk of his own, putting men on first and second. Odin was given the hook in favor of Altjira (.512 / 50 HR / 125 RBI). Altjira came to the plate and watched as Guru Nahak stole 3B. Now, with runners on the corners and one out, Altjira got the count to 3-0 and drove one deep to right field and into the seats for the 3-run home run. Zeus was next to bat and grounded out meekly to the pitcher for the 2nd out. The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.398 / 41 HR / 93 RBI) was brought in to pinch-hit for Mohammed. Khonvoum tried a little trickery, attempting to bunt his way on, but was easily gunned down by the mortal pitcher for the 3rd out of the inning.

CL 9 / UL 16

Top of the 6th - Tekkeitsertok came to plate and fouled off a number of pitches before watching a called third strike for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama took a mean cut at the first pitch he saw and drove it 436 feet to left field for the solo home run, his 2nd HR of the game. A Thetan was pulled for Judaism icon Abraham (.407 / 29 HR / 90 RBI) who fouled off two bunt attempts before demolishing a 3-2 fastball 482 feet to right field for back-to-back HRs. With the lead cut to 5, Viracocha strode confidently to the plate and drove a 1-1 Changeup 460 feet to right field for back-to-back-to-back home runs, cutting the lead to 4. The UL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal Simon Kawamura (4-0 3.32 ERA). The CL pulled Jesus Christ for mortal Chadwick Isabel. Isabel worked the count full before flying weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 2nd out. Zulu God uKqili came to the plate and drew the walk. Confucius was pinch-hit for by mortal Charles Melton. Melton took the first pitch as uKqili stole second base. Melton took a cut at a 1-2 pitch, but flew it gently into center field where Khonvoum caught it to end the inning.

CL 12 / UL 16

Bottom of the 6th - The UL let mortal pitcher Kawamura bat and he went down looking on 3 pitches. Lao-tzu took a seat for mortal William "Peppers" Trask. Trask grounded out weakly to 2nd for the 2nd out. Ra worked the count full before driving one over the right field wall for the solo home run, expanding the lead to 5. Ometeotl blooped one into shallow center field, but Tekkeitsertok made a beautiful sliding catch to rob the Aztec deity of the hit.

CL 12 / UL 17

Top of the 7th - Satan led things off by flying out to Khonvoum in center field. Mortal Andre Alonso pinch-hit for the CL pitcher and grounded out to Altjira at shortstop for the 2nd out. Tekkeitsertok was next up and remained hitless (0 for 4) as he flew out to Zeus in RF.

CL 12 / UL 17

Bottom of the 7th - The CL brought in mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi (3-0 / 1.60 ERA / 16 S). Guru Nahak fell behind 1-2 and flew weakly out to Satan in CF. Vishnu was next and grounded out to Bondje at SS for the 2nd out. Altjira drew the 2-out walk. Zeus drove one into right field which bounced off the wall for the 2-out RBI double. Khonvoum whistled one between 1B and 2B, but uKqili made a great diving stop and flipped to the pitcher to end the inning.

CL 12 / UL 18

Top of the 8th - Siddhartha Guatama got a 2-0 pitch he liked and drove it into the gap in left-center field for the lead-off double. Abraham followed by rattling a grounder into the RF corner for the RBI double. Viracocha (3-4, 3 HRs) came to the plate and grounded out to first, advancing Abraham to 3B. With one out and a runner on 3rd, the UL brought in mortal pitcher Billy Carey to face Voodoo God Bondje. Bondje welcomed Carey to the game by clobbering a ball deep over the right field wall for the 2-run HR, cutting the lead down to 3. Zulu deity uKqili was next and drove a 1-1 pitch over the left field wall for back-to-back home runs. The UL brought in a new pitcher, mortal Steven Spino, to try and stop the bleeding. Mortal Charles Melton strode to the plate for the CL and rifled one right at Vishnu at first base who gloved it for the second out. Satan was next and lined one into RF which dropped right in front of Anu for the two-out single. The CL let mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi come to the plate and he went down swinging to end the inning.

CL 16 / UL 18

Bottom of the 8th - UL pitcher Steven Spino came to the plate and struck out looking for the first out. Irish deity Anu bounced one at Guatama at 2nd base who charged and made a bare-handed play, just nabbing Anu at first for the second out. Ra was pulled for mortal Hugo Rodriguez who flew weakly out to LF to end the inning.

CL 16 / UL 18

Top of the 9th - Down by 2 with 3 outs left to go, Tekkeitsertok (0-4) came to the plate. He continued his terrible offensive day by grounding out to first for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama was next and improved his day to 5 for 6 as he singled up the middle. With one out and one on, the tying run came to plate in the form of Judaism icon Abraham. Abraham was 2 for 2 with a home run and drew the walk to put men on first and second with the go-ahead run coming to the plate in Viracocha, who was 3 for 5 with 3 HRs on the day. Viracocha took a cut at a 1-1 fastball and drove it into RF for the RBI single, cutting the lead to 1. Voodoo God Bondje strode confidently to the plate with men on first and second, one out and down by one run. The count went to 2-1 when mortal UL pitcher Spino unleashed a wild pitch, advancing the runners. Bondje worked the count full and flew weakly out to shallow left-center field, where Zeus grabbed the ball for the 2nd out. With two outs, down by one run with men on 2nd and 3rd, Zulu God uKqili held the CL's hopes and dreams in his hands. uKqili, who was 3 for 4 with 2 HRs, worked the count to 2-1 when UL pitcher Steven Spino unleashed another wild pitch, bringing Abraham home from 3B to tie the game at 18 all. Now, with Viracocha on 3rd and the game tied, uKqili skied one into CF which Khonvoum tracked down easily for the 3rd out.

CL 18 / UL 18

Bottom of the 9th - The CL brought in pitcher Arthur Trask to face the UL's 3-4-5 hitters. Ometeotl was first to bat for the UL and he drove one to deep right field that hit the top of the wall. Tekkeitsertok fired the ball back into the infield, but not before Ometeotl had slid safely into 3rd base for the lead-off triple. With the winning run only 90 feet away, Sikh icon Guru Nahak walked to the plate. He watched two pitches sail past for balls as the count fell to 2-0. CL Mortal Arthur Trask tried to right the count in his favor and lasered a fastball right down the heart of the plate, but Nahak got it in his sweet spot and blasted it over the right field wall for the game-winning 2-run HR!

His UL teammates mobbed Nahak immediately after he leaped onto home plate as the godly celebration shook the ground for miles around. The UL finally had the monkey off their back as the CL again threatened to break the UL's spirit, but this time, it was not enough as the UL finally tastes the sweet nectar of victory.

FINAL SCORE - CL 18 / UL 20

The CL squad outhit the UL team 19-14 as well as outhomering them 10-6, but the UL pulls it out nonetheless. Columbus SS and first overall pick in the DCL, Hindu deity Vishnu is named the All-Star MVP for his 3 for 4, 3 runs scored, 6 RBI and 1 HR performance in the winning effort. It was not an easy decision for the voters as CL All-Stars Siddhartha Guatama (5 for 6, 5 runs scored, 2 RBI, 2 HRs) and Viracocha (4 for 6, 3 runs scored, 5 RBI, 3 HRs) were most certainly worthy of consideration. In the end, however, to the victor goes the spoils and Vishnu played a great game.

"I would like to thank my many followers as well as the many followers of Columbus," said a jubilent Vishnu, "I would also like to thank my brothers Brahma and Shiva for all of their continued support. But, mostly, I would like to thank my fellow UL teammates here today for playing such a magnificent game and never giving up hope. For all of their followers out there, I will take mercy on your ignorance in following false deities."

In the CL locker room, we caught up with a visibly frustrated Tekkeitsertok. "Oh-fer...," lamented Tekkeitsertok, shaking his head, "as in 'Oh for f***'s sake, I can't believe I was 0 for 5...Enlil can still kiss my @$$, though."

38 Runs, 33 Hits and 16 HRs made this All-Star Game an offense lover's dream. Our hats are off to the CL All-Stars who managed to stage a remarkable comeback following the UL's 12-run 3rd inning. But, at the end of the day, they're losers. Today, the mightier bats were in the hands of the UL All-Stars, as they win the game 20-18. We'll see if the UL comes out to next year's All-Star Game with the same passion and intensity they showed today or if they will be content with just getting rid of the goose egg.

11-09-2004, 03:17 PM	#86 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	3007 DCL All-Star Game - July 1st, 3007 The CL is 3-0 against their UL counterdeities in the DCL's All-Star history. Some of our CL deities are rather prideful heading into the game. "I may play the game sitting down," joked starting CL CF Satan, "although Jesus Christ is playing shortstop today, so I'll probably have to go grab a couple of the balls he should have fielded." Incan God Viracocha was also rather jovial heading into the game. "I'm going to have a busy day at catcher," he joked, "What with chasing down all those pop-ups behind the plate and all." The UL remained unfazed by the joking, "Let them laugh," noted Egyptian Sun God Ra, starting at 2B today, "We will see who laughs last." This year's Starting Lineups are as follows: CL's Starting Line-Up 1.) RF Tekkeitsertok (.385 / 28 HR / 77 RBI) 2.) 2B Siddhartha Guatama (.418 / 44 HR / 101 RBI) 3.) LF A Thetan (.462 / 41 HR / 98 RBI) 4.) C Viracocha (.435 / 36 HR / 86 RBI) 5.) SS Jesus Christ (.461 / 38 HR / 110 RBI) 6.) 1B uKqili (.456 / 43 HR / 104 RBI) 7.) 3B Confucius (.457 / 55 HR / 124 RBI) 8.) CF Satan (.429 / 36 HR / 87 RBI) 9.) P James Erb (11-4 / 3.81 ERA) UL's Starting Line-Up 1.) RF Lao-tzu (.440 / 42 HR / 96 RBI) 2.) 2B Ra (.498 / 44 HR / 106 RBI) 3.) SS Hunab Ku (.500 / 52 HR / 109 RBI) 4.) C Guru Nahak (.506 / 55 HR / 123 RBI) 5.) 1B Vishnu (.469 / 60 HR / 114 RBI) 6.) 3B Odin (.458 / 41 HR / 106 RBI) 7.) LF Zeus (.489 / 42 HR / 107 RBI) 8.) CF Mohammed (.484 / 48 HR / 111 RBI) 9.) P Russell Miller (8-5 / 4.15 ERA) GAME RECAP Top of the 1st - Tekkeitsertok came to the plate and flied out to Mohammed in CF for the 1st out. Siddhartha Guatama singled just past a diving Ra at 2B for the one-out single. A Thetan drew the walk, putting men on first and second. Viracocha followed with a high fly ball to left which Zeus easily squeezed for the 2nd out. Jesus Christ came up to the plate next and drove a 1-0 Slider over the left field wall for the 3 Run Homer. Zulu God uKqili was next up and drove a 2-1 slider into the Right-Center Field gap for a triple. With two outs and a runner on 3rd, Confucius popped out into foul territory down the first base line. CL 3 / UL 0 Bottom of the 1st - UL RF Lao-tzu stepped to the plate, trying to get the UL off to a good start to hopefully reverse the negative fortunes they have drawn in All-Star games. He took a 1-0 pitch to deep center field, but Tekkeitsertok climbed the wall and robbed Lao-tzu of the home run. Lao-tzu was notably upset and smashed his helmet against the dugout wall. Ra was next to bat and popped one up behind the plate which Viracocha easily grabbed for the 2nd out. Hunab Ku took a cut at a 1-0 pitch and grounded it to shortstop, where Jesus Christ easily threw him out for the 1-2-3 inning. CL 3 / UL 0 Top of the 2nd - Satan grounded out to Vishnu at first base for the first out. Mortal pitcher James Erb grounded one hard to the mound, but fellow mortal Russell Miller made a nice stop and throw for the second out. Tekkeitsertok went to 0-2 as he grounded out to Odin for the 3rd out. CL 3 / UL 0 Bottom of the 2nd - Guru Nahak and his 55 HRs came to the plate and grounded out weakly to second base. Vishnu was jammed on a 1-1 fastball, but managed to drop it in between 2B Guatama and RF Tekkeitsertok for the bloop single. Odin worked the count full and drew the walk, putting men on first and second with one out. Zeus took the first pitch for a strike as Vishnu and Odin double stole, putting men on 2nd and 3rd. Zeus slapped one to Jesus Christ at SS who fired to first retiring Zeus as Vishnu crossed home plate to put the UL on the board. With two outs and Odin on second base, Mohammed drove a sinking liner into deep left-center field, but Satan made a beautiful diving catch to rob Mohammed of the RBI extra base hit and end the inning. CL 3 / UL 1 Top of the 3rd - Siddhartha Guatama watched the first 3 pitches sail past for balls. He was looking fastball on 3-0 and got one right in his wheelhouse and he crushed it over the left field wall for the solo HR. A Thetan was next up and drove one high and deep to left field, but not deep enough as Zeus was able to corral the ball for the first out. Incan God Viracocha stepped to the plate and took a monster cut at the first pitch he saw. He got all of it and drove it 469 feet from home plate, easily clearing the CF wall to give the CL a 5-1 lead. Jesus Christ came to the plate and drove an 0-2 slider deep to right-center, but RF Lao-tzu made the catch on the track. Zulu God uKqili strode to the plate next and drove one high into RF, but Lao-tzu was there to make the catch to end the inning. CL 5 / UL 1 Bottom of the 3rd - Mortal pitcher Russell Miller led off the UL half of the 3rd by watching a called third strike. Lao-tzu was came to the plate and destroyed a 2-0 fastball, sending it over the left field wall a distance of 484 feet. Egyptian Sun God Ra got a hold of a 1-0 pitch and drove it into the right field corner for the stand-up double. Hunab Ku walked, putting men on first and second with one out for Guru Nahak. Nahak worked the count full and then drew the walk as well, loading the bases. With the bases full and Sitar music blasting through the PA system, Vishnu came to the plate and drove one deep to right field. Tekkeitsertok retreated to the wall and timed his jump perfectly, but the ball was hit too far and landed in the fourth row of seats for the GRAND SLAM which gave the UL the 6-5 lead. CL Pitcher James Erb tried to settle down, but walked Odin. Zeus came to the plate and fouled off a number of pitches with the count full, but got one he liked and drove it into the right-center field gap for the double, putting men on 2nd and 3rd with still only one out. Islamic icon Mohammed came to the plate and worked the count full before driving a 3-2 fastball over the left field wall for the 3-run HR, expanding the UL lead to 4. The CL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal pitcher Curtis Stegner (5-2 3.72 ERA). The UL left in their pitcher, Russell Miller, who had already struck out for the first, and only, out of the inning. This time, Miller went down swinging as he strikes out twice in the same inning. Lao-tzu came up next with two outs and nobody on. He took a cut at a 2-1 changeup and drove it into the right-center field gap for the stand-up double. With two outs and a deity on 2nd, Egyptian Sun God Ra rolled one down the first base line and into the corner for the RBI triple. The UL had the CL back on its heels as Hunab Ku drew the walk to put men on the corners with two outs. Guru Nahak watched the first pitch as Hunab Ku took off for 2nd base. Viracocha's throw was a little low, but Jesus Christ scooped it and applied the tag, but it was a fraction of a second too late. Now with men on 2nd and 3rd, Guru Nahak took a walk on 4 pitches to load the bases again for Vishnu, who had already hit a grand slam this inning. Vishnu took a cut at a 0-1 pitch and drove it in between second and first for a 2-run single, expanding the UL lead to 7 and giving him 6 RBI for the inning. Odin came to the plate with runners at the corners and took the walk to re-load the bases for Zeus. Zeus worked the count to 3-1 and watched a fastball just miss the outside corner, giving him the RBI walk. Mohammed, who had already hit a 3 run homer this inning, came to the plate with mortal pitcher Russell Miller in the on-deck circle ready for his 3rd at-bat of the inning. Mohammed took a cut at the first pitch and skipped it at uKqili, who made a very nice play to corral the ball and step on first base to finally end the inning. CL 5 / UL 13 Top of the 4th - The UL replaced pitcher Russell Miller with mortal pitcher Wilson Mijares (3-2 3.34 ERA) to face the reeling CL squad. Confucius was first up and welcomed Mijares to the game with a double into RF. Satan followed with a double of his own, scoring Confucius from 2nd. Babylonian deity Apsu (.484 / 44 HR / 113 RBI) pinch hit for the pitcher and grounded one to first, allowing Satan to advance to 3rd. With one out and Satan on 3rd, Tekkeitsertok drew the walk to put men on the corners. Siddhartha Guatama was 2 for 2 and worked the count full, but flew softly out to Zeus in left field for the 2nd out. The number 3 hitter A Thetan came to the plate and watched the first pitch sail past for a strike as Tekkeitsertok took off for second base. UL Catcher Guru Nahak fired a perfect strike to Hunab Ku who got the tag down just before Tekkeitsertok gripped the bag for the 3rd out. Somewhere, Enlil kicked a dog. CL 6 / UL 13 Bottom of the 4th - The CL All-Stars brought in mortal pitcher William Medera (10-5 3.89 ERA). His first batter was UL pitcher Wilson Mijares who grounded out to Christ at SS for the first out. Lao-tzu checked his swing and rolled one slowly at Confucius at 3B. Confucius charged and bare-handed the ball, firing it to first base and just barely beating Lao-tzu to the bag for the 2nd out. Egyptian Sun God Ra fouled off a number of pitches and working the count full before driving one to the left field track which A Thetan was able to nab to end the inning. CL 6 / UL 13 Top of the 5th - A Thetan led things off for the CL and drew the walk. The UL brought in a new pitcher, Leon Pullam (8-5 3.61 ERA) to face CL Catcher Viracocha. The first pitch was a pitch-out, but A Thetan was not on the move. Viracocha worked the count full and then drove a 3-2 fastball over the right field wall for the two-run homer, his 2nd HR of the game, which cut the lead to 5. Christianity namesake Jesus Christ was next to bat and took a cut at the first pitch he saw, lining it hard into CF, but Mohammed was on his horse and managed to run down the blistering hit for the first out of the inning. Zulu God uKqili came up and worked the count full before driving one just over a leaping Lao-tzu's glove in RF for the solo HR, cutting the lead to 4. Confucius followed with a weak groundout to SS for the 2nd out. Satan drew the 2-out walk. The CL pinch-hit for the pitcher with Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona (.445 / 44 HR / 116 RBI). Awonawilona took a cut at a 2-2 pitch and flew weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 3rd out. CL 9 / UL 13 Bottom of the 5th - The CL brought in pitcher Ezequiel Melo (3-2 3.45 ERA) to start the UL half of the 5th and the UL countered by pinch-hitting Ometeotl (.458 / 53 HR / 126 RBI) for Hunab Ku. Ometeotl had a hitter's count at 3-1, but popped one into CF which Satan easily grabbed. Guru Nahak drew the walk, putting a deity on first with one out. Vishnu followed with a walk of his own, putting men on first and second. Odin was given the hook in favor of Altjira (.512 / 50 HR / 125 RBI). Altjira came to the plate and watched as Guru Nahak stole 3B. Now, with runners on the corners and one out, Altjira got the count to 3-0 and drove one deep to right field and into the seats for the 3-run home run. Zeus was next to bat and grounded out meekly to the pitcher for the 2nd out. The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.398 / 41 HR / 93 RBI) was brought in to pinch-hit for Mohammed. Khonvoum tried a little trickery, attempting to bunt his way on, but was easily gunned down by the mortal pitcher for the 3rd out of the inning. CL 9 / UL 16 Top of the 6th - Tekkeitsertok came to plate and fouled off a number of pitches before watching a called third strike for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama took a mean cut at the first pitch he saw and drove it 436 feet to left field for the solo home run, his 2nd HR of the game. A Thetan was pulled for Judaism icon Abraham (.407 / 29 HR / 90 RBI) who fouled off two bunt attempts before demolishing a 3-2 fastball 482 feet to right field for back-to-back HRs. With the lead cut to 5, Viracocha strode confidently to the plate and drove a 1-1 Changeup 460 feet to right field for back-to-back-to-back home runs, cutting the lead to 4. The UL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal Simon Kawamura (4-0 3.32 ERA). The CL pulled Jesus Christ for mortal Chadwick Isabel. Isabel worked the count full before flying weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 2nd out. Zulu God uKqili came to the plate and drew the walk. Confucius was pinch-hit for by mortal Charles Melton. Melton took the first pitch as uKqili stole second base. Melton took a cut at a 1-2 pitch, but flew it gently into center field where Khonvoum caught it to end the inning. CL 12 / UL 16 Bottom of the 6th - The UL let mortal pitcher Kawamura bat and he went down looking on 3 pitches. Lao-tzu took a seat for mortal William "Peppers" Trask. Trask grounded out weakly to 2nd for the 2nd out. Ra worked the count full before driving one over the right field wall for the solo home run, expanding the lead to 5. Ometeotl blooped one into shallow center field, but Tekkeitsertok made a beautiful sliding catch to rob the Aztec deity of the hit. CL 12 / UL 17 Top of the 7th - Satan led things off by flying out to Khonvoum in center field. Mortal Andre Alonso pinch-hit for the CL pitcher and grounded out to Altjira at shortstop for the 2nd out. Tekkeitsertok was next up and remained hitless (0 for 4) as he flew out to Zeus in RF. CL 12 / UL 17 Bottom of the 7th - The CL brought in mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi (3-0 / 1.60 ERA / 16 S). Guru Nahak fell behind 1-2 and flew weakly out to Satan in CF. Vishnu was next and grounded out to Bondje at SS for the 2nd out. Altjira drew the 2-out walk. Zeus drove one into right field which bounced off the wall for the 2-out RBI double. Khonvoum whistled one between 1B and 2B, but uKqili made a great diving stop and flipped to the pitcher to end the inning. CL 12 / UL 18 Top of the 8th - Siddhartha Guatama got a 2-0 pitch he liked and drove it into the gap in left-center field for the lead-off double. Abraham followed by rattling a grounder into the RF corner for the RBI double. Viracocha (3-4, 3 HRs) came to the plate and grounded out to first, advancing Abraham to 3B. With one out and a runner on 3rd, the UL brought in mortal pitcher Billy Carey to face Voodoo God Bondje. Bondje welcomed Carey to the game by clobbering a ball deep over the right field wall for the 2-run HR, cutting the lead down to 3. Zulu deity uKqili was next and drove a 1-1 pitch over the left field wall for back-to-back home runs. The UL brought in a new pitcher, mortal Steven Spino, to try and stop the bleeding. Mortal Charles Melton strode to the plate for the CL and rifled one right at Vishnu at first base who gloved it for the second out. Satan was next and lined one into RF which dropped right in front of Anu for the two-out single. The CL let mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi come to the plate and he went down swinging to end the inning. CL 16 / UL 18 Bottom of the 8th - UL pitcher Steven Spino came to the plate and struck out looking for the first out. Irish deity Anu bounced one at Guatama at 2nd base who charged and made a bare-handed play, just nabbing Anu at first for the second out. Ra was pulled for mortal Hugo Rodriguez who flew weakly out to LF to end the inning. CL 16 / UL 18 Top of the 9th - Down by 2 with 3 outs left to go, Tekkeitsertok (0-4) came to the plate. He continued his terrible offensive day by grounding out to first for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama was next and improved his day to 5 for 6 as he singled up the middle. With one out and one on, the tying run came to plate in the form of Judaism icon Abraham. Abraham was 2 for 2 with a home run and drew the walk to put men on first and second with the go-ahead run coming to the plate in Viracocha, who was 3 for 5 with 3 HRs on the day. Viracocha took a cut at a 1-1 fastball and drove it into RF for the RBI single, cutting the lead to 1. Voodoo God Bondje strode confidently to the plate with men on first and second, one out and down by one run. The count went to 2-1 when mortal UL pitcher Spino unleashed a wild pitch, advancing the runners. Bondje worked the count full and flew weakly out to shallow left-center field, where Zeus grabbed the ball for the 2nd out. With two outs, down by one run with men on 2nd and 3rd, Zulu God uKqili held the CL's hopes and dreams in his hands. uKqili, who was 3 for 4 with 2 HRs, worked the count to 2-1 when UL pitcher Steven Spino unleashed another wild pitch, bringing Abraham home from 3B to tie the game at 18 all. Now, with Viracocha on 3rd and the game tied, uKqili skied one into CF which Khonvoum tracked down easily for the 3rd out. CL 18 / UL 18 Bottom of the 9th - The CL brought in pitcher Arthur Trask to face the UL's 3-4-5 hitters. Ometeotl was first to bat for the UL and he drove one to deep right field that hit the top of the wall. Tekkeitsertok fired the ball back into the infield, but not before Ometeotl had slid safely into 3rd base for the lead-off triple. With the winning run only 90 feet away, Sikh icon Guru Nahak walked to the plate. He watched two pitches sail past for balls as the count fell to 2-0. CL Mortal Arthur Trask tried to right the count in his favor and lasered a fastball right down the heart of the plate, but Nahak got it in his sweet spot and blasted it over the right field wall for the game-winning 2-run HR! His UL teammates mobbed Nahak immediately after he leaped onto home plate as the godly celebration shook the ground for miles around. The UL finally had the monkey off their back as the CL again threatened to break the UL's spirit, but this time, it was not enough as the UL finally tastes the sweet nectar of victory. FINAL SCORE - CL 18 / UL 20 The CL squad outhit the UL team 19-14 as well as outhomering them 10-6, but the UL pulls it out nonetheless. Columbus SS and first overall pick in the DCL, Hindu deity Vishnu is named the All-Star MVP for his 3 for 4, 3 runs scored, 6 RBI and 1 HR performance in the winning effort. It was not an easy decision for the voters as CL All-Stars Siddhartha Guatama (5 for 6, 5 runs scored, 2 RBI, 2 HRs) and Viracocha (4 for 6, 3 runs scored, 5 RBI, 3 HRs) were most certainly worthy of consideration. In the end, however, to the victor goes the spoils and Vishnu played a great game. "I would like to thank my many followers as well as the many followers of Columbus," said a jubilent Vishnu, "I would also like to thank my brothers Brahma and Shiva for all of their continued support. But, mostly, I would like to thank my fellow UL teammates here today for playing such a magnificent game and never giving up hope. For all of their followers out there, I will take mercy on your ignorance in following false deities." In the CL locker room, we caught up with a visibly frustrated Tekkeitsertok. "Oh-fer...," lamented Tekkeitsertok, shaking his head, "as in 'Oh for f***'s sake, I can't believe I was 0 for 5...Enlil can still kiss my @$$, though." 38 Runs, 33 Hits and 16 HRs made this All-Star Game an offense lover's dream. Our hats are off to the CL All-Stars who managed to stage a remarkable comeback following the UL's 12-run 3rd inning. But, at the end of the day, they're losers. Today, the mightier bats were in the hands of the UL All-Stars, as they win the game 20-18. We'll see if the UL comes out to next year's All-Star Game with the same passion and intensity they showed today or if they will be content with just getting rid of the goose egg.