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September 1st, 3009
Three more deities reach the 500 career HR plateau as the league continues to have more cycles than an all-girls school.
New Orleans looks primed and ready to become the first two-time DCL Champions as their 86-50 record is easily the tops in the league (79-57 Houston is next). New Orleans is in the top 7 in every single batting and pitching category and such consistency on both sides of the ball is a successful commodity. Also, catcher Guru Nahak, who has been performing below his averages for the year thus far, had a much more Nahakian August and appears to be heating up for the stretch run. With their fan interest maxed and $12 ticket prices, the cash is pouring in.
Monthly Highlights
8/2/3009 - Babylonian God Apsu (.714 / 5 HR / 16 RBI) and Pittsburgh deity Ometeotl (.640 / 13 RBI / 1.640 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.
8/4/3009 - Satan is playing like a dark lord possessed since not being offered a contract extention. In Orlando's 13-4 win over Oklahoma City, Satan clubs three HRs with 7 RBI on his way to having his best month of the season.
8/7/3009 - In the bottom of the 5th inning, Memphis LF Jesus Christ rifles a 2-1 curveball over the right-center field wall for a solo HR off of Oklahoma City pitcher Julian Ruelas for his 500th career HR, the third deity to reach the milestone. Memphis lost the game 7-5, but the hometown crowd was very pleased to bear witness to the event.
Christ's 500th HR ball was caught by buxom 23 year-old Jenna Normand, a sales associate at a national clothing chain. "My boyfriend Kyle and I were in town and we decided to come out to a game. I couldn't believe it, but the ball just sailed right at me and I grabbed it! My hand really hurts, but I think it was worth it. It's such an amazing coincidence, because my boyfriend Kyle said he caught a couple home runs, too! I got to meet Jesus and he was really nice and told me that it seemed as though I had some sort of spell on me or something...I'm not sure what he was talking about, but either way, Kyle and I are going to go pick up some stewardesses for Kyle to have sex with."
8/7/3009 - New York catcher Awonawilona is having a sub-par year (.389 / 43 / 125), but he had a good day against Atlanta, going 5 for 6 with a single, 3 doubles, a HR, 3 runs scored and 3 RBI as New York topples Atlanta in 10, 10-9.
8/9/3009 - Oklahoma City SS Apsu (.800 / 6 RBI / .852 OBP) and Norse Father God Odin (.636 / 9 HR / 17 RBI / 1.864 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.
8/13/3009 - Sikh deity Guru Nahak clubs three HRs with 4 RBI in New Orleans' 8-1 win in Greensboro.
8/13/3009 - Raleigh 1B Ra hits the 83rd cycle in league history with three runs scored and an RBI, but Raleigh falls in Cleveland, 7-5.
8/13/3009 - In the top of the 3rd inning in Buffalo, Stockton 3B Hunab Ku crushes a pitch from mortal Andres Rubino 434 feet to right field for a one-out solo HR, the 500th of his career, making him the 4th deity to reach the career milestone. Stockton won the game in Buffalo 11-5.
Ku's 500th career HR ball bounced off a railing and careened back onto the field.
8/14/3009 - In the top of the 6th inning of their game against El Paso, Pittsburgh deity Ometeotl blasts a solo HR off of El Paso pitcher Adam Scala over the right field wall for his 500th career HR. Pittsburgh won the game 13-6.
Ometeotl's 500th HR ball was caught by Aztec devotee Brian Oxtreopopeotl, a 21 year-old college student at Texas Tech University. Oxtreopopeotl graciously gave the ball back to Ometeotl, who healed the student of his chronic acne problem. "As a follower of the Aztec way," stated Oxtreopopeotl, "there was no other choice than to hand the ball over to the creator. My lord was considerate enough to clear my skin in return, so that alone should save me the hundreds of dollars a year I was spending on pillowcases."
8/16/3009 - Hartford deity Bondje (.500 / 8 HR / 11 RBI) and Sumerian God Enlil (.619 / 5 HR / 15 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.
8/19/3009 - New Orleans catcher Guru Nahak hits the 84th cycle in league history, scoring 2 runs and driving in 3, as New Orleans beats Columbus 11-7. Nahak was the sole deity who had yet to hit for the cycle.
8/23/3009 - A slow week for the CL deities sees mortal Hartford 2B Anthony Sundquist (.455 / 3 HR / 11 RBI) win the Player of the Week Award. The UL winner was Islamic deity Mohammed who posted a .632 / 4 HR / 7 RBI / 1.474 SLG performance. It is only Mohammed's 3rd career PotW Award, last amongst the deities (Jupiter has collected 4 PotWs).
8/23/3009 - Cleveland catcher Enlil clubs 3 HRs, scores 4 runs and drives in 4 as Cleveland wins in Greensboro, 11-7.
8/25/3009 - Egyptian Sun God Ra collects the 85th cycle in league history with 4 runs scored and 7 RBI as Raleigh outslugs Columbus 15-12.
8/30/3009 - Judaism icon Abraham (.500 / 16 RBI) and Greek God Zeus (.538 / 10 RBI / .625 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.
9/1/3009 - Charlotte 3B Abraham (.490 / 16 HR / 38 RBI) and Norse God Odin (.553 / 47 RBI / .641 OBP) win Batter of the Month.
CL Deity BA Leader: A Thetan .478 (+.007 over Apsu)
CL Deity HR Leader: Apsu 85 (+6 over Confucius)
CL Deity RBI Leader: Apsu 192 (+16 over Confucius)
CL Deity SB Leader: Jesus Christ 85 (+4 over A Thetan)
UL Deity BA Leader: Hunab Ku .486 (+.026 over Altjira and Enlil)
UL Deity HR Leader: Ometeotl / Odin 76 (+7 over Vishnu)
UL Deity RBI Leader: Odin 175 (+20 over Enlil)
UL Deity SB Leader: Hunab Ku / Enlil 78 (+2 over Zeus)
Career Deity RBI Leaderboard
1.) Vishnu 1245
2.) Jesus Christ 1219
3.) Odin 1195
4.) Ometeotl 1175
5.) uKqili 1170
6.) Altjira 1159
7.) Confucius 1138
8.) Siddhartha Guatama 1132
9.) Abraham 1122
10.) Hunab Ku 1108
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