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THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO...ARKANSAS?
Little Rock (AP) - Members of the Little Rock front office held a press conference Thursday to announce the signing of Free Agent centerfielder Satan to a 6 year, $124 million dollar contract. Satan joins a Little Rock team that has not only missed the playoffs the last three years, but finished below .500 as well and has watched their fan interest plummet as a result.
"We feel that Satan will bring a whole new dynamic to this team," stated Little Rock GM Bill Clinton VIII, "We had Zeus here before and he started off well, but his defense and production started to slip a little bit. Satan is coming off an off year, yes, but we feel that he brings a fire and intensity to this team that is what we need to vault back into the upper echelon of the league."
"The front office here in Little Rock has made a wise decision," decreed Satan, holding up his new #666 jersey, "For I shall begin my destruction of this world in Orlando for casting me out and Little Rock shall become the capital of my domain. My minions have already begun work on my dark tower from where I shall rule all and drink the blood of any who oppose my reign...[maniacal laughing]."
Satan brings his .429 career average and 458 HRs to the United League to try and turn around an ailing Little Rock franchise. Satan has hit for the cycle 3 times, won 9 Player of the Week Awards, 1 Batter of the Month Award, an All-Star MVP Award (3006) and 3 Golden Gloves. His best year was 3005, when he hit .444 with 85 HRs and 184 RBI.
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