The Las Vegas Croupiers in Action

[majormet]

It was a cold day in February 2007, when George Brett approached the Kansas City Royals organziation and lambasted them for being as terrible as they are over the years.

In a personal bet with the Kauffman family, he vowed that he could put a team together with no major league experience and finish better than the Royals.

Brett met with Bud Selig and was able to convince Bud about expansion for the 2007 season. George was offered either Las Vegas or Memphis as the city of choice and immediately took Las Vegas.

The team was named the Las Vegas Croupiers and they were placed in the AL West. The Memphis Showboats which will be owned by Lisa Marie Presley and financiers will play in the NL Central, which makes the Pittsburgh Pirates move to the AL East.

The Showboats and Croupiers were not allowed to have any major league talent their first year. The Showboats were able to bring in a bunch of local Memphis talent and field a roster.

George Brett was given a few days and he was able to put out the 2007 Croupier roster.

Major League Staring Pitching with scouting

John Beckwith (aka Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers) - a man that can take a punch and is persistent. Life has been given new meaning as he will have to pitch on weekends and avoid weddings. Beckwith will use dire measures to get what he wants.

Jason Bourne - (aka Matt Damon in Bourne Identity) - a very solid athlete, with a good arm. He has short term memory loss, so he can't retain too much knowledge about the hitters he faces, but is game.

Chad Eckhart - (aka Aaron Eckhart in In the Company of Men) - cruel flamethrower, who will sabotage his teammates to get what he wants. Could be a great athlete but resorts to manipulation before errot

Reuben Feffer - (aka Ben Stiller in Along Comes Polly) - a germ freak who is afraid of risks, he will walk a lot of batters because of this. He may request to get new balls after every pitch. Women will cheat on him.

Randall "Pink" Floyd - (aka Jason London in Dazed and Confused) - high school quarterback from Texas that refuses to succumb to any drug test. Prefers partying and destroying property to improving his craft.

Dante Hicks - (aka Brian O'Hallaran in Clerks) - classic underachiever, a bit out of shape, was working at a convenience store in Jersey when George Brett found him. Gets obsessed about his ex girlfriends and could affect performance.

Mike Peters - (aka Jon Favreau in Swingers) - he is so money and doesn't even know it. Another underachiever who was an open mike comic when George Brett found him. Peters may be lost without his buddy Trent.

Middle Relief

Lester Burnham - (aka Kevin Spacey in American Beauty) - a depressed character who likes his women really young. Has his masters degree but Brett found him at McDonald's on the drive through. Has marital problems.

Dan "Pee Wee' Monahan (aka Dan Monahan in Porky's) - real practical joker with a really tiny unit. Dan was found in a topless joint in Florida by George. He is known to carry a ruler on the road.

Frank "The Tank" Ricard (aka Will Ferrell in Old School) - definite issues with drinking and maturity with this player. He is also having marital problems and may strip during a game for ****s and giggles

Closer

Larry David - (aka Larry David in the Larry David Show) - a true pessimist, and overanalyzer. Actually told George Brett he could pitch much like he thought he could sell cars. Larry tends to get himself in trouble with comments to the media all the time

Catchers

Luke Skywalker - (aka Mark Hamill in Star Wars) - an odd character that is obsessed with the future and carried odd weaponry on his person. Luke has good reflexes and his Jedi experience might suit him well here.

Tony Soprano - (aka James Gandolfini in Sopranos) - a real hot head and control freak, he might punch his pitcher if they are not performing. Has good power but is in bad shape. Has ties to the Mafia which will only get stronger playing in Vegas

First Base

Harry Callahan - (aka Clint Eastwood in Dirty harry) - a cocky type of guy, always has an answer for things. Will hang out alone all the time, does not want any friends. He is not a team player.

Second Base

Private Joker - (aka Matthew Modine in Full Metal Jacket) - another cocky type of guy, who has a problem with authority, he has served in a few wars and will rally the players against management. He has no fear and will charge the mound.

Third Base

Pat Healy - (aka Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary) - creepy shifty type of guy with weak mustache, he tends to offend his teammates with his questionable ways. Another guy who will try to steal his teammate's women.

Charlie Lang - (aka Nicholas Cage in It Could Happen to You) - all around nice guy who will donate almost all of his contract to unworthy causes. He lacks talent but has heart. Former NYC cop.

Seymour Buscemi - (aka Steve Buscemi in Ghost World) - odd character, who is stuck in a time warp and obsessed with a girl he met in the airport who he never said a word to.


Shortstop

John Gage - (aka Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal) - beyond wealthy guy who is backing George Brett with this team. Has no baseball experience at all but since he owns 85% of the team he gets to play. He is often seen in the casino in Vegas playing games at the tables and with common folk

Andy Stitzer - (aka Steve Carell in 40 Year Old Virgin - another nice guy who is clueless. He is often seen painting action figures in the dugout and even will battle fans for their dolls. Andy will not get much action from the female fans, and often will stay in the hotel room on road trips

Leftfield

Johnny Drama - (aka Kevin Dillon on Entourage) - a delusional person who thinks everyone knows him. He will offer to give autographs and most often people will look at him as if he has 3 heads. Lives off of his famous actor half brother

Alex Finch - (aka Robert Downey in Chances Are) - a decent guy who is often plagued by ghosts. He has identity crisis, and his teammates tend to stay away from him. Claims to have died and come back in some lawyer's body.

Centerfield

Jimmy Emmett - (aka Joaquin Phoenix in To Die For) - almost seems brain dead, he killed his teacher's husband and is now out of jail. He is very unstable and seems to be easily brainwashed.

Martin Tupper - (aka Brian Benben on Dream On) - a ladies man who is divorced. He comes off as a nerdish type of guy and sees vintage movies in his head all the time, but he will easily sleep with any of his teammate's women.

Rightfield

Tony Manero (aka John Travolata in Saturday Night Fever) - loves to dance and hit the clubs. Will put that over baseball. Still will work in the paint store while he plays baseball. He has a few rape charges against him and requested to have a silk uniform.

Minors

AAA - Bahams

MR - Sonny Coreleone (aka James Caan in The Godfather) - hothead, lets people know what he is thinking

MR - Ellis "Red" Redding (aka Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption - just release from prison, maybe reformed

C - Tom Hagen - (aka Robert Duvall in Godfather II) - wise advisory type, with limited skills, was an orphan

SS - Oskar Schindler - (aka Liam Neeson in Schindler's List) - powerful type of guy, who has 5% ownership in the team therefore he gets to play in Vegas, plus the Jewish people are still thanking him and they were part of the group that built Vegas

LF - Jules Winnfield - (aka Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction) - ex con turned Bible freak, has quick reflexes, hard to find a cap to cover his afro

AA - Tokyo

MR - Joel Barish - (aka Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine) - another guy going through memory and brain function issues

MR - Derek Vinyard - (aka Edward Norton in American History X) - another prison record guy. He has hate issues.

MR - Alex de Large - (aka Macolm McDowell in Clockwork Orange) - mental issues here, rapist and murderer.

MR - Wendell Bud White (aka Russell Crowe in LA Confidential) - ex corrupt cop

CL - Paul Ruesabagina - (aka Don Cheadle in Hotel Rwanda) - African player who saved many lives, thinks he can save games

C - Jack Torrance - (aka Jack Nicholson in The Shining) - another crazed lunatic was willing to work cheap

1B - Eddie "Nice Guy" Cabot (aka Chris Penn in Reservoir Dogs) - chunky guy with crime family issues, he doesn't trust his team

2B - Stanley Mellish (aka Adam Goldberg in Saving Private Ryan) - a pretty weak hitting player, that makes religion an issue all the time.

CF - Joey Lamotta (aka Joe Pesci in Raging Bull) - a diminutive player who is Jake's brother and requested to play all of his home games in a wife beater

SP - Billy Bibbit (aka Brad Dourif in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) - mental issues about security and girls. He has potentail but needs to have RP McMurphy by his side.

SP - Paul Cicero - (aka Paul Sorvino in Goodfellas) - crime figure bailed out by George Brett to pitch and keep some control over the players. Likes to eat pasta and gets out of shape fast.

SP - Jack Crawford (aka Scott Glenn in Silence of the Lambs) - reserved type of guy who gets by on following orders.

MR - Benjamin "Captain" Willard (aka Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now) - in incredible shape but could be mentally scarred by seeing the Heart of the Darkness




A - Paris

SP - Billy Costigan - (Leonardo Dicaprio in The Departed) - crafty but not trustworthy

SP - Dan "Lt Dan" Taylor (Gary Sinise in Forrest Gump) - attempting to pitch without legs.

SP - Martin Brody (Roy Scheider in Jaws) - sort of untalent cocksure player

SP - Jerry Lundegaard (Bill Macy in Fargo) - perpetual liar tried to have his wife killed, found trying to see George Brett a used car in Minnesota

SP - Cameron Thayer - (Terrence howard in Crash) - sort of black person who acts white to the fault of his peers. Will let authority abuse him

MR - George McFly - (Crispin Glover in Back to the Future) - wimpy type of guy who lets people get the better of him, may lack confidence to be a big leaguer

MR - Michael Vronsky - (Robert Deniro in Deerhunter) - a macho type of guy who has been scarred from the war and a veteran of Russian Roulette

MR - Bob Barnes - (Tom Berenger in Platoon) - nasty son of a bitch who will sell his team out in a flash, also hardened by war experiences

MR - John McLane - (Bruce Willis in Die Hard) - a tough guy who might make some quick decisions. Tends to be a loner

MR - Phil Connors - (Bill Murray in Groundhog Day) - a weather man turned pitcher, claiming that he lived the same day 25000 times and perfected the art of pitching

CL - Frank Mackey - (Tom Cruise in Magnolia) - motivational speaker and cocky guy who thinks he has the mind to close games with no pitching experience

C - Jimmy Markum - (Sean Penn in Mystic River) - hardened by the streets of Boston stuggles to be a father without any esteem

2B - Manny Ribera (Stephen Bauer in Scarface) - tough Cuban player who has killed in his lifetime, happy to be away from his brother in law Tony Montana

SS - Vaughn Cunningham (John Ritter in Sling Blade) - openly gay player, who was managing a drug store in Arkansas. Tends to fear most people.

SS - Harold Chasen (Bud Cort in Harold and Maude) - a public relations nightmare as Harold has an 85 year old girlfriend. Teammates find him odd

CF - RJ McReady (Kurt Russell in the The Thing) - a middle of the road type of player

RF - Joe Gold (Paul Giamatti in Cinderella Man) - an agent type of guy, very persistent and annoying and out of shape

RF - Lentulus Batiatus (Peter Ustinov in Spartacus) - a man out of time, not sure if he even knows what a TV is

[majormet]

As a note, I am still running my Anthony Daniels thread just that I am stuck in 2009 in that one with the game crapping out.

Notes for this thread.

a) I will be managing the Las Vegas team

b) I imported the Lahman 2006 database and players will be back to their teams from then. Shawn Green is a Diamondback as an example.

c) The draft is held in June, people can post to this thread to have their favorte characters from Movies and/or TV shows drafted

d) The first team that was set up in Vegas was setup so that not more than one character from a show or movie was entered into the league and that the actor would not have a duplicate character.

e) I didn't pick the best possible characters because I want the best of the best to be drafted (RP McMurphy, Deuce Bigalow etc...)

f) When you pick a player that you request to be drafted, you just list the character's name, where he came from and what position would you like him to play.

g) When the draft is conducted, the first player chosen at a position will be assigned to that player. So if you said RP McMurphy - 3B, whatever the name of the fictional third baseman that was selected first in the draft would now become RP McMurphy. So if the Cleveland Indians picked fictional player Elder Acuna as the 9th pick in the draft and it was the first third baseman, he would now become RP McMurphy.

h) If you don't know a character's last name, he reverts to the actor's last name.

i) I will have skits and different news clippings from this league.

j) Memphis team is just fictional players

[majormet]

There was a strange buzz afloat the Las Vegas Strip with the sudden annoucement of the first professional sports franchise in the city.

It was also quite surprising to see a roster of nobodies with little to no baseball experience on the roster.

The fans of the city were just happy to know that the stadium would have 3 casinos inside it. The fanbase would be able to bet on games and on every pitch from the comforts of their seat which should augment attendance and revenue.

Rumor had the Memphis roster was looking at adding a lot of athletes from other sports, and that Carmelo Anthony, Tom Brady and Vincent LeCavalier had already signed contracts to play baseball.

The fans were perusing the roster and saw that their everyday catcher was going to be a former crime boss and that their reserve shortstop was a majority owner. Most fans were feeling the corruption already.

Cameras were watching 2 fans eating at the diner in Circus Circus

Fan #1: I don't get it, we finally have a baseball team and you would think we would have at least some good second string guys and some farm guys like most expansions teams instead we have some guy named Tony Manero in rightfield

Fan #2: Being from New York, we had Marv Throneberry in '62, so maybe this Manero guy has something going, not sure about this odd looking fella named Larry David out of the bullpen.

Fan #1: Yeah from what I heard when Bob Ley went to interview him he said something about not wanting to have a stop and chat. The guy hasn't pitched an inning of major league baseball and he is already Steve Carlton rebuffing the media.

Fan #2: You tell Me, we have some strange guys on this team. At least we have George Brett running the team, he has credibility, but I can't believe his insurance broker might make the starting rotation. Have you ever heard of this Feffer clown?

Fan #1: Not sure, he might have been in AA with KC or something, but he looks kind of nerdy, not sure what to expect.

Fan #2: I don't give 2 ****s, baseball in town, live gambling at the ball park, I could care less if they win or lose, we will draw so much money that any free agent will play here.

It is apparent that the baseball might be secondary to the sideshow in baseball's first year in Las Vegas

George Brett held a press conference today and that was aired on ESPN2.

(George took the podium and before there were any questions, George spoke)

George: Let me take this opporutunity to welcome the baseball media to Las Vegas. The object is to get baseball off the ground in this great city and to prove to the smaller market teams like the Royals, that average "joes" could outproduce their mired in mediocrity teams.

(Hand raises)

George: No questions yet, I need to give you an outline of what we will do here in Vegas. The team may not win this year, but we will have an entertaining brand of baseball players. The game has lacked character since I played it, the John Kruk's are long gone and are replaced by personality less heroes like Albert Pujols, Lance Berkman and Marianno Rivera. The game needs the charm of a guy that will drink a 32 ounce beer before he hits the mound and Frank the Tank is just that type of guy

George: We hope in future years to attract the starts to play here, as I am sure the Memphis Showboats will as well. I was getting sick and tired of seeing guys like AJ Hinch get money for being on 100 loss teams. The game needs heart, you will see heart in a player like Johnny Drama, who will climb over the fence to get noticed.

George: Now I had 2 practices and have set my team together and my opening day starting pitcher against the Minnesota Twins will be Chad Eckhart out of Boston.

(media gasps and a lot of buzzing could be heard)

George: Chad played baseball last in this big 5 accounting firm league and I believe had a 6-5 record in that league in 2004. He has a lot of game and will be ready to face Francisco Liriano on opening day. It will be a home game and the fans will be behind us.

(media again groans and you can see guys throwing their hands up in the air)

George: I am excited about heading to Kansas City for our first road series, I am sure the fans of that great city will be giving me a standing ovation. Now I will field a few questions

Reporter #1: Mr Brett, it is an honor to have you in front of us. Is it true that John Gage may be the opening day shortstop.

George: Gage owns the team in theory but I did tell him that people can't be bought, but I now own a lamborghini so stay tuned to the opening day roster.

reporter #2: Why didn't you get the usual crop of expansion players

George: Who wants to pay to see Joe McEwing and lose 100 games, wouldn't the ladies rather come to the game and see guys like Jason Bourne and Tony Manero.

Reporter #3: Who are these guys Bourne and Manero

George: Manero is a flashy guy from Brooklyn, he has good reflexes from a knife fight. Bourne is an ex CIA guy, he will do fine in Vegas

Reporter #2: How do you expect guys without any baseball experience to face Liriano on opening day

George: I can work with them hitting, I have Frank White, Hal McRae and Amos Otis with me, they can get these guys on track and Dennis Leonard will help the pitchers

Reporter #4: Isn't it illegal to bet on baseball games, especially at a ballpark

George; Mr Gage spoke with Bud Selig, I think you will see a retractable roof at every ballpark this year.

Reporter #2: Is it true that you have a guy with no legs in your single A affiliate

George: That is true, but if you can hit a fastball off of Lt Dan in his wheelchair, then you can replace him on the roster.

Reporter #3: Are you going to trade for any talent during the season

George: If a good deal comes along I might bite, I have 7 starting pitchers on my opening day roster, some are in the pen, if I could get Mikey Peters esteem up, he could be good trade bait, but I expect to get David Wright type talent back for him

(Crowd makes more noise)

George: No more questions....

(Stay tuned for more news about the Las Vegas Croupiers as opening day closes in)

(off character note, I am going to bring Antony Daniels into the league in 2007 so that I can keep his career going since his league crashed.)

(off character note, I am replaying 2006 but the managers will be the 2007 managers. Managers will get fired in this league, based on a technique I developed)

[lewis31lewis52]

Can't wait to see Luke Skywalker in action.

[majormet]

It appears Luke will be backing up Tony Soprano, I think Mr Skywalker was intimidated by Soprano in the 3 day camp.

[majormet]

ESPN's Sal Palontonio is in Las Vegas as he does his spring training report from Las Vegas.

Sal: I am here at Bugsy Siegel Park here in Las Vegas where the Las Vegas Croupiers will be opening up their inaugural season against the Minnesota Twins. There is an atmosphere of baseball in sin city. Yet the faces are more unknown than a Division III Fencing team. I am with opening day starter Chad Eckhart who will face the unenviable task of facing Francisco Liriano on opening day.

Sal: Chad, according to my documents here, it seems that you have not started a game since 2002 when you pitched for the corporate team in it's high pitch slow arc league and you gave up 15 runs, are you sure you are ready for this.

Chad: (with a sly grin): Are we ever ready for anything. It isn't about wins and losses. It isn't about three seam cutters. It isn't about Justin Morneau and his bat. You know what it is about?

Sal: Well I guess I don't. What is it about?

Chad: It is about balls, Sal. Nothing more than balls. It is about who has the biggest sack of venom and who is willing to use it. I climbed up the accounting firm ladder because of balls and venom. Stabbing anyone in my in the back.

Sal: Not sure about the baseball application here, but what do you think about Francisco Liriano and his array of pitches.

Chad: He is a prick.

Sal: (waiting for further words)... OK what about the bats of Jusin Morneau and Joe Mauer

Chad: They are both fukking a$$holes.

Sal: (waiting for further words): So how did you end up on the Croupiers' roster

Chad: They were supposed to look at some bright young kid from Arizona State, and on the way to the tryout, he ran into a guy like myself and that kid ended up heading back to Tempe when some incriminating pictures of him and some farm animals surfaced.

Sal: I see, so why baseball?

Chad: Why not? It seems that it pays well, has a lot of corruption, and well there is gambling in the stadium, so who cares about the results anyway.

Sal: It seems that is a common thread of your players, it seems you don't care about winning

Chad: Did the 1962 Mets care about winning?

Sal: No, but they at least were baseball players with history, your team seems to be made up of a psychologist's client list

Chad: I never have seen a shrink, you can never show weakness. For example, Sal that woman you were with last night at the bar?

Sal: Yeah

Chad: Well check out this!

(Chad pulls out his cell phone and Sal looks at it and turns a whiter shade of pale)

Sal: How did you get this, what is this?

Chad: Remember when she said she was going to play the slots at Caesar's, well she ended up in my room last night.

Sal: But that isn't right,,, that is my ummm wife of 20 years.

Chad: Lousy lay, but heck.

(Chad puts his arm on Sal's back)

Chad: So Sal, how does it feel to be truly hurt

Sal: Why? Why would you do this?

Chad: Because I could.

Cameras cut away and Dan Patrick is on the air with a picture of Barry Bonds and a needle in the background.

[majormet]

The Memphis Showboats have come up with the following team roster

Starting Pitchers - Majors

Gilbert Arenas
Carmelo Anthony
Sidney Crosby
JP Losman
Martin St Louis
Chad Pennington

Relievers - Majors

Tom Brady
Kobe Bryant
Joey Harrington
Vincent LeCavalier
Dwyane Wade

Closer - Majors

Marc Savard

Catchers - Allen Iverson and Ben Roethlisberger
First Base - Marian Hossa
Second Base - Carson Palmer, Michael Redd
Third Base - Joe Thornton
Shortstop - Ray Allen, Charlie Frye
Leftfield - Dany Heatley, Steve McNair
Centerfield - Daniel Briere, Lebron James
Rightfield - Peyton Manning

Minors

Statrting Pitchers - Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, Byron Leftwich, Teemu Selanne, Jay Cutler, Chris Bosh, Kevin Garnett, Trent Green, Ray Whitney

Relievers - David Carr, Alexander Ovechkin, Joe Johnson, Joe Sakic, Vince Young, Carlos Boozer, Rod Brind'Amour, Evgeni Malkin, Eli Manning, Andrew Walter

Closers - Rip Hamilton, Tracy McGrady

Catchers - Jaromir Jagr, Phillip Rivers
First Base - Henrik Zetterberg
Second Base - Zach Randolph, Tony Romo
Third Base - Ben Gordon
Shortstop - Patrick Marleau, Donovan McNabb
Leftfield - Jarome Iginla
Centerfield - Kevin Martin, Martin Straka
Rightfield - Brett Favre

Memphis opens up at Miller Park in Milwaukee with Chad Pennington on the mound.

[majormet]

8:05 AM - James Magdan has complete his vacuuming and cleaning of Dr Melfi's office in Caldwell, NJ. Unlike other days he has been handed a $3000 check by a fanzine website to install a microphone and hidden camera in Dr Melfi's office. James has 3 children to feed, so he agreed to bug the room for the people more than likely from TMZ.com

10:00 AM - Tony Soprano enters the office of his psychologist of over 8 years Dr Melfi. Tony is a bit wound up and comes into the room, and paces as he says hello to his doctor. Tony then settles into the chair to continue his semi-regular therapy sessions.

Dr Melfi with her eyesglasses on and a pen in hand with notepad began the therapy session.

Melfi: So Anthony, how have you been?

Tony: Quite frankly I have been feeling pretty sh!tty lately.

Melfi: I am sorry to hear this Anthony, what do you attribute for these feelings?

Tony: I dunno. Life with Carmella is dull since I got shot.... AJ is a f#cking freak hanging around with surfpunks at the video store. Meadow is smart but picks real a-holes for guys. My job is full of headaches these days, too many things to clear up.

Melfi: So what do you think you need to do?

Tony: How the f#ck am I supposed to know, isn't dat what you are here fore?

Melfi: I can only advise you in a direction based on what you are telling me.

Tony: Yeah dat does a lot of good. Tanks for nothing.

Melfi: Are there any new things you would like to try like yoga or meditation

Tony: Why da f*ck do I need to bend over in many places. I am doing something different though

Melfi: Oh that sounds wonderful, what are you endeavoring upon

Tony: Well ever since I was a boy before I got involved in da family business, I wanted to play baseball.

Melfi: That's terrific, so you are going to join a softball league with your friends?

Tony: Why would I do that, with those beerbelly slobs (looks down at his stomach), well I should talk. Anyway, I am going to the Major Leagues

Melfi: Umm, as in Mets and Yankees

Tony: Yeah, I figured I could play, and I am going to be duh opening day catcher for dat new Vegas team.

Melfi: Wow, Wow. Anthony, are you sure about this, I mean you probably haven't played the game in so many years. Are you prepared to handle the failure of maybe not being able to handle the job.

Tony: (Stands up and starts screaming).. You sound like my f*cking mother. I don't know what the f*ck failure is. I can play baseball, I can compete with these steroid freaks and spics (not the view of the writer). Who says I can't hit 30 homers if I wanted to.

Melfi: It is a huge step, does Carmella know about it.

Tony: No, I didn't tell her yet, but the money from my businesses should handle the finances quite easily. But she spends like a maniac, so who the f*ck knows.

Melfi: I really think you sit your family down and let them know your plans.

Tony: Fuhgetaboutit. Day will only be negative and have duh same reaction as you.

Melfi: Is this really going to happen, or is this some dream or fantasy

Tony: (screaming again): I told you about it, it is a done deal. I signed with that Royal guy with the pine tar, and a bunch of guys I never heard of. I am going to be the catcher, the game will be on ESPN against the Twins.

Melfi: Anthony I am really shocked that you are going to be doing this. This is a bit bittersweet. On one hand you are doing an honorable thing and getting to pick up your childhood, but knowing your ability to handle stress I am concerned.

Tony: What kinds of stress do you think I deal with today.

Melfi: I don't know, but to have a whole park of fans booing you. Or the newspapers complain about you when you are not playing well is a big deal.

Tony: You know what a big deal is?

Melfi: I can guess from your line of work you have had bigger deals, but you are the boss and you are in control. I mean hear you can't take some sportswriter and ummmmm. umm. ya know

Tony: I dunno what the f*ck you is talking about. I can prove to all the doubters that I can play ball. All my life I was told I wasn't good enough for any ting, well this is going to change.

Cam runs out of space and the segment closes

[AZTarHeel]

I'd like to see Maxwell Q. Klinger in action (of M*A*S*H fame) ... He's a RF from Toledo, with a big nose and a penchant for wearing dresses into the clubhouse...

[majormet]

hahaah, that will be a great draft pick,

Maxwell Klinger (RF) (aka Jamie Farr in MASH) is now signed up for the 2006 ammy draft on 6/1 as the top rated RF.

You get up to 3 choices per annual draft so you can take 2 more players and you always get mentioned in any articles about him being signed as you become his agent, although the AI in the game controls his fate.

[majormet]

It was very hot day in the desert and Bugsy Siegel park was buzzing for opening day. There were over 60,000 fans at the game and the bleachers were as occupied as the slot machines.

Nancy Sinatra threw out the first pitch to Tony Soprano who almost missed the pitch as he was looking at her legs. Celine Dion sung the national anthem, although most didn't even notice.

Chad Eckhart dug in to pitch the first inning and had to face Joe Mauer to start the game. Mauer fell behind 0-1 and then grounded out to first baseman Harry Callahan and the fans gave a huge standing ovations as the Las Vegas Croupiers recorded their first out.

Sadly, things went downhill from there. Jason Bartlett singled for the Twins and then Michael Cuddyer drew a walk, which led to Torii Hunter crushing a 3 run homer to give the Twins a 3-0 lead. The next batter was Justin Morneau who surprisingly struck out against Eckhart. Eckhart had lambasted Morneau in the media a day earlier so it was a surprise.

The bottom of the first inning saw Private Joker come to the plate. Joker had a peace symbol under the dice logo on the Croupiers helmet and hit a single over Nick Punto's head to provide the first hit in Croupier's history. With Harry Callahan at the plate, Joker tried stealing off of Joe Mauer on the first pitch and was gunned down.

With 2 out in the first inning. Tony Soprano batting third made his major league debut and was rung up looking on his third pitch. Soprano started screaming at the umpire and raised his bat at the ump and got thrown out of the game, you could see the sweat steaming out of his head. (No adjustment for any of the players, Soprano ironically used his temper).

In the 2nd Inning, Nick Punto crushed a ball to rightfield which has a short porch at Siegel park and it looked to be a homer, Tony Manero timed it perfectly and reached over the fence to grab the catch and take a homer away from Punto. Tony immediately dropped his glove and started to point his finger in the area which was a mistake as Rondell White went from 2nd to 3rd on a sac fly. It would be the first scoreless inning against the Croupiers nonetheless.

The third inning saw Minnesota expand their lead to 4-0 with a big blast off the bat of Michael Cuddyer

The Twins jumped to a 6-0 lead on a 2 run single from Torii Hunter, who had the opening game of his life. In the bottom of the 4th inning, the Croupiers had their first rally. Luke Skywalker stroked a single for his first major league hit. Skywalker came in to relieve Soprano at catcher when he was ejected. Skywalker went to third on a single from reincarnated Alex Finch. The next batter up was former murderer Jimmy Emmett and with his curled lip, Emmett lashed a double down the third base line plating home Skywalker and Finch. Unfortunately, Liriano mowed down Pat Healy, Andy Stitzer and John Gage in order to end the threat.

The 6th inning saw the Twins open the lead up to 9-2 as Torii Hunter slammed a 2 run homer, giving him 7 RBI's on opening day.

George Brett yanked the cocky Chad Eckhart in the 7th inning and went to the depressed Lester Burnham who took off his McDonald's Crown and put on his Croupiers cap. Burnham pitched a solid runless 2 1/3 innings in his major league debut.

The Twins won the game 9-2 as Francisco Liriano fanned 15 batters and went the distance.

After the game, Francisco Liriano was feeling good about himself.

"Well it wuz a nice opening day considering my injuries, these guys were swinging at anything, you can tell they did not have much beisbol experience. That killer lunged at a breaking ball out of the strike zone and punched it for a double, my only bad of the day"

Torii Hunter was also on cloud nine after opening day "I don't understand why that Chad guy was acting so cocky, almost every pitch I saw on the day was a hanging changeup. They all looked like beachballs and that is why I lead the game now in RBI's"

On the losing side of things, the press caught up with George Brett after the game

"I am not dissatisfied with our opening day performance. These guys came to play and faced one of the best hurlers in the game and scored and got some hits. Even John Gage got hit and Private Joker picked up 2 hits on the day and seems to be a solid leadoff hitter, he could be another Willie Wilson"

Lester Burnham was a bit more downcasted despite pitching a solid relief outing "What is the point of it all, we are supposed to lose. I got no high from that performance, he threw a baseball over the plate and guys hit it to my fielders, that isn't great pitching. I also had a big issue with my homophobic neighbor cheering me on from the third base line"

Las Vegas comes back tomorrow to play the Twins with Reuben Feffer making his big league debut against Cy Young superstar Johann Santana.

When asked about facing Santana, Private Joker had these comments "Well you know, it isn't everyday that you have to face a guy named Johann. I bet he walks the walk, I am still more afraid of Vietnemese women saying "Me So Horny", only problem is that my shortstop next to me says it all the time (Andy Stitzer the 40 year Old Virgin).

Around the League

**** AJ Burnett pitched a solid 3 hit shutout for the Blue Jays over the Devilrays

**** Brad Hawpe strained his back and will be out 5 weeks for the Rockies as he did this against the Dodgers.

The Memphis Showboats were baffled by Ben Sheets and lost their opening day game at Miller Park 2-0. They mustered up 5 hits, of which Steve McNair had three of them. Chad Pennington was tough pitching 6 innings and allowing just one run and surprisingly striking out 7 free swinging Brewers. Joey Harrington surrendered the other run in the game.

[majormet]

(Procrastinating at work, so I will write up day #2, eventually I will not write up every day)

The fans showed up in droves again to see the Croupiers play the Twins. A huge mismatch on the mound as perenially CY Young Pitcher Johann Santana was set to face insurance risk assesser Reuben Feffer. The fans at Bugsy Siegel could care less about the game's outcome as much as the bets per pitch. The first game's profit statement certainly had a lot of owners jealous with the income to payroll ratio.

Game #2 started with Feffer nervously taking the mound, he refused to touch the resin bag and kept asking for new balls and he decided on the 5th ball that the umpire gave to him. Luis Castillo batted leadoff and greeted Feffer with a rare homer to give the Twins a 1-0 lead. Dennis Leonard immediately came out to the mound and settled Feffer down and he even fanned Michael Cuddyer in the first inning.

The Croupiers got even in the bottom of the inning as Private Joker singled and stole second with Tony Soprano at bat. Soprano became the first player in major league history to have ejections occur in his first 2 major league at bats, but this time it was Twins manager Ron Gardenhire who was tossed. It was Jimmy Emmett's double that plated home Joker with the tying run.

In the second inning, Feffer loaded the bases up by giving up hits to Shannon Stewart and Torii Hunter and then beaning Jason Bartlett. Feffer looked as if he was charging Bartlett, but he was overly apologetic. This all led to a 2 run single from Luis Castillo.

The Twins threatened in the third inning as Joe Mauer and Michael Cuddyer both singled and the dangerous Torii Hunter came to bat. Hunter hit the ball hard but right at Andy Stitzer who fed Private Joker nimbly and Joker fired to Harry Callahan to complete the 6-4-3 double play.

Back to back doubles by Pat Healy and Andy Stitzer in the 4th inning pulled the Croupiers to within one at 3-2. For both infielders it was their first career hits.

The Croupiers threatened in the 5th inning as Private Joker singled and then Harry Callahan worked the hit and run to perfect moving Joker to 3rd. Tony Soprano popped up and then Jimmy Emmett had the crowd on their feet launching a long fly ball to Hunter for an out.

Nick Punto picked up a huge sacrifice fly in the 6th to give the Twins a 4-2 lead.

The Croupiers came back to score in the bottom of the sixth as Tony Manero singled home Alex Finch. It was now 4-3 going into the seventh.

The wheels came off for the Croupiers in the 7th as the Twins scored 5 times to take a 9-3 lead, the key blow was a 2 run pinch hit double by Tony Batista who was batting for Nick Punto.

In the 8th inning, the Croupiers showed signs of life as they put 2 runners on and had to remove Santana from the game. Scott Baker came into the contest and on his first pitch, yielded the first homer in Las Vegas history a run blast by Dirty Harry Callahan. Callahan reluctantly came out for his curtain call and then resumed his seat alone in the dugout. That put the score at 9-6, but Pat Neshek entered the game and smoked Jimmy Emmett on 3 pitches.

Lester Burnham came on and got hit a bit in the 7th inning but closed out the 8th and 9th with shutout innings.

In the bottom of the ninth, the Twins called on stud closer Joe Nathan who picked up 4 strikeouts in the inning as Andy Stitzer fanned but was safe on the wild pitch, giving false hope before billionaire John Gage whiffed.

The Twins won 9-6. Las Vegas had 15 hits in the battle with many guys getting 2 hits each. Harry Callahan had 3 RBI's, but the Twins had 17 hits including 3 by Torii Hunter and had 3 RBI's by Luis Castillo.

Tomorrow's game features Randall "Pink" Floyd going against the incomparable Boof Bonser. The Croupiers try to avoid the sweep.

Media caught up with Harry Callahan after the game about his historical three run homer.

"What can I say, I stared at Baker and simply thought.. what is it going to be punk... go ahead make my day. You can see the whites of Baker's eyes as he let up and I crushed the homer, I got nothing else to say to you people"

Around the league

**** Joe Blanton and his portly self pitched a 3 hit shutout for the A's over the Angels.

Memphis got their first win in team history beating the Brewers 6-3 as Peyton Manning had 3 hits and Allen Iverson drove in 2 runs. Carmelo Anthony pitched a solid 6 innings yielding one run before Joey Harrington gave up the lead. Marc Savard came on to get an out to get the win with Kobe Bryant getting his first major league save. Derrick Turnbow lost the game as he was the victim of a fieidling miscue by Jeff Cirillo. David Bush fanned 9 for the Brew Crew who fell to the Showboats.

[majormet]

The Las Vegas Croupiers played a tougher game #3 with Randall "Pink" Floyd on the hill. The young kid from Texas who was quarterbacking his high school team a few months ago was no stranger to big crowds.

In the first inning, he fanned Mike Cuddyer to a standing ovation and pitched a scoreless first innning.

The Second inning is where Pink ran into his problems. He gave up RBI singles to Luis Rodriguez, Luis Castillo and Joe Mauer. The inning could have spelled more disaster if not for outfield assists. Martin Tupper, making his season debut gunned down rapid Luis Castillo at home from leftfield and then Jimmy Emmett threw out Joe Mauer stretching a single to a double.

The Twins took a 4-0 lead in the 3rd inning as Shannon Stewart delivered an RBI Single. After that Pink was tougher and settled down.

In the bottom of the third, the Croupiers put together a very nice rally/big inning. Alex Finch reached safely and advanced to second on Luis Castillo's throwing error. Private Joker singled home Fince and then moved to second on the throw to the plate. Pat Healy and his cheesy mustache drove home Private Joker to make the score 4-2, later in the inning Jimmy Emmett drove home Healy to cut the lead to 4-3.

Sadly that is how the game finished as the Croupiers could not get clutch hitting against Boof Bonser who fanned 11 batters.

In the 6th inning, Martin Tupper laced a double, and Jimmy Emmett walked but Bonser fanned Tony Manero and Tony Soprano hit into a double play.

The fans were treated to an oddity in the 7th inning when Pink was pullled for a new pitcher. The PA system started playing Steely Dan's My Old School, and out of bullpen wearing just a thong was Frank the Tank Ricard. His attire probably baffled Minnesota hitters more than anything, but the Tank pitched 2 1/3 scoreless innning, he got Justin Morneau to ground out to end a 7th inning Twin rally.

The 8th inning showed more unclutch ways. as the Croupiers rallied big and failed to score. Private Joker singled and Bonser was pulled for Pat Neshek. Neshek gave up an infield hit to Pat Healy and then Joker and Healy pulled off a double steal. Neshek pitched around Tupper and walked him, so the Croupiers had the sacks full with no one out. Jimmy Emmett and Tony Manero both fanned and then the unclutch Tony Soprano popped out.

The ninth inning saw Joe Nathan who immediately struck out Harry Callahan and John Gage before Alex Finch turned an 0-2 cound into a full count only to line out and give Nathan his 2nd save of the series.

The Twins won behing Bonser (1-0) and 3 hit games from Joe Mauer and Shannon Stewart.

George Brett was still encourage after the game

"We played well, timely hitting comes with experience as you can see some of these no name guys can produce. We were very pleased with the peformances of Pink Floyd and The Tank and we look forward to going to Kansas City to get our first win"

The opening matchup in the KC series at Kauffman Stadium will feature Dante Hicks opposing Zach Greinke.

Hicks was very nervous about his debut "Geez, I don't know about this. Randall was supposed to cover for me at the store"

Interview: Who is Randall, and what store.

Dante: Ah, um that's right you don't know, I am just not sure, the boss wanted me to open up the store tomorrow but I am not even Supposed to work.

Interviewer: But you are pitcher for Las Vegas in the opening game of the series against the Royals

Dante: Oh Yeah that's right, how am I supposed to go to the hill, I keep thinking about Veronica and the 37 men she went down on

Interviewer: 37? Wow that is a lot of tube steak?

Dante: Oh Geez, even you are finding this amusing. What am I supposed to do?

Interviewer: I'm not a pitching coach or manager but I think you need to focus on each batter:

Dante: Nooo, not the game, I mean Veronica?

Interviewer: This interview is concluded, as you can see the Croupiers are in big trouble on the road in Kansas City.

League Notes:

**** Todd Greene is out 8-9 weeks with a fractured eye socket for the Giants as he had a nasty collision at home plate. Veteran Mike Matheny was called up from AAA Oceanside to take his place.

**** There are 5 undefeated teams after the first 3 games (Baltimore, Minnesota, Texas, Cubs and San Francisco)

***** Which means there are 5 winless teams (Boston, Las Vegas, Seattle, Washington and San Diego)

***** Ray Durham is off to a fast star for the undefeated Giants. He has 4 homers and 8 RBI's and has a .667 average

***** Steve Kline has 3 saves for the Giants as well as Bobby Howry of the Cubs.

**** The Brewers placed Geoff Jenkins on the 15 day DL and called up Vinny Rottilo from AA-Hibbing.

Memphis lost to Milwaukee 6-5 as Kobe Bryant blew the save giving up a walk off single in the 10th inning to Damian Miller. Charlie Frye hit the first Memphis homer ever and after Martin St Louis got hit around, Tom Brady and Dwyane Wade pitched scoreless relief. Doug Davis had 10 K's for the Brewers.

[majormet]

The Las Vegas Croupiers did not fare well in game #4 as George Brett made his return to Kansas City to a chorus of boos. He met with fellow third baseman of yore, Buddy Bell before the game. As always Brett could smell the liquor on Buddy's breath. Buddy clearly is and was the biggest drinker since Babe Ruth in the game and the fact that he manages the team that he played on for 20 seasons disgusts him.

Kansas City won game #1 of the series 7-1 as Zach Grienke pitched solidly and Aaron Guiel had 2 hits and 2 RBI's.

Las Vegas fell behind 4-0 in the first as Dante Hicks' nervousness set in. He came to life in the 2nd inning by fanning Angel Berroa. Vegas got their first run in the top of the 4th on a Tony Manero double.

Hicks settled down and pitched into the 7th inning, as he was down 4-1 but he then surrendered a homer to Mark Teahan and it was 6-1. Guiel homers in the 8th and that was the game.

Game #5 was a different story, as Las Vegas finally got a win.

It was Scott Elarton on the hill for the Royals against former CIA operative Jason Bourne.

Vegas had their first ever lead with a Tony Soprano single in the 2nd inning.

Kansas City evened it up in the 4th inning with a Mark Sweeney homer and then later took a 2-1 lead in the same bracket as John Buck had a sacrifice fly.

Las Vegas battled back to a 2-2 tie in the 5th inning as Private Joker hit into a fielder's choice plating home Dirty Harry Callahan.

Jason Bourne was in cruise control on the mound.

In the top of the 7th inning, Tony Soprano and Harry Callahan singled, then John Gage had an RBI single to take the 3-2 lead followed by Alex Finch's sac fly and Pat Healy's RBI double. Peralta came into the battle for Kansas City and kept it at 5-2

In the 8th inning the Croupiers tacked on another run as a Harry Callahan fielder's choice plated home Jimmy Emmett.

Jason Bourne pitched in the 9th inning and walked Matt Stairs, Brett visited the mound and somehow Bourne forgot that he walked Stairs but then got Buck, Berroa and David DeJesus on fly outs and Las Vegas won 6-2.

Game #6 was a letdown. Las Vegas scored twice in the 1st inning and another 2 runs in the 4th inning to take a 4-0 lead with Chad Eckhart pitching well. Luke Skywalker giving Tony Soprano a rest behind the plate had a big RBI triple and Martin Tupper also had hit a triple.

The 5th inning was a disaster as the Royals scored 6 times on Eckhart the big hit being a 2 run single by Mike Sweeneey.

It was 6-4 into the 9th and Mike MacDougal saved the game. for KC. Luke Hudson was the winning pitcher and Emil Brown had 3 hits.

*** Around the league

Ryan Howard homered 3 times in the Phillies 11-5 win over the Marlins.

Roger Clemens (Houston) tossed a 3 hit shutout against the Cubs

Arizona claimed Julian Tavarez off of waivers

Colorado claimed Rich Harden off of waives, rumor has it he got into a shouting altercation in Oakland with new skipper, Bob Geren

The Yankees claimed the chair throwing Frank Francisco off of waivers.

Kenny Rogers (Detroit) pitched a 3 hit shutout against Tampa Bay

Eric Chavez (Oakland) had 4 walks in a game.

San Francisco traded Randy Winn to Houston for Mike Lamb and Phil Barzillia

San Francisco then traded Chad Santos, Barzilla and Justin Knoedler to Cincinnati for Ryan Freel.

Detroit, Texas and Arizona are 5-1 to start the year.

Tampa Bay, Las Vegas and Colorado are 1-5.

Private Joker is tied for the AL lead in stolen based with 3, he is tied with Brian Roberts (Baltimore) and Mark Teahan (KC)

[majormet]

It has been a tough experience for the Las Vegas Croupiers in their first season (remember team created out of fill with minors logic). Their record stood at 12-42 after the first 54 games as they sit in dead last in the AL West. The team has been fiercely making player moves to be competitive as the attendance has dwindled to under 10,000 per game. The good news is that Las Vegas is 4-6 in their last 10 games, but they have a long way to go.

The 25 Man Roster

Kyle Davies - SP (1-3, 6.63 ERA) - Davies has been used as a mopup reliever and starting pitcher and has been erratic. Davies was acquired from the Atlanta Braves in excahnge for Alex Finch. The reincarnated Finch struggled with Vegas and now is playing for AA Orlando in the Braves system.

Ryan Dempster - SP (1-6 4.50 ERA) - Dempster has been consistent and given Las Vegas some quality innnings. He was waived by the Cubs after Dempster and Lou Piniella locked horns.

Cliff Lee - SP (0-3 6.39 ERA) - Lee has started to look better after Cleveland dealt him away after he was evicted from the rotation. Waiver pickup Bill Mueller went to Cleveland in the trade and Mueller has alread been waived by the Tribe

John Maine - SP (3-4 5.26 ERA) - Maine was acquired with Lastings Milledge and Mike Pelfrey in a blockbuster trade with the Mets. Las Vegas dealt away germ freak Reuben Feffer, Randall "Pink" Floyd and waiver claim Andy Marte in this trade. Maine has looked steady but can't do deep into ball games. Feffer and Floyd are in the Mets rotation which is a sad state for the Mets yet they are in the race. Marte is in AA-Syracuse.

Mike Pelfrey - SP (3-2. 3.18 ERA) - Pelfrey has become the ace for Las Vegas he had looked sharp and is a young pitcher out of Wichita State.

Lester Burnham - RP (2-0, 3 saves 2.77) - The former ad executive that was scorned by his wife and nearly got arrested for robbing the cradle has found life in Las Vegas and took the closer job away from Larry David. Burnham was pitching in long relief early. "It is easy to succeed when you are already dead", Burnham off states to the media.

Kevin Gryboski - RP (1-0, 5.77) - picked up on waivers, 2 bad outings have hurt his numbers, but he is good in spot situations.

Frank "The Tank" Ricard - RP (1-1, 4.13) - solid relief pitcher for most of the early part, had 2 bad outings in the Yankees series. The Tank is a party animal often breaking curfew and drinking in the bullpen. "Let's get naked", he often says to the disenchantment of his teammates.

Josh Rupe - RP (1-1 4.13) - The 23 year old was claimed on waivers and has shown some signs of talent.

Brian Shouse - RP (0-0, 6.75) - Veteran 37 year old specialist was claimed on waivers and was recently promoted to the show.

Larry David - RP (0-3, 3 saves 5.53 ERA) - pessimist who lost the closer job giving up too many gopher balls in save situations. David is now used in long relief. Asked if he was let down by his lack of success, he simply stated "I did prit-tee prit-tee, prit-tee bad out there" and then gave the reporter the close up look over.

Luke Skywalker - C (2 HR, 10 RBI .269) - took the catching job away from Tony Soprano after Soprano failed to get an RBI in over 60 at bats. The kid is a good switchhitter but strikes out a lot, using his bat like a laser sword.

Tony Soprano - C (0 HR 0 RBI .211) - The slow footed, hot headed catcher lost his job as he has yet to drive in a run in the majors, despite being to the plate nearly for 70 at bats. Soprano has been in therapy trying to deal with the anger issues over the lost job. Some thugs were putting some heat on Luke Skywalker, but the underestimated the force.

Harry Callahan - 1B (3 HR 24 RBI .283) - pleasant surprise as the vigilante has made the transition to MLB'er in no time. Dirty Harry was batting .300 most of the season but has recently hit a slump. His staredowns at pitchers are venerable. Gregg Zaun of the Blue Jays said that Callahan just mutters "Make My Day, Punk" at the plate.

Hector DeJesus - 1B (3 HR 17 RBI .389) - Cuban defector who started the season in AAA-Bahamas. He is 32 years old and has a quick bat and has really flourished working with manager George Brett.

Howard Kendrick - 2B (1 HR, 7 RBI .329) - Huge Angels propsect that came over in a trade with Dallas McPherson for 2 waiver wire flops in John Patterson and Jeff Keppinger. Kendrick was in the minors for the Angels.

Private Joker - 2B/SS (1 HR, 10 RBI. .260) - Cocky player that has overcome a lack of talent and is the everday shortstop for the Croupiers. Joker who is always offering to slip his tubesteak into everyone's sister, leads the AL in stolen Bases with 24. He claims to always "walk the walk"

Pat Healy - 3B (2 HR, 22 RBi .262) - The former sleazy private investigator has certainly overachieved for Las Vegas, but his lack of power at third base forced the Croupiers to trade for McPHerson. Healy backs up and is content with his role. He hopes with his potential bonus money to fix his huge front teeth problem.

Dallas McPherson - 3B (6 HR, 22 RBI .281) - Came over from the Angels with Kendrick, has looked good batting cleanup for Las Vegas. Happy to have the chance to play every day

Johnny Drama - LF (1 HR, 3 RBI .324) - fan favorite for his hustle, reserve outfielder who has survived all the roster upheaval. Very happy to be playing in Vegas and getting massages from his private masseuse Ken every day. Drama gets spot starts against southpaws, struggles against righties.

Jason Ellison - LF (3 HR, 6 RBI .231) - Claimed off of waivers, gives Las Vegas some power in a part time role.

Orlando Palmeiro - LF (o HR 2 RBI .285) - steady veteran who platoons with Ellison. Orlando is happy to have a job at this point in his career.

Matt Kemp - CF (1 HR, 3 RBI, .317) went from being waived at his young age by the Dodgers to being the cornerstone of the Vegas franchise. He needs a lot of work on his fielding.

Shane Victorino - RF (1 HR, 17 RBI .234) - Surprisingly acquired from Philadelphia for Jeff Salazar who was a waiver claim. Victorino has not hit as well as expected but has shown great speed and flair with the glove.

Fernando Tatis - Util (1 HR 21 RBI .247) - one time 100 RBI man in St Louis, was picked up on waivers and has played everywhere for George Brett. Has been clutch even if he whiffs a lot.

AAA - Bahamas

Chad Eckhart (4-3 3.98 ERA) - failed at the major league level after being very cocky, has shown promise in the Bahamas. He is already machinating his return to the show.

Jeremy Guthrie - SP (6-1 2.59 ERA) - waiver pickup, young pitcher who is really looking good on the farm.

Dante Hicks - SP (3-3 5.20 ERA) - former convenience store clerk tore ligaments in his elbow and is gone for the year. Hicks was having huge confidence problems and medical staff felt that the elbow was destroyed having to ring up orders for the past 8 years on the cash register.

Mikey Peters - SP (3-3, 3.09 ERA) - brief stint in the majors, the improv comedian has looked good in the Bahamas even if he meets girls in bars and calls them up the same night 20 times.

Joel Barish - RP (2-2, 5.79 ERA) - succeeded in AA, and was brought up, he has not flourished at the AAA level yet. Personnel feel that the brain erasing project will help this guy get back to his high school form.

Ben Willard - RP (1-1, 3.26 ERA) - steady reliever who was brought up from AA. Last pitching gig was in the Cambodian league where he was getting hit around a lot. The captain is tough and after many years of exposure to napalm, his head is clearing.

Lastings Milledge - LF (4 HR 14 RBI, .246) - acquisition from the Mets who is not turning the corner yet, saw some time at the show for both the Mets an Croupiers, but is not a huge threat in AAA even.

Jules Winnfield - LF (1 HR 18 RBI .274) - decent outfielder that has little pop in his bat. The former hired killer and evangelist is adapting well to baseball life but refuses to cut his afro which is a stickling point with management.

Jimmy Emmet - CF (Majors 0 HR 10 RBI .239) - after acquisitions and waiver claims, George Brett felt that the former high school murderer needed seasoning on the farm. Emmet was constantly ridiculed by teammates for his lack of intelligence.

Joey LaMotta - CF (3 HR 20 RBI .204) - diminuitive but tough outfielder has struggled with the batting average. He has been ejected from 6 games as well and has charged the mound twice. He is a human relations disaster

Martin Tupper - CF (1 HR 12 RBI .295) - reluctant playboy and former sportswriter has struggled to get ahead, with 3 cups of coffee at the major level he was able to drive in runs but fanned often. Seems to be more consistent at AAA

Tony Manero - RF (Majors 0 HR 9 RBI .242) - struggled against lefties at the pro level. Showed no power but had a few ESPN catch of the day highlights. Manero is often found in the clubs late at night and was optioned to Bahamas.

AA-Tokyo

Billy Bibbit - SP (3-5 2.91 ERA) - very promising work from the former mental patient. Bibbit still goes back to a Tokyo mental institution after games with special team aide Nurse Ratchett, but has shown potential even if he stutters immensely

Paul Cicero - SP (2-5 3.03 ERA) - former crime boss has looked decent in his new life, a bit bored by the lack of good Italian food in Japan, he has taken off a few pounds and has been intimidating on the hill.

Jack Crawford - SP (3-3, 2.24 ERA) - former FBI agent who dealt with human cannibals, Crawford got 2 starts and failed at the show, but has done well in Tokyo, although his crime skills are not needed.

Alex De Large - RP (3-2, 2 saves 3.79) - rapist/murderer has been OK as the setup guy on the farm. Seemingly the Clockwork Orange experiment has been a success, or the submissive nature of Japanese women has not led to any rape allegations.

Derek Vinyard - RP (1-1, 4.94 ERA) - struggling a bit as the former white supremist prisoner adjusts to life in Japan. Vinyard has been missing at times and is rumored to be forming new hate societies.

Paul Ruessabagina - RP (3-1, 9 saves 3.05) - Ruessabagina coming out of Africa has been as effective in saving games as he was in saving lives from Rwanda genocide.

Eddie Cabot - 1B (2 HR 20 RBI's, .284) - former small time crook operating with Mr Pink and others has done decently as the every day first baseman for Tokyo. He is not losing any weight eating Tempura nightly

Stanley Mellish - 2B (4 HR 23 RBIs .327) - strong season for the former US infantry man. Mellish struggled in the Army in his quest to find Private Ryan, but has looked well in Tokyo.

Charlie Lang - 3B (0 HR, 3 RBI .233) - former NYC cop with a vast fortune from the lottery is struggling to stay in Tokyo. Lang is too obsessed with helping humanity and will miss his early batting practice for those factors.

Lentulus Batalus - OF (0 HR, 1 RBI .250) had a strong season in A ball and was recently promoted to Tokyo. Batalus is very old world and travelled by ship and was 8 days late to report to Tokyo from Paris

A - Paris

Martin Brody - SP (1-2 2.84) - finds pitching better than containing sharks.
Billy Costigan - SP (2-7 4.28) - CIA agent mole is struggling outside of Boston
Jerry Lundegaard - SP (2-3, 3.87) - sleazy car salesman, adjusting to baseball

Lt Dan Taylor - SP (7-4) - looking very promising, as he tried to reach the show with no legs.

Cameron Thayer - SP (6-3, 3.74) - decent pitcher, happy to be out of the race issues of the LA cops.

Bob Barnes - RP (3-1 5.53) - struggling to succeed, having Vietnam war flashbacks and looking very paranoid at teammates.

Phil Connors - RP (1-0, 3 saves 2.02) - strong work out of the pen for the former weatherman, who is astonished to wake up and see it is tomorrow.

George McFly - RP (2-1, 2.57) solid season for the former wimp turned into pitching star by time travel

John McLane - RP (2-1, 3.48) - decent stuff for the former one many army

Michael Vronsky - RP (1-1 3.38) - ok reliever, still suffering from trauma due to Russian Roulette

Frank Mackey - RP (9 saves 3.38 ERA) - decent closer, always preaching to his teammates about Dianetics.

Jimmy Markus - C (3 HR 19 RBI .226) - Boston area convenience store owner struggling to find his bat

Jack Torrance - C (3 HR 12 RBI .275) - happy to be demoted from AA to A, he is a bit crazy, always threatening in a demonic way to bash his teammates brains in, if they err on the field.

Manny Ribera - 2B (5 HR 43 RBI .304) - huge numbers from the former coke dealer and hired hitman brother in law for Tony Montana. Manny is destined for a promotion shortly

Harold Chasen - SS (1 HR 28 RBI .333) - very solid numbers for the perverse little man playing short. Teammates stay far away from him on the road and his 86 year old girlfriend Maude.

Vaughn Cunningham - SS (4 HR 22 RBI .248) decent role player, openly gay which alarms most of the clubhouse. Cunningham is always trying to be gentle to the high strung guys in the clubhouse.

Oskar Schindler - SS (weak numbers) - The savior in Europe has worked his way down from AAA to A ball and may be fatigued by his past efforts.

RJ McReady - OF - (2 hr 17 RBI .181) - Tough year for the man that battled the Thing, he is facing release.

Joe Gould - RF (3 HR 15 RBI .246) - average numbers for the former boxing agent. Gould talks too much and needs to focus on his game.

[majormet]

So far the first third of the season with expansion in 2006 has brought about some interesting trends

AL East

New York (34-20)
Toronto (26-28)
Baltimore (25-29)
Boston (25-29)
Tampa Bay (25-29)
Pittsburgh (14-40)

AL Central

Chicago (34-20)
Minnesota (33-21)
Cleveland (30-24)
Detroit (30-24)
Kansas City (21-33)

AL West

Anaheim (34-20)
Oakland (33-21)
Texas (31-23)
Seattle (25-29)
Las Vegas (12-42)

NL East

Philadelphia (38-16)
New York (33-21)
Atlanta (28-26)
Florida (22-32)
Washington (21-33)

NL Central

Houston (29-25)
Milwaukee (29-25)
Chicago (28-26)
Cincinnati (21-33)
St Louis (21-33)
Memphis (14-40)

NL West

Los Angeles (36-18)
Colorado (30-24)
San Diego (29-25)
San Francisco (28-26)
Arizona (25-29)


League Leaders

HR
AL - Travis Hafner (MIN) and Jermaine Dye (CHW) - 17
NL - Adam Dunn (CIN) - 23

RBI

AL - Michael Cuddyer (MIN) - 55
NL - Aramis Ramirez - (CHC) - 55

AVG

AL - Derek Jeter (NYA) - .396
NL - Lance Berkman (Hou) - .368

SB

AL - Private Joker (LV) - 24
NL - Dave Roberts (SD) - 29

Runs Scored

AL - Brian Roberts (Bal) - 47
NL - Barry Bonds (SF) - 54

Wins

AL - Johan Santana (MIN) and Kevin Millwood (TEX) - 9
NL - Cole Hamels (PHI) - 9

Strikeouts

AL - Francisco Liriano (MIN) - 111
NL - Ben Sheets (MIL) - 99

ERA

AL - Kevin Millwood - (TEX) - 2.14
NL - Ben Sheets - (MIL) - 1.89

Saves

AL - Bob Wickman (CLE) and Akinori Otsuka (TEX) - 17
NL - Takashi Saito (LA) - 21

Teams

Arizona

HR - Luis Gonzalez - 10
RBI - Luis Gonzalez - 35
Avg - Conor Jackson - .276
SB - Jeff Davanon - 7
Wins - Brandon Webb and Andy Pettite - 5
*** Pettite acquired from Houston for Damian Easley
K's - Orlando Hernandez - 74
ERA - Pettite 3.64
Saves - Jose Valverde - 9

Atlanta

HR - Andruw Jones - 20
RBI - Jones 54
Avg - Brian McCann - .366
SB - Edgar Renteria - 4
Wins - John Smoltz - 7
K's - Smoltz - 55
ERA - Smoltz 3.63
Saves - Macay McBride - 13

Baltimore

HR - Jay Gibbons - 11
RBI - Gibbons - 49
Avg - Gibbons - .335
SB - Brian Roberts - 21
Wins - Erik Bedard and Rodrigo Lopez - 5
K's - Bedard - 68
ERA - Bedard - 3.42
Saves - Chris Britton - 11

Boston

HR - Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz - 15
RBI - Ramirez - 48
Avg - Mike Lowell - .303
SB - Coco Crisp - 3
Wins - Josh Beckett - 5
K's - Curt Schilling - 79
ERA - David Wells - 4.40
Saves - Jonathan Papelbon - 10

Chicago AL

HR - Jermaine Dye - 17
RBI - Joe Crede - 44
Avg - Paul Konerko - .342
SB - Scott Posednick - 14
Wins - Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez - 6
K's - Vazquez - 59
ERA - Jon Garland - 3.69
Saves - Bobby Jenks - 12

Chicago NL

HR - Aramis Ramirez - 19
RBI - Ramirez - 55
Avg - Ramirez - .339
SB - Juan Pierre - 11
Wins - Rich Hill and Juan Mateo - 5
K's - Carlos Zambrano - 68
ERA - Hill 3.08
Saves - Bobby Howry - 9

Cincinnati

HR - Adam Dunn - 23
RBI - Dunn - 43
Avg - Scott Hatteberg - .301
SB - Felipe Lopez - 7
Wins - Aaron Harang and Elizardo Ramirez - 5
K's - Harang - 71
ERA - Harang - 4.13
Saves - Chris Hammond - 6

Cleveland

HR - Travis Hafner - 17
RBI - Hafner - 40
Avg - Victor Martinez - .360
SB - Grady Sizemore - 10
Wins - Jason Johnson and CC Sabathia - 6
K's - Sabathia - 46
ERA - Jeremy Sowers - 4.42
Saves - Bob Wickman - 17

Colorado

HR - Matt Holliday - 11
RBI - Holliday - 52
Avg - Jamey Carroll - .347
SB - Many tied at 4
Wins - Byung Hun Kim - 6
K's - Kim - 49
ERA - Kim - 3.11
Saves - Ramon Ramirez - 10

Detroit

HR - Brandon Inge - 11
RBI - Marcus Thames - 38
Avg - Carlos Guillen - .359
SB - Curtis Granderson - 8
Wins - Kenny Rogers and Zach Miner - 5
K's - Justin Verlander - 55
ERA - Miner - 2.69
Saves - Joel Zumaya - 10

Florida

HR - Miguel Cabrera - 12
RBI - Miguel Olivo - 46
Avg - Alfredo Amezaga - .317
SB - Amezaga and Hanley Ramirez - 8
Wins - Dontrelle Willis and Scott Olsen - 4
K's - Olsen - 63
ERA - Olsen - 3.59
Saves - Taylor Tankersley - 8

Houston

HR - Lance Berkman - 15
RBI - Berkman - 44
Avg - Berkman - .368
SB - Chris Burke - 5
Wins - Wandy Rodriguez and Fernando Cabrera - 5
** Cabrera acquired from Cleveland for Adam Everett and JR House
K's - Roy Oswalt - 49
ERA - Rodriguez - 3.32
Saves - Dan Wheeler - 9

Kansas City

HR - Alex Escobar - 7
*** Escobar acquired from Washington for Luke Hudson
RBI - Escobar - 32
Avg - Esteban German - .344
SB - Mark Teahan - 7
Wins - Many tied at 3
K's - Kyle Snyder - 65
ERA - Snyder - 5.47
Saves - Mike MacDougal - 9

Las Vegas

HR - Dallas McPherson - 6
RBI - Harry Callahan - 24
Avg - Callahan - .283
SB - Private Joker - 24
Wins - Mike Pelfrey and John Maine - 3
K's - Ryan Dempster - 46
ERA - Dempster - 4.50
Saves - Lester Burnham and Larry David - 3

Los Angeles

HR - Olmedo Saenz - 11
RBI - Rafael Furcal - 40
Avg - Furcal - .329
SB - Kenny Lofton - 28
Wins - Odalis Perez - 7
K's - Brad Penny - 57
ERA - Perez - 4.12
Saves - Takashi Saito - 21

Anaheim

HR - Vladimir Guerrero and Juan Rivera - 11
RBI - Guerrero and Rivera - 33
Avg - Guerrero - .344
SB - Chone Figgins - 13
Wins - Kelvim Escobar and Jered Weaver - 6
K's - Weaver - 80
ERA - Joe Saunders - 2.84
Saves - Francisco Rodriguez - 14

Memphis

HR - Marian Hossa - 9
RBI - Hossa - 40
Avg - Steve McNair - .314
SB - Daniel Briere - 15
Wins - Carmelo Anthony - 4
K's - Chad Pennington - 59
ERA - Anthony - 3.77
Saves - Kobe Bryant - 9

Milwaukee

HR - Bill Hall - 18
RBI - Hall - 49
Avg - Hall - .292
SB - Carlos Lee - 3
Wins - Ben Sheets - 8
K's - Sheets - 99
ERA - Sheets - 1.89
Saves - Rick Helling - 7

Minnesota

HR - Michael Cuddyer - 14
RBI - Cuddyer - 55
Avg - Joe Mauer - .348
SB - Luis Castillo and Nick Punto - 5
Wins - Johan Santana - 9
K's - Francisco Liriano - 111
ERA - Liriano - 2.95
Saves - Joe Nathan - 14

New York - AL

HR - Alex Rodriguez - 11
RBI - Robinson Cano - 45
Avg - Derek Jeter - .396
SB - Jeter - 7
Wins - Jaret Wright - 5
K's - Randy Johnson - 56
ERA - Johnson - 4.02
Saves - Mariano Rivera - 14

New York - NL

HR - Jose Valentin - 11
RBI - David Wright - 40
Avg - Endy Chavez - .367
SB - Jose Reyes - 20
Wins - Pedro Martinez - 6
K's - Martinez - 55
ERA - Tom Glavine - 4.04
Saves - Duaner Sanchez - 5

Oakland

HR - Nick Swisher - 14
RBI - Swisher - 43
Avg - Jay Payton - .322
SB - Payton - 5
Wins - Joe Blanton - 7
K's - Danny Haren - 62
ERA - Haren - 2.72
Saves - Huston Street - 14

Philadelphia

HR - Ryan Howard - 15
RBI - Chase Utley - 44
Avg - Utley - .357
SB - Jimmy Rollins - 16
Wins - Cole Hamels - 9
K's - Hamels - 63
ERA - Derek Lowe - 1.95
*** Lowe acquired from LA for David Dellucci, Michael Bourne and Gavin Floyd

Saves - Tom Gordon - 8

Pittsburgh

HR - Jeromy Burnitz - 9
RBI - Jack Wilson - 35
Avg - Ronny Paulino - .351
SB - Jason Bay and Jose Castilo - 2
Wins - Oliver Perez and Zack Duke - 4
K's - Ian Snell - 52
ERA - Snell - 3.22
Saves - Mike Gonzalez - 3

San Diego

HR - Khalil Greene - 9
RBI - Greene - 35
Avg - Adrian Gonzalez - .343
SB - Dave Roberts - 29
Wins - Clay Hensley and Jake Peavy - 7
K's - Peavy - 86
ERA - Peavy - 3.66
Saves - Cla Meredith - 9

San Francisco

HR - Barry Bonds - 14
RBI - Ray Durham - 41
Avg - Durham - .355
SB - Ryan Freel - 10
*** Freel acquired from Cincy for Santos, Barzilla and Knoedler

Wins - Jason Schmidt - 7
K's - Schmidt - 64
ERA - Schmidt - 2.58
Saves - Steve Kline - 8

Seattle

HR - Richie Sexson - 13
RBI - Raul Ibanez - 37
Avg - Ichiro Suzuki - .390
SB - Ichiro - 17
Wins - Jamie Moyer and Felix Hernandez - 4
K's - Hernandez - 74
ERA - Hernandez - 3.29
Saves - JJ Putz - 9

St Louis

HR - Albert Pujols - 20
RBI - Pujols - 54
Avg - David Eckstein - .349
SB - Many tied at 1
Wins - Josh Kinney - 6 (out of pen)
K's - Chris Carpenter - 57
ERA - Carpenter - 4.85
Saves - Adam Wainwright - 6

Tampa Bay

HR - Russ Branyan - 11
RBI - Rocco Baldelli - 33
Avg - Carl Crawford - .307
SB - Crawford - 22
Wins - Scott Kazmir - 5
K's - Kazmir - 79
ERA - Kazmir - 3.42
Saves - Shawn Camp - 15

Texas

HR - Mark Texeira and Phil Nevin - 11
RBI - Nevin - 37
Avg - Gary Matthews - .316
SB - Matthews and Michael Young - 2
Wins - Kevin Millwood - 9
K's - Millwood - 61
ERA - Millwood - 2.14
Saves - Akinori Otsuka - 17

Toronto

HR - Troy Glaus - 14
RBI - Alexis Rios - 31
Avg - Rios - .274
SB - Rios - 12
Wins - Roy Halladay - 8
K's - AJ Burnett - 60
ERA - Hallladay - 3.05
Saves - BJ Ryan - 10

Washington

HR - Alfonso Soriano - 16
RBI - Nick Johnson - 45
Avg - Marlon Anderson - .339
SB - Soriano - 6
Wins - Tony Armas - 6
K's - Daniel Cabrera - 64
*** Cabrera acquired from Baltimore for Daryle Ward

ERA - Cabrera - 4.28
Saves - Mike Stanton - 10

[majormet]

A bunch of reporters have convened in the lobby of the offices of Miller/Gold in Los Angeles. They want a crack at interviewing top baseball prospect Ari Gold who has just recently enlisted in the MLB Draft and is a possible first round pick overall of the Orioles.

Ari: Lloyd take the c*ck out of your mouth and get in my office.

(His Assistant Lloyd enters Ari's office.)

Lloyd: Yes, Ari, and you can please refrain from making slanderous remarks about my religion or my sexual preferences

Ari: No, but I did listen. Look, I have a huge clusterf*ck occurring in the lobby, do you know if anyone leaked out that I was going to the major league baseball draft:

Lloyd (looking confused) Baseball?

Ari: yeah the sport with a bat and a ball, except you play with 2 balls.... Anyway, we need to run some damage control here. I did not want the whole f*cking world to know about this. Now I have a f*cking powderkeg on my hands here and it is going to be the Bay of Pigs. I need you to do something so that this does not make it into the trade press, I have Robert f*cking Deniro coming down today and Vinny Chase, and I need them to know that I am giving 100% TLC to them.

Lloyd: Yes, Ari

(Lloyd saunters over to the shuffling media in his feminine walk and soft voice)

Lloyd: Listen, why is everyone here

Reporter #1: Is it true Ari Gold, superagent is going to be playing pro baseball

Lloyd: Not that I know of and I take all of his personal and business calls.

Reporter #2: I saw Mr Gold down at the batting cage yesterday, he looked like he had a lot of bat speed

Lloyd: Bat Speed? Not sure what you mean, but Mr Gold was probably entertaining a client.

Reporter #3: Why is Ari not coming out to see us?

Lloyd: Mr Gold has a huge list of phone calls and star clients to deal with

Reporter #1: When Ari is drafted by the Orioles what will his high priced clients do?

Lloyd: Mr Gold does not like Oreos, he prefers Hydroxes.

Reporter #1: I mean in Baltimore.

Lloyd: Why would Mr Gold move to Baltimore when he has a beautiful house and life here in Southern California

Reporter #2: I heard Ari Gold will get a 3 million dollar signing bonus if he enters the draft, is that true?

Lloyd: 3 million dollars? I am not sure

Reporter #3: Rumor has it that you will be his personal bat boy on the road, is that true?

Lloyd: That would be news to me, although I have never handled a baseball bat. Now I must go.

(reporters are buzzing about as Ari is hiding in his office, Vincent Chase enters and the cameras fade)

[majormet]

The 2006 MLB Draft was held in Missoula, Montana with a lot of fanfare.

First round results and progress after 8 games.

1. Baltimore - Ari Gold - 3B (Entourage-Jeremy Piven) - Assigned to A ball.

2. Boston - Maxwell Klinger - RF (Mash-Jamie Farr) - Assigned to A Ball

3. NY Yankees - Chandler Bing - C (Friends-Matthew Perry) - Playing for the Yankees, so far is 1 for 8. First hit off of Manny Delcarmen.

4. Pittsburgh - Vincent Chase - 1B (Entourage-Adrien Grenier) - Playing AA Ball

5. Tampa Bay - Joey Tribbiani - SP (Friends-Matt LeBlanc) - Playing for the Devilrays, has one relief appearance

6. Toronto - Ross Geller - SS (Friends-David Schwimmer) - Playing for the Blue Jays, has 3 RBI's (4 for 23). First hit off of Mark Hendrickson.

7. Chicago White Sox - Forrest Gup - 1B (Forrest Gump-Tom Hanks) - Assigned to AA Ball

8. Cleveland - RP McMurphy - CF (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-Jack Nicholson) - Assigned to AA Ball

9. Detroit - Jack Dawson - SP (Titanic-Leonardo DiCaprio) - Traded to Cleveland for Ben Broussard. Already 1-0 with a 2.25 ERA for the Indians.

10. Kansas City - Trent Walker - 1B (Swingers-Vince Vaughn) - Playing AA Ball

11. Minnesota - Eric "Otter" Stratten - SP (Animal House-Tim Matheson) - Playing A Ball

12. Las Vegas - Travis Bickel - SP (Taxi Driver-Robert Deniro) - Playing AA Ball

13. Anaheim - Jim Halpert - 2B (The Office) - Playing A Ball

14. Oakland - Dwight Schrute - C (The Office) - Playing A Ball

15. Seattle - Bobby Trippe - SP - (Deliverance-Ned Beatty) - Playing AA Ball

16. Texas - Chris Maltisanti - SP - (Sopranos) - Playing AA Ball

17. Atlanta - George Costanza - SP - (Seinfeld-Jason Alexander) - Playing AA Ball

18. Florida - Norman "Psycho" Bates - C (Psycho-Anthony Perkins) - Playing for the Marlins and batting 6 for 25. First hit off of John Smoltz

19. NY Mets - Vic "Mr White" Vega - 2B (Reservoir Dogs-Michael Madsen) - Playing A Ball

20. Philadelphia - Benjamin Braddock - SP (The Graduate-Dustin Hoffman) - Playing AA Ball

21. Washington - Rocky Balboa - CF (Rocky-Sylvester Stallone) - Two for 5 with an RBI first hit off of Juan Mateo playing for the Nationals.

22. Chicago Cubs - Michael Scott - LF (The Office-Steve Carell) - Playing A Ball

23. Cincinnati - Paul "****break" Finch - SP (American Pie) - Playing A Ball

24. Houston - Jerry Seinfeld - SP (Seinfeld-Jerry Seinfeld) - Playing A Ball

25. Memphis - Cosmo Kramer - CF (Seinfeld-Michael Richards) - Playing A Ball

26. Milwaukee - Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski - RP (The Big Lebowski-Jeff Bridges) - Pitching for the Brewers, one outing and was shelled.

27. St Louis - Bluto Blutarsky - 2B (Animal House-John Belushi) - Playing A Ball

28. Arizona - Eric "E" Murphy - SS (Entourage) - Playing A Ball

29. Colorado - Frank Fitts - SP (American Beauty-Chris Cooper) - Playing AA Ball

30. Los Angeles - Steven "Stiffmeister" Stiffler - 1B (American Pie-Seann William Scott) - Playing A Ball

31. San Diego - Bill Kilgore - SP (Apocalypse Now-Robert Duvall) - Playing AA Ball

32. San Francisco - Cal Hockley - CF (Titanic-Billy Zane) - Playing A Ball

Second Round to follow

[majormet]

In the draft, the 2nd round were fictional characters, 3rd round was musicians, 4th round was NBA players, 5th round was NFL and 6th round was NHL. Rounds seven through 10 are straight fictional players.

Round #2

1. Baltimore - Ted Striker - SS (Robert Hays-Airplane) - In A Ball

2. Boston - Karl Childers - 1B (Billy Bob Thornton-Sling Blade) - In A Ball

3. NY Yankees - Popeye Doyle - 3B (Gene Hackman-French Connection) - In A Ball

4. Pittsburgh - Marcellus Wallace - RF - (Ving Rhames-Pulp Fiction) - In A Ball

5. Tampa Bay - Tyler Durden - SP (Brad Pitt-Fight Club) - In A Ball

6. Toronto - Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lechter - 2B (Anthony Hopkins-Silence of the Lambs) - In A Ball

7. Chicago White Sox - Buddy Kane - SP (Peter Gallagher-American Beauty) - AA Ball

8. Cleveland - Larry "Mr Pink" Dimmick - SP (Harvey Keitel-Reservoir Dogs) - In A Ball

9. Detroit - Marty McFly - LF (Michael J Fox-Back to the Future) - In A Ball

10. Kansas City - Michael Corleone RF (Al Pacino-Godfather) - In A Ball

11. Minnesota - Butch Coolidge - RF (Bruce Willis-Pulp Fiction) - hitting .290 in AAA after 16 games

12. Las Vegas - Henry "The Rat" Hill - 1B (Ray Liotta-Goodfellas) - In A Ball

13. Anaheim - Jim Levenstein - 1B (Jason Biggs-American Pie) - Playing for Angels (0 HR 3 RBI .282) first hit off of Jaret Wright

14. Oakland - Charlie Babbitt - SP (Tom Cruise-Rain Man) - In the A's bullpen has made 4 appearances and is 0-1

15. Seattle - Kit Carruthers - SP (Martin Sheen-Badlands) - In A Ball

16. Texas - Paulie Walnuts - CF (Goodfellas) - In A Ball

17. Atlanta - Ken "Flounder" Dorfman - SP (Animal House) - In A Ball

18. Florida - Roger "Verbal" Kint - 1B (Kevin Spacey-Usual Suspects) - In A Ball

19. NY Mets - Tommy Devito - SP (Joe Pesci-Goodfellas) - In AA Ball

20. Philadelphia - Bubba Blue - 1B (Myketl Williamson-Forrest Gump) - In A Ball

21. Washington - Rhett Butler - 3B (Clark Gable-Gone with the Wind) - In A Ball

22. Chi Cubs - Sean Maguire - SP (Robin Williams-Good Will Hunting) - In A Ball

23. Cincinnati - Ed Gentry - SP - (Jon Voight-Deliverance) - In A Ball

24. Houston - Jeff Greene - SP - (Jeff Garlin-Larry David) - In A Ball

25. Memphis - Chris "Oz" Ostreicher - 3B (Chris Klein-American Pie) - In A Ball

26. Milwaukee - Han Solo - RP (Harrison Ford-Star Wars) - In A Ball

27. St Louis - Frankie Carbone - C (Goodfellas) - Playing in St Louis - one for thirteen to star, his first hit off of Kevin Correia

28. Arizona - Colin Sullivan - SP (Matt Damon-The Departed) - In A Ball

29. Colorado - Frankie Dunn - C (Clint Eastwood-Million Dollar Baby) - Playing in Colorado (4 for 42), first hit off of Jason Schmidt

30. Los Angeles - Donald "Boon" Schoenstein - SP (Peter Riegert-Animal House) - In A Ball

31. San Diego - Larry "Pinto" Kroger - LF (Tom Hulce-Animal House) - IN AA Ball

32. San Francisco - Richard Lewis - SP (Richard Lewis-Curb Your Enthusiasm) - Playing for the Giants has not appeared in a game yet.

[Jamee999]

3rd, 5th and 6th!

Brilliant draft, and Mr Bing going to his home town team...