The Story of Nelson Gore

[NYY #23]

It’s the bottom of the ninth inning of the World Series, and the Cleveland Indians are down 3-0 with the tieing run at the plate. After managing just 1 hit through the first eight innings, we managed a weak singles and then reached base on an error to start the ninth inning, putting runners on first and second. A botched sacrifice bunt and a strike out left the runners on first, with two outs in the inning. I'm sitting on the on-deck circle as Grady Sizemore steps to the plate, and the Met's manager makes a slow walk to the mound to bring in their closer, K-Rod.

The crowd at the Jake is going wild, chanting G-R-A-D-Y, G-R-A-D-Y, over and over and you can fill the electricity in the air, as the Indians try to come back and win their first World Series since 1948. As I stand in the on-deck circle taking a couple of practice swings, while K-Rod is warming up getting ready to face Grady Sizemore, it is the moment every kid dreams about, game 7 of the World Series, and getting to win the game. I know I've dreamed about this moment all my life, and since I was drafted by the Indians it has been the only thing I could think of, winning the World Series for the Indians.

I start to feel a little panic attack come on, and take a minute to look around the crowd, and find my wife and three kids in the stands, sitting next to my father and mother. Of course, I may never get my chance if Grady doesn't deliver, but I stop swinging the bat as I look to the field and see him step in to the batter's box, take a couple of practice swings, and step out again one last time and take a look into the dugout to get the sign, the green light to swing away if he sees a pitch he likes. The first pitch from K-Rod comes in high and tight as Grady steps back quickly and takes ball one and glares at K-Rod.

I try to calm my nerves, and study each and every movement K-Rod is making on the mound, from shaking off signs to the wind-up to the delivery. I must have been watching a little too closely, but the crack of the bat breaks me out of my trance as I see the ball travelling high and far down the right field line. You can almost hear the whole stadium holding their breath, but at the last minute the ball just curves foul, nothing but a long strike.

The next two pitches were inside fastballs, which were both fouled off, and the count was 1-2. Pitch number 4 was a hard curve that Grady swung and missed on, but the pitch hit the dirt and got past the catch, travelling all the way to the backstop. My heart skipped a beat when Grady swung and missed, but when I saw the pitch hit the dirt and skip back to the backstop as Grady took off for first base I felt some hope. He beat the throw to first by a half step, and the crowd went wild.

Not exactly how we would have wanted things to go in the bottom of the ninth, but bases loaded, two outs and the winning run coming to the plate, things could have gone worse. It was my turn now as I slowly walked to the plate. The crowd began chanting my name, N-E-L-S-O-N, N-E-L-S-O-N, N-E-L-S-O-N………….to be continued

[NYY #23]

As I take the slow walk to home plate I quickly glance around the stadium, in the dugout, to first base, to second base, to third base, and to the scoreboard. Mets 3 Indians 0, bottom of the 9th, 2 out, bases loaded and I'm coming up to the plate as the winning run, facing one of the best closers in baseball, Francisco Rodriguez. A million thoughts are running through my head, but I just keep telling myself get a hit over and over again.

I get the sign, take the first pitch, and nod my head slightly. I don't know if it is nerves or if I truly understood what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't stop swinging when at the first pitch fastball down the middle of the plate, even though I fouled it off into the stands for strike 1. I stepped out of the batter's box, and took a couple of practice swings and if looks could kill I'd be in big trouble, because missing signs in the bottom of the ninth innings of the World Series isn't exactly a way to get in good with the manager, or your teammates. I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking, but I counted to ten slowly and stepped in the batter's box and waited for the next pitch, low and outside for ball 1.

Everything seemed to slow down for the next pitch, a slow breaking ball right over the plate, and I decided it was a good pitch to hit and let it rip, a long foul ball that brought the count to 1-2. The next couple of pitches were outside and I watched them go for balls two and three. Full count, bases loaded, down by three, and the crowd still chanting N-E-L-S-O-N as loud as they could.

The catcher visited the mound, discussing which pitch to throw next, and I stepped in and got a pitch I think I could hit, and had a great swing and hit the ball a mile. A grand slam that set-off pure pandemonium at the Jake, the Indians had just won the World Series. I already started to hear Queen's "We Are the Champions" being played over the intercom, as I made my way around the bases, savoring every minute of becoming a World Series hero for the Cleveland Indians.

I looked around the stadium and the fans were going nuts as I rounded third base and headed for home my teammates started gathering at home plate as I prepared to cross home plate and leap into the arms of my teammates as a World Series hero. As I heard Freddie Mercury belt out "No time for losers because we are the champions….of the WORLD" I felt a slap on my back and heard someone yelling Nelson louder and louder…...

[NYY #23]

"Nelson! Nelson! Nelson!! Would you wake up and shut off your alarm."

I opened my eyes disappointed, another night of my dream/nightmare where I was the World Series hero for the Cleveland Indians, the team that made me a millionaire.

"Did you have the same dream again?", my wife asked.

"Yes", I replied disappointedly, "hit a grand slam to win the World Series. Almost reached home plate this time though."

"Why don't you call the Indians, and see if they have some job for you. You can't stay away from baseball forever."

--------------------
And she was right, I couldn't stay away from baseball forever. I was the former first round pick of the Cleveland Indians, and moved quickly through the minor league organization. Destined for greatness they said, but that was five years ago. I was 23 years old, invited to spring training in Winter Haven, Florida. A freak injury, some said the worst they had ever seen sidelined me for the season.

Three operations and two comeback attempts later I walked away from the game I loved, defeated and disgraced, and just another statistic - one of the ones destined for greatness who never quite found their way. Maybe I never could cut it in the majors, but I never got the chance to try. I walked away from the game for good three years ago and never looked back, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

The Indians were great to me though, and always told me they would find a job for me in their organization if I ever wanted it, because they thought I had a lot of baseball smarts, and could be a good manager some day.

I invested my signing bonus well, had a good job, a good family, and lived a good life, but missed the game a lot, and knew I had to make the call. Maybe the Indians didn't have a job for me, but at least I could pick up the phone and make the call. The worst thing they could say is no, and I could go back to my life and stop wondering.

[NYY #23]

After two days of internally debating on whether to make the call, I finally got up the nerve to pick up the phone and make the call.

"Hi, this is Nelson Gore and I'd like to speak with Mark Shapiro. If he is busy I can just call back or leave a message, it isn't important at all. I'm sorry to bother you, I'll just try again later", I blabbered into the phone.

"Sir, just hold on one minute and I'll put you right through", the woman responded.

I felt like a complete idiot, and thought about just hanging up, but before I could Mark Shapiro was on the line.

"Nelson, it's nice to hear from you, what can I do for you?"

"Mr. Shapiro. I'm so sorry to bother you. If now isn't a good time I can call you back later."

"No Nelson, now is fine, what can I do for you?"

"Well, Mr. Shapiro, it is probably stupid of me to bother you, but last time we talked you told me that if I ever wanted a job in baseball to call you. I understand if you were just being polite, but I figured…"

"Nelson, don't say another word, come down to Arizona for Spring Training, we could always use good instructors for Spring Training. We'll see how things go, but we'll find a job for you. I've got to run, but I'll have someone get in touch with you with the details, and I look forward to seeing you again."

Before I could respond I heard the phone click, and sat for a couple of minutes staring at the phone. I'm heading back to the baseball field, now all I need to do is figure out how to be a spring training instructor.

[NYY #23]

I said goodbye today to my wife and kids and flew into Phoenix, Arizona to report to the Cleveland Indians minor league complex. It’s a couple of weeks before pitchers and catchers officially report for duty, but they wanted me to come in and meet some of the coaches, and start working with a couple of the players who have reported.

I'm still not sure where I'll be working this year, but I took a leave of absence from my job, just to keep my options open if things don't work out, and plan to be away from my family all summer. For the next few weeks or months I'll be living out of a suitcase and spending my time on the road. My family will down in Atlanta, Georgia, where I call home, or called home up until yesterday. After some lengthy discussions we decided it was best if I go alone, and my family stays in Atlanta for a couple of reasons - 1) I don't know where I'll be spending this year and 2) I have no idea how much I'll get paid, or what type of job security I'll have. For all I know I'll end up being the bat boy or the towel boy.

The Indians have given me a little bit of direction though, and they told me I'm probably going to be headed to a place called Mahoning Valley, Ohio, and working with their manager Travis Fryman. The Mahoning Valley Scrappers are the Indians short season A affiliate, and since I called pretty late that is the best they can do. I'll be working with their hitting coach Phil Clark, and get a chance to learn a little bit from the pitching coach Ken Rowe. Learning the ins and outs of how to manage a team. I'm scheduled to meet Travis Fryman today, along with the Indians director of player development, Ross Atkins, who really will be acting as my new boss. I'm both nervous and excited to get started.

[NYY #23]

I've been working hard all spring, helping the guys get ready for the season. My basic job description is to help out where I'm needed. I've spent all spring trying to learn as much as I can about coaching, teaching the young guys, and doing the best job I can possibly do. I've missed my family a lot though, and the days on the road are getting long. Its times like these that I realize I'm not as young as I used to be.

I've spent most of the spring wondering how I've been doing, and whether the Indians like what I've done so far. I haven't been getting much feedback, but today I got summoned by Ross Atkins, the director of player development. I thought they were going to let me go, and really that might not be a bad thing, at least I'd get back to the life I've gotten comfortable with. But I remembered I still haven't officially gotten my 2009 assignment.

Apparently there have been a couple of changes in the Indians organization, unexpected changes. Due to some reshuffling the manager for the rookie league, Ted Kubiak won't be back in that role this year. They really didn't tell me where he'll be, or what he'll be doing, but they told me that I'm going to get a shot managing the AZL Indians. It’s a rookie league team, so they don't start playing games until the end of June, and if you couldn't tell by the name, I'll be managing a bunch of rookies, fresh out of college, or high school, or whatever else they throw at me.

The nice part is I don't even have to leave Goodyear, Arizona, since the team is based here. I'll spend my time between now and the end of June in the Indian's extended spring training facilities. I guess its time to start looking for an apartment in Goodyear. The pay isn't great, but I guess everyone needs to start at the bottom.

[NYY #23]

For several versions now I've wanted to start at the bottom as a manager and work my way up. I always seemed to run into the same couple of problems, the AI drove me nuts with the shuffling of my players, I'd always seem to be short players, and after one season I could just about move up as far as I want, which just doesn't seem too realistic. Hopefully all three have gotten better in X, or at least since I've last tried this. I'll do my best to deal with the first two, and set-up house rules if I need to for the third problem, although I'm not sure if that is an issue this version or not. Just to keep some sort of sanity, I'll only go up one level at a time.

I started with the default 2009 rosters, and checked to see what teams were open, and put together a brief back story to somewhat make the story work. Pretty much all the settings are default. We'll see what happens, but the ultimate goal is to win a World Series, but we'll see what happens as we follow the trials and tribulations of Nelson Gore.

[NYY #23]

I'm not sure if I expected a big press conference or not after being named the manager of the AZL Indians, but I didn't get one. I didn't even get my name in the local paper, so pretty much nobody knows I'm here. I did at least get an office, and received a copy of my tentative roster. I was told to expect changes to the roster up until Opening Day, and even after that. I'll get an email when I'm losing a player, or getting a new player from the big boss, Mark Shapiro.

I almost choked when I looked at the roster though, because I had 9 middle relievers and 7 catchers. That was it. I thought there was a mistake so I emailed Mark Shapiro, which was my mistake. "I told you the roster isn't final and there will be changes. Plus it is your job to work with what we give you and win!" was all the email read.

The big leaguers are now gone though, and the upper level minor leaguers. What's left is guys that are injured, and guys that probably will never play in the major leagues, and coaches like myself. Hopefully the Indians will draft some good players in this years draft, and we'll have a good team. Opening day can't come soon enough.

[NYY #23]

The constant changes to the roster have finally stopped, and for the past week I've actually had some faces to put with names. We start our first series of the year today, against the AZL Padres. I still haven't figured out why each team is called the AZL fill in the blanks. How hard would it be to call them by the city they play in?

After spending some time with the team I think I've got a feel for some of the guys. 33 guys on the roster, and without playing "real" games its tough to know how well they'll perform, but here is what I've got so far:

Starting Rotation
Leon Ortiz - The Indians number 1 pick, just 22 years old. Has good command, but only has two pitches, a fastball and slider.
Brian Berry - 5th round pick out of high school - 17 years old. One word to describe him - "raw"
Casey Daigle - 28 year old worked all the way up to the majors in 2006 and fell apart last year in AAA. Sent down to work with the pitching coach, but won't be here long.
Dan Padilla - 20 year old, 7th round pick. Hasn't started recently, but the Indians want to see if we can stretch him out
Manny Montoya - 17 year old picked in 9th round. Didn't start his senior year in high school, but Indians think he can start

The other starting pitching candidates:
Ramon Asveldo - 22 years old. 13th round draftee. Hard worker with good forkball
Fred Davis - 18 years old. 25th round pick. Needs work
Cain Goodfellow - 19 years old. 21 round pick from Australia. Throws four pitches, none well
Harry Ledrew - 17 year old drafted in 27th round out of high school. Raw.
Kunimatsu Tsuchiya - 17 year old picked in 30th round. Smart kid from Japan.

Bullpen:
Grayson Barber - 22 year old lefty picked in 29th round
Scott Roehl - 27 year old moved up through organization and was sent down to be fixed by pitching coach
Andres Santiago - 19 years old. Played in Dodgers rookie league last year and released and signed on as minor league free agent
Takechi Hara - 22 year old drafted in 11th round. Closed in college. Hard worker and smart.


My line-up:
SS-Jose Ozoria- 17 year old from Dominican Republic. Needs to work on fielding shortstop position
C-Preston Bennett - 17 year old, third round pick. Defensively ready for next level, needs work offensively
RF-Abner Abreu - 19 year old returning to rookie league again for second year. Hit .251 with 11 homers last year
3B - Ralph Milligan - 21 year old, 6th round pick, good arm
1B - Augusto Ruiz - 18 year old, 4th round pick. Good power, needs to cut down on strikeouts
LF - Melaku Keter - 17 year old picked in 8th round. Drafted as catcher but will work on move to outfield
2B - Ivan Rodriguez - 19 year old picked in 15th round
CF - Jeff McCary - 18 year old picked in 12th round. Played catcher and first base in high school. Indians want to try him in center.

Bench:
C-Hector Cardenas - 19 year old 24th round pick - good bunter
C-Alfonso Castro - 18 year old 23rd round pick
C-Brad Smith - 17 years old. 20th round pick
C-Carlos Lopez - 21 year old. 22nd round pick
C-Charlie McCorkill - 17 year old 18th round pick
C-Jeremiah Brown - 17 year old, 14th round pick - Phoenix native
1B-Charles Johnson - 17 year old, 19th round pick
1B-Lyle Williams - 17 year old - 28th round pick
3B-Jose Alvarado - 21 year old - 26th round pick
SS-Pedro Casillas - 17 year old - 16th round pick
SS-Maxime Dallaire- 17 year old - 17th round pick

My initial take on my offense is I've got way too many catchers and only one true outfielder. I guess the Indians strategy was to draft a bunch of catchers and see who can stick. That won't help me much this year though.

At least the Indians don't have too high of expectations, I've been told that I should make the playoffs this season!

[NYY #23]

Today was my managerial debut in a home game against the AZL Padres. Just a couple of hints as to how the game went -
• My starting pitcher's ERA was 67.57
• That starting pitcher was the Indian's first round draft pick
• My second pitcher didn't retire a batter
• We gave up 9 run in the top of the first inning
• We committed two errors and gave up 15 runs, giving up 11 hits and walking 7
• We had a wild pitch, a past ball, and three hit batters

Things got so bad I had to bring in my game five starter to pitch 3 1/3 innings, but I'm pleased to say he didn't give up a hit. I'd love to say we had an offensive outburst and came back and won the game, but we didn't. We lost 15-4, and it'll be a long day. On the bright side, it can't get much worse than this (I hope….)

Season record: 0-1

[NYY #23]

After last night's thumping I got an email this morning with some player transactions. The funny part is the guys showed up at my office before I even read the email, but we have a couple new additions to the team -

MR - Franquelis Osoria - He signed with the Indians as a free agent, and pitched 60 innings in the majors last year, so I'm not sure why they sent him down to the rookie league. Maybe he'll be able to pitch 8 2/3 innings in tonight's game

1B - Buck Britton - Another free agent signing, he is a first baseman, but can play all the infield positions, and both corner outfield positions. 23 years old and spent last season at the rookie level

RF - Ruben Martinez - 22 year old free agent signing. The plus is he can play outfield. One more and I'll have a full outfield of players that can play the outfield!

MR - Manuel Pena - 18 year old reliever was sent down from the short season A team after posting a 1-2 record with a 6.14 ERA in 14 2/3 innings.

SS - Ricardo Rivera - 17 year old was sent down from short season A after struggling, 1-16, in 6 games

CL - Rob Bryson - 21 year old in fourth season.

C- Adam Abraham - what's a manager to do with just 9 catchers. Luckily they sent me another, a 22 year old who struggled last year in the rookie league, and struggled this year in short season A. At least I've got options when I have my all-catcher game

[NYY #23]

The GM giveth and the GM taketh away. I got a call this afternoon and was told some of the guys that were assigned to my team have been re-assigned. Here is who I'm losing:

MR - Franquelis Osoria - Maybe he won't be able to pitch 8 2/3 innings tonight

1B - Buck Britton - My utility player who can play all infield positions, and the corner outfield spots.

RF - Ruben Martinez - Back down to one outfielder who can play the outfield.

RF - Abner Abreu - Well, make that down to no outfielders who can play the outfield. A.A. did score one of our 5 runs during our season opener though. At least I've still got 10 catchers.

On to the game, well I said yesterday that I didn't think it could get any worse, today's starter for the Indians was young Brian Berry, making his professional debut. He got into a little trouble in the first, giving up 1 run, but we managed to take our first lead of the season, and my career, in the bottom of the first scoring three runs, on three errors. Two by the pitcher. Talk about a bad day.

Young Brian Berry couldn't hold the lead in the second though, and fell apart in the third. We continued to battle back until the bottom of the sixth, when we tied the game at 9. (It wasn't a pretty game!)

I'm still trying to get a feel for my team, and I brought in Scott Roehl for the seventh. I figure he is 27 years old, so he should be doing well. I personally don't think a 27 year old has any business being on a rookie team, but I'm not the GM. If they give me the guys I'll play them, especially trying to pick up my first win. It must have been karma though, because Roehl struck out two before giving up the go ahead run. The bullpen didn't allow another run after that, but we couldn't manage another run either, losing 10-9.

Frustrating to say the least. Of course I made a couple of dumb managerial decisions. Calling for a hit and run with one out in the bottom of the eighth with one on - swing and a miss caught stealing. After a leadoff single in the bottom of the ninth I brought in what I thought was my best bunter, but he fouled off the first two pitches before grounding into a weak double play. Nothing like on the job training….

Season record: 0-2, .000

(Nothing more frustrating than having a crash wipe out a game, an 11-1 win none the less. My fault for not saving though.)

[jtb]

I am enjoying the write-ups. Good job!

[NYY #23]

Originally Posted by jtb

I am enjoying the write-ups. Good job!

Thank you! I'm having fun with it so far, I'm glad someone is enjoying it.

[NYY #23]

Today is the finale of the Padres series, and I got another couple emails to let me know of changes to my roster. For whatever reason the Indians decided to release a couple of my players:

Rob Bryson - a 21 year-old closer. He hasn't gotten into a game yet for me though.

Scott Roehl - a 27 year-old middle reliever. I can understand not wanting a 27 year-old playing in the rookie league, so no problems there.

Shortstop Ricardo Rivera was promoted to short-season A. He was 2-4 with 1 RBI and 2 runs scored in one game for the AZL Indians.

We got back two players -

RF-Abner Abreu - he barely made it out of town yesterday, but he is back. Hope he has a good frequent flier program. He was 0-3 in his one game for us, but scored a run. Bad news all around for Abreu, he learned last night that his grandmother passed away. He seems like a good kid, but he wants to play tonight.

MR-Scott Elarton - a thirty three year old middle reliever who pitcher for the major league Indians last season. The Indians signed him to a minor league contract, so I guess they wanted to make sure he was ready. I thought 27 was bad.

I've got to learn not to question the moves, or else I'll lose my sanity…

On to the game -

The 28 year old Daigle pitched well tonight, going six innings while giving up just one run. Ramon Asveldo and Fred Davis both pitched in relief, and neither gave up a run. It was nice to see some good pitching for a change. In what will hopefully become a trend we managed to outscore our opponent for what they call a win. My first as a manager, hopefully the first of many more, a 5-1 win.

Although Phoenix in June I could do without. The people that say that its not the heat it’s the humidity have obviously never been to Phoenix in June. The only word I can describe it by is sauna. I'm not sure how these kids manage to play in this heat. I've gained a new appreciation for skipping rookie ball as a player.

Season record: 1-2, .333

[NYY #23]

Before we get to the game, in what has become a daily tradition, the transactions.

Goodbye again to Abner Abreu. He's off to be a Mahoning Valley Scrapper one more time. I probably shouldn't say goodbye just yet, he has already come back once already, so you never know. So much for having an outfielder on the roster.

Scott Elarton was also promoted. He didn't get in a game, but I found out later that he should have pitched in last night's game. Apparently the rookie league is a common stop for rehabbing players. I didn't even realize he was rehabbing, or that we'd be seeing rehabbing players until today though. I must have missed that memo.

The Indians also signed another veteran middle reliever, Rick Bauer. I got an email earlier today that he was coming to my team, then another email later in the day that he wasn't. Instead we'll be getting 24 year old Mike Finocchi who has pitched six scoreless innings in short season A this year. I wonder what you have to do to get a promotion if pitching six scoreless innings gets you demoted.

The heat of Arizona must be getting to my mind, or someone else's mind. Another thing I learned today is that there is no paid admission to our games. Apparently nobody in their right mind would pay money to sit outside and watch us play when the average high is 103.

Today was the fourth in a row against the Padres. After the disappointing debut from our number one pick Leon Ortiz in which he only lasted 2/3 innings, we wanted to give him the ball again, since it was his scheduled day to throw anyway. He was on a tight pitch count, but he did manage to pitch 3 1/3 innings, and only gave up 3 runs, lowering his ERA for the year to 18.00. Five relievers came in to finish the game, and despite giving up 4 runs we managed to hold on and win 10-7 to pull even for the year.

Our offense did well, with 12 hits, including three home runs, by Jose Ozaria, Ralph Milligan, and Pedro Casillas.

Our defense continues to worry me. We made another error, and it just doesn't seem like we are getting to balls we should. The hazards of having no 'true' outfielders I guess.

Season record: 2-2, .500

Up next we go on the road to take on the 0-4 Royals.

[NYY #23]

First, our daily transactions -

MR - Mike Finocchi was released, he was 1-0 in 2/3 innings pitched. Just for the record, he was responsible for 1/2 my wins!

MR - David Roberts was added, from short season A, after putting up a 6.06 ERA in 32 2/3 innings. Roberts is 22 years old.

We also lost catcher Preston Bennett, who was 3-12 in 3 games. He was shipped off to short season A, and we received 2B Lurvin Basabe, a 19 year-old switch hitter. We are now down to our starting catcher, and eight backups at catcher. If I didn't have to have them play the outfield I could have each of them catch an inning.

Something about going against an 0-4 team made me nervous. 19 year-old Manny Montoya took the mound, and set the tone for the game. Unfortunately, it wasn't a good tone. Montoya gave up 5 runs in 4 1/3 innings, but wasn't our worst pitcher of the game. Our relievers gave up 3, 4, and 4 earned runs respectively, which led to a lopsided 16-3 game.

Our offense was horrible, only managing three hits, and this was a game I'd really like to forget. To make matters worse, one of our players, Jeff McCrary got taken off the field. Luckily it was a relatively minor ankle injury.

Season record: 2-3

[NYY #23]

The transactions:

The recently added reliever, David Roberts was released today. He didn't get in a game for us.

We received 28 year old middle reliever Rich Rundles from AAA. He is 2-4 with a 5.65 ERA in 28 2/3 innings this year.

If yesterday's game wasn't bad enough, today's game made me wonder if I'm cut out for this. We lost 22-5. We committed 4 errors. We gave up 13 runs in the bottom of the eighth. Our starting pitcher only lasted three innings, and my already overworked bullpen got lit up.

Probably the only bright spot was the play of Lurvin Basabe, who went 2-5 with a home run and three RBI. If things stay this bad I'm going to get fired soon.

Season record: 2-4

[NYY #23]

Only one transaction today, as middle reliever Rich Rundles was released. He got in just one game for us, yesterday's blowout, giving up 2 runs in 1 1/3 innings, which surprisingly was one of the better performance by a pitcher.

Today we celebrated the Fourth of July in style, by imploding the bullpen. At least it felt that way. Brian Berry got the call as today's starter, and while he didn't pitch spectacular, he kept us in the game through 4 innings, giving up 3 earned runs and leaving with a 4-3 lead.

Unfortunately he threw a lot of pitches and tired quickly, so I had to turn it over to the bullpen early. I haven't found anyone I really trust yet in the bullpen. After giving up 7 runs in relief tonight that won't help anyone's case. Another big loss, this time 11-3.

Just as a reference point, there are 11 teams in the Arizona Rookie League. We are 11th in batting average with a .260 average, and 10th in ERA with a blistering 9.45 ERA. The breakdown between starters (9.13) and relievers (9.66) isn't much better. We rank 10th in all pitcher categories, except for leading the league in strikeouts. But we also rank 10th in OBP, 10 in slugging percentage, 8th in runs scored, and 9th in hits. We've been outscored 82-39. We won't even talk about defense after making the second most errors in the league. Are we really this bad? Am I really this bad? Am I going to get fired? Would it be a bad thing if I got fired?

Season record: 2-5

[NYY #23]

I'm feeling pretty down today. Practice didn't go well, and it seems like we've got too many guys that just don't care. I miss my wife and family, and I'm thinking this "managing" career was a mistake. None of the guys on our team seem to have that fire, and determination to succeed that you see in real good players. My coaches used to tell me I had it, and I've seen it in guys I played with, like Grady Sizemore, when we played together in the minors.

There are days when it hurts to walk, and it really hurts to see these guys out here playing, and not giving it their all. I don't know if it was my feeling down, or my frustration over how we play, but I called my first team meeting before today's game. One of those closed door ones, where I just lit into my team. I used to hate when we needed one of those team meetings, but it just had to be done.

I don't know if it worked or it was just coincidence, but it looked like everyone was playing a little bit better today. Casey Daigle got the ball today, and made his second start for us. He actually looked pretty sharp out there today, and threw 5 2/3 innings, and struck out 9 batters without giving up a run. He left us in pretty good shape, and our bullpen came threw today to hold the lead. When things got tough in the sixth inning I brought in my closer, Takechi Hara to get out of a jam. Not only did he do that, but he pitched another scoreless inning.

Our offense added a couple insurance runs to make it 4-0 going into the eighth. Jose Alvarado hit a home run. We gave up one, and scored one more, but left with a 5-1 win.

Season record: 3-5