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Old 08-19-2011, 11:38 PM   #81 (permalink)
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The little logo behind the plate!

After 80 posts in this thread, we finally will see an actual ballgame with a sphere thrown and a stick swung. Strange to think that almost a month ago this thread began, and thereís still not been a regular season game played. It's been one heck of a ride, that's for sure, and I'll miss it, in a tiny way. But I'm certainly happy to see the players we've talked so much about finally do something for once.

But here we are, and every morsel of information possibly provided has been. We oppose the kind of the hill, the Reds, with the hopes of dethroning them. Edison Volquez takes the hill for Cincinnati, bringing his 94 mph heat and devastating change-up to the hill with him. Pitching for our Crew is the one starter who would find a job for the Redlegs in Yovani Gallardo. Maximizing the 32 starts or so that we do get out of him is key to this team going anywhere, and a win here would be one heck of a start to doing just that.

The Redlegs run out to the PA Announcer yelling ďThe Defending NL Central Champions,Ē the crowd goes wild, and Edison takes the hill. Denard Span, newly anointed center fielder, digs in, and he takes a hack at Volquezís first pitch and pops out to Drew Stubbs, who closes his glove on the red-stitched baseball for out #1 of the new year. Anyone who says the first pitch of a season is a good indicator of what will happen the rest of the year will be shot, right away. Jack Wilson (why the heck did I bat him second?) and Ryan Braun follows the cool kids with the out making thing, but they do run his pitch count toÖ8. Great job, guys!

Stubby decides to be clever on the 25 year old Mexicanís first delivery, attempting to bunt for a hit. Gallardoís quick enough to throw out the speedy Texan at first, and itís one pitch, one out for them too. Chris Dickerson fights off two tough pitches, but ultimately Yovaniís overpowering stuff is too much for him and he goes back to where he came from without a fair ball in sight. The Canadian First Basemen at least gets the ball past the pitcherís mound, but itís an easy catch for Corey Hart and thereís still no runs on the board after 1. Whatís the wait, people?

The second inning follows suit, although both teams do get their first base runner of the season. Casey McGehee walks for us, but Rickie Weeks and Corey Hart look great in becoming strikeout victims #2 and #3 of the game. Jay Bruce strokes a single to lead off the bottom half, but Hacking Juan Francisco grounds into a double play, and the third inning is upon us.

The third inning brings hope for the Milwaukee bunch, with Soto (why did I bat him 8?) duck snorting a bloop into right. A hitís a hit, and thatís our first of our season. Edison Volquez momentarily pitches like Rick Ankiel, allowing Gallardo to sac bunt, throwing a ball 10 feet over poor John Bakerís head, and walking Denard Span. The wild pitch and walk makes it first and third, one out, andÖcrap. Jack Wilson up.

ďWilson has not lifted the bat off his shoulder yet in this at-bat, an interesting tactic but one that has worked for him, as the count is 3-1. Unless Volquez wants to mess with Ryan Braun with the bases loaded, he should probably throw a strike here. Volquez goes with a slide step, deliversÖWilson hits this ball in the air, definitely not a hit but certainly deep enough to score Soto. Stubbs catches, but only returns it to Frazier at shortstop as Geo scores to make it 1-0, and the Brew Crew have scored their first run of the season.Ē

At the rate Gallardoís going, with two Kís in the third, thatíll be all we need to win this game. Instead, Prince Fielder pulls a deep fly ball to right field. It doesnít look good enough to get over, but remember, this is Great American Ball Park. It just gets over in the bullpen, and Nick Masset is the lucky one to get a souvenir. Instead of doing anything else to try and extend the lead, all we get is a Corey Hart hit by pitch. My little league coach chimes in ďDonít rub it!Ē but it doesnít really matter if he rubs it or not, because it doesnít lead to anything.

Gallardo is rolling, one of those games where heís throwing darts and generally is unhittable. Itís a beautiful sight, and itís even more beautiful when he makes Joey Votto, Drew Stubbs, and Juan Francisco look like they're facing Bugs Bunny in striking out in the fourth and fifth. Itís still 2-0, and at this rate we could play 18 innings and that lead would be safe. Overconfident, maybe, but we havenít given up a run yet this season.

Volquez is the kind of pitcher that seems like things can blow up in his face at any point, and when Ryan Braun opens up with the sixth inning with a sharply hit single up the middle, it seems like this could be our breakthrough. Too bad Fielder is told good morning, good afternoon, and good night, and McGehee flys out easily. Weeks legs out an infield hit, and Corey Hart has a chance to open up the game. You thought he was going to get a hit, didnít you? Strikeout, still 2-0.

A double by Frazier and Friends with 1 out in the bottom of the sixth is the first time a Red has touched second base since last October. Easy to forget how it feels, isnít it? Miami product Yonder Alonso, moon lighting as pinch hitter, makes a Productive Out (TM) to put a runner on third, and Iím worried. What the heck is wrong with Yovani? Instead of alleviating my woes, he walks Drew Stubbs, whoís about as fearsome as a small kitten. Rawr! Gallardo falls behind 2-0 to Chris Dickerson, and I think of pulling him or talking to him or doing something before his great start falls to pieces, but Dickerson does what Chris Dickerson does and makes an out. Whew.

We leave two more on in the seventh, but at this point Gallardo has gotten out of the jam and is rolling along. 1-2-3 to Votto, Bruce, Francisco very well may be the dagger here for the Redlegs.

That is, unless our 10 run outburst in the eighth isnít. Danny Herrera pitches like the little leaguer he looks like. He even walks two guys with the bases juiced, and that was the least of his (or the Reds) problems.

ďCasey McGehee steps up, and shakes his bat a little bit as he digs in. Jared Burton, a former Rule 5 pick, towers over the mound with his burly 6-5 build. Not pitching quite so intimidating right now as his height, as he and the 5-5 Herrera have given up 6 already. Throwing from the stretchÖHigh drive, left field, going back is DickersonÖGONE! Grand Slam for Casey McGehee, and this game is all over but the crying! 12-1 Milwaukee, and the fans are filing out rather quickly here after that blast.Ē

At that point, the fat ladyís vocal chords have warmed up, and are in the process of beginning her song. Gallardo is still on his game, and the only blemish is a pinch hit home run from a pinch hitting Wladimir Balentien. Iíll allow it, just for the reason that his name is Wladimir and thatís pretty awesome. Ace goes for a complete game, and the Reds go through 6 pitchers in total. They say Opening Day in baseball is like your birthday, and we just got the pony we always wanted for our birthday. Let's just hope we don't have to put it down after a week.



CIN 1 MIL 12

WP: Gallardo (1-0)- 9 innings, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 10 K, 1 HR, 1 complete destruction of the Reds hopes and dreams.

LP: Volquez (0-1)- 6 innings, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 1 HR. All things equal, he pitched pretty well, but when the buzzsaw of Gallardo is going through your line-up thatís not enough.

Game Ball to: Yovani Gallardo. Iíll normally reserve this space for a hitter, because the pitchers get their love in the winning pitcher segment. But Gallardo provided us with a performance that insured us a win, even if our offense doesnít show up. 10 strikeouts? Being drunk on Opening Day happiness, this kid is going to win 20 games this year. Heís on pace to go 162-0!
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Old 08-20-2011, 12:51 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Good start for the Brew Crew! Thats like a weeks worth of runs for the Mariners in one game. Gallardo is a great pitcher, so no surprize he had the Reds off balance all game. Looking forward to game 2 of the series.
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Old 08-21-2011, 02:53 AM   #83 (permalink)
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Good start for the Brew Crew! Thats like a weeks worth of runs for the Mariners in one game. Gallardo is a great pitcher, so no surprize he had the Reds off balance all game. Looking forward to game 2 of the series.
More like a month's worthGallardo is always going to strike a bunch out, and when he's walking one per nine nobody's going to score off him. Game 2, coming right up...
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Old 08-21-2011, 03:05 AM   #84 (permalink)
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All he does is WIN

Another day, another dollar, another game against the Reds. After a much-needed off day (snark snark) yesterday, we head back to the grind of the game. Aroldis Chapman pumps heat as hard as anybody, and his slider is as good as any breaking pitch youíll find in the game today. The good news is that heís a bit prone to giving up the long ball, and he has about as much control as someone thatís bipolar. Make no mistake; heís going to be a tough guy to hit, but there are cracks in his armor. Jonathan Niese gets his first chance to endear himself to the faithful today. Our #2 starter lost 15 games last year. Encouraging!

Encouragement doesnít come easy in this game, not when for the second straight day your #1 and #2 hitters make the first and second outs of the game. Denard Span and Jack Wilson better be the answer to the question who plays shortstop and center field well, because otherwise this seasonís going to go downhill rather quickly. Luckily, we still have Ryan Braun in the #3 hole. Remember how I said Chapmanís dinger-prone? Ryan Braun remembers, and thus we are up 1-0 after a half inning.

The Stubster dinks a leadoff single into right, and after a 7 pitch battle Chris Dickerson walks. Niese is looking more like a 20 game loser, and he looks even more like it when Joey Votto bounces a hard hit ground ball between first and second to score Stubbs. Itís the kind of hit that has a pitcher cursing his luck, but if he hadnít walked Dickerson and thrown a hittable pitch 1-2 to Stubbs we wouldnít be in this mess in the first place. Texan Drew scores, but Niese eventually escapes after inducing a double play from Brandon Phillips to end the inning.

Both offenses are just exhausted after that difficult first inning, and thus they decide that getting a scoring opportunity in the second, third, or fourth is for chumps, and no chumps are they. I donít really like the strategy as a manger, but as long as Jonny Baseball is holding the Redlegs at bay Iím fine with the proceedings.

Corey Hart has really had enough of this garbage, and opens up the fifth with a line drive in the outfield. Soto then flails at a back-foot slider, but a Niese bunt gets the runner into scoring position. Denard Span falls behind 0-2, and I start muttering and cursing at our poor luck. While heís doing that, I hear a hush from the crowd, and see Hart just slide in safely ahead of Ryan Haniganís tag. Span advances to second on the throw, but Jack Wilson

Hanigan leads off the lower half of the fifth with a hit, but the Cuban Missile Crisisí incompetence and a Short and Stubby double play ball quickly end the threat. Chapman, reeling from his failed bunt attempt, hangs a slider to Ryan Braun in the sixth, and Braun does what he does so often: takes him deep. Without him, weíd have one run, but two solo shots from the Hebrew Hammer have us up 3-1 and we like it just that way. Niese is still chugging along in the sixth, so that 3-1 lead is safeguarded, for the moment.

The Cuban Missile Crisis pitch count is nearing 100 and heís precocious youngster, but heís still out there. Geovany Soto singles, Jonathan Niese reaches because Juan Francisco is using his hat for a glove (you don't field your way off the island!), and all of sudden weíre in business. Span Kís, but thatís the last pitch for Aroldis, who really should not have been taken out here for the Hypothetical Small Forward Logan Ondrusek. If Dustyís going to leave him out there, at least let him get the Twig Handler Jack Wilson out. But something weird happens with the Small Forward pitching; the Twig Handler pounds a double over the right fielderís head, and two runs come around to score. The scoreís 5-1, and the Reds are all but done barring a bullpen collapse from us. Braun walks, but Fielder and McGehee continue their awful days with a pair of outs.

For a day, things are good in our awful pitching staff. Niese ends up finishing 7 very strong innings, Mustachio and Adam Miller both deliver scoreless innings, and we make it easy against the Redlegs. There will be tougher days, my friends, but for now bask in the glory of a 2 and oh start. Feels a lot better than oh and 2, thatís for sure, and thatís what the defending division champs have to deal with over in their locker room.



CIN 1 MIL 5

WP: Niese (1-0)- 7 innings, 6 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, more strikeouts please

LP: Chapman (0-1)- 6.1 innings, 6 H, 5 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, deserved better

Game Ball to: Jonathan Niese would be a very good choice, but the Hebrew Hammer was really our only offense most of the day, getting on base 3 times and hitting a pair of home runs. With momentum shifts and what not, this ballgame probably has a different result if he doesnít do what Ryan Braun does best.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:03 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Red Dead Redemption

The series against the Reds concludes today, as we try and go for the sweep in Cincinnati. The Reds are a proud club, and something tells me they wonít be happy with us stomping them in the opening two games. That doesnít mean much in itself, but I donít have a good feeling about this game. Something about the 16 mile per wind, or something to do with the fact that our pitching hasn't exploded yet.

Aaron Harang has been a Red since 2003, 8 years ago. He was 25 then, clean shaven and a fresh face. Heís 33 now, his velocity down, he rocks a grizzly beard, and heís an experienced vet with a long-term extension. Itís a sweet life, and heís still pitching pretty well too. Opposing him is 32 year old Erik Bedard, who pitched poorly in spring training, and poorly last year. Letís hope that the Peopleís Cherce's poor pitching doesnít continue.

Denard Span opens the game in grand fashion, smacking a double into the right field corner and watching Wladimir Balentin fumble around with it. Not wanting Jack Wilson to ground into a triple play, we have him bunt, and thatís the one job he is capable of doing. Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder get paid a lot of money to hit in this situation, runner on third and looking to take a lead, but instead they do a spectacular job of not getting the run. Hammer hits a comebacker, and Fielder strikes out taking a mighty hack. Well played, Harang.

Stub tries to bunt for a hit again to open a game, but Bedard does a little twirl around to throw him out at first. Tough play for a lefty. The excitement over that is dampened by a Dickerson single and a Joey Votto base on balls. The Peopleís Cherce hears Big T cheering for him in the stands, though, and strikes out the next two batters to escape this little jam of his own.

Geovany Soto lets Lemon Harang Pie get ahead 0-2 to open the third inning after a scoreless second, just to lull him into a false sense of security. Successfully lulled, Pie hangs a curve and Soto makes him pay for it with a solo shot. The offense isnít done, though, and Denard Span and Jack Wilson hit a pair of singles after a Canadian strikeout. Braun beats out a potential double play ball, but itís all for naught after Fielder chokes in the clutch. TRADE HIM FOR CASEY KOTCHMAN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Bedard commits the cardinal sin of walking the pitcher to open up the bottom of the third, and it gets worse when Drew Stubbs hits a single over the head of Rickie Weeks, and itís first and second, no out. Dickerson hits with the donut still on his bat, or some other oddity, because he strikes out. When a double play could get The Peopleís Cherce out of it, instead Joey Votto hits a double, with no word attached to the end of it. The run scores, and we canít see the light of the tunnel quite yet. Balentien does strike out, well on his way to some kind of sombrero that reminds him of home, and Todd Frazier steps in.

ďFrazier points his bat at Bedard a bit, looking for the knock to give his team the lead. Bedard from the stretch, takes a cursory glimpse at Votto and Stubbs. The 1-1ÖBASE HIT! Fielder canít get his body up in the air quick enough, itís over his head. Hart cuts it off, but not before Votto comes around to score from second. Itís 3-1 in favor of the Reds after a Todd Frazier single, and Bedard is shaking his head in disgust.Ē

Rolen flies out to end the inning, but our offense is pretty demoralized by falling behind. They do get a run back in the sixth, but not after some muffing of the ball from the normally sure-handed Paul Janish. Hart grounds out to Frazier to score Fielder, but the Hypothetical Small Forward quickly disposes of Soto to end that threat and keep the score 3-2.

Adam Miller, coming off a scoreless ninth inning last night, walks Scott Rolen on four pitches to open the sixth. He then falls behind Ryan Hanigan 3-1, and I make the call to the pen and tell them to get somebody, anybody, a live body, up in the pen. Before his replacement is ready, the banjo hitting Hanigan deposits one in the left field bleachers and weíre behind 5-2. Millerís not done quite yet, either, as he lets Neifi Perez, oops, Paul Janish, come around to score later on in the inning as well.

Our offense doesnít get a baserunner in the seventh or eighth, although they do get two on in the ninth. The Reds even bring out their closer Nick Masset to end the threat, and he quickly disposes of Denard Span via the strikeout to end the game and cost us a potential sweep. Meatloaf!

CIN 6 MIL 2

WP: Harang Pie (1-0)- 5.2 innings, 6 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 6 K, 1 HR, 106 pitches of a solid effort

LP: Bedard (0-1)- 5 innings, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 4 BB, 5 K, typical Erik Bedard

SV: Masset (1)- one batter, one strikeout

Game Ball to: Daniel Schlereth and Kelvin Pichardo both gave us a scoreless inning in relief, long after the game was decided. They both even got a strikeout!
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:52 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Hey, who knew you would pick Meatloafs "2nd best" baseball song...

So the Brew Crew goes into Cincinnatah and take two out of three, thats not bad...

And my Canadian boy Votto plays a hand in beating my other Canadian boy Bedard...

Good start buddy... who's up next?
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Old 08-24-2011, 02:06 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Hey, who knew you would pick Meatloafs "2nd best" baseball song...

So the Brew Crew goes into Cincinnatah and take two out of three, thats not bad...

And my Canadian boy Votto plays a hand in beating my other Canadian boy Bedard...

Good start buddy... who's up next?
2 out of 3 ain't bad...

Up next, well you'll find out soon enough, after I proofread and bold and color. Tell Votto to take it easy, ok? I don't need my prize signing dealing with nationality problems. Long process, I know, but it's the life we lead.
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Old 08-24-2011, 02:23 AM   #88 (permalink)
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What the...

I’m writing this now, when I should be doing one of my million other responsibilities, but something draws me here, and here I am. This is probably going to be the least game recap of the game recaps, because to be quite frank I’m in no mood to talk about anything with any sort of order. Are you looking forward to a disjointed mess yet? WOO!!

Who the heck are we playing today? I wouldn’t know, I’m just some procrastinating SOB. Hmm…how was your day today? Mine was okay, I guess. Why does everybody lie when they’re asked that question? Maybe people just like avoiding awkward questions (trust me, I do the same a million times a day), but if it’s a genuine question, why not tell the truth? It’s almost a reflex to say ‘ok’ or ‘good’ or some one word variation that sure ain't the truth. Come on, people. Let’s see…we’re playing the Pittsburgh Pirates. Fun group, they are, even if they do start some Princeton elitist Ross Ohlendorf today. We start cursed Stanfordite Greg Reynolds today, so we’re not much better.

Sheesh, Greg Reynolds is terrible. Some shmuck Giant fan in California thought he could catch lightning in the bottle with this kid, but a control pitcher walking two guys, one with the bases loaded? Some idiot, the kind of guy who avoids responsibilities at 10:27 at night. Well, back to my work, for now. My brain is relieved, but this is a mere temporary state. By the way, Ramon Ramirez sucks and god damn the Padres are annoying. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Faceplam!

I’M BACK HOPE YOU DIDN’T MISS ME TOO MUCHZ! I’m a train wreck tonight, spiraling in a direction unbeknownst to anyone. BB, error, groundout does Rule 5 POS in in the second, making 2-0 before the second inning. My day sucked, thank you very much. A runner gets thrown out at home for us in the top of the third, I think it was the Other Rule 5 POS and we’re not talking about Nelson, so it’s still 2-0.

Garrett Jones and Pedro Alvarez pop solo home runs in the third, and my god this is an awful performance. I had an awful day, not a lot of good stuff and a lot of stress. Not feeling eloquent enough to say anything but things will be better tomorrow, but probably not with Randy Wolf going.

The Princeton douche bag is shutting us down, not giving up anything except for a bunch of runners in scoring position and no hits while they’re there. Sometimes people freeze up, whether it be in front of a banquet of eager execs or with a runners on first and second, two outs. Sorry, Derrick Mitchell, but you’re just sputtering on stage and making no sense and maybe you should just take your award and go sit with your embarrassed co-executives. Ryan Braun’s about as red as a tomato right now.

Ryan Braun is the next to get booed off stage, after choking with Rickie Weeks on second in the fifth and two outs. Who the hell is Ryan Ohlendorf? Why is he shutting us out? When it rains, it pours, but alas, no rain delay.

Pat Summit has early onset dementia. How awful is that? Life isn’t fair. Puts things like the Giants losing because of Ramon BLEEPING Ramirez in perspective, doesn’t it? While baseball is still the greatest game in the world, it still’s not life, and losing 4-0 or 7-5 after a bullpen collapse still isn’t as bad as finding someone you don’t know has an awful, bad, terrible disease. No matter what any baseball player does on the field, it doesn’t mean much compared to what they do off the field. It’s not easy to remember that, which is why we love rapists and hate the nice guy who donates to charity. It’s just a game after all, even if it’s a game that generates millions of dollars. Entertainment is just that, entertainment, and it doesn't cover for any flaws in personality.

Proving miracles still can happen (hopefully Summit gets one!), our offense shows signs of life in the sixth. Even though the Veggie Burger flys out, I stub my So Toe and he doubles. Jack Wilson hits a sac fly of sorts, and Brad Nelson delivers the knockout blow to the Ivy Educated with a single. Suck it, higher education!

Javier Lopez comes in, and his catcher, a guy who fields like he’s eating with chopsticks, muffs a swinging bunt from Mitchell, so we still have life. Even though he’s smiling on second base like a kid who got away with stealing a cookie from the jar, he’s playing pretty dang bad today. Corey Hart’s pinch hitting like a good soldier, and he singles to bring in the Rule 5 Duo. That’s 3 runs in an inning, 3 more than we had before, and maybe this game won’t be as crappy as my day.

Chase Wright magically gets through the sixth, even though he’s terrible. Sheesh, he is bad, but he even gets through the seventh too. Wright’s probably a good guy, though, even if he might be a bit quirky and aloof; most lefties are, and I’m sure Chase is no different. I’m his manager, so we’re on a first name basis here. No, you can’t talk to him, he’s mine. Although for the price of one mediocre prospect, he can be yours!

It’s the ninth inning now, I know I’m skipping around here, and the gas thrower Octavio Dotel is on. Like that douche bag in little league when we’re losing 18-2 in the third inning, I see Corey Hart packing up his bags. No matter that his time in the game ended earlier; for the sake of superstition, I tell him to get up on the dugout steps and cheer on his club. Rickie Weeks gets plunked by that *#*$@ Dotel, and Braun moves him to second with a non-bunt. Veggie Burger is feeling aggressive today, attracted to the scent of 95 mph heat like he’s attracted to tofu. He uncurls the most ferocious swing you’ll see, and it’s a bomb to center field. PNC’s deep to center, though, and the stud Andrew McCutchon is tracking back. Like many of my ventures, this appears to be good but not good enough, and then the ball bounces…on the other side of the fence. Never give up! This will get done, even it takes all night!

The Decaying Corpse of David Riske comes on, as the de-facto relief ace. It starts innocuous, like that gnawing problem in the back of your head, and then it gets bigger when Dotel (Dotel?) bunts, and all of a sudden the Should Have Been Gator (that’s McCutchon) hits a double to tie the game. Like I said, never give up…silly, silly me.

But have no fear, Derrick Mitchell is here! Like any good hacker, he swings at the first pitch, and all of a sudden a stunned crowd rises in disbelief…Clutch Jesus has gone deep! Who cares about a Decaying Corpse or a Veggie Burger, we’re winning again!

Kelvin Pichardo follows the script of Riske, at least until the double. Ryan Rohlinger is no stud, and after a little bit of extra baseball we get ourselves a win. It may be fictional baseball and most certainly not real life, but for this moment in the time I’m *%$#@!& the prom queen and on top of the world. It doesn’t make up for the real life, not in the grand scheme of things, but it sure is a lot of fun in the moment.



PIT 5 MIL 6 (10)

W- Riske (1-0)- 1 inning of a blown lead. Worthy of a blown save, which he got, and a Scarlet Letter (okay book, I guess) on his chest.

L- Dotel (0-1)- LOLYOU

SV- Pichardo (1)- 1 inning, 1 very hard, very strikeout worthy fastball

Game Ball Goes to: Derrick Mitchell. He may not have been not having his best day, but as we learned today you can’t give up on anything. Miracles do happen, even if it’s a 24 year old from Paw Paw, Michigan, hitting his first big league home run in the tenth inning of a meaningless April game. It may not mean much, but it sure does provide a lift, and that's what our club (and their manager) needed today.
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Old 08-24-2011, 11:32 AM   #89 (permalink)
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Although the score says 6-5 for the Pirates, I take it you won. Who is Pat Summit, the Basketball coach?

You must have had a tough day... the Princeton Douchbag? That was hilarious. Riske gets the win.... but still no respect..

Good luck next in the next game.
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Old 08-25-2011, 10:12 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Although the score says 6-5 for the Pirates, I take it you won. Who is Pat Summit, the Basketball coach?

You must have had a tough day... the Princeton Douchbag? That was hilarious. Riske gets the win.... but still no respect..

Good luck next in the next game.
I lied to you...has since been corrected, so now you look look the fool

It was just a bunch of stress piled on at the wrong time, but that's the way life works. Without stress, the good times wouldn't be so good. The great nicknames come better when writing out of anger, I guess, and if you were relying on David Riske as closer you wouldn't be giving him respect either

Thanks for the comments as always Big T. I wish there was more commenting in this section in general; it seems like many just dump their dynasty in here and don't really bother to take a look at what others are doing. There are some great dynasties, but they are sadly uncommented on oftentimes. I'm glad that you're along for the ride Big T, and that you're an active member of the community. Hat tip to you sir.
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Old 08-25-2011, 10:45 PM   #91 (permalink)
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He Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea

After yesterdayís incredible strange post, regularly scheduled programming is back at you. Unless I decide to go crazy in the middle of the post, we should be focused on the things that actually happen on the field of play today. Weird idea, I know.

Iím a procrastinator, and I donít want to watch Randy Wolf pitch. The solution? Send Yovani Gallardo out on regular rest. Off days arenít so bad, you see. Coming off a dominating Opening Day showing, Gallardo looks to harness the control he had 5 days ago and deliver another dominating performance. The Duke of Pittsburgh probably isnít actually rich, but itís a fitting name for Zach. He is making 6.45 million; if he was true royalty, heíd make at least 10.

The weatherís poor, which favors hitters as the ball can get a bit slippery out there. A light drizzle is falling, but at the moment it should not delay the game. The weather doesnít affect East Coast Royalty, as he strikes out Denard Span on three pitches, but he does somehow give up a hit to former Buc Jack Wilson. Captain Jack is quickly erased by a Ryan Braun double play, started by none other than the Duke of Pennsylvania.

Alex Presley leads off the next half inning with a single, but a quick flyout by Andy LaRoche, former Dodger scum, calms the nerves. Andrew McCutchon hits a very deep flyball to center, but itís not out. Span misjudging the ballís flight and a funny hop off the wall give McBaller a triple and Presley a run scored out of the leadoff spot. Gallardo reminds us who he actually is by making Elijah Dukes and Garret Jones look silly with a pair of strikeouts. Pine, Meat.

The second is started by a Tofu strikeout, but Casey McGehee gets us quickly back on track with meat products with a Hot Dog single. Rickie Weeks follows with a Hamburger walk, and Hart follows with a Bacon flyout to advance McGehee. Soto hits a Carrot fly out to end the threat, though, and weíre all disappointed. Gallardo makes it look easy in the following frame, using 8 pitches to get two weak ground outs and a strikeout.

The Very Good Pitcher gets a single to lead off, and Wilson somehow gets another hit. Runners on first and second, one out, but Ryan Braun gives the Pirates two outs for the price of one, just cause heís nice like that. Heís done that twice now; giving to charity doesn't mean you have to go bankrupt doing it, Ryan. Gallardo walks three guys, including Zach Duke, just to mess with my poor head. That loaded the bases, the fool, but Elijah Dukes and Garrett Jones look like fools AGAIN with a pair of beautiful strikeouts. This Yovani character is pretty good, and it's hard to get mad at him when he's walking people like a madman when he can do things like this.

Fielder doubles in the fourth, squandered. Aki Iwamura doubles, but the Mexecutioner strikes out the side anyway, cause heís cool like that. Gallardo draws a walk because somebodyís got to play offense on this team, but a rain delay cuts the inning in half. By the time weíre back playing, former US President Steven Jackson is on, and he gets Braun to strand Gallardo at third. 0 for 3, 2 GIDPs, a million men stranded.

Clay Zavada has to pitch the fifth due to the rain delay, the mustached lefty, and while he does have some struggles he gets through unscathed. Rickie Weeks, inspired by Braun, grounds into a double play in the sixth. Our offense isnít doing so hot right now.

Garret Jones, tired of playing the fool to Gallardo, takes out his anger on the poor Clay Zavada. He opens the sixth with a home run, and given the way our offense is playing the 2-0 lead should be enough to win the game. Weíll keep playing though, and Zavada pitches his way through the rest of the inning. No relation to Andrew throws a 1-2-3 seventh, but Schlereth answers with a scoreless seventh. Weíre running out of time here.

Denard Span, with the platoon advantage over northpaw Joel Hanrahan, singles to open the eighth. Jack Wilson hits a tapper to Jones, but itís slow enough to advance Span. Braun pops up to continue his horrible bad no good day, and LOOGY Mitch Stetter comes on for the Veggie Burger. Instead of getting him out, he hits him, but Jerry Blevins get McGehee to pop out to the shortstop to end the threat. If thereís an argument for clutch actually exisiting, then watch us with runners in scoring position today. Itís pathetic.

Schlereth gets through the eighth, meaning we just need 2 to tie still. With the less than imposing Blevins on the hill I have faith. Two hits in our first three at-bats, from Corey Hart and Geovany Soto, keeps the faith. But Span strikes out, and suddenly weíre relying on the Twig Swinger to extend the game. He at least leaves the infield with a flyout to the retreating right fielder, thatís more than you can say for the rest of the team, but itís not enough to get us a run either.

PIT 2 MIL 0

W- Jackson (1-0)- 1.1 innings, 1 successful term as President of the United States

L- Gallardo (1-1)- 4.0 innings, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 8 K, 1 waste of a great performance

SV- Blevins (1)- Not Octavio Dotel

Game Ball toÖGallardo. 1 for 1 with a walk, thatís better than anybody else on our offense. If thereís no rain delay, he pitches 7 innings with 1 run allowed, we get to Zach Duke eventually, and we win this game. Best laid plans of Mice and Men donít always work out though, and we still got 157 to play. Iím not too worried.
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Old 08-26-2011, 11:00 AM   #92 (permalink)
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After pinning 13 on the Reds in the opener, your offense has produced 12 runs the past 4 games... ouch. You need to invited Cecil to the clubhouse and get his son mad....

Too bad Gallardo's start was wasted on a 4 inning rain delay... Thats baseball.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:54 PM   #93 (permalink)
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After pinning 13 on the Reds in the opener, your offense has produced 12 runs the past 4 games... ouch. You need to invited Cecil to the clubhouse and get his son mad....

Too bad Gallardo's start was wasted on a 4 inning rain delay... Thats baseball.
Cecil was in the clubhouse today. Prince didn't look too happy about that, but Derrick Mitchell looked happy as a clam to get his autograph. Are clams really happy though? Maybe that's a reason Prince is in the line-up today and Clutch Jesus is sitting on the bench, waiting for late inning clutch opportunities, but I prefer to view it as a cool experience for a 24 year old enjoying his brief stay in the bigs. Yovani was incredible (8 Ks in 4 innings????) but as we learn so often in all facets of really everything, things don't work out as planned always. Things don't get better though, because now the skipped Randy Wolf is pitching today. Looks like the Bucs will take this series
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:17 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Return of the Offense

Like the Jedi, we’re certainly hoping the offense makes a triumphant return after getting shut out yesterday by a Duke, a President, and a Hammer. I guess if they’re the Hammer, we’re the nail, if they’re the Duke we’re the serf (Feudalism all the way!), and if they’re the President we’re in the opposite political party. I’m not too mad at them, for now, but if Ryan Braun grounds into another double play I might have to kill him and recoup the money on his contract. Nothing personal, just business Ryan.

I’m all about winning series, and we have a chance to do that, despite a deflating 2-0 loss just a day ago. Meatloaf would be proud after all, cause 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Winning 2 out of 3 would be an amazing feat, though, mainly because Randy Wolf is going today, and that’s my least favorite day of the week. Duran Duran won 10 games a year ago, so maybe our hopes aren't dashed today. After all, Dana Eveland is the man of the hour for the Pirates, and he’s an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a sushi roll. Sushi wasn’t bad last year, but relief is a whole different game than starting, as is being good the day of purchase is easier than being good as left-overs.

Eveland generates a pair of groundouts and a strikeout to open the first, but at least the Hebrew Hammer doesn’t ground into another double play. Wolf also goes through the first unscathed, the only blemish a fielding error from Wickie Weeks. The second has Eveland giving up a pair of hits to Casey McGehee and Corey Hart, but Geovany Soto doesn’t do the job with two outs and we're still scoreless.

Andy LaRoche, of all people, opens the lower of the second frame with a double. Everyone congratulate him, that’s his first career hit in over 1,000 at-bats! My bitter sarcastic nature is at ease when Garrett Jones is retired by way of the strikeout, but the ferocious Mark Ellis steps up. No worries, amirite?

"Ellis up at the plate, the way this young man plays the game just warms my heart. Only 5-10, he just tries so hard and it’s inspirational to me. I think if everyone played the game like Mark Ellis, the game would be in a better place now. Man, I love this guy. He'll run into a wall for his teammates. And Ellis finishes his home run trot, and it’s 2-0 Pirates here in the second.

Yep, Mark Ellis, he of 3 home runs last year, took Randy Wolf deep. My head is about to explode, so excuse me for a second as I back away from the computer. I’m back now, after a visit with a psychologist and some serious therapy. I came to grips with it shortly after I realized that Randy Wolf is really just a Train Wreck of Epic Proportions.

The good news, is that Sushi Roll is more of the kind you buy and eat at a grocery store than you get at a high-quality sushi restaurant. I’m no sushi connoisseur, but Eveland is the kind that you take one look at it and chuck in the garbage. Maybe that’s how we score 9 runs in the fourth, a BIG INNING which is really a MONSTER INNING. The OOTP gods didn’t code that in the game, so we’ll have to settle for a 6-2 lead as Eveland exits with 2 outs. It didn’t have much to do with us; other than a Denard Span triple, it’s been singles and walks, with 4 walks already in the inning. Of course, US President is on to mop up, and the always dangerous Prince Fielder is up. Big T told me to bring in Cecil, and he looks just fired up about that. He blasts a 3 run home run, and all of a sudden a close game given Randy Wolf is on the mound is pretty much over. No way we blow this.

Shockingly enough, the Train Wreck of Epic Proportions spins a decent outing, Fielder takes the Trail of Tears Jackson deep again, and the team’s firing on all cylinders. That is, except for Jose Arredondo, who gives up 3 runs in the ninth to ruin our Pythagereon Record. Our offense appears to come in explosions; we’ve scored 25 runs in two games, and 13 in the other 4. Consistency, people!

PIT 6 MIL 12

W- Wolf (1-0)- 7 innings, 6 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 2 HR, Pitched even better than his line suggests

L- Eveland (0-1)- 3.2 innings, 6 H, 8 R, 8 ER, 5 BB, 4 K, throw out the Sushi Roll

Game Ball Goes to…How could it go to anyone but Prince Fielder? While his buddy in the middle of the order is hitting below the Mendoza Line, Tofu Lover hits a pair of home runs and drives in 4 runs. Poor Steven Jackson had to feel his wrath twice, and everyone knows hell wrath no fury like that of an Angry Vegetarian. That's a real Trail of Tears if I've ever seen one! Bringing in Papa Fielder sure seemed to work, and I’m going to have to listen to the resident Blue Jay fan a lot more often.
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Old 08-27-2011, 05:04 PM   #95 (permalink)
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I am glad I could help...

Did Cecil and Prince at least exchange words?

Well I don't know enough about what could fire up or a least get Ryan Braun pissed enough to get him going, but staying out of his 30th double play in a week is probably enough of a positive.

Richie Weeks needs to stop touching his dreadlocks, the Oils make the ball harder to handle...

Good luck next game..
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Old 08-27-2011, 09:29 PM   #96 (permalink)
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I am glad I could help...

Did Cecil and Prince at least exchange words?

Well I don't know enough about what could fire up or a least get Ryan Braun pissed enough to get him going, but staying out of his 30th double play in a week is probably enough of a positive.

Richie Weeks needs to stop touching his dreadlocks, the Oils make the ball harder to handle...

Good luck next game..
Appreciate as always, Big T. They might have, but given the way Prince hit the ball something tells me it didn't go too well.

Braun and Weeks will be fine; the Hebrew Hammer just needs some heating up and we knew coming in that the Oily Hands of Weeks would have some defensive problems but that he could do great things with the bat. Thus far, he's lived up to his end of the bargain.
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Old 08-27-2011, 10:05 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Welcome Home!

Home openers are always fun, unless theyíre on the road. I felt like Yogi Berra saying that, so indulge me for a second here. If you start a season 1-5 and the media hounds are down your back and the fans ain't happy and you play in a major market, is the welcome mat going to be rolled out? I think not. We came out of a 6 game roadie against all NL Central foes with a 4-2 record, and thatís fine by me. Miller Park should be raucous tonight in our favor, at the very least, which should be a welcome respite from the spitting crowds of Cincinnatah and Pittsburgh.

Iíve always found it fascinating when a pitcher throws a no-hitter and gives up a run. Itís a lot more interesting when they do that and lose. Scott Baker pulled off that dubious feat on 13th of the month, not allowing a hit and losing to the Indians. Howíd he do it? It actually happened in the first inning; Shin Soo Choo reached and made it to second on an error by the second basemen, Asdrubal Cabrera bunted him over, and Grady Sizemore hit a sac-fly. Fausta Carmona and the Cleveland bullpen were better that day, and the Touchdown Maker lost despite his feat. I believe that's the definition of a hard-luck loser.

The Cubs havenít won yet, dropping their opening 6 games of the season. With their best pitcher Carlos Zambrano on the hill, they might have a chance, but then again we do have our #2 slated in Jonathan Niese. Niese was dominating his last time against the Reds, and when an 0 and 6 team is in town I sure have a lot of faith in this young left hander.

Itís rare when you find two pitchers on form early in the same game, but thatís the case here. As a fan of the Giants and NL baseball, I appreciate myself a low-scoring pitching duel, and we got one here as itís 0-0 after three innings of play. Zambranoís obviously struggling, even letting a runner on second base. Thatís poor pitching, and Iíd cut him loose if I were managing the Bears.

Jonathan Niese blows our 0-0 game in the fourth, because he just lost his wits or some other excuse that doesn't involve mentioning that he's a pitcher and pitchers give up runs. A double from Jeff Baker the Touchdown Maker puts their first runner in scoring position of the game. A hit by pitch to Aramis Ramirez, and an error by the Sack of Crap shortstop loads the bases. Bases juiced and no one out means theyíre guaranteed to get at least one run, and they sure do. Justin Huberís single only scores one, as does Darwin Barneyís scrappy double play, but itís enough to give the Lovable Losers a 2-0 lead. Man, I donít want to give them their first win of the season.

Itís still scoreless on our side of a ledger as the bottom of the fifth inning begins, but itís still just a 2 run deficit. Those disappear quickly, but itís a poor start when Niese canít even pull off a sac bunt that gets Soto to second safely. Silly pitchers But Denard Span pulls one off the bag and into foul territory, and with former catcher Justin Huber chasing after it itís a relatively easy double, but Niese canít score. With the Sack of Crap hitting, I donít expect much. A double by The Twig Handler has two runs around to score, and suddenly it's a 2-2 game. Itís a whole new ballgame, even though itís really not.

Niese survives a leadoff double from Wide Receiver (heís wreaking havoc today) to keep the game tied, but we get nuthiní out of our end of the sixth either.

A pair of former injure-prone top prospects pitch the eighth; Adam Miller does just fine. Angel Guzman walks Jack Wilson, allow Ryan Braun to double (given the way he's been hitting, that's a remarkable feat), and IBBs Prince Fielder. Casey McGehee does some harmless groundout thingy that doesnít turn into a double play but doesnít score a run either. Oily Dreadlocks, as coined by Big T, steps in:

ďAngel Guzman is in a big load of trouble here, needing a strikeout, a pop-up, or a double play to escape here. Rickie Weeks isnít a big advocate of either one, although he has displayed some affinity for the strikeout. This at-bat likely decides which way this game will go. Guzman needs to be careful, with a 1-0 count: the pitchÖHIGH DRIVE, CENTER FIELD, Does it Have the Distance? ADIOS PELOTA! Rickie Weeks with a grand slam home run, and Bernie Brewer goes down the slide into the vat of beer for the first time all year! These fans are going nuts!Ē

From there, itís just a matter of the Decaying Corpse of David Riske getting 3 outs and not giving up 4 runs. He gives up one, off a Tony Gwynn Jr. double, but Wellington Castillo is retired to close the game and make the Cubs 0 and 7 on the season. It sure does feel good to be on the right end of these outcomes, and it's certainly feels better than what the folks in the Friendly Confines are going through.


MIL 6 CHC 3

W- Miller (1-0)- 1 inning, 3 K; dudeís nasty

L- Guzman (0-1)- .1 inning, 2 H, 4 R, 4 ER, 2 BB, 1 HR

Game Ball Goes toÖRickie Weeks, for sending 42,140 paying customers home happy. You donít see many salamis in the non-Steroid era, but when it does happenÖitís one heck of a thrill.
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Old 08-28-2011, 04:09 PM   #98 (permalink)
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°Ay, Caramba!

You, sir, are insane. Congratulations. LMAO, and I wish that wasn't just figurative, because I could stand to lose a few pounds back there. But that's neither here nor there.

Loved everything from "cash, which is just as good as money" to Stephen, er, John Baker the Touchdown Maker. I think my favorite, though, was this:
Quote:
Scout says: ĎA me-first sort of guyí. Iím a little bit surprised there wasnít a line saying ĎEveryone in the whole league hates himí, but maybe thatís in OOTP 12 and I just havenít bought it yet.
Dear Markus: Forget what I said about wanting full minors for historic games. Just make the scouts real snarky, and I'll pay for v. 12Öeventually.

Keep up the hatred of Joe Buck! Er, I mean the good work! That, too!
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Old 08-28-2011, 07:09 PM   #99 (permalink)
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You, sir, are insane. Congratulations. LMAO, and I wish that wasn't just figurative, because I could stand to lose a few pounds back there. But that's neither here nor there.

Loved everything from "cash, which is just as good as money" to Stephen, er, John Baker the Touchdown Maker. I think my favorite, though, was this:

Dear Markus: Forget what I said about wanting full minors for historic games. Just make the scouts real snarky, and I'll pay for v. 12…eventually.

Keep up the hatred of Joe Buck! Er, I mean the good work! That, too!
I'm not sure if to take the opening line as a compliment or an insult, but I'll take it as as compliment given the rest of the comment. Given my rail-thin frame, I could actually stand to gain some, so maybe I'm laughing my LMAO (Laughing My Ass On?)

I appreciate the kind words. I'm glad people find as much enjoyment reading this as I do writing it, because I find these kind of things as funny as you do. As for AJ, I think this says everything I could ever say. If he had some non life threatening condition that puts him out of baseball and the spotlight, the world would be a better place. I hate him so much, and this would be An OOTP 12 dynasty if it was included.

As for hating Joe Buck and doing good work, I believe those two are one and the same. Thanks for the comment!
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Old 08-28-2011, 07:28 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Why the Heck do we have an Off Day in the Middle of a Series?

As the title says, we have an off day, followed by two more games against the Cubs in the same place. It doesnít make sense to me either, but then again Bud Selig has shown time and time again that heís senile, and this is just further indication of that. When I complained to him, he muttered some gibberish about Henry Aaron and steroids. Instead of dwelling on poor Bud's condition, weíll take a look at some of the performances around the league in this space instead of a game.

We talked about Bakerís no-no, but the AL Central produced another gem in the form of Justin Verlanderís showing yesterday. The Rice product may have lost 16 games a year ago, but that was due to criminally bad run support and the BABIP fairies not giving him the magic dust. Heís still a terrific pitcher, as evidenced by his 8 innings, 1 run, and 8 strikeouts against Kansas City. Throwing shutouts against AA teams won't impress many, but a great performance nonetheless out of Verlander.

Banjo hitting Andres Blanco somehow drove in 4 runs and hit a home run yesterday for the Rangers. He had had two big league homers entering the year; he has two already this year, and weíre 5 games into the season. Baseball!

Jonny Gomes, and Felix Pie both hit two home runs on the same day, the day Clutch Jesus earned his Zebra stripes and hit a game-winning home run. Think about that; Jonny Gomes, Felix Pie and Derrick Mitchell hit a combined 5 home runs in one day. I donít know about you guys, but that and Andres Blanco is far more interesting than anything involving the Red Sox or Yankees or any NFL team, and that include my 49ers. The odds of that happening are roughly the same as...

the team from Chicago making the playoffs. The Cubs are really bad. They have not won yet in 7 attempts this season. They were predicted to finish fifth in the division before the season started, by yours truly. Iím for hire, if you ever wanted someone to forecast your video game file. Safe to say the drought will continue, and given their aging core it could be a 200 year rebuilding plan.

If you ever want to hear about a random player or your favorite team or any random fact, go ahead and ask. I find any form of baseball fascinating, be it high school or a computer simulation. I know, I know, Iím insane. The resident Mets fan has already told me that.
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