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Old 07-13-2014, 03:36 AM   #1
StLee
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Guardians of the Lesser Gods



A Baseball RPG Parody by StLee and Ao and multiple others
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Old 07-13-2014, 03:43 AM   #2
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Metafiction

This is a story of the gods of another world in another place in another universe in another time in another realm where they do things out of the ordinary, at least from this guy’s point of view. Of course, I am the creator of this universe. I am The God of all that there is. And that’s where the madness comes in.

You see, I am exposing here a sample of metafiction wherein the rules of the OOTP dynasty forum can be adhered to, while at the same time creating a work of the fantasy genre where the rules of fiction can be bent to my will. I am the creator of all things here, and I choose to exclude and include myself simultaneously in my work. I am like the J. Henry Waugh, but I have more control over all things, so I am more like the Robert Coover of this universe.

Yes, so now that I have you thoroughly confused, you may enter the madness. Let me tell you about the setup of this dynasty for those who choose to follow from the beginning.

ONE: This dynasty is heavily prose-based. Much of the prose doesn't have a damn thing to do with baseball or OOTP. But some does. Thus, an OOTP dynasty. There will be some pretty pictures, too.

TWO: I am using OOTP 15 and so far my test leagues have failed wondrously. Things are all awry and don’t work as I intend, but I am GOD here and may just choose to start things all over again and clone people and make people disappear and submit people as a thesis in an online course. Hell, I may back track from OOTP 15 to 14 to 13 to -17. I don’t know yet. I just know that I have to reset the damn league again, and that next reset will be a go whether it works as I want or not. And I still might screw things up and hate it. And I still didn’t finish my name file. Hopefully, there are no Javier Rodriguez or David Schultz or Steven Smith or Hans Blitz or any other types of names in my universe. I want my universe’s sort of names, like Mountainside Rockhard and Milevarian vo Namelsockheiter and Fromm Dayr and Bedere Lahyder. Of course, I will have a few names that are Dan or Alex or Franco because I want it.

THREE: This dynasty is meant to be parodic in nature. I am no expert on parody. I can only make fun of my own life, really. However, there are things in life I enjoy. Those things are sometimes victim of cliché. This is a parody of RPG video games in general. I have played many over the years, with my first one ever being Nintendo’s Dragon Warrior sometime around 1989, and I still fire up RPGs on occasion, mainly tackling the Fallout series on my PC or PS3 when time allows. (See my Fallout: New Vegas dynasty here for a feel about my writing style).

FOUR: I invite participation and rooting interests and I will probably alter the universe for what you want/need. This may include but is not limited to resurrecting the dead, killing the blessed, turning an outstanding catcher into a terrible closer, or what have you. Also, please be aware that commenting on the thread enters your username into a random events log. I may draw you into my universe. No, I WILL draw you into my universe, and through madness you may or may not or maymaynot like the results. I’ll let the random numbers decide that.

FIVE: This universe is still a work in progress because, as I have discovered after a few months of working on it, creating a mythology from scratch is not easy. I would love to have J.R.R. Tolkein’s commitment to his world, but I have a job (though currently on vacation until August 25), a family with two young and rambunctious boys, other prose to write to try to make some extra money, and a whole lot of other things I enjoy doing that take up my time, like playing OOTP baseball. Thus, plot holes may happen, stories may be suspended or discontinued, characters may change in name or nature or whatever, but whatever it all may be, I am God and this can all be attributed to my madness. And, I also plan to take my time!

SIX: Did you know that OOTP will not let you begin a custom league before the year 1800? What, George Washington in his youth wasn’t good enough for baseball in a custom-created world? And what if I just want my dynasty to seem like a long time ago in a place far, far away? Well, then, I’ll just give a future date and make up some bull**** excuse of why the past isn’t all recorded. Maybe the madness of baseball as the gods’ arena as a newer development can be a reason. I don’t know. We’ll see. So, my dynasty is starting in some year in the future because, well, that’s the random number I picked. Dammit. Edit: You can’t go too far into the future either. New random numbers selected between 2000 and 3000, and the winning number is… 2113. That is the date I will start the league.

But first… some story.
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Old 07-13-2014, 03:54 AM   #3
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Introduction, Part One

In the beginning, there was Ao, creator of all, apologist to none.

In the desperation of creation, Ao designated Four Rulers of the Land: Envie, Nede, Soreau, and Weau. These Four Rulers loved chaos, misery, and sport. In time, Ao allowed the Four Rulers to have total domain over the land, and though people knew of Ao and its creations, the Four Rulers set the world ablaze with mutations and bastardizations, creating the rise of many misbegotten creatures meant to make Ao’s creations suffer and loathe.

Because the balance was set off, Ao intervened for a final time before sitting back and watching. Ao created his Holy Triumvirate to battle the Four Rulers for eternity. This Holy Triumvirate was made of the 16 Lesser Gods, whom the Four Rulers hated and wished to destroy; the 32 Blessed Mortals who battled in the Arenas of the Gods for the protection of the Lesser Gods, giving balance to all of the lands; and the sport upon which this epic battle could take place in perfect form and eloquence, Baseball.

Many a warrior volunteered his services to protect the people and pure creatures of the land. Many a warrior sacrificed themselves for honor and glory. At any time, only 32 could be the Blessed Mortals, but they were as vulnerable as any other, and others must step up in time and for history.

“Protect the Lessers” became the motto of the land. There, on one continent of the great wide planet, the major Arenas took hold. There, the true balance of power became a swirl of yin and yang. That land was called Godland. There people worshipped and protected the gods of their choosing, whether they be one of the Lesser Gods, one of the Four Rulers, or the creator of all, Ao.
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Old 07-13-2014, 05:06 AM   #4
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Whoa, here we go! Looks like this will be an exciting ride. [Takes a beer from the cooler, rubs hands together and reaches for ]
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Old 07-13-2014, 11:47 AM   #5
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Introduction, Part Two

The planet itself was simply known as Aoia. However, the history we shall follow goes only through what today is called the Known Lands. In a time long past, there were other places where people could venture and discover the truths of Aoia. But in time the Four Rulers created creatures so fierce and massive that the oceans became impassible. That is why the Known Lands were considered to be the only place where history could remain. No one living knew anything more about the lands beyond the oceans other than that they were and still could be.

The Known Lands consisted of two locations, the Northern Lands and the Southern Lands. These two had been engaged in an ancient war for power and wealth. During these wars, the Four Rulers were able to push the balance to their side and destroy some of the Lesser Gods. However, that balance returned when new Lesser Gods would emerge, not quite as strong as their predecessors. In that time, too, Blessed Mortals would emerge more powerful than their predecessors, striking a balance again. The Four Rulers could win for a short while, but the will of the people always triumphed.

Because of the need to survive, kings of the Northern Lands and Southern Lands came to an agreement of peace through separation. Their connecting ports and pipelines were destroyed, and the two lands became just as mysterious to each other as the unknown lands beyond the oceans.

Though this tale concentrates mainly on one kingdom of the land, let us introduce all of the Known Lands. In the Northern Lands, there are the three kingdoms of the west island. The largest and most powerful of those three is the great green lands of Eaumerde. Trailing in power and beauty are Greentree and the Winterlands. East of the west island is the Godless Island. Not much is known of that land other than there are three kingdoms ruled by bastards of the Four Rulers. These three kingdoms are terrible places, and few men have ever ventured there other than for the purposes of holy quests.

In the Southern Lands, there are places where the Four Rulers have professed victory, but the greatest kingdom, Godland sits atop and keeps the creatures at bay. East of Godland are the Trislands, a small kingdom at peace with Godland. To the south of Godland, beyond the line of treacherous mountains, lies Folly’s Swamps, a place filled with misbegotten creatures. Near Folly’s Swamps there is another swamp island where more vicious creatures dwell. Southwest of the mainland are two desert islands, the great Sand Island and the kingdom of Payn. Though Payn and Godland are not allies, they consider each other to be important trade partners.

Though parts of the narrative will take place among different islands of the Known Lands, the baseball aspect of the dynasty is all based in Godland. Godland was considered to be the place most blessed by Ao, as evidenced by the overall lack of debilitating wars, diseases, and Fourkind creature attacks.

Northern Lands


Southern Lands


Legend:
Southern Land cities and towns as marked:
Cities of Godland
1 – Sambou Gar: Capital City, 2 - Uase, 3 – Elmira, 4 – Lars, 5 – Jesua, 6 – Querrier, 7 – Vintage Vines, 8 - Silver Town, 9 – Frond, 10 – Goldstone, 11 – Pleasantville, 12 – Babinia, 13 – Asperia, 14 – Jinhae, 15 – Treyvon, 16 - Noonday, 17- Kimton, 18 – Fort Icis, 19 – Darwin, 20 – Ulmonia, 21 – Killmont, 22 – Harriton, 23 - Orion

Towns
F - Braggart’s Keep

Maps rendered through Heroes of Might and Magic 3 map editor.

I apologize for giving incomplete maps. Some places are not currently part of the story line just yet, but may be some day. Some places have not been added in. I will update the map when necessary. Also, I will resize the maps later because they don't fit right on my screen.
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Last edited by StLee; 07-13-2014 at 11:51 AM. Reason: Map...will fix later
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Old 07-13-2014, 11:58 AM   #6
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Do they have electricity?

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Old 07-13-2014, 12:10 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Honorable_Pawn View Post
Do they have electricity?

They're Gods - they don't need electricity!

As a former French teacher, I appreciate the naming of Eaumerde, but it's a shame the centre of the action is likely to be elsewhere. For the same reason, I like the name of Querrier - which reminds me of "guerrier", the French for "warrior" - so if they have a team, I'll probably be rooting for them.
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Old 07-13-2014, 07:44 PM   #8
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This looks like this will be fun. I'm looking forward to this!
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:05 PM   #9
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Do they have electricity?

No, but they do have lighting spells, lightning staffs, and ever-burning torches. Cliche, Ao-willing.

Please give me a number between 2-9.
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Last edited by StLee; 07-13-2014 at 10:10 PM.
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:08 PM   #10
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They're Gods - they don't need electricity!

As a former French teacher, I appreciate the naming of Eaumerde, but it's a shame the centre of the action is likely to be elsewhere. For the same reason, I like the name of Querrier - which reminds me of "guerrier", the French for "warrior" - so if they have a team, I'll probably be rooting for them.
Eaumerde is like my pidgin for...well, you can probably figure out my sophomoric joke there. Don't count out the great kingdom of Eaumerde. Who knows what the future brings? Well, other than Ao, who knows what the future brings? Eaumerde will factor into some of the adventure, though it is not part of the baseball landscape just yet.

For Querrier, they have been made into a minor city. Pretty cool team nickname, though. We'll get into that later.

In Louisiana, there is an overused expression: "Laissez les bon temps rouler." That is not the case in the Known Lands. People are pretty miserable overall, and the Four like it that way.
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:09 PM   #11
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This looks like this will be fun. I'm looking forward to this!
If death and destruction are fun, you are going to the second best Hollywood party in history. The Four frown fondly upon you.

6, 7, 8, or 9?
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:20 PM   #12
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If death and destruction are fun, you are going to the second best Hollywood party in history. The Four frown fondly upon you.

6, 7, 8, or 9?
I've got to go with 7.
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:24 PM   #13
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Introduction, Part Three

When Ao first created the world before you, it was pleased. But there was too much micromanaging for Ao to be able to sit back and watch the creation unfold. Therefore, the Four were put in charge. But Ao never paid them any attention since Ao was a workaholic, so the Four grew up to be spoiled brats who hated all things their creator loved. Therefore, they set about creating many foul creatures to eat up all of Ao's beautiful creations.

Even though Ao had intended to take a break, it interfered and created the Lesser Gods and established holy kingdoms where people could choose to worship the god or gods of their choosing, striking balance in a world of chaos. Ao also wanted the Blessed Mortals to be the greatest of all men, strong in battle and sport, to combat all of the spoiled bratery of the Four.

As stated before, the Blessed Mortals were the protectors of the Lesser Gods. In time, they had mostly been victorious in their protections, but there were times where they had not been. It is assumed that Lesser Gods could be resurrected after 1000 years of solitude, but none have ever seen it happen.

However, Blessed Mortals who failed were erased from existence, forever separated from their gods. Failing was not an option. And for those who had failed, their names were erased from history, blacklisted from the annals of names as cursed men. Well, except for the bards, who would wail on and on and on about the failure. Observe:


Ramathar of Asperia

Heed the tale of the very first blessed
To lose his head when he was tested.
This is the tale of Ramathar
Who had traveled quite far
In his quest to be blessed.

He had fought lords and ghouls,
Had bested beasts and fools
In his journey to the top,
Learned how to slice and how to chop
With very fine silver-dipped tools.

Made his way all the way
Through the five gods’ array,
But when he got on the field,
He thought it best to yield
All the way to his death day.

Some thought he had given up,
Others thought he leaned on the cup
Full of beer and wine and mead,
For when he thought he was in need
For breakfast or snacking or sup.

So Ramathar of Asperia went to bat,
He rearranged his shirt and his hat.
All he needed was to get to first
To spare his life and later quench his thirst
For surviving from the sacrificial flat.

Instead of success he missed the chance,
Watched the pitch, with just a glance,
Right into the catcher’s mitt it flew,
And Ramathar knew what he had to do,
Shuffled off and fell on his lance.



For the Blessed Mortals who had succeeded, they were granted an option of a 1000-year life where they would become elders of cities, towns, or villages of their choosing. Or they could become 100-year warriors and choose to protect the lands against the savages of the Four Rulers. Man of Wisdom, blessed by the Lesser Gods with Ao’s approval. Or Warrior of Aoia, blessed by the Lesser Gods with the Four Rulers’ disapproval. Both options better than the banished.

There was also a fourth fate for the Blessed Mortals, designated by the ungod, Luck. Each year, there were warriors of the baseball arena chosen for ritualistic sacrifice. These Blessed Mortals were not expected to be chosen for the sacrifice, but sometimes the cubes of Luck designated that a Blessed Mortal was to be sacrificed. Though all sacrificed returned to the gods, most of the Blessed Mortals would prefer to become an elder or warrior. Being sacrificed was for the lowly warriors, not the Blessed. Luck was no one’s friend.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:18 AM   #14
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If death and destruction are fun, you are going to the second best Hollywood party in history. The Four frown fondly upon you.
Which was the first best?
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Old 07-14-2014, 06:13 PM   #15
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no, but they do have lighting spells, lightning staffs, and ever-burning torches. Cliche, ao-willing.

Please give me a number between 2-9.
9
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:34 PM   #16
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Which was the first best?
You'd have to ask Mickey Rooney that, but I don't think he's talking much these days.
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:57 PM   #17
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9
A little double Wil Myers going on there, eh? #9 playing the ninth position. Yes, yes. I believe Ao is quite pleased. Envie, not so much.
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Old 07-16-2014, 12:04 AM   #18
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Introduction, Part Four

Before getting into some of the baseball—since the writer of this dynasty is taking 4eva(!!!!) in making jerseys—let me dive into some of the history as written by people paid by the kings to tell only the good stuff because no one wants to read about all the mistakes made by either god or man. Well, maybe they want to hear about the mistakes gods made because that's kind of funny to hear how Ao’s first models of man included a penis on his forehead. Could you imagine?

Anyway, as other worlds’ histories got all their beginnings and agreements and all of that other stuff all mixed up and really no one in those worlds have any idea what year it really is, the Aoia calendar was a bit more distinct.

The beginning, which was the first day where Ao said, “OK, I created everything. Now I’m going to sit back, open a snowcold beer, and prop up my dogs on the recliner, so show me something,” was what we would call the date 1.1.1. Or 1-1-1. Or 1/1/1. Or if you can’t handle all the ones, here’s a zero: 1/1/01. You see, Ao said let things begin, and they did. First day, first month, first year. Simple.

That was all good, and the people populating the land went on their merry ways as they were supposed to even if they had no memories of anything. People who were created to build houses picked up hammers and animal teeth and started hammering their fingers like any old regular carpenter who had trained for years. Alcoholics made a break right to taverns and bars and rotting fruit. Priestesses donned frocks, children played “King of the Anthill,” teachers walked around with noses high, actors practiced their sadface, warriors sharpened their swords, and all else began as though it had always been and it would always be.

And Ao saw it was good, except that Ao had decided it didn’t want to be involved in day-to-day affairs. Really, what kind of all-powerful God wants to have to deal with the daily aggravations of brother killing brother or this bastard king claiming the crown over that bastard king or the whole trying to explain to non-believers the whole omnipotence paradox? E toku atua!

So Ao, in his finite wisdom, allowed the Four to rule the land. What Ao did not anticipate was that all Four were corrupt and prone to misdeeds beginning with small, mischievous deeds, to large, psychotic deeds. Ao was confused because it thought they would understand the basic laws of the good-guy, bad-guy, polar good-witch, bad-witch principles. But they did not. They just wreaked absolute total havoc on all of Aoia, and by the time Ao slept off his killer hangover, ate a scrumptious breakfast of cold pizza, stale milk, and a Snickers, and changed his sweat-stained pajamas to big boy clothes, the Four had created a world so desolate that the people of the world just did not want to stay there anymore. Seriously, they were thumbing rides to the first planet that would take them.

Ao saw all of this, so he finally intervened and created 16 Lesser Gods with less physical and magical power than the Four, but they gave people something that they did not have before: a hope for peace. Those 16 gods were not protected at first, though, so the Four turned their attention away from the mortals and started to create megabeasts big enough to consume the Lesser Gods.

Ao did not like that either, so he thought it best to intervene more, creating a circuit of warriors both volunteered and destined who would look to protect the Lesser Gods. These warriors would go on holy quests, battling against the forces of the Four, protecting the Lesser Gods from annihilation. Where some of the original Lesser Gods fell, he created more, and vowed that any Lesser Gods felled could be resurrected through the holiest of sacraments after 1000 years.

The journey through baseball began as an endgame, the wheel of fortune, if you will, where warriors could ascend to be the highest of all mortals, the Blessed. They would be given boosts in power, would have a better chance against all of the Four’s creatures, and could enter the afterlife in a more raised, exulted way than other mortals.

Thus, the Blessed Mortals were the most respected of all citizens of Aoia. Well, they were respected where they were known. That meant in the Known Lands, though all of the Blessed dwelled in Godland, the place protected most by Ao and the 16 Lesser Gods, a place where the Four had very little influence and even fewer allies and worshippers. That was the place where people could freely travel without the fear of random creature attacks. It was also the place where most people wanted to live.

And Ao had done enough, he felt. Though he had created kingdoms and warriors and weapons, still, what people of Aoia needed most was hope. The Lesser Gods, the Blessed Mortals, and Baseball provided all the hope people needed. And the Kingdom of Godland within the great castle city of Sambou Gar was a place where people loved to rule.
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Old 07-16-2014, 12:10 AM   #19
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Introduction, Part Five

Speaking of ruling, Sambou Gar was a kingdom. And to have a kingdom, there must be a king. Some kings will be part of the focus of this narrative, like the greatest line of kings, the Tykerions. Or the kings of the house of Premm. Or the unnamed kings.

In the year 1, when the land was first created, the very first person who woke up on 1.1.1 knowing that he was the king of all of Godland was a young man named Tykerion Aokin uv rule Sambou Gar. He was the first of what became over 30 kings in the line of Tyke, including the king currently under rule when our soon-to-be-named five heroes begin their journeys, King Tyke XXXIX.

But before we talk King Tyke XXXIX, let’s talk King Tyke I. He knew he was supposed to be king, and he knew that everyone else knew that he was supposed to be king, but he had no idea really what a king did. Of course, he went through the motions. He knighted people by placing a sword between his legs and slapping those people on the bottoms. He ate a lot of food in a short period of time. He visited people on their farms and told them that they sucked. He even slept with all of the chambermaids until he found one that made him last longer than the others, and he named her queen. She begat children, who begat children, who begat children. And though names changed over time because the next ruler wasn’t the first son or even the first-born, but the one who the father favored most, the lines of kings and queens mostly remained through bloodlines, though there were many times when they didn’t.

For instance, when King Cole Premm became the king in the year 27, he did so, not because he was of blood, but because he married one of King Tyke I’s daughters, and he took the crown from the king’s favorite child, Feredereterenee Aokin. Feredereterenee, or Ferederete for short, was not very strong but he made great funny faces and had the best fart jokes, so King Tyke I thought he would make the best king. Cole Premm had a warrior’s intuition and loved chopping off the heads of his enemies, thus he made easy work of Ferederete after King Tyke I’s death. So, the bloodlines changed a bit with Queen Tearheart’s husband killing her brother and becoming king.

King Cole Premm proved to be a tough king, but when feathered dragons attacked Sambou Gar, he was found sitting in his back room smoking a pipe and listening to three very nervous-looking fiddlers play. Thus, the people were angry that their king would not protect them, so they stripped him of his clothes and threw him into the sea, and his son, Tykerion Aokin Honeylove Premm, became known as King Tyke II in the year 32.

Well, I can tell you the complete history of the kings and all the trials and tribulations they went through, but know this. These first years were during some of the scarier times of the land of Ao. In fact, it went on for 140 years before Ao interfered with the way things were going. Just as a hint. By around the year 102, the Four’s beasts had learned that attacking Sambou Gar and deposing king after king was quite a fun game.

So, in the year 141, the Lesser Gods were established. In that time, a thousand years passed where the people worshiped the Lesser Gods and used them as motivation to train more and learn more and battle more against the creatures of the Four. But Ao had yet to solve the problem of how to make things perfect. By the year 1034, Ao had created Blessed Mortals, though their purpose was a little off. They would tackle the greatest of beasts not knowing that Blessed was not the same thing as Immortal. Thus, the Blessed Mortals needed replacing over and over and over. Only the most cerebral of the Blessed would last, choosing a defensive stand against the agitators rather than an offensive one.

Those Blessed Mortals started to establish a league of extraordinary warriors, and Ao started to understand that they needed more balance in their pursuits. So Ao scanned other universes, and he found the mind of a man who intrigued him. He watched that man as he sat at an electronic device. He thought it would be cool to introduce that electronic device to Aoia. But what intrigued him most was watching what that man was doing on the electronic device. He was creating a world of players of a game.

“Are you a god?” Ao asked.

The man looked around, surprised at the booming voice in his living room. He started to run, but did not see where the intruder was. “Who are you?”

“I am Ao. Lord of my universe. Again I ask, are you a god?”

“What is this, ****ing Ghostbusters?”

“I’m afraid I know not what ‘Ghostbusters’ means.”

“Never mind that. Where are you and why the **** are you in my house talking crazy?”

“I am Ao. Lord of my universe. Are you a god?”

“No. No, I’m not a god. What kind of crazy ass question is that?” The man ran towards his kitchen and grabbed a butcher’s knife. “Now come at me, mother****er!”

“I am not here to ‘come at you.’ I am looking for answers.”

“Answers about what?”

“That world you are creating on your electrical device. What is it that you are building?”

“You mean on my computer?”

“Yes.”

“I’m making a fictional OOTP league. Why don’t you come out and we’ll talk face-to-face?”

“I am a god. I have no face. At least, not one like yours. You are a very handsome god.”

“I’m not a god. I’m a person.”

“Yes. Tell me about your ‘fictional OOTP league.'”

The man went on to tell Ao all about how he created his own teams and uniforms and sets of rules, along with random events and player back stories. Ao was intrigued by all this and considered tearing up the current world or creating a brand new world made entirely of, as the man put it, ‘text sims.’ In the end, though, Ao decided that its rules of RPG battles and quests and treasures was not good enough. Aoia had to have an arena sport. And baseball would be it. With the help of learning Photoshop from the man, Ao began thinking about the best team locations and which of the creations springing out of the world that were not its own would make for fun or interesting baseball teams. And thus baseball became a holy vessel in Aoia. And in the 2113rd year of creation, baseball was introduced to Aoia.
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Fan of LSU sports (especially baseball and football), New Orleans Saints, New Orleans Pelicans, and Atlanta Braves (Dale Murphy for the HOF!).

Current dynasties: Fallout 4's Commonwealth Baseball Organization

Completed dynasty: Fallout: New Vegas' Mojave Baseball League

Uniforms: My custom uniforms
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Old 07-16-2014, 12:30 AM   #20
sportsfan80
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 45
As a follower of your Tournament of Champions, Let me add that I am already a big fan of this new Dynasty.
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