Deity Competition League

[Tib]

I say Jesus ain't going to be worth a **** until he's 33.

[Tib]

TRADE OFFER FOR The Jews:

The Romans wish to offer you:
1B BARABBAS

for:

LF JESUS CHRIST

Accept Offer
Decline Offer
Check Again After Yom Kippur

[enigk]

August 1st, 3004

The period after the All-Star break saw the majority of the deities having a hard time getting back into the groove. It also saw a somewhat signficant injury to another of the deities. Also, Odin continued to distance himself from the pack in the HR and RBI categories.

Monthly Highlights:

7/5/3004 - Illustrating my point regarding the slow start by deities following the All-Star Break, the Player of the Week Awards go to two mortals who accomplished nothing noteworthy.

7/7/3004 - Babylonian deity Apsu goes 4-4 and clubs three Home Runs with 7 RBI in a victory over Atlanta.

7/8/3004 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak, embarrassed by his poor play in the first half of the season, laces 5 hits in a 14-5 victory over Greensboro - including 2 doubles and 2 home runs. (For the month of July, Guru Nahak hit .427, raising his BA to .374)

7/12/3004 - Buddhism icon and All-Star snub Siddhartha Guatama (.591 / 14 RBI / .679 OBP) and Sumerian icon and fellow All-Star snub Enlil (.579 / 5 HR / 8 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/12/3004 - Cincinnatti Catcher Jupiter hits for the cycle against Columbus.

7/17/3004 - Memphis CF Jesus Christ drives in all 4 runs of a 4-1 victory over Oklahoma City with a 3-4, 3 Home Run performance.

7/18/3004 - Atlanta was next to feel the wrath of Jesus Christ, as he tallies 5 hits against them, including 2 doubles and a home run.

7/19/3004 - Jesus Christ (.621 / 7 HR / 15 RBI) and Ometeotl (.677 / 18 RBI / 1.516 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/22/3004 - Incan God Viracocha tallies the 10th cycle in the league's 4 month history - hitting for the cycle against Charlotte, giving Atlanta a 5-3 win.

7/26/3004 - Chicago RF Siddhartha Guatama (.850 / 13 RBI / .870 OBP) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.684 / 14 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/26/3004 - Foiled in his PoW bid by Siddhartha Guatama, Viracocha hits for the cycle *again* in a 7-5 victory over a Bondje-led Hartford squad.

7/26/3004 - The 26th seemed to be a happy day for all except Seattle's Khonvoum. Running the bases in a game against Gadsden, Khonvoum collapsed and couldn't get up without help. Doctors have diagnosed the Pygmy God with a Pulled ACL which will keep him on the DL for 5 weeks. This was salt in the wound for many Khonvoum followers - as he was forced to miss time earlier in the season with back trouble. Khonvoum asked that everyone maintain their faith in him, reassuring them that it is all part of his master plan. (This was reinforced on 7/29/3004 when internal Seattle scouting reports on Player Development revealed that the Pygmy Powerhouse has gained more power).

7/28/3004 - Hindu deity Vishnu laces 5 hits (including a triple and two home runs) and drives in 6 in a 9-3 victory over Hunab Ku and Stockton.

8/1/3004 - Siddhartha Guatama (.593 / 46 RBI / 1.582 SLG) and Vishnu (.515 / 19 HR / 55 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards

Deity BA Leader: Ometeotl .517 (+.011 over 2nd place deity)
Deity HR Leader: Odin 72 (+9 over 2nd place deity)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 174 (+31 over 2nd place deity)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 76 (+3 over 2nd place deity)

[enigk]

September 1st, 3004

The playoff and MVP chases heat up as we enter the homestretch of the inaugural season of the Deity Competition League. A couple deities which had been fairly quiet began turning up the heat, a couple deities who were doing well took their games to a higher level and another deity was felled by injury.

8/2/3004 - Babylonian diety Apsu (.545 / 11 RBI / .677 OBP) and Egyptian Sun God Ra (.556 / 11 RBI / .629 OBP) each win their 2nd Player of the Week Awards.

8/3/3004 - Every silver lining has it's cloud - In the beginning of a very good day for the deities, Ometeotl has his 37 game hit streak snapped.

8/3/3004 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle in Norfolk's game against Charlotte, but the Norfolk bullpen gives up 3 runs in the bottom of the 9th to lose the game 8-7.

8/3/3004 - Raleigh 1B Ra hits for the cycle in Raleigh's 7-6 victory over Pittsburgh. His walk-off home run to complete the cycle came in the bottom of the 9th and gave Raleigh the victory.

8/6/3004 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle again and this time it is in a winning effort as Norfolk defeats Satan and his Orlando teammates 10-5.

8/8/3004 - Flying under the radar for most of the year, Scientology icon A Thetan ropes 5 hits as Houston defeats Philadelphia, 14-8.

8/9/3004 - uKqili's praises continue to be sung and sung loudly as his .696 / 3 HR / 6 RBI performance wins him the Player of the Week Award along with Taoist Lao-tzu (.586 / 12 RBI / .586 OBP).

8/14/3004 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak blasts three home runs and tallies 5 RBI in a 16-1 rout of Stockton.

8/16/3004 - Guru Nahak's power display earns him his first Player of the Week Award as he puts up a .750 / 12 RBI / .800 OBP performance. The Continental League Player of the Week Award goes to Incan Viracocha, his first as well, as he posted a .550 / 14 RBI / 1.650 SLG the previous week.

8/17/3004 - Pygmies finally got the chance to laugh at another faith's icon's misfortune, as Babylonian deity Apsu is sidelined for 1-2 weeks with an Inflamed Thigh Muscle.

8/23/3004 - Jesus Christ (.650 / 6 HR / 10 RBI) wins his 2nd Player of the Week Award and Sumerian God Enlil (.550 / 7 RBI / .625 OBP) continues his hot second half of the season by winning his 3rd Player of the Week Award.

8/25/3004 - Little Rock's Greek God Zeus blasts 3 home runs (4 runs scored and 6 RBI) in a 13-2 ass-whipping of Columbus.

8/30/3004 - Satanists around the globe wore slightly less-dark black robes to celebrate the Orlando CF's performance (.556 / 13 RBI / .625 OBP) and subsequent 1st Player of the Week Award. For the United League, it was old hat for Ra (.591 / 11 RBI / 1.545 SLG) as he pulled down his 3rd Player of the Week Award.

9/1/3004 - Philadelphia RF, All-Star MVP and Inuit deity, Tekkeitsertok (.490 / 15 HR / 40 RBI) and Egyptian Sun God Ra (.543 / 34 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards. It is Tekkeitsertok's 2nd BotM Award and Ra's 1st.

Deity BA Leader: Lao-tzu .506 (+.008 over 2nd place deity)
Deity HR Leader: Odin 83 (+7 over 2nd place deity)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 204 (+20 over 2nd place deity)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 90 (+4 over 2nd place deity)

[enigk]

October 3rd, 3004

The regular season draws to a close with 8 deities leading their teams into the playoffs, while 18 other deities go home. In the Continental League, Zulu uKqili probably swayed a few MVP ballots his way as he wins the Triple Crown. His 94 Home Runs and 207 RBI were well in front of any other competitors, but his BA of .4858 just edged Tekkeitsertok's .4857. uKqili also led the Continental League in Runs Scored (228) and was second in OPS (1.718). While he did post the best numbers in the CL, Norfolk finished at 68-94, 4th place in their division - so he will be watching from home.

The United League MVP voting should be much more interesting, with Norse God Odin likely getting the nod. His 95 home runs were tied with Ometeotl for the DCL lead and his 229 RBI were 13 higher than Mohammed's 216. However, Odin will also be spending the post-season at home as Gadsden finished 73-89, 5th place in their division.

The lucky 8 deities making the playoffs are:
Atlanta's Catcher and Incan God, Viracocha
Orlando's CF and Satanist icon, Satan
Phoenix's 2B and Confucianism icon, Confucius
Charlotte's 3B and Judaism deity, Abraham
Greensboro's CF and Taoist icon, Lao-tzu
Buffalo's RF and Islamic deity, Mohammed
Cleveland's Catcher and Sumerian God, Enlil
Little Rock's LF and Greek God, Zeus

Monthly Highlights:

9/6/3004 - Confucius (.579 / 5 RBI / .652 OBP) and Guru Nahak (.579 / 13 RBI / .654 OBP) each win their 2nd Player of the Week Awards.

9/6/3004 - Scientology icon A Thetan goes 5 for 5 with 3 Home Runs, 4 Runs Scored and 5 RBI in a 13-2 drubbing of Atlanta.

9/9/3004 - Oft-injured God Khonvoum hits 3 doubles and 2 home runs (4 RBI) in an 11-6 victory over Greensboro.

9/10/3004 - Aztec deity Ometeotl laces 5 hits - 2 doubles, a triple and 2 home runs - in a 17-4 clubbing of Stockton.

9/11/3004 - Judaism icon and Charlotte 3B goes 5 for 5 with a double, 3 home runs and 7 RBI.

9/13/3004 - Abraham (.480 / 7 HR / 14 RBI) and Ometeotl (.563 / 16 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/13/3004 - Mayan Hunab Ku blasts 3 home runs - including a walk-off game winning 2 run homer - in a 7-6 victory over Little Rock.

9/17/3004 - Viracocha hits the 16th cycle in league history.

9/20/3004 - Viracocha (.565 / 7 HR / 13 RBI / 1.652 SLG) and Hunab Ku (.650 / 6 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/20/3004 - Sumerian God Enlil hits for the league's 17th cycle in an 8-6 victory over Greensboro.

9/25/3004 - Odin hits a single, 2 doubles and 2 triples in Gadsden's victory over Cleveland.

9/27/3004 - The regular season's last two Player of the Week Awards go to Awonawilona (.778 / 9 RBI / .840 OBP) and Zeus (.700 / 5 HR / 12 RBI).

9/29/3004 - Babylonian deity Apsu goes 5 for 5 with 3 home runs and 4 RBI in their victory over the Jesus Christ-led Memphis squad.

10/1/3004 - The regular season's last two Batter of the Month awards are handed out to Apsu (.577 / 19 RBI / .657 OBP) and Zeus (.573 / 14 HR / 32 RBI / 1.329 SLG).

A full listing of the deity's stats will be given after the playoffs...

Deity BA Leader: Hunab Ku .508 (+.002 over Lao-tzu)
Deity HR Leader: Odin / Ometeotl 95 (+1 over uKqili)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 229 (+13 over Mohammed)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 102 (+4 over Lao-tzu)

[enigk]

October 12, 3004

OPENING SERIES RESULTS

Atlanta (Viracocha) def. Orlando (Satan) 3-1
Phoenix (Confucius) def. Charlotte (Abraham) 3-2
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Greensboro (Lao-tzu) 3-1
Cleveland (Enlil) def. Little Rock (Zeus) 3-1

The first round of the playoffs saw some pretty poor performances by several deities and a couple really good performances from others. The ripples of the deities performance could be felt throughout society.

"I don't know what to believe in anymore..." noted Theodore Popadopulis, baker and faith-losing Zeus believer. "I mean...Zeus - he is big. He has a flowing beard and muscles that ripple like ocean tides. Then you see Confucius...he is small and old with a long pointy hat. You tell me - which one do *you* think is going to hit .706? That Satan guy looked pretty good...he got some real nice cuts on the ball. Plus, from what I hear, he can increase my business 400%..."

Theodore, or Teddy P. as he likes to be called, was obviously upset by Zeus' poor display during the playoffs (.250 / 1 HR / 3 RBI), which resulted in Little Rock's 3-1 series loss to the Enlil-led Cleveland squad. Zeus could not be reached for comment. According to a statement by his agent, Drew Rosenhaus VIII, Zeus would spend the offseason watching film, weight-training and eating his children so none of them could kill him.

Confucianism, however, received a huge swell in followers as a result of their icon's hitting .706 with 5 HRs and 12 RBI during Phoenix's 5 game series win over Charlotte and their resident deity, Abraham.

Deity's Postseason Stats:
Viracocha .467 / 2 HR / 3 RBI
Satan .500 / 3 HR / 12 RBI
Confucius .706 / 5 HR / 12 RBI
Abraham .389 / 3 HR / 6 RBI
Lao-tzu .308 / 0 HR / 0 RBI
Mohammed .389 / 1 HR / 3 RBI
Enlil .400 / 1 HR / 3 RBI
Zeus .250 / 1 HR / 3 RBI

[enigk]

October 22nd, 3004

LEAGUE SERIES RESULTS

Phoenix (Confucius) def. Atlanta (Viracocha) 4-2
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Cleveland (Enlil) 4-0

The second round of the playoffs featured Islamic icon Mohammed smiting the everloving hell out of Enlil and his Cleveland teammates, sweeping them in 4 games and outscoring them in the series 32-15.

In the CL series, Confucius continued his torrid hitting to send Incan Viracocha back home and set-up a Confucianism vs. Islam World Series. Viracocha returned home to the bottom of Lake Titicaca, but vowed to exact his revenge next season.

With the stage set for the DCL's first World Series, worldwide gambling could not be more rampant. Obtaining clearance from the league, many of the other deities have been participating in the gambling as well. "I opened an account on Betonsports.com," noted Egyptian God Ra, "it was then that I realized they only take credit cards. Have you ever tried negotiating with Visa with regards to converting gold statues or rare spices into dollars? I was *this* close to razing their families in hell fire."

"I've got quite a bit of coin on Buffalo," noted visibly inebriated Irish deity Anu from McCummins' Pub in Galway, "My mates keep telling me I'm mad going against Confucius, but I just have this feeling, ya know? Hey, Seamus, did you put this ****e on the jukebox?!"

Mohammed was quite confident heading into the series. "I've got a space reserved in my holy of holies." He noted, pointing at an open space on his entertainment center, "I think the trophy will look real nice sitting right there."

Confucius was more relaxed saying that if the universe wishes him to win, then he will. He then went on a 15 minute explanation saying that he was incorrectly credited with creating the phrase: "He who go to bed with itchy ass wakes up with smelly finger."

The Vegas lines favor Mohammed and his Buffalo teammates. Mainly due to their 4-0 sweep of Cleveland, as well as their regular season record of 93-69. Either way, it should be a very interesting series.

Deity's Postseason Stats:
Viracocha .564 / 7 HR / 12 RBI
Confucius .649 / 6 HR / 19 RBI
Mohammed .455 / 4 HR / 13 RBI
Enlil .400 / 2 HR / 7 RBI

[rogmax11]

Best new writer on the boards. Fun stuff!

[Tib]

Originally Posted by enigk

According to a statement by his agent, Drew Rosenhaus VIII, Zeus would spend the offseason watching film, weight-training and eating his children so none of them could kill him.

LMAO

[enigk]

DCL WORLD SERIES

Game 1 - Confucius goes 0-2, but draws three walks and scores a run in Phoenix's 4-2 game 1 win in Buffalo. Mohammed did not fare much better, as he went 1-3 with a walk.

Game 2 - Phoenix outhits Buffalo 14-10, but loses the game 10-7 as the series draws to a tie at 1 game apiece. Confucius continued to struggle as he was held hitless until the 9th, when his 3 run home run cut the Buffalo lead to 3. But, it was too little too late as his 1-5 performance at the plate was no match for Mohammed (3-4, 1 HR, 4 RBI) and his Buffalo teammates.

Game 3 - The series moves back to Phoenix but Buffalo maintains their edge, as they easily win the game 9-3, giving them a 2-1 series lead. Confucius continued to disappoint, going 1-4 with an RBI single and was caught stealing. Mohammed continued to convert through his actions, going 3-5 with 2 HRs and 5 RBI.

Game 4 - Phoenix draws a line in the sand and destroys Buffalo 9-1, outhitting them 14-4. Confucius goes 2-5 with a home run and 4 RBI as Mohammed goes 1-3 with a triple and a walk.

Game 5 - In their last game at home, Phoenix not only makes a statement, they tattoo it on Buffalo's soul as they rain fire and brimstone down and defeat Buffalo 17-7. The game was back and forth until Phoenix unleashed a 9 run 7th inning, demolishing Buffalo's hopes. Mohammed went 2-5 with 2 2-run homers, matched by Confucius' 2-3 with 2 HRs and 4 RBI. The series heads back to Buffalo with Phoenix holding the 3-2 series lead and with Buffalo's backs against the wall.

Game 6 - Trailing 5-3 heading into the bottom of the 9th, Buffalo showed the will and resolve of a true hero (as well as the luck of the Irish) as they battle back and score 3 in the 9th to win the game 6-5 and even the series at 3 games apiece. Confucius was extremely angry after the game - noting that the 2 winning runs scored on a 2-out fly ball to center that should have been easily caught, but was dropped by the mortal CF, surrendering the game.

"If you ask me," Confucius say, "Someone did something to him while the ball was in the air. I am protesting this game. I was standing at 2B with a clear view and I'm thinking to myself: 'We got it, Big C! We got it!' and then he settles under the ball and starts shaking and his eyes glossed over and the damn thing bounces right out of his glove. I knew this kind of crap might happen if they let the other deities bet on the games...for all I know, it could have been anybody who had money on them. I saw Satan and Bondje hanging out in a luxury box. Between the two of them, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them." Mohammed countered saying that Confucius was just bitter that he is not having as good a series as he is. "Sour grapes," he declared, "Nothing more." Confucius went 2-4 with a home run and 2 RBI in the loss, while Mohammed went 3-4 with a double, a stolen base and a run scored. And so, this series will be decided by a Game 7. Tickets are being scalped for upwards of $7500 dollars as millions wish to bear witness to the deciding game of the first season of the DCL.

GAME 7 - In what many thought would be an offensive slug-fest, the DCL World Series is decided in a 3-0 game. Buffalo pitcher and mere mortal Charles Natal goes the distance and allows only 2 hits and 2 walks to give Mohammed and his Buffalo teammates the series win. Mohammed was ecstatic following the last out (a groundout to 1B by a Phoenix mortal) and flung his glove high in the air. Confucius quietly sat in the dugout watching the Buffalo teammates dogpile on Mohammed in short center field. While Mohammed's post-season numbers weren't as impressive as Confucius', his performance in the World Series was stronger and it earned him Post-Season MVP honors. In the deciding game, Mohammed went 1-4 with an RBI triple while Confucius was held to 0 for 1 with 2 walks and was caught stealing.

In the post-game interview in the jubilent Buffalo locker room, a champagne soaked Mohammed thanked the fans of Buffalo, his teammates and the fans of Islam around the world. He then shouted: "WOOOOOOO!" and sprayed reporter Jack Buck IX in the face with champagne.

In a somber Phoenix locker room, Confucius sat in quiet meditation for several minutes before agreeing to say a few words. "I have walked the path," he stated "but was forced to turn back as it was not meant to be. I have found solace in this and I will find it easier to walk the next time."

Deity Postseason Stats:
Confucius .525 / 11 HR / 33 RBI
Mohammed .475 / 9 HR / 27 RBI

[Vris]

This is hilarious. I hope you keep up with it.

[enigk]

Hey Guys - sorry for the delay in Deity Updates. I have been working on getting a website up and running for all of this so it is easier to follow the deities' progress and my HTML is *VERY* rusty. On the bright side, I have CatoBased the first season and will do so for the remainder of the seasons and should have a site which is somewhat usable in a couple of days or so.

Once I've got it even remotely usable, I'll post the link. I will continue to post the monthly updates and everything here like I did for the first season, but I wanted to get up a site where you can check their cumulative stats and all kinds of whatnot.

Stay tuned!

[enigk]

DEITY AWARDS

World Series Trophy - Mohammed
Post-Season MVP Award - Mohammed
Continental League MVP - uKqili
United League MVP - Odin
All-Star Game MVP - Tekkeitsertok

Continental League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Awonawilona
1B - uKqili
CF - Satan

United League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Altjira
SS - Vishnu
LF - Zeus
CF - Mohammed

To follow the complete stats of your favorite deity - I have uploaded their CatoBase player pages to this website. The site is in the very rudimentary stages and should be considerably more polished as time goes on. As of right now, just the player pages are uploaded - the leaderboards will be next.

[enigk]

April 1st, 3005

Excluding atheists, the collective pulse of the world has been rising in anticipation of the 2nd season of the DCL so religious devotees could laud the praises of their icon over all 'pretenders'. Well, the time has come! It will be interesting to see which deities have taken the offseason as a time to work hard and which have decided to rest on their laurels (or bed of fiery pumice). Insight can be gleaned by reviewing the confidential reports each team compiles during spring training. Normally, these reports are unavailable to the public, but we managed to get our grubby little hands on them...here's how they're looking:

The biggest lazy-assed deity through the offseason appears to be Incan God Viracocha. Atlanta scouting reports indicate that the starting catcher and Father of Everything has lost some bat speed, resulting in less contact, developed a habit for striking out more and his plate discipline seems to have faded. He did end Spring Training on a good note, however, as he did show good strike zone judgement a few days later. He showed up to camp 25 pounds heavier than his normal playing weight. Viracocha attributed it to water weight from residing at the sandy bed of Lake Titicaca and assured his fans and followers that he was a brand new feathered serpent god.

Confucius seems to have taken his World Series loss negatively, as he and Aztec God Ometeotl have lost some bat speed and seem to be striking out more. Both deities, however, have shown good strike zone judgement.

Spring Training appeared to be Good Strike Zone Judgement Day for a large number of our deities, as Siddhartha Guatama, Jupiter, Enlil, Vishnu, Bondje, Altjira, Guru Nahak, Awonawilona, Apsu, Tekkeitsertok, Khonvoum and Hunab Ku all showed good strike zone judgement during spring training.

As for the deities who remained Status Quo and showed no decrease or increase in abilities during the spring - Reigning MVPs uKqili and Odin, Mohammed, Abraham, Anu, Lao-tzu, A Thetan, Zeus, Jesus Christ, Satan and Ra - we'll see if they regret not putting more effort into their offseason workouts and training regimens. "I'm not even the slightest bit concerned," noted Orlando CF Satan squeezing what appeared to be a stress ball, but turned out to be Brittney Spears' severed left breast, "I did some fishing and played some golf and really took the time to find myself...besides, I've been drinking twice as much blood of the wicked over the past couple months, so I'm ready to go out there and do my thing."

[enigk]

May 1st, 3005

The first month of the second season of the second comings showed one of our deities laying the proverbial smack down while others were relatively silent. It's time to really lay down the numbers for 9 of our deities who are in their contract year (Awonawilona, Zeus, Viracocha, A Thetan, Anu, Satan, Jesus Christ, Abraham and Khonvoum). Khonvoum, whose ill-advised decision to hire Master P VI as his agent following the initial draft has the most to gain through free-agency. While his fellow deities have been earning steady base-salaries, Khonvoum's incentive-laden contract dipped to a base of $300,000 this year due to his missing considerable time last year with injuries.

Meanwhile Aboriginals clicked and swung rocks on strings with glee as their icon Altjira had a great month and leads the DCL in all major offensive categories.

Monthly Highlights

4/3/3005 - Roman God Jupiter collects the 18th cycle in league history as he drives in and scores 3 runs as Jupiter's visiting Cincinnati team defeats Columbus, 10-5.

4/5/3005 - Viracocha (.500 / 8 RBI / .526 OBP) wins his 3rd career Player of the Week Award and Zeus (.563 / 9 RBI / 1.375 SLG) wins his 4th career Player of the Week Award.

4/7/3005 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle, driving in 3 and scoring 2 runs, but it wasn't enough as Norfolk falls at home to Charlotte, 9-6.

4/12/3005 - Zulu's uKqili (.560 / 13 RBI / 1.520 SLG) and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.714 / 3 HR / 7 RBI) win their 5th and 2nd Player of the Week Awards, respectively.

4/19/3005 - Philly's RF Tekkeitsertok (.577 / 6 HR / 12 RBI) wins his 2nd Player of the Week Award in the Continental League while Zeus (.714 / 5 HR / 15 RBI) brings the United League award home.

4/26/3005 - Orlando finally has a new reason to be called "The Happiest Place on Earth" since the bloody Children's Revolt of 2322 which leveled DisneyWorld as Orlando's Satan (.600 / 10 RBI) wins his 2nd career Player of the Week Award. Columbus remained rainy and grey despite their star SS Vishnu's winning the UL's Player of the Week Award with his .619 / 8 RBI performance for the week.

5/1/3005 - Philadelphia's RF and Inuit deity Tekkeitsertok (.484 / 18 HR / 39 RBI) and Lewiston's Catcher and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.607 / 19 HR / 41 RBI) take home the prestigious Batter of the Month Award.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .607
Deity HR Leader: Altjira / Satan 19
Deity RBI Leader: Altjira 41
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 22

[enigk]

June 1st, 3005

The month of May saw a power surge amongst the deities with quite a number of 3 Home Run games. Aboriginals are spinning their rocks perceptibly slower following a month where Altjira sees himself overtaken in a number of offensive categories. Also, another deity is felled by injury...

5/1/3005 - Phoenix 2B Confucius goes 4 for 4 with a double and 3 solo home runs in a 5-4 victory over Houston. His 3rd home run was his 75th career HR.

5/1/3005 - Greensboro CF Lao-tzu's tao of hitting was on full display as he hits the 20th cycle in league history in a 10-7 victory over Hunab Ku's Stockton team.

5/3/3005 - Confucius (.647 / 5 HR / 8 RBI / 1.706 SLG) and Hunab Ku (.750 / 6 HR / 8 RBI) win their respective leagues' Player of the Week Awards.

5/4/2005 - Altjira remained hot for the first week of May and hit for the cycle with 3 RBI in a 10-7 victory over visiting Greensboro and Lao-tzu, the last player to hit for the cycle only 3 days earlier.

5/5/3005 - The Big Apple became Satan's playground as Satan goes 4 for 5 with 3 HRs, 4 Runs Scored and 6 RBI in Orlando's 12-4 win over New York.

5/6/3005 - Not to be outdone, Memphis' Jesus Christ goes 5 for 6 with 3 HRs, 4 Runs Scored and 6 RBI in their 12-9 victory in Philadelphia.

5/9/3005 - Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum was on fire against Cincinnati, as he hits for the cycle and drives in *9* runs as Seattle doubles up on Cincinnati for a 18-9 victory.

5/10/3005 - Satan continues to scream: "Show me the money!" as the possible free agent to-be wins the CL Player of the Week Award with a .556 / 8 HR / 16 RBI performance. Altjira (under contract until 2008) continued to let his bat do the talking as he hits .667 / 7 HR / 15 RBI and extends his hitting streak to 34 games - taking home the UL Player of the Week Award.

5/10/3005 - Egyptian Sun God Ra blasts 3 HRs with 5 RBI in a slugfest against Columbus which Raleigh ends up winning 15-14.

5/11/3005 - Altjira's hit streak is halted at 34 games as he goes 0-2 with 2 walks in Lewiston's 4-2 victory over Buffalo. An ever-humble Altjira declared after the game: "Hey, we won the game - that's the most important number to me!" He then proceeded to destroy a nearby trash can, injuring 6 in the ruckus.

5/17/3005 - Buddhists beamed as Siddhartha Guatama (.737 / 3 HR / 6 RBI) was awarded his 3rd career Player of the Week Award. Egyptians ironically danced like Americans when they learned that their god Ra (.444 / 15 RBI) was named the UL's Player of the Week.

5/19/3005 - The cycle becomes old hat for our deities as Stockton's Hunab Ku completes the cycle with 3 RBI and 3 Runs Scored against Columbus.

5/23/3005 - Aztec god Ometeotl supports my claim and demoralizes Columbus by getting 5 hits and completing the cycle with 5 RBI and 3 Runs Scored against a oft-cycled Columbus team - the 2nd cycle hit against them in less than a week.

5/24/3005 - They may have kept their names out of the headlines during the week, but that didn't stop voters from respecting the weekly achievements of uKqili (.700 / 4 HR / 12 RBI) and Vishnu (.636 / 4 HR / 11 RBI / 1.500 SLG) as they are awarded Player of the Week Awards.

5/28/3005 - Lao-tzu has 5 hits including a double and 3 home runs (not to mention 3 RBI and 5 Runs scored) as a humbled Columbus team rips Greenboro 12-10.

5/29/3005 - The injury bug rears his ugly head again, this time catching Christianity namesake Jesus Christ right on the back. On 5/29/3005, Jesus was placed on the DL as he was expected to be out for 1-2 weeks with a Sore Back. Jesus has claimed that the injury is probably due to his being forced to carry his own bats to the field. Memphis officials have declared that they will be issuing wheeled golf bags to all players in an effort to reduce back aches. In 52 games this season, Jesus has hit .464 with 28 HRs and 70 RBI.

5/31/3005 - Siddhartha Guatama (.593 / 6 HR / 15 RBI) and Lao-tzu (.667 / 5 HR / 10 RBI / 1.481 SLG) win Player of the Week honors.

6/1/3005 - The Buddhist Bomber's trophy case is starting to fill as he is awarded the CL Batter of the Month Award for the month of May. Guatama hit .558 with 19 HRs and 39 RBI during the month. In the United League, it was Mayan God Hunab Ku's time for recognition as he hits .566 with 19 HRs and 44 RBI to garner the UL's Batter of the Month award.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .552
Deity HR Leader: Satan / Hunab Ku 37
Deity RBI Leader: Hunab Ku / Zeus 78
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 39

[Vris]

Question, but I think I know the answer:

Has anyone mortal ever won the player of the week/month?

And also, are you using modern settings? Great read, you're really doing a fantastic job with this.

[enigk]

Originally Posted by Vris

Question, but I think I know the answer:

Has anyone mortal ever won the player of the week/month?

And also, are you using modern settings? Great read, you're really doing a fantastic job with this.

Hey Vris - after the All-Star Break in the first year, two mortal pitchers won player of the week awards (with rather pedestrian numbers). As for the batter of the month awards, it has, to this point, been a clean sweep by the various deities.

I am using the Modern Era settings. I appreciate the compliments - it's nice to know other people are enjoying it as much as I am!

[Vris]

Well I guess they have to give nod to the pitchers of the league, even if your dieties are tearing **** up.

[enigk]

July 1st, 3005

The month of June saw two No-Hitters thrown against our deities as well as all of the icons trying to make a last minute run to steal some All-Star votes. And yet another injury befalls an unsuspecting deity...

Monthly Highlights

6/6/3005 - With their deity Khonvoum getting the day off to rest, his Seattle teammates didn't need any help as mortal Seattle pitcher Terrance Alber NO-HITS Jupiter and the rest of a hapless Cincinnati team. The only thing keeping Alber from a perfect game was 3 walks, all by Cincinnati Catcher Jupiter. Jupiter, who drew the 3 walks and stole 2 bases, finally got a chance to swing with two outs in the bottom of the 9th, but weakly grounded out to the 2B, leaving him 0-1 on the day and enciting a mass celebration by the Seattle players. The celebration was briefly interrupted when lightning struck (from a cloudless sky) just a few scant feet from the throng gathered on the pitcher's mound. Jupiter was unavailable for comment following the game.

6/7/3005 - Judaism icon Abraham (.565 / 5 HR / 7 RBI / 1.522 SLG) and Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.652 / 10 RBI / 1.696 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards

6/9/3005 - The 29th cycle in league history is collected by Mohammed as Buffalo continues Cincinnati's embarassment. Mohammed scored 4 runs and drove in 6 in his team's 8-3 victory over Cincinnati.

6/9/3005 - Sikh Guru Nahak blasts three home runs and collects 6 RBI in his 4-4 performance against Cleveland, which needed all of the help he could give as they squeak out the win against New Orleans, 9-8.

6/11/3005 - Severely disappointed by last season's performance, Khonvoum is a deity on a mission this season (it should also be noted Khonvoum is in a contract year), as he jacks three Home Runs for 7 RBI in a 13-9 victory over Greensboro.

6/12/3005 - Irish deity Anu collects the cycle for El Paso, but it's not enough as El Paso falls to Cleveland 12-7 at home.

6/13/3005 - Adding to El Paso's woes, Cleveland Catcher Enlil clubs three home runs with 5 RBI as Cleveland beats El Paso again, this time 11-6.

6/14/3005 - Siddhartha Guatama (.545 / 3 HR / 8 RBI) and 3004 World Series MVP Mohammed (.609 / 12 RBI / .700 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.

6/14/3005 - Confucius and Bondje each collect 5 hits in a Phoenix-Hartford shootout which ends up going 12 innings. Confucius had an RBI double in the top of the 12th which held up to be the game winner as Hartford couldn't answer in the bottom half of the inning. Confucius finished the game 5 for 5 with 2 Home Runs and 3 RBI, Bondje finished 5 for 6 with 2 double, a Home Run and 3 RBI.

6/19/3005 - Voodoo God Bondje makes the news again as he hits for the cycle, scores 2 runs and drives in 3. However, just like the last time he made the news, it's not enough as Hartford explodes for a 7 run 6th and wins the game 9-8 in Phoenix.

6/19/3005 - Guru Nahak is held hitless with 2 walks, but it was enough as his teammate, mortal pitcher John Wyatt, NO-HITS Pittsburgh in their own stadium. Pittsburgh deity, Ometeotl had a scheduled day off, but was brought in to pinch hit in the 8th. He grounded into a fielder's choice and ended up stranded at 3rd. There was a mixture of boos and cheers from the Pittsburgh crowd as the game ended on a groundout to the New Orleans Shortstop. New Orleans won the game 2-0 on the strong performance by the journeyman 39 year old pitcher.

6/21/3005 - Confucianism namesake Confucius (.650 / 18 RBI / 1.850 SLG) and Sumerian God Enlil (.588 / 5 RBI) each win their 4th Career Player of the Week Awards.

6/26/3005 - Not just litter brought tears to the Pueblo Indians' eyes, as their deity Awonawilona pulls a calf muscle running to 2nd base on a double in the 1st inning of New York's game against Atlanta. Fellow deity and catcher Viracocha had the day off but was one of the first people to reach the prone Awonawilona at 2nd base. "I am an omnipotent deity," noted Incan God Viracocha, "I have destroyed villages and the unfaithful with a mere flick of my tail with not so much as a second thought...but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings, too." Awonawilona walked off the field under his own power and claims to be at about 90%, but New York officials didn't want to take any chances, as they put him on the 15 Day DL. Awonawilona is not expected to be back to full health for 4-5 weeks.

6/28/3005 - Fresh from his back injury, Christ makes up some ground and earns himself his 3rd career CL Player of the Week Award for his .588 / 5 HR / 11 RBI performance. In the UL, Zeus (.632 / 3 HR / 7 RBI / 1.211 SLG) is going to need a new shelf soon as he earns his 6th career PotW.

7/1/3005 - The Buddhist Bomber, Siddhartha Guatama, is named Batter of the Month for June as his .564 / 12 HR / 28 RBI / 1.308 SLG performance is voted best amongst his Continental League peers. 3004 MVP Odin continues to impress, as he earns his 2nd career Batter of the Month award with his .547 / 15 HR / 37 RBI / 1.337 SLG.

edit:
Deity BA Leader: Altjira .512
Deity HR Leader: Hunab Ku 49
Deity RBI Leader: Zeus 116
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 54