Deity Competition League - Page 5

enigk · 10-28-2004, 03:05 PM

3006 DEITY AWARDS

World Series Trophy - Altjira
Post-Season MVP Award - Altjira
Continental League MVP - Bondje
United League MVP - Anu (Triple Crown)
All-Star Game MVP - Satan

Continental League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Awonawilona (2)
Third Base - Abraham (2)
Left Field - Jesus Christ

United League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Jupiter
First Base - Ra (2)
Shortstop - Vishnu (2)

Abraham Career Stats (Judaism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS   Teams 
3004  154 548  238 55  13 81  199 184 105 0  0  8  91  19 .434 .525 1.026 1.551 CHA,CL 
3005  157 556  235 48  16 71  162 192 110 0  0  10 73  15 .423 .518  .950 1.468 CHA,CL 
3006  158 564  239 59  20 83  231 201 131 0  5  6  63  23 .424 .529 1.041 1.569 CHA,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 469 1668 712 162 49 235 592 577 346 0  5  24 227 57 .427 .524 1.005 1.529

Altjira's Career Stats (Aboriginal)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS   Teams 
3004  146 491  234 42  17 76  176 167 111 0  0  8  74  26 .477 .573 1.096 1.669 LEW,UL 
3005  151 516  256 41  19 92  214 186 107 0  0  10 77  22 .496 .583 1.184 1.767 LEW,UL 
3006  150 529  252 47  22 88  211 205 126 0  2  11 84  24 .476 .575 1.147 1.723 LEW,UL 
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Total 447 1536 742 130 58 256 601 558 344 0  2  29 235 72 .483 .577 1.143 1.720

Anu's Career Stats (Celtic)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS   Teams 
3004  157 526  242 50  15 80  182 203 115 0  0  5  84  14 .460 .557 1.068 1.625 EP,UL 
3005  159 538  224 47  24 63  153 178 118 0  0  5  79  24 .416 .521  .944 1.466 EP,UL 
3006  156 557  291 70  24 95  229 231 119 0  2  10 79  17 .522 .605 1.246 1.851 EP,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 472 1621 757 167 63 238 564 612 352 0  2  20 242 55 .467 .562 1.088 1.650

Apsu's Career Stats (Babylonian)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  144 480  230 47  16 80  179 188 126 0  0  4  75  17 .479 .587 1.144 1.731 OC,CL 
3005  157 546  247 56  13 90  185 198 112 0  0  11 79  23 .452 .546 1.097 1.643 OC,CL 
3006  121 431  198 45  17 61  161 152 100 0  2  7  63  16 .459 .559 1.067 1.626 OC,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 422 1457 675 148 46 231 525 538 338 0  2  22 217 56 .463 .564 1.104 1.667

Awonawilona's Career Stats (Pueblo Indian)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004 147  502  208 45  16 74  175 168 98  0  0  13 54  15 .414 .510 1.010 1.520 NY,CL 
3005 132  457  196 42  13 68  160 159 88  0  0  10 63  17 .429 .521 1.024 1.545 NY 
3006 152  501  231 36  16 83  204 192 110 0  6  11 75  16 .461 .553 1.094 1.646 NY,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 431 1460 635 123 45 225 539 519 296 0  6  34 192 48 .435 .528 1.043 1.572

Bondje's Career Stats (VooDoo)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  154 562  271 72  22 81  181 210 114 0  0  9  102 28 .482 .570 1.121 1.691 HAR,CL 
3005  156 527  247 63  19 68  179 204 143 0  0  8  85  25 .469 .582 1.047 1.630 HAR,CL 
3006  153 530  269 62  22 87  202 197 126 0  1  4  73  24 .508 .601 1.200 1.801 HAR,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 463 1619 787 197 63 236 562 611 383 0  1  21 260 77 .486 .584 1.123 1.707

Jesus Christ's Career Stats (Christianity)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 552  249 56  18 85  192 193 109 0  0  13 77  22 .451 .542 1.080 1.621 MEM,CL 
3005  143 487  218 53  17 74  183 190 134 0  0  6  68  23 .448 .567 1.082 1.649 MEM,CL 
3006  156 565  242 46  16 91  206 193 118 0  5  8  95  21 .428 .523 1.050 1.573 MEM,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 456 1604 709 155 51 250 581 576 361 0  5  27 240 66 .442 .543 1.070 1.613

Confucius' Career Stats (Confucianism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  144 498  233 63  17 62  154 192 113 0  0  16 77  18 .468 .566 1.036 1.602 PHO,CL 
3005  156 551  227 50  14 76  188 185 121 0  0  13 83  16 .412 .518  .967 1.485 PHO,CL 
3006  156 537  235 62  21 81  181 190 113 0  2  7  78  18 .438 .534 1.084 1.618 PHO,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 456 1586 695 175 52 219 523 567 347 0  2  36 238 52 .438 .539 1.028 1.567

Enlil's Career Stats (Sumerian)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  156 489  233 46  21 78  171 192 127 0  0  7  80  17 .476 .584 1.135 1.719 CLE 
3005  150 490  224 51  17 70  188 187 133 0  0  7  88  21 .457 .573 1.059 1.632 CLE 
3006  153 486  213 50  22 74  201 177 108 0  3  6  77  15 .438 .538 1.088 1.626 CLE 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 459 1465 670 147 60 222 560 556 368 0  3  20 245 53 .457 .565 1.094 1.660

Siddhartha Guatama's Career Stats (Buddhism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 538  245 54  14 76  177 192 129 0  0  14 98  22 .455 .561 1.032 1.592 CHI 
3005  157 547  267 62  27 90  211 214 123 0  0  7  84  19 .488 .582 1.194 1.776 CHI,CL 
3006  155 537  255 55  10 90  214 216 134 0  3  10 95  17 .475 .577 1.117 1.694 CHI,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 469 1622 767 171 51 256 602 622 386 0  3  31 277 58 .473 .573 1.115 1.688

Jupiter's Career Stats (Roman)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  150 501  227 50  19 67  152 177 128 0  0  8  79  28 .453 .564 1.030 1.594 CIN,UL 
3005  154 504  222 58  17 77  177 181 122 0  0  7  68  16 .440 .550 1.081 1.631 CIN,UL 
3006  144 498  223 64  20 77  195 185 115 0  6  8  75  17 .448 .546 1.120 1.667 CIN 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 448 1503 672 172 56 221 524 543 365 0  6  23 222 61 .447 .553 1.077 1.631

Khonvoum's Career Stats (Pygmy)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  111 375  183 43  8  64  140 159 95  0  0  1  65  13 .488 .591 1.157 1.749 SEA,UL 
3005  155 562  266 58  23 91  201 204 117 0  0  10 85  21 .473 .564 1.144 1.708 SEA,UL 
3006  155 535  238 57  14 76  166 196 113 0  1  6  81  20 .445 .541 1.030 1.571 SEA,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 421 1472 687 158 45 231 507 559 325 0  1  17 231 54 .467 .563 1.106 1.669

Hunab Ku's Career Stats (Mayan)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  159 545  277 60  17 87  177 216 127 0  0  12 97  26 .508 .601 1.160 1.761 STO,UL 
3005  154 538  240 45  18 77  167 201 132 0  0  11 90  20 .446 .555 1.026 1.581 STO,UL 
3006  157 547  258 63  13 92  216 203 127 0  8  5  75  21 .472 .565 1.139 1.703 STO,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 470 1630 775 168 48 256 560 620 386 0  8  28 262 67 .475 .574 1.109 1.682

Mohammed's Career Stats (Islam)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  159 547  244 56  19 87  216 213 122 0  0  14 90  25 .446 .547 1.095 1.642 BUF,UL 
3005  156 556  238 62  19 85  184 188 109 0  0  8  76  19 .428 .522 1.067 1.588 BUF,UL 
3006  157 555  235 42  23 84  184 182 111 0  5  11 60  20 .423 .516 1.036 1.552 BUF,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 472 1658 717 160 61 256 584 583 342 0  5  33 226 64 .432 .528 1.066 1.594

Guru Nahak's Career Stats (Sikhism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  152 501  205 49  14 68  153 175 115 0  0  7  89  12 .409 .519  .970 1.490 NO 
3005  150 491  220 46  14 80  178 181 132 0  0  7  90  19 .448 .565 1.088 1.653 NO 
3006  151 515  239 53  11 88  202 173 106 0  5  13 69  19 .464 .551 1.122 1.673 NO,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 453 1507 664 148 39 236 533 529 353 0  5  27 248 50 .441 .545 1.060 1.606

Odin's Career Stats (Norse)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 547  260 75  14 95  229 207 118 0  0  5  77  12 .475 .568 1.185 1.753 GAD,UL 
3005  160 549  267 62  12 89  192 190 120 0  0  7  73  27 .486 .578 1.129 1.708 GAD,UL 
3006  154 517  250 55  11 84  180 183 126 0  2  7  59  20 .484 .583 1.120 1.703 GAD,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 471 1613 777 192 37 268 601 580 364 0  2  19 209 59 .482 .577 1.145 1.722

Ometeotl's Career Stats (Aztec)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 545  265 53  19 95  211 203 120 0  0  8  82  29 .486 .579 1.176 1.755 PIT,UL 
3005  157 537  251 67  20 77  187 201 122 0  0  7  74  10 .467 .566 1.097 1.663 PIT,UL 
3006  157 549  224 49  17 78  204 213 148 0  5  7  79  19 .408 .530  .985 1.515 PIT,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 471 1631 740 169 56 250 602 617 390 0  5  22 235 58 .454 .558 1.086 1.644

Ra's Career Stats (Egyptian)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  155 558  257 58  19 84  193 194 105 0  0  9  78  12 .461 .546 1.084 1.630 RAL,UL 
3005  157 535  219 38  20 86  181 191 138 0  0  6  72  19 .409 .530 1.037 1.568 RAL,UL 
3006  155 552  265 67  23 91  199 225 129 0  3  9  80  16 .480 .576 1.179 1.755 RAL,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 467 1645 741 163 62 261 573 610 372 0  3  24 230 47 .450 .551 1.101 1.652

Satan's Career Stats (Satanism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  156 555  247 58  16 77  169 204 116 0  0  5  82  16 .445 .541 1.023 1.564 ORL,CL 
3005  157 547  243 57  14 85  184 204 107 0  0  8  70  18 .444 .535 1.066 1.601 ORL,CL 
3006  153 532  233 58  23 70  148 194 127 0  3  10 89  16 .438 .544 1.028 1.572 ORL,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 466 1634 723 173 53 232 501 602 350 0  3  23 241 50 .442 .540 1.039 1.579

Tekkeitsertok's Career Stats (Inuit)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 560  272 69  16 81  188 212 122 0  0  8  77  20 .486 .578 1.100 1.678 PHI,CL 
3005  155 541  235 61  12 77  188 177 129 0  0  6  66  16 .434 .543 1.018 1.562 PHI,CL 
3006  152 521  223 61  23 69  190 173 107 0  8  7  73  12 .428 .519 1.031 1.550 PHI,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 464 1622 730 191 51 227 566 562 358 0  8  21 216 48 .450 .547 1.051 1.598

A Thetan's Career Stats (Scientology)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  153 541  243 55  19 76  168 187 127 0  0  9  99  25 .449 .554 1.043 1.596 HOU 
3005  156 540  239 54  18 79  176 183 122 0  0  6  82  19 .443 .545 1.048 1.593 HOU,CL 
3006  155 523  260 61  19 78  188 204 140 0  4  8  74  22 .497 .600 1.134 1.734 HOU,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 464 1604 742 170 56 233 532 574 389 0  4  23 255 66 .463 .566 1.074 1.641

Lao-tzu's Career Stats (Taoism)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  159 541  274 66  21 73  170 202 126 0  0  15 98  28 .506 .600 1.111 1.711 GRE,UL 
3005  156 535  245 58  21 75  181 205 139 0  0  8  69  20 .458 .570 1.065 1.635 GRE,UL 
3006  157 557  254 55  16 88  198 213 126 0  3  6  82  18 .456 .554 1.086 1.640 GRE,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 472 1633 773 179 58 236 549 620 391 0  3  29 249 66 .473 .574 1.088 1.662

uKqili's Career Stats (Zulu)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  157 564  274 55  17 94  207 228 119 0  0  9  78  19 .486 .575 1.144 1.719 NOR,CL 
3005  157 542  260 54  17 90  197 225 148 0  0  10 83  20 .480 .591 1.140 1.732 NOR,CL 
3006  160 536  231 54  16 87  196 198 136 0  7  10 84  24 .431 .541 1.078 1.619 NOR,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 474 1642 765 163 50 271 600 651 403 0  7  29 245 63 .466 .569 1.121 1.690

Viracocha's Career Stats (Incan)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  153 504  233 58  24 67  174 182 106 0  0  7  64  16 .462 .556 1.071 1.627 ATL,CL 
3005  151 491  234 56  11 74  169 182 99  0  0  9  72  19 .477 .564 1.088 1.652 ATL,CL 
3006  151 494  226 43  9  80  169 173 97  0  4  8  76  23 .457 .543 1.067 1.610 ATL,CL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 455 1489 693 157 44 221 512 537 302 0  4  24 212 58 .465 .554 1.075 1.630

Vishnu's Career Stats (Hindu)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  158 544  255 57  22 80  202 207 133 0  0  8  97  20 .469 .573 1.096 1.669 COL,UL 
3005  156 568  263 55  19 92  219 230 128 0  0  6  86  19 .463 .562 1.113 1.674 COL,UL 
3006  155 564  290 64  30 91  222 248 141 0  2  4  83  13 .514 .610 1.218 1.828 COL,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 469 1676 808 176 71 263 643 685 402 0  2  18 266 52 .482 .582 1.143 1.724

Zeus' Career Stats (Greek)

Code:

Year  G   AB   H   2B  3B HR  RBI R   BB  HP SF K  SB  CS  AVG  OBP SLG    OPS  Teams 
3004  156 564  256 59  25 74  195 212 149 0  0  6  80  25 .454 .568 1.041 1.609 LR,UL 
3005  153 547  255 56  20 87  211 230 142 0  0  18 83  23 .466 .576 1.119 1.695 LR,UL 
3006  154 547  225 45  14 72  162 180 118 0  5  11 60  25 .411 .512  .940 1.452 LR,UL 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total 463 1658 736 160 59 233 568 622 409 0  5  35 223 73 .444 .553 1.033 1.586

Satan · 10-28-2004, 04:35 PM

I just wanted to drop by and thank all of my supporters on here. I promise to do even better in 3007!

enigk · 10-29-2004, 06:33 PM

May 1st, 3007

The 4th season of the DCL is off and running as our deities try and show their dominance over one another. It was a pretty uneventful Spring Training as Siddhartha Guatama, A Thetan, Altjira, Zeus, Jesus Christ, Guru Nahak, uKqili and Khonvoum showed good Strike Zone Judgement. However, Zeus' defensive range has been declining steadily and he has slipped from Ranges of 100 for all positions to a range between 73-79 across the board. An unnamed source in the Little Rock Front Office described a recent challenge issued to the deity LF by the coach.

"He said: 'Get in front of the damn ball, Zeus! Don't give me this *ole* bull****!'," quoted the source, "There was a huge thunderclap and the coach was gone...just...gone. Our hitting coach will interim the first couple of weeks until we can interview replacements...not that anyone is jumping at the chance..."

Monthly Highlights

4/5/3007 - Pueblo Indian deity and New York Catcher Awonawilona (.688 / 12 RBI / .737 OBP) and 3006 Post-Season MVP Altjira (.647 / 5 HR / 9 RBI) win the first Player of the Week Award of the 3007 season.

4/7/3007 - Islamic icon Mohammed hits 3 home runs and drives in 4 in Buffalo's 8-1 win in Cleveland.

4/7/3007 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu has a great day, going 5 for 5 at the plate with 4 runs scored, 5 RBIs, 2 doubles, a home run, a sac fly and 2 stolen bases as Greensboro steamrolls Columbus, 11-1.

4/12/3007 - Hartford RF Bondje (.600 / 5 HR / 11 RBI) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.667 / 5 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

4/13/3007 - Apparently when not vaporizing coaches into tufts of ozone and water, Zeus has been lifting weights as he crushes three longballs and drives in 5 in Little Rock's 11-1 win over Columbus.

4/14/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona hits the 46th cycle in league history, his first, while collecting a very impressive 10 RBI as he goes 5 for 6 from the plate, with a single, a double, a triple, and 2 3-run home runs as New York demolishes a shell-shocked Jesus Christ and his Memphis teammates, 18-2.

4/15/3007 - Voodoo deity Bondje is officially a citizen of Haiti, but he personified the aggressions and frustrations of all U.S. Taxpayers on this April 15th by going 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 singles, a double, 2 HRs, 3 runs scored and 6 RBI as Hartford kicks around Philly, 13-8.

4/19/3007 - Awonawilona has 26 RBI in 30 ABs while hitting .633 on the week to win the PotW for the CL. Guru Nahak hits .577 with 8 HRs and 15 RBI and is awarded the United League's PotW Award.

4/26/3007 - Orlando CF and Father of All Lies, Satan (.682 / 5 HR / 14 RBI) and Raleigh 1B Ra (.611 / 5 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

4/28/3007 - Egyptian Sun God Ra continued to hit the ball well as he goes 5 for 5 from the plate in Raleigh's 6-2 win in Cleveland. On the day, Ra had a single, 3 doubles, a Home Run, 2 RBI, 2 runs scored and a Stolen Base.

5/1/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona is an easy choice for the Continental League Batter of the Month Award as he collects a stunning 65 RBIs in the month of April, while hitting .520 and 23 Home Runs and posting a 1.439 SLG. In the United League, Lewiston Catcher Altjira (.529 / 22 HR / 49 RBI / 1.425 SLG) continues to impress as he is awarded the UL's Batter of the Month Award.

Deity BA Leader: Apsu .556
Deity HR Leader: Awonawilona 23
Deity RBI Leader: Awonawilona 65
Deity SB Leader: 5 tied at 17

Deity Career HR Leaderboard
1.) uKqili 287
2.) Odin 285
3.) Vishnu 282
4.) Ra 278
4.) Altjira 278
6.) Mohammed 276
7.) Siddhartha Guatama 272
8.) Hunab Ku 267
9.) Ometeotl 266
10.) Jesus Christ 263

enigk · 11-02-2004, 06:41 PM

June 1st, 3007

The month of May saw the second mortal showing up the deities by receiving a Player of the Week Award as well as three of our deities reaching the 300 career HR mark. Also, one of our deities was slightly hampered with a minor injury.

Monthly Highlights

5/2/3007 - Voodoo God Bondje hits 3 home runs and collects 6 RBI in Hartford's 10-8 win in New York.

5/3/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona (.556 / 5 HR / 14 RBI / 1.667 SLG) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.565 / 4 HR / 11 RBI / 1.391 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

5/4/3007 - Hartford RF Bondje hits the 48th cycle in league history in Hartford's 17-4 routing of Phoenix.

5/6/3007 - Gadsden 2B Odin collects 5 hits (single, 2 doubles, 2 HRs, 5 RBI) in Gadsden's 14-6 win in El Paso.

5/7/3007 - Aztec God Ometeotl clubs 3 HRs in 4 ABs, scoring 3 runs and driving in 4 in Pittsburgh's 9-3 win in Raleigh.

5/10/3007 - It was an embarassing day for our CL deities as puny human Frederick Cook (.536 / 3 HR / 8 RBI) is named the Continental League's Player of the Week Award. In the UL, Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.500 / 6 HR / 14 RBI / 1.300 SLG) takes home the PotW.

5/10/3007 - Scientology icon A Thetan hits 2 singles, a double and 2 home runs, scoring 4 runs with 2 RBI in Houston's 8-1 drubbing of Orlando.

5/12/3007 - Celtic deity Anu collects a single, 3 doubles, a home run, 3 runs scored and 4 RBI in El Paso's 8-5 win in Cleveland.

5/13/3007 - Confucianism namesake Confucius homers three times with 5 RBI in Phoenix's 12-9 win in Norfolk.

5/16/3007 - Mayan God Hunab Ku goes 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 doubles, 3 HRs and drives in all his team's runs in Stockton's 7-3 win over Gadsden.

5/17/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.636 / 7 HR / 16 RBI) and Stockton 3B Hunab Ku (.636 / 6 HR / 14 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

5/19/3007 - In the bottom of the 10th inning, Zulu deity uKqili drives a solo home run over the right-center field wall to tie the game at 5 and bringing the Norfolk 1B's career HR count to 300, making him the first deity to reach this plateau. It was the second HR of the game for uKqili, who was 4 for 6 on the day, but it was not enough as Atlanta scores 4 runs in the top of the 12th and stops a late-surging Norfolk team to win the game 9-8.

5/22/3007 - Mayan God Hunab Ku improves Stockton's record to 24-24 as he again hits three home runs, all solo HRs this time, in Stockton's 8-4 win in Raleigh.

5/24/3007 - Judaism icon Abraham (.545 / 10 RBI / 1.409 SLG) wins the CL Player of the Week Award. Mayan God Hunab Ku (.556 / 8 RBI / 1.722 SLG) wins his 2nd PotW in as many weeks.

5/24/3007 - There must be something in the water as Greensboro CF Lao-tzu goes 5 for 6 with a single, a double, 3 HRs and 6 RBI. His 3rd and final home run was a game-winning solo blast in the bottom of the 10th which gave Greensboro the 13-12 win over Buffalo.

5/29/3007 - While catching a blistering line drive, El Paso RF Anu bruises his hand and will be at 90% for 3 days. El Paso says they will handle the situation *extremely* cautiously and sit Anu for the next three days.

5/31/3007 - Scientology icon A Thetan (.591 / 12 RBI) and Hindu deity Vishnu (.455 / 7 RBI / 1.091 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

5/31/3007 - Sparking rampant whisperings of possible substance abuse, Mayan God Hunab Ku clubs another three HRs in a 4 for 4 performance in Stockton's 12-4 win over Little Rock. On the day, Ku also doubled, scored 4 runs and collected 5 RBI.

"These rumors are absurd," replied Ku, when questioned about the rumors of substance abuse, "and they anger me greatly. When I find out exactly who has been spreading this blasphemy, rest assured they will regret that I allowed them to be born with vocal cords."

6/1/3007 - Batter of the Month Awards are awarded to Norfolk 1B uKqili (.505 / 46 RBI / 1.316 SLG) and Stockton 2B Hunab Ku (.495 / 21 HR / 41 RBI / .581 OBP).

Deity BA Leader: Guru Nahak .506
Deity HR Leader: Awonawilona / Vishnu 38
Deity RBI Leader: Awonawilona 98
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 39

Deity Career SB Leaderboard
1.) Siddhartha Guatama 300
2.) Bondje 299
3.) A Thetan 293
4.) Vishnu 289
5.) Hunab Ku 287
6.) uKqili 279
7.) Anu 275
8.) Lao-tzu 273
9.) Enlil 272
10.) Confucius 271
10.) Guru Nahak 271

enigk · 11-09-2004, 02:01 PM

July 1st, 3007

At the All-Star Break in the DCL, two of our deities are contemplating a position change. UL Catchers Jupiter and Enlil were not invited to the All-Star game and are pondering moving from behind the plate.

"Let's face facts," stated Sumerian God Enlil, "I'm hitting .457 for my career thus far. While that may not be the highest average amongst my peers, how many All-Star Games have I been invited to? Zero. A big, fat, whole lotta nuthin'. That really sucks if you want my honest opinion. I mean, no offense to the Eskimos out there, but Tekkeitsertok hasn't hit over .430 in two years and his HRs have dropped faster than Star Jones XVI on a see-saw. But, he's an outfielder and they let, like, 75 of them go to the All-Star game."

Tekkeitsertok fired back at Enlil when informed of the Sumerian God's comments. "Well, no offense to both people out there who follow Enlil but he can kiss my lily-white, icy-cold @$$. Waa waa...I mean, grow up for my sake..."

Monthly Highlights

6/7/3007 - Judaism icon Abraham (.577 / 4 HR / 14 RBI) and Mayan God Hunab Ku (.636 / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

6/9/3007 - Stockton 3B Hunab Ku continues his HR tear, hitting another 3 HRs and driving in 6 RBI in Stockton's 10-8 win over Lewiston.

6/11/3007 - Lewiston Catcher and Aboriginal icon Altjira crushes 3 longballs and collects 6 RBI in Lewiston's 9-4 win over Cleveland.

6/12/3007 - Even deities can't escape peer pressure and hitting 3 HRs in a game is the cool thing to do. This time, it's Egyptian Sun God Ra's turn in a magnificent 6 for 6 performance (single, 2 doubles, 3 HRs, 4 RBI) as Raleigh doubles down on Cincinnati, 16-8.

6/14/3007 - Player of the Week Honors are awarded to Oklahoma City SS Apsu (.500 / 5 HR / 16 RBI) and Lewiston Catcher Altjira (.722 / 18 RBI).

6/14/3007 - Not only can he turn water into wine, but Memphis Left Fielder Jesus Christ can also turn 4 hits into a cycle. Chicago beat Memphis 7-5, but the real story of the game was Christ who hits the 50th cycle in league history.

6/14/3007 - New Orleans' Catcher Guru Nahak is the latest to hop on the 3 Homer Bandwagon as he clubs three longballs in his team's 8-5 win over Cincinnati.

6/15/3007 - Not to be shown up by his eternal rival, Satanism icon and Orlando CF Satan hits the 51st cycle in league history only one day after Memphis LF Jesus Christ hit the 50th.

"That's Satan for you," joked Christ, "Always a day late and a dollar short."

"Pay no attention to his ramblings," replied Satan, upon being informed of the flippant remark, "Have you heard the crap music people are making in his name around here? Listen to that and then listen to the stuff that my followers make...no contest."

6/21/3007 - Memphis Left Fielder Jesus Christ (.652 / 18 RBI / .667 OBP) and Columbus SS Vishnu (.565 / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

6/22/3007 - Aztec deity Ometeotl hits 3 HRs in Pittsburgh's 7-2 win in Gadsden. On the day, Ometeotl was 4 for 4 with a single, 3 HRs, 3 runs scored and 5 RBI.

6/26/3007 - Buddhism icon and Chicago RF Siddhartha Guatama goes 4 for 4 from the plate with a double, 3 home runs, 3 runs scored and 5 RBI as Chicago squeaks past Orlando, 9-8.

6/28/3007 - Babylonian deity Apsu (.765 / 5 HR / 13 RBI) and Aztec God Ometeotl (.700 / 16 RBI / .750 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/1/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.462 / 20 HR / 48 RBI) and Raleigh 1B Ra (.578 / 17 HR / 44 RBI) win their respective league's Batter of the Month Awards.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .512
Deity HR Leader: Vishnu 60
Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 126
Deity SB Leader: A Thetan 53

Deity Career Hits Leaderboard
1.) Vishnu 938
2.) Bondje 921
3.) Hunab Ku 908
4.) Odin 903
5.) Lao-tzu 897
6.) uKqili 884
7.) Siddhartha Guatama 882
8.) Ra 877
9.) Anu 872
10.) Zeus 871
10.) Ometeotl 871
10.) Altjira 871

enigk · 11-09-2004, 04:17 PM

3007 DCL All-Star Game - July 1st, 3007

The CL is 3-0 against their UL counterdeities in the DCL's All-Star history. Some of our CL deities are rather prideful heading into the game. "I may play the game sitting down," joked starting CL CF Satan, "although Jesus Christ is playing shortstop today, so I'll probably have to go grab a couple of the balls he should have fielded." Incan God Viracocha was also rather jovial heading into the game. "I'm going to have a busy day at catcher," he joked, "What with chasing down all those pop-ups behind the plate and all."

The UL remained unfazed by the joking, "Let them laugh," noted Egyptian Sun God Ra, starting at 2B today, "We will see who laughs last."

This year's Starting Lineups are as follows:

CL's Starting Line-Up
1.) RF Tekkeitsertok (.385 / 28 HR / 77 RBI)
2.) 2B Siddhartha Guatama (.418 / 44 HR / 101 RBI)
3.) LF A Thetan (.462 / 41 HR / 98 RBI)
4.) C Viracocha (.435 / 36 HR / 86 RBI)
5.) SS Jesus Christ (.461 / 38 HR / 110 RBI)
6.) 1B uKqili (.456 / 43 HR / 104 RBI)
7.) 3B Confucius (.457 / 55 HR / 124 RBI)
8.) CF Satan (.429 / 36 HR / 87 RBI)
9.) P James Erb (11-4 / 3.81 ERA)

UL's Starting Line-Up
1.) RF Lao-tzu (.440 / 42 HR / 96 RBI)
2.) 2B Ra (.498 / 44 HR / 106 RBI)
3.) SS Hunab Ku (.500 / 52 HR / 109 RBI)
4.) C Guru Nahak (.506 / 55 HR / 123 RBI)
5.) 1B Vishnu (.469 / 60 HR / 114 RBI)
6.) 3B Odin (.458 / 41 HR / 106 RBI)
7.) LF Zeus (.489 / 42 HR / 107 RBI)
8.) CF Mohammed (.484 / 48 HR / 111 RBI)
9.) P Russell Miller (8-5 / 4.15 ERA)

GAME RECAP

Top of the 1st - Tekkeitsertok came to the plate and flied out to Mohammed in CF for the 1st out. Siddhartha Guatama singled just past a diving Ra at 2B for the one-out single. A Thetan drew the walk, putting men on first and second. Viracocha followed with a high fly ball to left which Zeus easily squeezed for the 2nd out. Jesus Christ came up to the plate next and drove a 1-0 Slider over the left field wall for the 3 Run Homer. Zulu God uKqili was next up and drove a 2-1 slider into the Right-Center Field gap for a triple. With two outs and a runner on 3rd, Confucius popped out into foul territory down the first base line.

CL 3 / UL 0

Bottom of the 1st - UL RF Lao-tzu stepped to the plate, trying to get the UL off to a good start to hopefully reverse the negative fortunes they have drawn in All-Star games. He took a 1-0 pitch to deep center field, but Tekkeitsertok climbed the wall and robbed Lao-tzu of the home run. Lao-tzu was notably upset and smashed his helmet against the dugout wall. Ra was next to bat and popped one up behind the plate which Viracocha easily grabbed for the 2nd out. Hunab Ku took a cut at a 1-0 pitch and grounded it to shortstop, where Jesus Christ easily threw him out for the 1-2-3 inning.

CL 3 / UL 0

Top of the 2nd - Satan grounded out to Vishnu at first base for the first out. Mortal pitcher James Erb grounded one hard to the mound, but fellow mortal Russell Miller made a nice stop and throw for the second out. Tekkeitsertok went to 0-2 as he grounded out to Odin for the 3rd out.

CL 3 / UL 0

Bottom of the 2nd - Guru Nahak and his 55 HRs came to the plate and grounded out weakly to second base. Vishnu was jammed on a 1-1 fastball, but managed to drop it in between 2B Guatama and RF Tekkeitsertok for the bloop single. Odin worked the count full and drew the walk, putting men on first and second with one out. Zeus took the first pitch for a strike as Vishnu and Odin double stole, putting men on 2nd and 3rd. Zeus slapped one to Jesus Christ at SS who fired to first retiring Zeus as Vishnu crossed home plate to put the UL on the board. With two outs and Odin on second base, Mohammed drove a sinking liner into deep left-center field, but Satan made a beautiful diving catch to rob Mohammed of the RBI extra base hit and end the inning.

CL 3 / UL 1

Top of the 3rd - Siddhartha Guatama watched the first 3 pitches sail past for balls. He was looking fastball on 3-0 and got one right in his wheelhouse and he crushed it over the left field wall for the solo HR. A Thetan was next up and drove one high and deep to left field, but not deep enough as Zeus was able to corral the ball for the first out. Incan God Viracocha stepped to the plate and took a monster cut at the first pitch he saw. He got all of it and drove it 469 feet from home plate, easily clearing the CF wall to give the CL a 5-1 lead. Jesus Christ came to the plate and drove an 0-2 slider deep to right-center, but RF Lao-tzu made the catch on the track. Zulu God uKqili strode to the plate next and drove one high into RF, but Lao-tzu was there to make the catch to end the inning.

CL 5 / UL 1

Bottom of the 3rd - Mortal pitcher Russell Miller led off the UL half of the 3rd by watching a called third strike. Lao-tzu was came to the plate and destroyed a 2-0 fastball, sending it over the left field wall a distance of 484 feet. Egyptian Sun God Ra got a hold of a 1-0 pitch and drove it into the right field corner for the stand-up double. Hunab Ku walked, putting men on first and second with one out for Guru Nahak. Nahak worked the count full and then drew the walk as well, loading the bases. With the bases full and Sitar music blasting through the PA system, Vishnu came to the plate and drove one deep to right field. Tekkeitsertok retreated to the wall and timed his jump perfectly, but the ball was hit too far and landed in the fourth row of seats for the GRAND SLAM which gave the UL the 6-5 lead. CL Pitcher James Erb tried to settle down, but walked Odin. Zeus came to the plate and fouled off a number of pitches with the count full, but got one he liked and drove it into the right-center field gap for the double, putting men on 2nd and 3rd with still only one out. Islamic icon Mohammed came to the plate and worked the count full before driving a 3-2 fastball over the left field wall for the 3-run HR, expanding the UL lead to 4. The CL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal pitcher Curtis Stegner (5-2 3.72 ERA). The UL left in their pitcher, Russell Miller, who had already struck out for the first, and only, out of the inning. This time, Miller went down swinging as he strikes out twice in the same inning. Lao-tzu came up next with two outs and nobody on. He took a cut at a 2-1 changeup and drove it into the right-center field gap for the stand-up double. With two outs and a deity on 2nd, Egyptian Sun God Ra rolled one down the first base line and into the corner for the RBI triple. The UL had the CL back on its heels as Hunab Ku drew the walk to put men on the corners with two outs. Guru Nahak watched the first pitch as Hunab Ku took off for 2nd base. Viracocha's throw was a little low, but Jesus Christ scooped it and applied the tag, but it was a fraction of a second too late. Now with men on 2nd and 3rd, Guru Nahak took a walk on 4 pitches to load the bases again for Vishnu, who had already hit a grand slam this inning. Vishnu took a cut at a 0-1 pitch and drove it in between second and first for a 2-run single, expanding the UL lead to 7 and giving him 6 RBI for the inning. Odin came to the plate with runners at the corners and took the walk to re-load the bases for Zeus. Zeus worked the count to 3-1 and watched a fastball just miss the outside corner, giving him the RBI walk. Mohammed, who had already hit a 3 run homer this inning, came to the plate with mortal pitcher Russell Miller in the on-deck circle ready for his 3rd at-bat of the inning. Mohammed took a cut at the first pitch and skipped it at uKqili, who made a very nice play to corral the ball and step on first base to finally end the inning.

CL 5 / UL 13

Top of the 4th - The UL replaced pitcher Russell Miller with mortal pitcher Wilson Mijares (3-2 3.34 ERA) to face the reeling CL squad. Confucius was first up and welcomed Mijares to the game with a double into RF. Satan followed with a double of his own, scoring Confucius from 2nd. Babylonian deity Apsu (.484 / 44 HR / 113 RBI) pinch hit for the pitcher and grounded one to first, allowing Satan to advance to 3rd. With one out and Satan on 3rd, Tekkeitsertok drew the walk to put men on the corners. Siddhartha Guatama was 2 for 2 and worked the count full, but flew softly out to Zeus in left field for the 2nd out. The number 3 hitter A Thetan came to the plate and watched the first pitch sail past for a strike as Tekkeitsertok took off for second base. UL Catcher Guru Nahak fired a perfect strike to Hunab Ku who got the tag down just before Tekkeitsertok gripped the bag for the 3rd out. Somewhere, Enlil kicked a dog.

CL 6 / UL 13

Bottom of the 4th - The CL All-Stars brought in mortal pitcher William Medera (10-5 3.89 ERA). His first batter was UL pitcher Wilson Mijares who grounded out to Christ at SS for the first out. Lao-tzu checked his swing and rolled one slowly at Confucius at 3B. Confucius charged and bare-handed the ball, firing it to first base and just barely beating Lao-tzu to the bag for the 2nd out. Egyptian Sun God Ra fouled off a number of pitches and working the count full before driving one to the left field track which A Thetan was able to nab to end the inning.

CL 6 / UL 13

Top of the 5th - A Thetan led things off for the CL and drew the walk. The UL brought in a new pitcher, Leon Pullam (8-5 3.61 ERA) to face CL Catcher Viracocha. The first pitch was a pitch-out, but A Thetan was not on the move. Viracocha worked the count full and then drove a 3-2 fastball over the right field wall for the two-run homer, his 2nd HR of the game, which cut the lead to 5. Christianity namesake Jesus Christ was next to bat and took a cut at the first pitch he saw, lining it hard into CF, but Mohammed was on his horse and managed to run down the blistering hit for the first out of the inning. Zulu God uKqili came up and worked the count full before driving one just over a leaping Lao-tzu's glove in RF for the solo HR, cutting the lead to 4. Confucius followed with a weak groundout to SS for the 2nd out. Satan drew the 2-out walk. The CL pinch-hit for the pitcher with Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona (.445 / 44 HR / 116 RBI). Awonawilona took a cut at a 2-2 pitch and flew weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 3rd out.

CL 9 / UL 13

Bottom of the 5th - The CL brought in pitcher Ezequiel Melo (3-2 3.45 ERA) to start the UL half of the 5th and the UL countered by pinch-hitting Ometeotl (.458 / 53 HR / 126 RBI) for Hunab Ku. Ometeotl had a hitter's count at 3-1, but popped one into CF which Satan easily grabbed. Guru Nahak drew the walk, putting a deity on first with one out. Vishnu followed with a walk of his own, putting men on first and second. Odin was given the hook in favor of Altjira (.512 / 50 HR / 125 RBI). Altjira came to the plate and watched as Guru Nahak stole 3B. Now, with runners on the corners and one out, Altjira got the count to 3-0 and drove one deep to right field and into the seats for the 3-run home run. Zeus was next to bat and grounded out meekly to the pitcher for the 2nd out. The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.398 / 41 HR / 93 RBI) was brought in to pinch-hit for Mohammed. Khonvoum tried a little trickery, attempting to bunt his way on, but was easily gunned down by the mortal pitcher for the 3rd out of the inning.

CL 9 / UL 16

Top of the 6th - Tekkeitsertok came to plate and fouled off a number of pitches before watching a called third strike for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama took a mean cut at the first pitch he saw and drove it 436 feet to left field for the solo home run, his 2nd HR of the game. A Thetan was pulled for Judaism icon Abraham (.407 / 29 HR / 90 RBI) who fouled off two bunt attempts before demolishing a 3-2 fastball 482 feet to right field for back-to-back HRs. With the lead cut to 5, Viracocha strode confidently to the plate and drove a 1-1 Changeup 460 feet to right field for back-to-back-to-back home runs, cutting the lead to 4. The UL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal Simon Kawamura (4-0 3.32 ERA). The CL pulled Jesus Christ for mortal Chadwick Isabel. Isabel worked the count full before flying weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 2nd out. Zulu God uKqili came to the plate and drew the walk. Confucius was pinch-hit for by mortal Charles Melton. Melton took the first pitch as uKqili stole second base. Melton took a cut at a 1-2 pitch, but flew it gently into center field where Khonvoum caught it to end the inning.

CL 12 / UL 16

Bottom of the 6th - The UL let mortal pitcher Kawamura bat and he went down looking on 3 pitches. Lao-tzu took a seat for mortal William "Peppers" Trask. Trask grounded out weakly to 2nd for the 2nd out. Ra worked the count full before driving one over the right field wall for the solo home run, expanding the lead to 5. Ometeotl blooped one into shallow center field, but Tekkeitsertok made a beautiful sliding catch to rob the Aztec deity of the hit.

CL 12 / UL 17

Top of the 7th - Satan led things off by flying out to Khonvoum in center field. Mortal Andre Alonso pinch-hit for the CL pitcher and grounded out to Altjira at shortstop for the 2nd out. Tekkeitsertok was next up and remained hitless (0 for 4) as he flew out to Zeus in RF.

CL 12 / UL 17

Bottom of the 7th - The CL brought in mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi (3-0 / 1.60 ERA / 16 S). Guru Nahak fell behind 1-2 and flew weakly out to Satan in CF. Vishnu was next and grounded out to Bondje at SS for the 2nd out. Altjira drew the 2-out walk. Zeus drove one into right field which bounced off the wall for the 2-out RBI double. Khonvoum whistled one between 1B and 2B, but uKqili made a great diving stop and flipped to the pitcher to end the inning.

CL 12 / UL 18

Top of the 8th - Siddhartha Guatama got a 2-0 pitch he liked and drove it into the gap in left-center field for the lead-off double. Abraham followed by rattling a grounder into the RF corner for the RBI double. Viracocha (3-4, 3 HRs) came to the plate and grounded out to first, advancing Abraham to 3B. With one out and a runner on 3rd, the UL brought in mortal pitcher Billy Carey to face Voodoo God Bondje. Bondje welcomed Carey to the game by clobbering a ball deep over the right field wall for the 2-run HR, cutting the lead down to 3. Zulu deity uKqili was next and drove a 1-1 pitch over the left field wall for back-to-back home runs. The UL brought in a new pitcher, mortal Steven Spino, to try and stop the bleeding. Mortal Charles Melton strode to the plate for the CL and rifled one right at Vishnu at first base who gloved it for the second out. Satan was next and lined one into RF which dropped right in front of Anu for the two-out single. The CL let mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi come to the plate and he went down swinging to end the inning.

CL 16 / UL 18

Bottom of the 8th - UL pitcher Steven Spino came to the plate and struck out looking for the first out. Irish deity Anu bounced one at Guatama at 2nd base who charged and made a bare-handed play, just nabbing Anu at first for the second out. Ra was pulled for mortal Hugo Rodriguez who flew weakly out to LF to end the inning.

CL 16 / UL 18

Top of the 9th - Down by 2 with 3 outs left to go, Tekkeitsertok (0-4) came to the plate. He continued his terrible offensive day by grounding out to first for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama was next and improved his day to 5 for 6 as he singled up the middle. With one out and one on, the tying run came to plate in the form of Judaism icon Abraham. Abraham was 2 for 2 with a home run and drew the walk to put men on first and second with the go-ahead run coming to the plate in Viracocha, who was 3 for 5 with 3 HRs on the day. Viracocha took a cut at a 1-1 fastball and drove it into RF for the RBI single, cutting the lead to 1. Voodoo God Bondje strode confidently to the plate with men on first and second, one out and down by one run. The count went to 2-1 when mortal UL pitcher Spino unleashed a wild pitch, advancing the runners. Bondje worked the count full and flew weakly out to shallow left-center field, where Zeus grabbed the ball for the 2nd out. With two outs, down by one run with men on 2nd and 3rd, Zulu God uKqili held the CL's hopes and dreams in his hands. uKqili, who was 3 for 4 with 2 HRs, worked the count to 2-1 when UL pitcher Steven Spino unleashed another wild pitch, bringing Abraham home from 3B to tie the game at 18 all. Now, with Viracocha on 3rd and the game tied, uKqili skied one into CF which Khonvoum tracked down easily for the 3rd out.

CL 18 / UL 18

Bottom of the 9th - The CL brought in pitcher Arthur Trask to face the UL's 3-4-5 hitters. Ometeotl was first to bat for the UL and he drove one to deep right field that hit the top of the wall. Tekkeitsertok fired the ball back into the infield, but not before Ometeotl had slid safely into 3rd base for the lead-off triple. With the winning run only 90 feet away, Sikh icon Guru Nahak walked to the plate. He watched two pitches sail past for balls as the count fell to 2-0. CL Mortal Arthur Trask tried to right the count in his favor and lasered a fastball right down the heart of the plate, but Nahak got it in his sweet spot and blasted it over the right field wall for the game-winning 2-run HR!

His UL teammates mobbed Nahak immediately after he leaped onto home plate as the godly celebration shook the ground for miles around. The UL finally had the monkey off their back as the CL again threatened to break the UL's spirit, but this time, it was not enough as the UL finally tastes the sweet nectar of victory.

FINAL SCORE - CL 18 / UL 20

The CL squad outhit the UL team 19-14 as well as outhomering them 10-6, but the UL pulls it out nonetheless. Columbus SS and first overall pick in the DCL, Hindu deity Vishnu is named the All-Star MVP for his 3 for 4, 3 runs scored, 6 RBI and 1 HR performance in the winning effort. It was not an easy decision for the voters as CL All-Stars Siddhartha Guatama (5 for 6, 5 runs scored, 2 RBI, 2 HRs) and Viracocha (4 for 6, 3 runs scored, 5 RBI, 3 HRs) were most certainly worthy of consideration. In the end, however, to the victor goes the spoils and Vishnu played a great game.

"I would like to thank my many followers as well as the many followers of Columbus," said a jubilent Vishnu, "I would also like to thank my brothers Brahma and Shiva for all of their continued support. But, mostly, I would like to thank my fellow UL teammates here today for playing such a magnificent game and never giving up hope. For all of their followers out there, I will take mercy on your ignorance in following false deities."

In the CL locker room, we caught up with a visibly frustrated Tekkeitsertok. "Oh-fer...," lamented Tekkeitsertok, shaking his head, "as in 'Oh for f***'s sake, I can't believe I was 0 for 5...Enlil can still kiss my @$$, though."

38 Runs, 33 Hits and 16 HRs made this All-Star Game an offense lover's dream. Our hats are off to the CL All-Stars who managed to stage a remarkable comeback following the UL's 12-run 3rd inning. But, at the end of the day, they're losers. Today, the mightier bats were in the hands of the UL All-Stars, as they win the game 20-18. We'll see if the UL comes out to next year's All-Star Game with the same passion and intensity they showed today or if they will be content with just getting rid of the goose egg.

DAL 9000 · 11-09-2004, 07:42 PM

Yee-haw! They's good readin's in this dynasty.

Tib · 11-09-2004, 08:43 PM

I'm interested in the mortal's view of this league. What's it like for them to try to eke out a career amongst the likes of these heavenly talents?

enigk · 11-10-2004, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DAL 9000

Yee-haw! They's good readin's in this dynasty.

Thanks, DAL!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tib

I'm interested in the mortal's view of this league. What's it like for them to try to eke out a career amongst the likes of these heavenly talents?

Great question, Tib! I will include more perspectives from the human side of the fence as the league runs its course. I posed your question to several of the mortal players throughout the DCL - here are the responses I received.

"As a pitcher," began New York's All-Star Pitcher James Bass, "it's very tough. I mean, there's no DH, thank...well, whoever, but there's still that one huge bat you have to face day in and day out. It can be a little unnerving. A lot of guys try to pitch around the deities, but that's not how I am. I mean, I consider myself one of the best pitchers in the league and I'm not about to back down. Anybody can strike out a human, but to catch a deity looking when you slice one over the black...that's a real nice feeling. Of course, there are the ramifications to worry about. Striking out a peaceful, forgiving deity like Guatama is one thing, but showing up someone like Jupiter or Odin when they're having a bad day can really mean signing your own death warrant. A couple years ago, one of our guys struck out Bondje in his last at-bat of the game, ending his hitting streak at, like, 30-something...they *still* don't know if the remains they found are his..."

"I've been popping steroids like candy," declared Buffalo CF Carlos Ibanez, who requested not to be named, "Here's 26 deities all striving to prove themselves to the world and it all comes down to numbers. 'I hit this many home runs' or 'I was MVP this many times'. One of the deciding factors may come down to RBIs, so if you're hitting before a deity, you better get on base so they can drive you in. If not, well...nice knowing you, buddy."

"I know it makes some guys nervous," stated Stockton CF Martin Frey, "but I think it's great. You really just have to accept the fact that there's no way you can do the things they do, so all you can do is just sit back and enjoy the show. On the field, off the field - it doesn't matter. Some of us guys went out to a bar the one night with Hu-Ku (editor's note: Hunab Ku) after an extra inning win and he was getting us all kinds of chicks. I mean, if you're omnipotent, you're really going to know what buttons to push with the ladies. You think he's great on the field, man, he was putting on a friggin' *clinic* that night..."

Hartford Left fielder Cesar "Fats" Poulos had a different take on the situation. "It can be a little discouraging." Poulos admitted, "I mean, you're trying to make an impact in this game, everyone's dream is to go down in history and be remembered as a great player. I hit 49 HRs last year - that's pretty good, right? Man, I wasn't even in the top 25...I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will always be in the deities' grand shadows, but it's not an easy pill to swallow."

Perhaps Atlanta 2B Willie McNamara best described the situation. He said: "It's definitely a unique situation, that's for sure. But, the fact of the matter is, they've been phenomenal for baseball. The ratings we get are astounding and the Viracocha Bobblehead alone has raised almost two million dollars for local charities. Some people are upset because they will never be as good or may never be remembered, but those are selfish reasons. The fact of the matter is that I am honored to be playing with these guys. Hell, there's millions and millions of people who would gladly trade places with me for just 5 minutes. I have learned so much when I have had the chance to talk to them, it's really made my life a whole lot better. I wouldn't change a thing about it." When asked if the exposure to deities had influenced McNamara to convert religions in any way, McNamara replied, "Nah...I'm an atheist."

So there are a number of different viewpoints out there - some positive, some negative. Much the same can be said today for hotplate topics such as stem cell research, the War in Iraq and just how overrated is Ashlee Simpson. There's one thing that cannot be denied, however, and that is that the deities have been very entertaining and a tremendous boon to the popularity of the game of baseball. Their charity work in the community is unparalleled and millions of peoples' lives have seen the benefits. None of our more vengeful deities have gone on a killing spree of more than 4 people, which is also a plus...

enigk · 11-12-2004, 06:49 PM

August 1st, 3007

As our teams round the halfway point of the season, the best record in the DCL is held by Awonawilona and his New York teammates at 65-42. New York is in the top 4 in all offensive categories except Stolen Bases (17th) and in the top 3 in all pitching categories with the exception of Walks Allowed (19th). They have accomplished all of this despite the 22nd ranked payroll in the league at $54.4 million. New York has two very threatening bats in the line-up with Awonawilona (.429 / 56 HR / 151 RBI) and the deity-like numbers of mortal RF Maurice Tuck (.383 / 45 HR / 135 RBI) who's having a definite career year and is far ahead his mortal competitors in terms of numbers. New York is pulling out a lot of games late as their bullpen has combined for almost 30% of the team's wins with SP James Bass (12-3, 3.08 ERA) and SP William Madera (11-5, 3.67) posting strong numbers amongst the starting rotation.

With a 35 year-old Madera, Tuck estimated to go from $5M/per to $8M/per through arbitration, Awonawilona estimated to make $10.4M/per from his current $300k/per through arbitration and CF A-Rod, Alfredo Rodriguez (.289 / 23 HR / 109 RBI), steadily underachieving ever since signing a huge FA contract ($18.4M) in 3005 coming off of a .321 / 38 HR / 130 RBI year in Philly, the window might be closing for a New York team that has cut payroll by at least $5M for the past two years. We'll have to see if this is a New York front office that foresaw the coming arbitration-caused salary spike or if they're just a bunch of cheap bastards.

Monthly Highlights

7/4/3007 - Lewiston's All-Star SP Russell Miller (13-5, 3.54) celebrates Independence Day in style as he pitches a NO-HITTER in Buffalo. Keeping Miller from the perfect game was Buffalo RF Mohammed who reached base on an error in the bottom of the 1st inning and then drew walks in each of his next three at-bats, the only three walks of the game for Miller. Lewiston needed all the help it could get as they only managed 4 hits and 1 run themselves.

7/5/3007 - In the annual tradition of the DCL, the Token Human Player of the Week Awards are awarded to mortal pitchers Hilario Balan (1-0, 3.86) and Manuel Ortega (2-0, 2.57) of Atlanta and Gadsden. The new trophies are quite nice and topped with a statuette of a winged figure throwing a bone.

7/6/3007 - Many Hollywood Scientologists only wish they could produce as many hits as their icon, A Thetan, did on this particular Tuesday as he goes 5 for 5 with 3 singles, a triple, a home run and 3 RBI in Houston's 10-5 win in Norfolk.

7/12/3007 - Atlanta Catcher Viracocha (.545 / 5 HR / 12 RBI / 1.500 SLG) and Pittsburgh CF Ometeotl (.609 / 5 HR / 10 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/17/3007 - Judaism icon and Charlotte 3B Abraham hits his first career cycle, the 52nd in league history. On the day, Abraham was 5 for 5 with 2 HRs, 6 RBI and 5 runs scored in Charlotte's 18-6 trouncing of Atlanta in Georgia.

7/19/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.500 / 13 RBI / 1.357 SLG) and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.609 / 4 HR / 10 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/23/3007 - Memphis LF Jesus Christ is a one-man wrecking crew in Houston as he goes 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 singles, a double, a 3-run HR and a Grand Slam, collecting 8 RBI and scoring 3 runs, parting the Houston crowd into the exit aisles. Memphis easily manhandles Houston for the 12-2 win in Texas.

7/24/3007 - Philadelphia RF Tekkeitsertok hits the 53rd cycle in league history, scoring 2 runs and driving in 2 runs in Philly's 8-5 win over Orlando.

7/26/3007 - Christianity namesake Jesus Christ (.500 / 3 HR / 10 RBI) and Aztec God Ometeotl (.444 / 6 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/26/3007 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu collects 5 hits (2 singles, a double, 2 HRs) with 4 runs scored and 4 RBI in Greensboro's 17-8 steamrolling of Pittsburgh.

7/28/3007 - Sikhism deity and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak clubs 3 Home Runs and tallies 7 RBI as New Orleans blasts Stockton 15-7.

8/1/3007 - Memphis RF Jesus Christ (.489 / 14 HR / 38 RBI) wins his first career Batter of the Month Award. In the United League, it's same-old same-old for Ometeotl (.484 / 35 RBI / .580 OBP) as the Pittsburgh CF pulls down his 10th career BotM.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .491 (+.006 over 2nd place deity)
Deity HR Leader: Vishnu 73 (+1 over 2nd place deity)
Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 161 (+6 over 2nd place deity)
Deity SB Leader: uKqili / Anu 68 (+2 over 2nd place deity)

Deity Career Walks Leaderboard
1.) Vishnu 496
2.) uKqili 491
3.) Zeus 490
4.) Hunab Ku 483
5.) Siddhartha Guatama 478
6.) A Thetan 475
6.) Lao-tzu 475
8.) Bondje 474
9.) Ra 466
10.) Ometeotl 465

enigk · 11-24-2004, 02:25 PM

September 1st, 3007

Our first three seasons of the DCL have seen one Triple Crown winner each year (uKqili - 3004, Siddhartha Guatama - 3005 and Anu - 3006). This year, one diety in each league is in striking distance of the prestigious award. In the Continental League, Phoenix 2B Confucius has a 10 HR lead and an 8 RBI lead over the 2nd place deities in the CL. However, his .454 average is tied for 4th and trails CL Batting Leader Bondje by .020. Confucius is charging late, hitting .500 for the month of August and could conceivably pull it out against Bondje, who posted a season-low average of .452 for the month of August.

In the United League, Sikhism icon Guru Nahak may have an easier time of things as he is currently second in the UL in Average (only .004 behind Hunab Ku), second in RBI (5 behind Ometeotl) and tied for first in HRs with Vishnu. However, Hunab Ku has been a hitting machine as of late, posting a .559 BA for the month of August compared to Nahak's .461. A dark horse contender in the race for the Triple Crown is Hindu SS Vishnu, who is 3rd in Average, tied for first in HRs and 3rd in RBI in the UL. This should be an interesting race down the homestretch for our UL icons.

In the playoff race, it would take a collapse of Biblical proportions to unseat New York's chances of reaching the postseason. With 26 games left to play, they are sitting on a very comfortable 15 game lead over 2nd place Houston and hold the DCL's best record. All other division battles are within 3 games, with the exception of the CL East, where Charlotte holds a 7 game lead over 2nd place Phoenix.

Monthly Highlights

8/2/3007 - Incan God Viracocha (.524 / 12 RBI) and Sumerian God Enlil (.550 / 3 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

8/9/3007 - Flirting with disaster, CL Mortal Charles "The Fireball" Melton (.583 / 5 HR / 15 RBI) wins his league's Player of the Week Award. Melton issued a statement from an undisclosed location that he was honored to receive the award and had slaughtered 27 goats to appease any hurt feelings. In the United League, the Pygmy Powerhouse, Khonvoum, hit .588 / 4 HR / 10 RBI / 1.588 SLG to pull down the UL's Player of the Week Award.

8/12/3007 - Greek Father God Zeus hits the 54th cycle in league history, scoring 4 runs and collecting 3 RBI, in Little Rock's 9-8 win in Lewiston.

8/14/3007 - Egyptian Sun God Ra hits two singles, a double and two home runs in Raleigh's 16-2 defrocking of Cleveland. On the day, Ra scored 3 runs and drove in 5.

8/14/3007 - Irish deity Anu clubs three home runs in 5 ABs while collecting 7 RBI as El Paso exorcises Cincinnati 15-2 in Texas. Living in Texas appears to be affecting Anu's speech (among other things) as a southern drawl can now be clearly heard interlaced with Anu's natural Celtic brogue. Rumors are swirling that the Irish deity has also been heard making a derogatory joke regarding Mexicans as opposed to his typical target of the British...

8/16/3007 - Norfolk 1B uKqili (.536 / 14 RBI / 1.321 SLG) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.538 / 12 RBI / .552 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.

8/19/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius hits three singles and two HRs, scoring 4 runs and driving in 5 in Phoenix's 14-9 clubbing of New York.

8/23/3007 - Orlando CF Satan (.526 / 7 HR / 16 RBI / 1.684 SLG) is awarded the Continental League's Player of the Week Award. In the United League, Mayan God Hunab Ku (.474 / 13 RBI / .600 OBP) is awarded his 9th career PotW.

8/25/3007 - Norse Father God Odin collects 5 hits in 6 ABs in Gadsden's game against Lewiston. Two of those hits were collected in the top of the 11th inning, part of a 10 run explosion, which sealed Gadsden's win 18-11. Odin singled, doubled twice, homered twice, scored 5 runs and drove in 5 runs on the day.

8/30/3007 - Voodoo deity Bondje (.600 / 5 HR / 11 RBI) and Irish deity Anu (.462 / 7 HR / 17 RBI / 1.385 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. It was Bondje's 12th career PotW and Anu's 5th.

9/1/3007 - Confucianism namesake Confucius (.500 / 17 HR / 40 RBI / 1.231 SLG) and Stockton 3B Hunab Ku (.559 / 18 HR / 44 RBI / 1.312 SLG) win Batter of the Month Awards. It was Confucius' 2nd career BotM and HuKu's 3rd.

Deity BA Leader: Hunab Ku .484 (+.004 over 2nd place)
Deity HR Leader: Vishnu / Guru Nahak 86 (+1 over 2nd place)
Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 192 (+3 over 2nd place)
Deity SB Leader: A Thetan 84 (+1 over 2nd place)

Deity Career Doubles Leaderboard
1.) Bondje 250
2.) Tekkeitsertok 246
3.) Odin 245
4.) Satan 229
5.) Lao-tzu 226
6.) Vishnu 224
7.) Confucius 221
7.) Jupiter 221
9.) Ra 215
10.) Zeus 213

chredwdew · 11-24-2004, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Nahak was considerably more upset than Enlil - "I'm hitting .427..." Nahak fumed, "Abraham? .386! Look at the numbers! Me? 40 HRs. Him? 28! It's ridiculous! I don't know who's f***ing d*ck *he's* polishing..." Guru Nahak then proceeded on a profanity-laced tirade only achievable by someone from a higher plane, causing several nearby children to burst into flames.

I know this is from a while back but I just ran into this........Absolutely hilarious!!!

enigk · 11-29-2004, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chredwdew

I know this is from a while back but I just ran into this........Absolutely hilarious!!!

Many thanks!

enigk · 11-29-2004, 02:40 PM

October 4th, 3007

The regular season has come to an end as 8 of our deities advance to the post-season with 18 staying home. In the Continental League, New York (Awonawilona) easily wraps up the CL Northeast, Charlotte (Abraham) wins the CL East and Oklahoma City (Apsu) earns the CL Southeast crown. The wildcard spot came down to a one-game, winner take all match-up between Phoenix and Hartford, who finished tied for the CL Wildcard spot with identical records of 84-78. The one-game series was held in Phoenix, but Bondje and his Hartford teammates pulled out the victory in enemy territory 4-1.

In the United League, Pittsburgh (Ometeotl) wins the UL Northwest, Seattle (Khonvoum) wins the UL West and Guru Nahak leads New Orleans to the division title. The wildcard spot was deadlocked between Greensboro and Buffalo, who both finished the season with records of 87-75. In the one game playoff in Greensboro, a slugfest leads to a 13-10 Buffalo win, sending Mohammed back to the playoffs.

In the race for the Triple Crowns, Confucius maintained his lead in HRs and RBIs, setting new DCL records in both, but hit only .422 on the month and his final average of .448 was nowhere near Bondje's of .479. So, no soup for the CL deities.

In the United League, New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak runs the board, finishing first in Batting Average, OPS, Homeruns (tied), RBI and Runs Scored to win the UL's Triple Crown and pretty much lock up his league's MVP award. Nahak had his best month for Average, hitting .522 in the 4 weeks. Hunab Ku, who held the UL BA lead heading into September, managed only to hit .430 and fell to 2nd place in the UL's Batting Average leaderboard, clearing the way for Nahak to grab the brass ring.

Here's how the playoffs shake out:

Hartford (Bondje) vs. New York (Awonawilona)
Oklahoma City (Apsu) vs. Charlotte (Abraham)
Seattle (Khonvoum) vs. New Orleans (Guru Nahak)
Buffalo (Mohammed) vs. Pittsburgh (Ometeotl)

Monthly Highlights

9/2/3007 - Oklahoma City SS and Babylonian deity Apsu puts his teammates on his shoulders and delivers them to the promised land with 5 hits in 5 ABs and 3 solo HRs in OKC's 6-4 win over Phoenix.

9/5/3007 - Zulu icon uKqili collects 3 singles, two HRs, 5 runs scored and 6 RBI in Norfolk's 14-4 win over Hartford.

9/6/3007 - Memphis RF Jesus Christ (.571 / 17 RBI / .667 OBP / 7 game HR streak) and Gadsden 2B Odin (.526 / 5 HR / 11 RBI / 1.474 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/7/3007 - Norfolk 1B uKqili hits three home runs, including a walk-off 3-run homer in the bottom of the 9th, to give Norfolk the 8-6 win over visiting Charlotte. uKqili had 5 RBI on the day.

9/10/3007 - Norse God Odin goes 5 for 6 at the plate with 3 runs scored, 4 RBI, a triple, two home runs and 3 stolen bases. Odin drove in the winning run with an RBI single in the top of the 14th as Gadsden outlasts Raleigh, 10-9.

9/11/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius hits the 56th cycle in league history, his 1st, in Phoenix's 7-5 victory over Hartford. On the day, Confucius was 4 for 4 with a walk, 2 runs scored, 4 RBI and a stolen base.

9/12/3007 - With a 12-6 win over visiting Norfolk, New York wins the CL Northeast crown.

9/13/3007 - Zulu icon uKqili (.586 / 9 HR / 13 RBI) and Norse God Odin (.542 / 6 HR / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/20/3007 - In a slow news week, Voodoo deity Bondje (.571 / 14 RBI) and Sikh icon Guru Nahak (.600 / 4 HR / 7 RBI / 1.500 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/20/3007 - Babylonian God Apsu goes 6 for 6 from the plate with a double, a home run, 4 singles, 3 runs scored, 4 RBI and a stolen base in Oklahoma City's 13-8 win in Hartford.

9/25/3007 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak collects 5 hits in New Orleans' 10-9 win over Little Rock. Nahak managed 2 singles, a double and 2 HRs, including a 423-foot walk-off solo shot to win the game. On the day Nahak also scored 4 runs, drove in 5 and stole a base.

9/26/3007 - Charlotte wins the CL East with a 11-4 win over Phoenix.

9/27/3007 - Oklahoma City SS Apsu (.600 / 14 RBI / 1.550 SLG) and Sikhism icon Guru Nahak (.522 / 3 HR / 13 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/27/3007 - Oklahoma City's 7-1 win over Memphis earns them the CL Southeast crown.

9/29/3007 - New Orleans wins the UL Southwest crown with a 4-3 win over visiting Greensboro.

9/29/3007 - The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum hits two home runs and drives in 4 to give Seattle an 8-5 win over Cleveland, locking up the UL West crown.

9/30/3007 - Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona clubs three home runs with 5 RBI in New York's 11-5 win over Atlanta.

10/1/3007 - Zulu deity uKqili (.532 / 45 RBI) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.541 / 36 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards.

10/2/3007 - Awonawilona continues to heat up heading into the playoffs as he hits a single, two triples and two HRs in New York's 10-5 win in Norfolk.

10/2/3007 - El Paso may have been far out of the playoff hunt, but Irish deity Anu wasn't ready to mail it in on the last day of the season as he jacks three HRs including a walk-off 2 run shot in the bottom of the 10th to power his team to a 6-4 win over visiting Lewiston.

10/2/3007 - The UL Northwest crown came down to the last day of the season and Pittsburgh rose to the challenge, defeating visiting Columbus 8-3 to cement their crown.

10/3/3007 - A 3-run 4th was all Hartford would need to earn the CL Wildcard spot as they defeat Phoenix under a hot Arizona sun 4-1.

10/3/007 - It was a slugfest in Greensboro, but visiting Buffalo comes out on top, 13-10, to wrap up the UL Wildcard spot.

10/4/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona (.688 / 5 HR / 9 RBI) and Taoism icon Lao-tzu (.556 / 4 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

CL Leaders
Average
1.) Bondje HAR .479
2.) uKqili NOR .467
2.) J. Christ MEM .467

Homeruns
1.) Confucius PHO 103
2.) Awonawilona NY 90
3.) J. Christ MEM 89

Runs Batted In
1.) Confucius PHO 235
2.) J. Christ MEM 230
3.) Awonawilona NY 219

Stolen Bases
1.) uKqili NOR 96
2.) A Thetan HOU 94
3.) Bondje HAR 85

UL Leaders
Average
1.) G. Nahak NO .488
2.) H. Ku STO .476
3.) Vishnu .470

Homeruns
1.) G. Nahak NO 100
1.) Vishnu COL 100
3.) Ometeotl PIT 93

Runs Batted In
1.) G. Nahak NO 224
2.) Vishnu COL 223
3.) Ometeotl 217

Stolen Bases
1.) Ra RAL 100
2.) Anu EP 93
3.) Odin GAD 90

enigk · 11-29-2004, 06:40 PM

October 10th, 3006

OPENING SERIES RESULTS

Hartford (Bondje) def. New York (Awonawilona) 3-2
Charlotte (Abraham) def. Oklahoma City (Apsu) 3-1
Seattle (Khonvoum) def. New Orleans (Guru Nahak) 3-0
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Pittsburgh (Ometeotl) 3-0

Records mean nothing come playoff time as wildcard Hartford (85-78) eliminates heavily-favored New York (97-65) from the playoffs in 5 games and Seattle (84-78) dispatches New Orleans (90-72) with ease.

In the Hartford/New York series, it was New York's first trip to the playoffs and their inexperience in the post-season shown through. The pressure may have gotten to Awonawilona, who was held to a deity-pedestrian .391 average in the series and never looked comfortable at the plate. Bondje exploded out of the gate for Hartford, however, leading his team to victory with an average of .652. New York seemed to have destiny and momentum on their side following a Game 1 victory in New York, which saw them tie the game in the bottom of the 9th and win it in the bottom of the 12th. However, a 4-run 9th by Hartford cost them Game 2, 9-8. Game 3 in Hartford New York took with ease, winning 10-4 in a game that wasn't even as close as that sounds. But the next two games were even less close as Hartford demolishes New York 15-2 in Hartford and 17-5 in New York to advance to the next round. Awonawilona was shell-shocked in his post-game press conference following the deciding game, "I can't believe it..." he began, "We were riding so high that it hurts even more to fall so far. I think we just got all wrapped up in being the favorite and clinching a playoff spot so early that we kind of took the fundamentals for granted." A tear slid down Awonawilona's cheek, which many assumed to be emotion from the series loss, but it was later revealed that someone in the press conference room had littered.

The Charlotte/Oklahoma City series saw a determined Abraham, hellbent on improving his playoff showing from last year when he hit a pathetic .125. He succeeded by hitting .545, but his power numbers still left much to be desired. It's the W's and L's that matter most, however, and the third time was a charm for Charlotte as they advance to the CLCS for the first time. Charlotte lost in the opening round in 3004 and 3006 and they have a few extra days' rest from waiting for the Hartford/New York series to shake out. Apsu fared well in his first trip to the post-season, but one deity does not a team make as they go home defeated. Oklahoma City dropped Games 1 and 2 in Charlotte 11-6 and 3-1 before winning their opening game at home in Game 3, 6-1. Their joy was short-lived however as Charlotte won Game 4 6-2. The Babylonian deity refused comment following the game, but a statement released through the team relayed Apsu's thanks to the fans for their support and a vow to make it to the World Series next year.

In the Seattle/New Orleans showdown, all eyes were on Triple Crown winner Guru Nahak, who many foresaw carrying New Orleans to the World Series. However, Nahak's first trip to the playoffs was one that he would probably love to forget as he fizzles out with a .182 average for the 3 game series. Instead, it was the Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum who appeared to thrive on the attention and spotlight of the playoffs, his first, as he finishes the opening stanza with a nice .545 average. Both UL teams with home field advantage were swept from the playoffs as Seattle makes quick work of New Orleans, 5-1, 8-4 and 4-3. In the post-game press conference, Guru Nahak was a little self-righteous, "We got swept by an inferior Seattle team. Obviously, being such a magnanimous deity as I am, I place some of the blame on myself for performing so poorly in the post-season. However, I won the Triple Crown this year, so, if you think about it, they probably wouldn't have been here in the first place if it wasn't for me." Nahak's PR people immediately began spinning the egotistical comments, saying that Nahak took a mix of prescription medications which resulted in light-headedness and disorientation.

Mohammed made his first appearance in the post-season since winning the first DCL World Series in 3004 and he looked rusty out of the gate, hitting only .231 against Pittsburgh. It was Ometeotl's first trip to the playoffs, but the pressure didn't get to him as he hits a respectable .429. However, there's 24 mortals on each team and Buffalo's puny humans picked up the slack for a slumping Mohammed. To rub salt in the wound, after losing Games 1 and 2 by scores of 6-5 and 7-6 (11), Pittsburgh mortal reliever William Ballweg balks home the winning run for Buffalo, handing Buffalo the 5-4 win and ending Pittsburgh's hopes. "Buffalo played great, you have to hand it to them," stated Pittsburgh deity Ometeotl, "We were right there with them in every game, but they just seemed to get the lucky bounces when they needed them. For me, I am going to go back to my apartment in Pittsburgh, kick back with some IC Light for a while and then get back to training in a couple of weeks."

Championship Series Matchups
CLCS: Hartford (Bondje) @ Charlotte (Abraham)
ULCS: Seattle (Khonvoum) @ Buffalo (Mohammed)

Deity Postseason Stats
Bondje (.652 / 6 HR / 13 RBI)
Awonawilona (.391 / 4 HR / 8 RBI)
Abraham (.545 / 1 HR / 3 RBI)
Apsu (.462 / 2 HR / 5 RBI)
Khonvoum (.545 / 2 HR / 4 RBI)
Guru Nahak (.182 / 0 HR / 0 RBI)
Mohammed (.231 / 0 HR / 2 RBI)
Ometeotl (.429 / 2 HR / 2 RBI)

enigk · 11-30-2004, 07:36 PM

October 20th, 3007

Championship Series Results

Charlotte (Abraham) def. Hartford (Bondje) 4-0
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Seattle (Khonvoum) 4-1

In the CLCS, Hartford looked very drained coming out of their emotional 5-game series win against heavily favored New York in the opening round of the playoffs. They managed to keep all of the games relatively close, but just didn't have enough left in the tank to pull them out. Charlotte won Game 1 and 2 in front of a lively home crowd 7-2 and 12-9. Then, it was back home for Hartford, but the team with the 2nd highest payroll in the league couldn't buy themselves some heart and drops the next two as well, 5-3 and 9-7. Following the game, Bondje reflected on the season, "It is not a good feeling," stated the Voodoo icon, "We had a payroll over $98 Million this year. But, we got close to the dance, so it could be worse. That's more than we can say about Gadsden...dropping $112 Million and finishing 13 games out of first place...I mean, *damn*! This is a very determined Charlotte team - I expect them to tiptoe through Buffalo's tulips without any problems." When asked by a reporter why such a powerful and ominous deity would use a phrase as delicate as: "Tiptoe through the tulips", Bondje shoved his foot up the reporter's ass and out his mouth. Bondje's question of "Would anyone else like to ask me any questions regarding the manliness of any phrases I may choose to turn in my infinite wisdom and power?" received no responses...

Abraham was a jubilent deity following the series. "I'm elated, of course," Abraham declared while receiving a champagne shampoo from a couple of his Charlotte teammates, "It's our third time to the playoffs and it feels so nice to move into not only the second round, but the World Series as well. I'm so happy right now, I don't even care how many pork sausages were consumed in the park tonight...winning this series has put me in such a good mood that I can forgive such a horrible affront to everything I hold dear. So, if any of my fellow Jews out there have been dying from curiosity about what ham tastes like - give it a shot...but don't make a habit out of it."

In the United League, both Buffalo and Seattle were coming off of 3 game sweeps in the opening round. But the wildcard team, Buffalo, carried their momentum like a club, beating the Seattle squad about the head and shoulders for the 3-1 Series win. Buffalo won Games 1, 2, 4 and 5 with scores of 4-3, 4-2, 4-0 and 6-5. Seattle's only victory came in Game 3, a 12-2 rout of Buffalo's squad. "Losing the two in Buffalo got us off to a bad start," declared Khonvoum, "...but dropping those last two here in Seattle was even worse. Our fans were so excited and to let them down really takes a lot out of me. But, they have been great all year and when they gave us that standing ovation at the end of the game...that was really beautiful."

"I am looking forward to, again, leading my team to the promised land," stated Buffalo deity Mohammed, "I have been here before. In 3004, we won it all. As I recently heard someone say on television, it will be deja vu all over again. I am the supremest of supreme beings, the cream of the crop, the alpha and the omega. We will win and we will win easily. Count on it."

Oddsmakers seem to disagree with Mohammed's sentiments, making Charlotte the 2-1 favorite to win the Series with Buffalo sitting at 4-1. The folks in Vegas feel that Charlotte's pitching staff (ranked 4th in ERA and 2nd in opponents BA) will outmatch and outclass Buffalo's 17th ranked BA. Also, with Buffalo's pitching staff posting an opponent's AVG of .283 (19th in the league), Charlotte should be able to win the crown.

Deity Postseason Stats
Bondje (.605 / 9 HR / 17 RBI)
Abraham (.481 / 3 HR / 7 RBI)
Mohammed (.310 / 2 HR / 6 RBI)
Khonvoum (.464 / 4 HR / 9 RBI)

rudel.dietrich · 11-30-2004, 08:19 PM

Why is Khonvoum listed at 6' 4'' shouldnt he be around 2' 7''?

enigk · 11-30-2004, 09:21 PM

3007 DCL WORLD SERIES

Game 1 - Charlotte withstood 3 fielding errors and a late Buffalo surge to hold on for the 7-4 victory. Abraham looked like a deity possessed and was named the player of the game, hitting two singles and a homerun, scoring 3 runs, driving in 3 and swiping two bases. Abraham's performance raised his 3007 postseason average to exactly .500. On the Buffalo side of the field, Mohammed had a respectable 2 for 3 day with 2 walks, a single and a double, a run scored and 2 RBI.

Game 2 - It was a nail-biter in Charlotte as Buffalo held a 7-4 lead heading into the bottom of the 8th inning. Charlotte rallied as Abraham scored on a sac fly for the 2nd run in the bottom of the 8th. Heading into the bottom of the 9th, Charlotte trailed by one run as Buffalo brought in their closer, mortal Kevin Hassett. Hassett recorded 23 saves with a 3.82 ERA during the year and posted a W-L record of 9-3. Hassett allowed a single to the lead-off hitter, which was misplayed by Buffalo LF Asahiko Kimi, allowing the runner to reach 2nd. A sac bunt advanced the runner to 3rd and a single brought him home, tying the score and sending the hometown Charlotte crowd into a frenzy. Judaism icon Abraham strode to the plate and drove a shot to deep right, but it got hung up in the wind and resulted in a long out to end the inning. Buffalo was held scoreless in the 10th, following a long blast by Mohammed which also was brought back into play by the wind. In the bottom of the 10th, mortal Chadwick Isabel drew the walk which brought mortal Roland Quick to the plate. Quick got a hold of a 2-1 fastball, driving it high and deep to right field, but this time, it was too strong for the wind as it dropped into a cheering crowd in the right field seats, giving Charlotte the 9-7 win in 10 innings. Quick was mobbed by his teammates at home plate and carried from the field on their shoulders as Charlotte would be heading to Buffalo with a 2-0 series lead. On the day, Mohammed was 2 for 3 with a single, a home run, 3 runs scored, 1 RBI and 2 stolen bases. Abraham was 2 for 4 with a single, a home run, 2 runs scored, 2 RBI and a sac fly.

Game 3 - In the first game in Buffalo, Charlotte outhit the home squad, 9-4, but lost the game 4-2 with their two runs coming on a 2 run home run by Abraham in the 3rd inning, the only extra base hit of the game for Charlotte. Buffalo was held scoreless until the bottom of the 8th when Charlotte used 3 different pitchers, but they surrendered 4 runs on 2 hits and no errors. The Buffalo bullpen closed the door on Charlotte in the top of the 9th, sealing the 4-2 win to pull the series to 2 games to 1. Mohammed was 0 for 1 with 3 walks and a run scored and was caught stealing. Abraham was 1 for 4, with his 2 run HR in the 3rd.

Game 4 - Game 4 was a critical game in the series as it could either knot the series at 2 games a piece or give Charlotte a commanding 3 games to 1 series lead. It wasn't even close as Buffalo pitcher Jacob Brickhouse surrenders 7 runs in 2 IP, dropping his 3007 postseason record to 0-3 with an 8.20 ERA. Charlotte hitters feasted upon Buffalo's pitchers while Buffalo's hitters could only manage a double and six singles in the game which Charlotte won decisively 12-2. When asked if the loss was a 'backbreaker' for Buffalo, Mohammed said: "Backbreaker? Not at all. We had a bad day today and it will make our impending victory all the more glorious." When asked if he attempted to console mortal pitcher Jacob Brickhouse, Mohammed replied: "No. Not at all. You must take responsibility for your actions and grow from them. Babying someone is no way to make them learn from their mistakes. In fact, I told him: 'Hey Jacob, I have heard of a Brick ****house, but never a **** Brickhouse!' I got a good laugh at that one. ...What are these stars? I can't say '****'? ...that angers me."

The star of the game for Charlotte was mortal 1B Chadwick Isabel, who was 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 homeruns and 8 RBI. His grand slam in the 3rd inning was the nail in Buffalo's coffin for Game 4. Abraham was 2 for 2 from the plate with 3 walks, 4 runs scored and 1 RBI. Buffalo's deity Mohammed was 2 for 4 with a double, a walk and a run scored.

Game 5 - With their backs against the wall and standing in a 3 games to 1 hole, Buffalo and Charlotte fought to a 6-6 tie into the bottom of the 10th inning when Buffalo mortal 1B Eric StPierre drove an RBI single between 1st and 2nd base to win the game for Buffalo, pulling them back within one game in the World Series. Mohammed was 1 for 4 on the day with a solo HR, a walk and 2 runs scored. Buffalo continued to pitch around Abraham, who was 0 for 2 with 3 walks, a run scored and a stolen base on the day.

Game 6 - Back in Charlotte, North Carolina for Game 6, Buffalo outhit Charlotte 15-11 and Mohammed was named Player of the Game with a 3 for 5, 2 HR, 5 RBI performance. Charlotte closer William Toms came out for the bottom of the 9th with the 9-7 lead after having surrendered the losing run the night before to an RBI single to Buffalo player, Eric StPierre. The standing fans grew nervous as Toms walked the first Buffalo player he saw on 4 straight pitches. But mortal SS James Bradley was next up and grounded his first pitch into the 5-4-3 double play. With two outs, a two run lead and the Charlotte crowd cheering loudly, Buffalo mortal Eric StPierre came again to the plate as a grin crossed William Toms' face. StPierre was overanxious and was out in front of Toms' first pitch, a changeup, and he grounded it weakly to the 2B who flipped it to first to seal the World Series championship. A visibly red and angered Mohammed stormed from the dugout into the Buffalo clubhouse as Charlotte dogpiled just behind the pitcher's mound to the absolute delight of the crowd. Fireworks lit the night sky as Charlotte fans danced in the stands and complete strangers hugged as though they were long lost relatives being reacquainted again. Mohammed went 3 for 5 from the plate with a single, 2 HRs, 2 runs scored and 5 RBI. Abraham finished the day 2 for 4 with a triple, a solo homerun, a walk, 2 runs scored, 1 RBI and the Post-Season MVP award.

"This is unbelievable!" yelled an ecstatic Abraham, with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a B.L.T. in the other. "I am riding on the highest cloud made of the finest silk right now! I mean, I really feel ridiculously good and it hasn't even sunk in yet, I'm just sailing on adrenaline. I hate to say it, but another thing that makes this all so beautiful is that Mohammed is SO full of himself. He's all like: 'I am the best, I am the supremist' blah blah blah...to shove his face in a pile of his own crap is quite the Hannukah present, I'll tell you that!"

Following the game, Mohammed could not be found anywhere within the stadium. His locker was cleaned out and no one had reported seeing the Islamic deity. We will have to see if Mohammed was simply avoiding the reporters due to anger or embarassment or if there was something more afoot...

Deity Postseason Stats
Abraham (.479 / 7 HR / 16 RBI / 17 BBs / 12 SB / 1 CS / .606 OBP)
Mohammed (.388 / 6 HR / 15 RBI / 17 BBs / 4 SB / 6 CS / .545 OBP)

enigk · 11-30-2004, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallschirmjager

Why is Khonvoum listed at 6' 4'' shouldnt he be around 2' 7''?

That's a good question - Khonvoum is the deity of the Pygmy people but is not a Pygmy himself. He is actually a rather tall, powerful man whose Batting Average has dropped every single year (.488, .473, .445 and .406).

UngratefulDead · 11-30-2004, 10:32 PM

Man this stuff is hilarious, those diety quotes are priceless.

11-30-2004, 08:19 PM	#97 (permalink)
rudel.dietrich Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Zürich, Switzerland Posts: 4,874 Thanks: 3 Thanked 109x in 75 posts	Why is Khonvoum listed at 6' 4'' shouldnt he be around 2' 7''? __________________ Become a professional footballer! Join my FM 2012 Dynasty! http://www.ootpdevelopments.com/boar...ml#post3258044

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10-28-2004, 04:35 PM	#82 (permalink)
Satan Bat Boy Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	I just wanted to drop by and thank all of my supporters on here. I promise to do even better in 3007!

10-29-2004, 06:33 PM	#83 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	May 1st, 3007 The 4th season of the DCL is off and running as our deities try and show their dominance over one another. It was a pretty uneventful Spring Training as Siddhartha Guatama, A Thetan, Altjira, Zeus, Jesus Christ, Guru Nahak, uKqili and Khonvoum showed good Strike Zone Judgement. However, Zeus' defensive range has been declining steadily and he has slipped from Ranges of 100 for all positions to a range between 73-79 across the board. An unnamed source in the Little Rock Front Office described a recent challenge issued to the deity LF by the coach. "He said: 'Get in front of the damn ball, Zeus! Don't give me this ole bull****!'," quoted the source, "There was a huge thunderclap and the coach was gone...just...gone. Our hitting coach will interim the first couple of weeks until we can interview replacements...not that anyone is jumping at the chance..." Monthly Highlights 4/5/3007 - Pueblo Indian deity and New York Catcher Awonawilona (.688 / 12 RBI / .737 OBP) and 3006 Post-Season MVP Altjira (.647 / 5 HR / 9 RBI) win the first Player of the Week Award of the 3007 season. 4/7/3007 - Islamic icon Mohammed hits 3 home runs and drives in 4 in Buffalo's 8-1 win in Cleveland. 4/7/3007 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu has a great day, going 5 for 5 at the plate with 4 runs scored, 5 RBIs, 2 doubles, a home run, a sac fly and 2 stolen bases as Greensboro steamrolls Columbus, 11-1. 4/12/3007 - Hartford RF Bondje (.600 / 5 HR / 11 RBI) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.667 / 5 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 4/13/3007 - Apparently when not vaporizing coaches into tufts of ozone and water, Zeus has been lifting weights as he crushes three longballs and drives in 5 in Little Rock's 11-1 win over Columbus. 4/14/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona hits the 46th cycle in league history, his first, while collecting a very impressive 10 RBI as he goes 5 for 6 from the plate, with a single, a double, a triple, and 2 3-run home runs as New York demolishes a shell-shocked Jesus Christ and his Memphis teammates, 18-2. 4/15/3007 - Voodoo deity Bondje is officially a citizen of Haiti, but he personified the aggressions and frustrations of all U.S. Taxpayers on this April 15th by going 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 singles, a double, 2 HRs, 3 runs scored and 6 RBI as Hartford kicks around Philly, 13-8. 4/19/3007 - Awonawilona has 26 RBI in 30 ABs while hitting .633 on the week to win the PotW for the CL. Guru Nahak hits .577 with 8 HRs and 15 RBI and is awarded the United League's PotW Award. 4/26/3007 - Orlando CF and Father of All Lies, Satan (.682 / 5 HR / 14 RBI) and Raleigh 1B Ra (.611 / 5 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 4/28/3007 - Egyptian Sun God Ra continued to hit the ball well as he goes 5 for 5 from the plate in Raleigh's 6-2 win in Cleveland. On the day, Ra had a single, 3 doubles, a Home Run, 2 RBI, 2 runs scored and a Stolen Base. 5/1/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona is an easy choice for the Continental League Batter of the Month Award as he collects a stunning 65 RBIs in the month of April, while hitting .520 and 23 Home Runs and posting a 1.439 SLG. In the United League, Lewiston Catcher Altjira (.529 / 22 HR / 49 RBI / 1.425 SLG) continues to impress as he is awarded the UL's Batter of the Month Award. Deity BA Leader: Apsu .556 Deity HR Leader: Awonawilona 23 Deity RBI Leader: Awonawilona 65 Deity SB Leader: 5 tied at 17 Deity Career HR Leaderboard 1.) uKqili 287 2.) Odin 285 3.) Vishnu 282 4.) Ra 278 4.) Altjira 278 6.) Mohammed 276 7.) Siddhartha Guatama 272 8.) Hunab Ku 267 9.) Ometeotl 266 10.) Jesus Christ 263

11-02-2004, 06:41 PM	#84 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	June 1st, 3007 The month of May saw the second mortal showing up the deities by receiving a Player of the Week Award as well as three of our deities reaching the 300 career HR mark. Also, one of our deities was slightly hampered with a minor injury. Monthly Highlights 5/2/3007 - Voodoo God Bondje hits 3 home runs and collects 6 RBI in Hartford's 10-8 win in New York. 5/3/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona (.556 / 5 HR / 14 RBI / 1.667 SLG) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.565 / 4 HR / 11 RBI / 1.391 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. 5/4/3007 - Hartford RF Bondje hits the 48th cycle in league history in Hartford's 17-4 routing of Phoenix. 5/6/3007 - Gadsden 2B Odin collects 5 hits (single, 2 doubles, 2 HRs, 5 RBI) in Gadsden's 14-6 win in El Paso. 5/7/3007 - Aztec God Ometeotl clubs 3 HRs in 4 ABs, scoring 3 runs and driving in 4 in Pittsburgh's 9-3 win in Raleigh. 5/10/3007 - It was an embarassing day for our CL deities as puny human Frederick Cook (.536 / 3 HR / 8 RBI) is named the Continental League's Player of the Week Award. In the UL, Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.500 / 6 HR / 14 RBI / 1.300 SLG) takes home the PotW. 5/10/3007 - Scientology icon A Thetan hits 2 singles, a double and 2 home runs, scoring 4 runs with 2 RBI in Houston's 8-1 drubbing of Orlando. 5/12/3007 - Celtic deity Anu collects a single, 3 doubles, a home run, 3 runs scored and 4 RBI in El Paso's 8-5 win in Cleveland. 5/13/3007 - Confucianism namesake Confucius homers three times with 5 RBI in Phoenix's 12-9 win in Norfolk. 5/16/3007 - Mayan God Hunab Ku goes 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 doubles, 3 HRs and drives in all his team's runs in Stockton's 7-3 win over Gadsden. 5/17/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.636 / 7 HR / 16 RBI) and Stockton 3B Hunab Ku (.636 / 6 HR / 14 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 5/19/3007 - In the bottom of the 10th inning, Zulu deity uKqili drives a solo home run over the right-center field wall to tie the game at 5 and bringing the Norfolk 1B's career HR count to 300, making him the first deity to reach this plateau. It was the second HR of the game for uKqili, who was 4 for 6 on the day, but it was not enough as Atlanta scores 4 runs in the top of the 12th and stops a late-surging Norfolk team to win the game 9-8. 5/22/3007 - Mayan God Hunab Ku improves Stockton's record to 24-24 as he again hits three home runs, all solo HRs this time, in Stockton's 8-4 win in Raleigh. 5/24/3007 - Judaism icon Abraham (.545 / 10 RBI / 1.409 SLG) wins the CL Player of the Week Award. Mayan God Hunab Ku (.556 / 8 RBI / 1.722 SLG) wins his 2nd PotW in as many weeks. 5/24/3007 - There must be something in the water as Greensboro CF Lao-tzu goes 5 for 6 with a single, a double, 3 HRs and 6 RBI. His 3rd and final home run was a game-winning solo blast in the bottom of the 10th which gave Greensboro the 13-12 win over Buffalo. 5/29/3007 - While catching a blistering line drive, El Paso RF Anu bruises his hand and will be at 90% for 3 days. El Paso says they will handle the situation extremely cautiously and sit Anu for the next three days. 5/31/3007 - Scientology icon A Thetan (.591 / 12 RBI) and Hindu deity Vishnu (.455 / 7 RBI / 1.091 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. 5/31/3007 - Sparking rampant whisperings of possible substance abuse, Mayan God Hunab Ku clubs another three HRs in a 4 for 4 performance in Stockton's 12-4 win over Little Rock. On the day, Ku also doubled, scored 4 runs and collected 5 RBI. "These rumors are absurd," replied Ku, when questioned about the rumors of substance abuse, "and they anger me greatly. When I find out exactly who has been spreading this blasphemy, rest assured they will regret that I allowed them to be born with vocal cords." 6/1/3007 - Batter of the Month Awards are awarded to Norfolk 1B uKqili (.505 / 46 RBI / 1.316 SLG) and Stockton 2B Hunab Ku (.495 / 21 HR / 41 RBI / .581 OBP). Deity BA Leader: Guru Nahak .506 Deity HR Leader: Awonawilona / Vishnu 38 Deity RBI Leader: Awonawilona 98 Deity SB Leader: Bondje 39 Deity Career SB Leaderboard 1.) Siddhartha Guatama 300 2.) Bondje 299 3.) A Thetan 293 4.) Vishnu 289 5.) Hunab Ku 287 6.) uKqili 279 7.) Anu 275 8.) Lao-tzu 273 9.) Enlil 272 10.) Confucius 271 10.) Guru Nahak 271

11-09-2004, 02:01 PM	#85 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	July 1st, 3007 At the All-Star Break in the DCL, two of our deities are contemplating a position change. UL Catchers Jupiter and Enlil were not invited to the All-Star game and are pondering moving from behind the plate. "Let's face facts," stated Sumerian God Enlil, "I'm hitting .457 for my career thus far. While that may not be the highest average amongst my peers, how many All-Star Games have I been invited to? Zero. A big, fat, whole lotta nuthin'. That really sucks if you want my honest opinion. I mean, no offense to the Eskimos out there, but Tekkeitsertok hasn't hit over .430 in two years and his HRs have dropped faster than Star Jones XVI on a see-saw. But, he's an outfielder and they let, like, 75 of them go to the All-Star game." Tekkeitsertok fired back at Enlil when informed of the Sumerian God's comments. "Well, no offense to both people out there who follow Enlil but he can kiss my lily-white, icy-cold @$$. Waa waa...I mean, grow up for my sake..." Monthly Highlights 6/7/3007 - Judaism icon Abraham (.577 / 4 HR / 14 RBI) and Mayan God Hunab Ku (.636 / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 6/9/3007 - Stockton 3B Hunab Ku continues his HR tear, hitting another 3 HRs and driving in 6 RBI in Stockton's 10-8 win over Lewiston. 6/11/3007 - Lewiston Catcher and Aboriginal icon Altjira crushes 3 longballs and collects 6 RBI in Lewiston's 9-4 win over Cleveland. 6/12/3007 - Even deities can't escape peer pressure and hitting 3 HRs in a game is the cool thing to do. This time, it's Egyptian Sun God Ra's turn in a magnificent 6 for 6 performance (single, 2 doubles, 3 HRs, 4 RBI) as Raleigh doubles down on Cincinnati, 16-8. 6/14/3007 - Player of the Week Honors are awarded to Oklahoma City SS Apsu (.500 / 5 HR / 16 RBI) and Lewiston Catcher Altjira (.722 / 18 RBI). 6/14/3007 - Not only can he turn water into wine, but Memphis Left Fielder Jesus Christ can also turn 4 hits into a cycle. Chicago beat Memphis 7-5, but the real story of the game was Christ who hits the 50th cycle in league history. 6/14/3007 - New Orleans' Catcher Guru Nahak is the latest to hop on the 3 Homer Bandwagon as he clubs three longballs in his team's 8-5 win over Cincinnati. 6/15/3007 - Not to be shown up by his eternal rival, Satanism icon and Orlando CF Satan hits the 51st cycle in league history only one day after Memphis LF Jesus Christ hit the 50th. "That's Satan for you," joked Christ, "Always a day late and a dollar short." "Pay no attention to his ramblings," replied Satan, upon being informed of the flippant remark, "Have you heard the crap music people are making in his name around here? Listen to that and then listen to the stuff that my followers make...no contest." 6/21/3007 - Memphis Left Fielder Jesus Christ (.652 / 18 RBI / .667 OBP) and Columbus SS Vishnu (.565 / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 6/22/3007 - Aztec deity Ometeotl hits 3 HRs in Pittsburgh's 7-2 win in Gadsden. On the day, Ometeotl was 4 for 4 with a single, 3 HRs, 3 runs scored and 5 RBI. 6/26/3007 - Buddhism icon and Chicago RF Siddhartha Guatama goes 4 for 4 from the plate with a double, 3 home runs, 3 runs scored and 5 RBI as Chicago squeaks past Orlando, 9-8. 6/28/3007 - Babylonian deity Apsu (.765 / 5 HR / 13 RBI) and Aztec God Ometeotl (.700 / 16 RBI / .750 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards. 7/1/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.462 / 20 HR / 48 RBI) and Raleigh 1B Ra (.578 / 17 HR / 44 RBI) win their respective league's Batter of the Month Awards. Deity BA Leader: Altjira .512 Deity HR Leader: Vishnu 60 Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 126 Deity SB Leader: A Thetan 53 Deity Career Hits Leaderboard 1.) Vishnu 938 2.) Bondje 921 3.) Hunab Ku 908 4.) Odin 903 5.) Lao-tzu 897 6.) uKqili 884 7.) Siddhartha Guatama 882 8.) Ra 877 9.) Anu 872 10.) Zeus 871 10.) Ometeotl 871 10.) Altjira 871

11-09-2004, 04:17 PM	#86 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	3007 DCL All-Star Game - July 1st, 3007 The CL is 3-0 against their UL counterdeities in the DCL's All-Star history. Some of our CL deities are rather prideful heading into the game. "I may play the game sitting down," joked starting CL CF Satan, "although Jesus Christ is playing shortstop today, so I'll probably have to go grab a couple of the balls he should have fielded." Incan God Viracocha was also rather jovial heading into the game. "I'm going to have a busy day at catcher," he joked, "What with chasing down all those pop-ups behind the plate and all." The UL remained unfazed by the joking, "Let them laugh," noted Egyptian Sun God Ra, starting at 2B today, "We will see who laughs last." This year's Starting Lineups are as follows: CL's Starting Line-Up 1.) RF Tekkeitsertok (.385 / 28 HR / 77 RBI) 2.) 2B Siddhartha Guatama (.418 / 44 HR / 101 RBI) 3.) LF A Thetan (.462 / 41 HR / 98 RBI) 4.) C Viracocha (.435 / 36 HR / 86 RBI) 5.) SS Jesus Christ (.461 / 38 HR / 110 RBI) 6.) 1B uKqili (.456 / 43 HR / 104 RBI) 7.) 3B Confucius (.457 / 55 HR / 124 RBI) 8.) CF Satan (.429 / 36 HR / 87 RBI) 9.) P James Erb (11-4 / 3.81 ERA) UL's Starting Line-Up 1.) RF Lao-tzu (.440 / 42 HR / 96 RBI) 2.) 2B Ra (.498 / 44 HR / 106 RBI) 3.) SS Hunab Ku (.500 / 52 HR / 109 RBI) 4.) C Guru Nahak (.506 / 55 HR / 123 RBI) 5.) 1B Vishnu (.469 / 60 HR / 114 RBI) 6.) 3B Odin (.458 / 41 HR / 106 RBI) 7.) LF Zeus (.489 / 42 HR / 107 RBI) 8.) CF Mohammed (.484 / 48 HR / 111 RBI) 9.) P Russell Miller (8-5 / 4.15 ERA) GAME RECAP Top of the 1st - Tekkeitsertok came to the plate and flied out to Mohammed in CF for the 1st out. Siddhartha Guatama singled just past a diving Ra at 2B for the one-out single. A Thetan drew the walk, putting men on first and second. Viracocha followed with a high fly ball to left which Zeus easily squeezed for the 2nd out. Jesus Christ came up to the plate next and drove a 1-0 Slider over the left field wall for the 3 Run Homer. Zulu God uKqili was next up and drove a 2-1 slider into the Right-Center Field gap for a triple. With two outs and a runner on 3rd, Confucius popped out into foul territory down the first base line. CL 3 / UL 0 Bottom of the 1st - UL RF Lao-tzu stepped to the plate, trying to get the UL off to a good start to hopefully reverse the negative fortunes they have drawn in All-Star games. He took a 1-0 pitch to deep center field, but Tekkeitsertok climbed the wall and robbed Lao-tzu of the home run. Lao-tzu was notably upset and smashed his helmet against the dugout wall. Ra was next to bat and popped one up behind the plate which Viracocha easily grabbed for the 2nd out. Hunab Ku took a cut at a 1-0 pitch and grounded it to shortstop, where Jesus Christ easily threw him out for the 1-2-3 inning. CL 3 / UL 0 Top of the 2nd - Satan grounded out to Vishnu at first base for the first out. Mortal pitcher James Erb grounded one hard to the mound, but fellow mortal Russell Miller made a nice stop and throw for the second out. Tekkeitsertok went to 0-2 as he grounded out to Odin for the 3rd out. CL 3 / UL 0 Bottom of the 2nd - Guru Nahak and his 55 HRs came to the plate and grounded out weakly to second base. Vishnu was jammed on a 1-1 fastball, but managed to drop it in between 2B Guatama and RF Tekkeitsertok for the bloop single. Odin worked the count full and drew the walk, putting men on first and second with one out. Zeus took the first pitch for a strike as Vishnu and Odin double stole, putting men on 2nd and 3rd. Zeus slapped one to Jesus Christ at SS who fired to first retiring Zeus as Vishnu crossed home plate to put the UL on the board. With two outs and Odin on second base, Mohammed drove a sinking liner into deep left-center field, but Satan made a beautiful diving catch to rob Mohammed of the RBI extra base hit and end the inning. CL 3 / UL 1 Top of the 3rd - Siddhartha Guatama watched the first 3 pitches sail past for balls. He was looking fastball on 3-0 and got one right in his wheelhouse and he crushed it over the left field wall for the solo HR. A Thetan was next up and drove one high and deep to left field, but not deep enough as Zeus was able to corral the ball for the first out. Incan God Viracocha stepped to the plate and took a monster cut at the first pitch he saw. He got all of it and drove it 469 feet from home plate, easily clearing the CF wall to give the CL a 5-1 lead. Jesus Christ came to the plate and drove an 0-2 slider deep to right-center, but RF Lao-tzu made the catch on the track. Zulu God uKqili strode to the plate next and drove one high into RF, but Lao-tzu was there to make the catch to end the inning. CL 5 / UL 1 Bottom of the 3rd - Mortal pitcher Russell Miller led off the UL half of the 3rd by watching a called third strike. Lao-tzu was came to the plate and destroyed a 2-0 fastball, sending it over the left field wall a distance of 484 feet. Egyptian Sun God Ra got a hold of a 1-0 pitch and drove it into the right field corner for the stand-up double. Hunab Ku walked, putting men on first and second with one out for Guru Nahak. Nahak worked the count full and then drew the walk as well, loading the bases. With the bases full and Sitar music blasting through the PA system, Vishnu came to the plate and drove one deep to right field. Tekkeitsertok retreated to the wall and timed his jump perfectly, but the ball was hit too far and landed in the fourth row of seats for the GRAND SLAM which gave the UL the 6-5 lead. CL Pitcher James Erb tried to settle down, but walked Odin. Zeus came to the plate and fouled off a number of pitches with the count full, but got one he liked and drove it into the right-center field gap for the double, putting men on 2nd and 3rd with still only one out. Islamic icon Mohammed came to the plate and worked the count full before driving a 3-2 fastball over the left field wall for the 3-run HR, expanding the UL lead to 4. The CL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal pitcher Curtis Stegner (5-2 3.72 ERA). The UL left in their pitcher, Russell Miller, who had already struck out for the first, and only, out of the inning. This time, Miller went down swinging as he strikes out twice in the same inning. Lao-tzu came up next with two outs and nobody on. He took a cut at a 2-1 changeup and drove it into the right-center field gap for the stand-up double. With two outs and a deity on 2nd, Egyptian Sun God Ra rolled one down the first base line and into the corner for the RBI triple. The UL had the CL back on its heels as Hunab Ku drew the walk to put men on the corners with two outs. Guru Nahak watched the first pitch as Hunab Ku took off for 2nd base. Viracocha's throw was a little low, but Jesus Christ scooped it and applied the tag, but it was a fraction of a second too late. Now with men on 2nd and 3rd, Guru Nahak took a walk on 4 pitches to load the bases again for Vishnu, who had already hit a grand slam this inning. Vishnu took a cut at a 0-1 pitch and drove it in between second and first for a 2-run single, expanding the UL lead to 7 and giving him 6 RBI for the inning. Odin came to the plate with runners at the corners and took the walk to re-load the bases for Zeus. Zeus worked the count to 3-1 and watched a fastball just miss the outside corner, giving him the RBI walk. Mohammed, who had already hit a 3 run homer this inning, came to the plate with mortal pitcher Russell Miller in the on-deck circle ready for his 3rd at-bat of the inning. Mohammed took a cut at the first pitch and skipped it at uKqili, who made a very nice play to corral the ball and step on first base to finally end the inning. CL 5 / UL 13 Top of the 4th - The UL replaced pitcher Russell Miller with mortal pitcher Wilson Mijares (3-2 3.34 ERA) to face the reeling CL squad. Confucius was first up and welcomed Mijares to the game with a double into RF. Satan followed with a double of his own, scoring Confucius from 2nd. Babylonian deity Apsu (.484 / 44 HR / 113 RBI) pinch hit for the pitcher and grounded one to first, allowing Satan to advance to 3rd. With one out and Satan on 3rd, Tekkeitsertok drew the walk to put men on the corners. Siddhartha Guatama was 2 for 2 and worked the count full, but flew softly out to Zeus in left field for the 2nd out. The number 3 hitter A Thetan came to the plate and watched the first pitch sail past for a strike as Tekkeitsertok took off for second base. UL Catcher Guru Nahak fired a perfect strike to Hunab Ku who got the tag down just before Tekkeitsertok gripped the bag for the 3rd out. Somewhere, Enlil kicked a dog. CL 6 / UL 13 Bottom of the 4th - The CL All-Stars brought in mortal pitcher William Medera (10-5 3.89 ERA). His first batter was UL pitcher Wilson Mijares who grounded out to Christ at SS for the first out. Lao-tzu checked his swing and rolled one slowly at Confucius at 3B. Confucius charged and bare-handed the ball, firing it to first base and just barely beating Lao-tzu to the bag for the 2nd out. Egyptian Sun God Ra fouled off a number of pitches and working the count full before driving one to the left field track which A Thetan was able to nab to end the inning. CL 6 / UL 13 Top of the 5th - A Thetan led things off for the CL and drew the walk. The UL brought in a new pitcher, Leon Pullam (8-5 3.61 ERA) to face CL Catcher Viracocha. The first pitch was a pitch-out, but A Thetan was not on the move. Viracocha worked the count full and then drove a 3-2 fastball over the right field wall for the two-run homer, his 2nd HR of the game, which cut the lead to 5. Christianity namesake Jesus Christ was next to bat and took a cut at the first pitch he saw, lining it hard into CF, but Mohammed was on his horse and managed to run down the blistering hit for the first out of the inning. Zulu God uKqili came up and worked the count full before driving one just over a leaping Lao-tzu's glove in RF for the solo HR, cutting the lead to 4. Confucius followed with a weak groundout to SS for the 2nd out. Satan drew the 2-out walk. The CL pinch-hit for the pitcher with Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona (.445 / 44 HR / 116 RBI). Awonawilona took a cut at a 2-2 pitch and flew weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 3rd out. CL 9 / UL 13 Bottom of the 5th - The CL brought in pitcher Ezequiel Melo (3-2 3.45 ERA) to start the UL half of the 5th and the UL countered by pinch-hitting Ometeotl (.458 / 53 HR / 126 RBI) for Hunab Ku. Ometeotl had a hitter's count at 3-1, but popped one into CF which Satan easily grabbed. Guru Nahak drew the walk, putting a deity on first with one out. Vishnu followed with a walk of his own, putting men on first and second. Odin was given the hook in favor of Altjira (.512 / 50 HR / 125 RBI). Altjira came to the plate and watched as Guru Nahak stole 3B. Now, with runners on the corners and one out, Altjira got the count to 3-0 and drove one deep to right field and into the seats for the 3-run home run. Zeus was next to bat and grounded out meekly to the pitcher for the 2nd out. The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.398 / 41 HR / 93 RBI) was brought in to pinch-hit for Mohammed. Khonvoum tried a little trickery, attempting to bunt his way on, but was easily gunned down by the mortal pitcher for the 3rd out of the inning. CL 9 / UL 16 Top of the 6th - Tekkeitsertok came to plate and fouled off a number of pitches before watching a called third strike for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama took a mean cut at the first pitch he saw and drove it 436 feet to left field for the solo home run, his 2nd HR of the game. A Thetan was pulled for Judaism icon Abraham (.407 / 29 HR / 90 RBI) who fouled off two bunt attempts before demolishing a 3-2 fastball 482 feet to right field for back-to-back HRs. With the lead cut to 5, Viracocha strode confidently to the plate and drove a 1-1 Changeup 460 feet to right field for back-to-back-to-back home runs, cutting the lead to 4. The UL countered with a pitching change, bringing in mortal Simon Kawamura (4-0 3.32 ERA). The CL pulled Jesus Christ for mortal Chadwick Isabel. Isabel worked the count full before flying weakly out to Lao-tzu in RF for the 2nd out. Zulu God uKqili came to the plate and drew the walk. Confucius was pinch-hit for by mortal Charles Melton. Melton took the first pitch as uKqili stole second base. Melton took a cut at a 1-2 pitch, but flew it gently into center field where Khonvoum caught it to end the inning. CL 12 / UL 16 Bottom of the 6th - The UL let mortal pitcher Kawamura bat and he went down looking on 3 pitches. Lao-tzu took a seat for mortal William "Peppers" Trask. Trask grounded out weakly to 2nd for the 2nd out. Ra worked the count full before driving one over the right field wall for the solo home run, expanding the lead to 5. Ometeotl blooped one into shallow center field, but Tekkeitsertok made a beautiful sliding catch to rob the Aztec deity of the hit. CL 12 / UL 17 Top of the 7th - Satan led things off by flying out to Khonvoum in center field. Mortal Andre Alonso pinch-hit for the CL pitcher and grounded out to Altjira at shortstop for the 2nd out. Tekkeitsertok was next up and remained hitless (0 for 4) as he flew out to Zeus in RF. CL 12 / UL 17 Bottom of the 7th - The CL brought in mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi (3-0 / 1.60 ERA / 16 S). Guru Nahak fell behind 1-2 and flew weakly out to Satan in CF. Vishnu was next and grounded out to Bondje at SS for the 2nd out. Altjira drew the 2-out walk. Zeus drove one into right field which bounced off the wall for the 2-out RBI double. Khonvoum whistled one between 1B and 2B, but uKqili made a great diving stop and flipped to the pitcher to end the inning. CL 12 / UL 18 Top of the 8th - Siddhartha Guatama got a 2-0 pitch he liked and drove it into the gap in left-center field for the lead-off double. Abraham followed by rattling a grounder into the RF corner for the RBI double. Viracocha (3-4, 3 HRs) came to the plate and grounded out to first, advancing Abraham to 3B. With one out and a runner on 3rd, the UL brought in mortal pitcher Billy Carey to face Voodoo God Bondje. Bondje welcomed Carey to the game by clobbering a ball deep over the right field wall for the 2-run HR, cutting the lead down to 3. Zulu deity uKqili was next and drove a 1-1 pitch over the left field wall for back-to-back home runs. The UL brought in a new pitcher, mortal Steven Spino, to try and stop the bleeding. Mortal Charles Melton strode to the plate for the CL and rifled one right at Vishnu at first base who gloved it for the second out. Satan was next and lined one into RF which dropped right in front of Anu for the two-out single. The CL let mortal pitcher Moritarou Junichi come to the plate and he went down swinging to end the inning. CL 16 / UL 18 Bottom of the 8th - UL pitcher Steven Spino came to the plate and struck out looking for the first out. Irish deity Anu bounced one at Guatama at 2nd base who charged and made a bare-handed play, just nabbing Anu at first for the second out. Ra was pulled for mortal Hugo Rodriguez who flew weakly out to LF to end the inning. CL 16 / UL 18 Top of the 9th - Down by 2 with 3 outs left to go, Tekkeitsertok (0-4) came to the plate. He continued his terrible offensive day by grounding out to first for the first out. Siddhartha Guatama was next and improved his day to 5 for 6 as he singled up the middle. With one out and one on, the tying run came to plate in the form of Judaism icon Abraham. Abraham was 2 for 2 with a home run and drew the walk to put men on first and second with the go-ahead run coming to the plate in Viracocha, who was 3 for 5 with 3 HRs on the day. Viracocha took a cut at a 1-1 fastball and drove it into RF for the RBI single, cutting the lead to 1. Voodoo God Bondje strode confidently to the plate with men on first and second, one out and down by one run. The count went to 2-1 when mortal UL pitcher Spino unleashed a wild pitch, advancing the runners. Bondje worked the count full and flew weakly out to shallow left-center field, where Zeus grabbed the ball for the 2nd out. With two outs, down by one run with men on 2nd and 3rd, Zulu God uKqili held the CL's hopes and dreams in his hands. uKqili, who was 3 for 4 with 2 HRs, worked the count to 2-1 when UL pitcher Steven Spino unleashed another wild pitch, bringing Abraham home from 3B to tie the game at 18 all. Now, with Viracocha on 3rd and the game tied, uKqili skied one into CF which Khonvoum tracked down easily for the 3rd out. CL 18 / UL 18 Bottom of the 9th - The CL brought in pitcher Arthur Trask to face the UL's 3-4-5 hitters. Ometeotl was first to bat for the UL and he drove one to deep right field that hit the top of the wall. Tekkeitsertok fired the ball back into the infield, but not before Ometeotl had slid safely into 3rd base for the lead-off triple. With the winning run only 90 feet away, Sikh icon Guru Nahak walked to the plate. He watched two pitches sail past for balls as the count fell to 2-0. CL Mortal Arthur Trask tried to right the count in his favor and lasered a fastball right down the heart of the plate, but Nahak got it in his sweet spot and blasted it over the right field wall for the game-winning 2-run HR! His UL teammates mobbed Nahak immediately after he leaped onto home plate as the godly celebration shook the ground for miles around. The UL finally had the monkey off their back as the CL again threatened to break the UL's spirit, but this time, it was not enough as the UL finally tastes the sweet nectar of victory. FINAL SCORE - CL 18 / UL 20 The CL squad outhit the UL team 19-14 as well as outhomering them 10-6, but the UL pulls it out nonetheless. Columbus SS and first overall pick in the DCL, Hindu deity Vishnu is named the All-Star MVP for his 3 for 4, 3 runs scored, 6 RBI and 1 HR performance in the winning effort. It was not an easy decision for the voters as CL All-Stars Siddhartha Guatama (5 for 6, 5 runs scored, 2 RBI, 2 HRs) and Viracocha (4 for 6, 3 runs scored, 5 RBI, 3 HRs) were most certainly worthy of consideration. In the end, however, to the victor goes the spoils and Vishnu played a great game. "I would like to thank my many followers as well as the many followers of Columbus," said a jubilent Vishnu, "I would also like to thank my brothers Brahma and Shiva for all of their continued support. But, mostly, I would like to thank my fellow UL teammates here today for playing such a magnificent game and never giving up hope. For all of their followers out there, I will take mercy on your ignorance in following false deities." In the CL locker room, we caught up with a visibly frustrated Tekkeitsertok. "Oh-fer...," lamented Tekkeitsertok, shaking his head, "as in 'Oh for f***'s sake, I can't believe I was 0 for 5...Enlil can still kiss my @$$, though." 38 Runs, 33 Hits and 16 HRs made this All-Star Game an offense lover's dream. Our hats are off to the CL All-Stars who managed to stage a remarkable comeback following the UL's 12-run 3rd inning. But, at the end of the day, they're losers. Today, the mightier bats were in the hands of the UL All-Stars, as they win the game 20-18. We'll see if the UL comes out to next year's All-Star Game with the same passion and intensity they showed today or if they will be content with just getting rid of the goose egg.

11-09-2004, 07:42 PM	#87 (permalink)
DAL 9000 Minors (Triple A) Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 294 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	Yee-haw! They's good readin's in this dynasty.

11-09-2004, 08:43 PM	#88 (permalink)
Tib All Star Reserve Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Paso Robles, CA Posts: 887 Thanks: 0 Thanked 14x in 8 posts	I'm interested in the mortal's view of this league. What's it like for them to try to eke out a career amongst the likes of these heavenly talents?

11-12-2004, 06:49 PM	#90 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	August 1st, 3007 As our teams round the halfway point of the season, the best record in the DCL is held by Awonawilona and his New York teammates at 65-42. New York is in the top 4 in all offensive categories except Stolen Bases (17th) and in the top 3 in all pitching categories with the exception of Walks Allowed (19th). They have accomplished all of this despite the 22nd ranked payroll in the league at $54.4 million. New York has two very threatening bats in the line-up with Awonawilona (.429 / 56 HR / 151 RBI) and the deity-like numbers of mortal RF Maurice Tuck (.383 / 45 HR / 135 RBI) who's having a definite career year and is far ahead his mortal competitors in terms of numbers. New York is pulling out a lot of games late as their bullpen has combined for almost 30% of the team's wins with SP James Bass (12-3, 3.08 ERA) and SP William Madera (11-5, 3.67) posting strong numbers amongst the starting rotation. With a 35 year-old Madera, Tuck estimated to go from $5M/per to $8M/per through arbitration, Awonawilona estimated to make $10.4M/per from his current $300k/per through arbitration and CF A-Rod, Alfredo Rodriguez (.289 / 23 HR / 109 RBI), steadily underachieving ever since signing a huge FA contract ($18.4M) in 3005 coming off of a .321 / 38 HR / 130 RBI year in Philly, the window might be closing for a New York team that has cut payroll by at least $5M for the past two years. We'll have to see if this is a New York front office that foresaw the coming arbitration-caused salary spike or if they're just a bunch of cheap bastards. Monthly Highlights 7/4/3007 - Lewiston's All-Star SP Russell Miller (13-5, 3.54) celebrates Independence Day in style as he pitches a NO-HITTER in Buffalo. Keeping Miller from the perfect game was Buffalo RF Mohammed who reached base on an error in the bottom of the 1st inning and then drew walks in each of his next three at-bats, the only three walks of the game for Miller. Lewiston needed all the help it could get as they only managed 4 hits and 1 run themselves. 7/5/3007 - In the annual tradition of the DCL, the Token Human Player of the Week Awards are awarded to mortal pitchers Hilario Balan (1-0, 3.86) and Manuel Ortega (2-0, 2.57) of Atlanta and Gadsden. The new trophies are quite nice and topped with a statuette of a winged figure throwing a bone. 7/6/3007 - Many Hollywood Scientologists only wish they could produce as many hits as their icon, A Thetan, did on this particular Tuesday as he goes 5 for 5 with 3 singles, a triple, a home run and 3 RBI in Houston's 10-5 win in Norfolk. 7/12/3007 - Atlanta Catcher Viracocha (.545 / 5 HR / 12 RBI / 1.500 SLG) and Pittsburgh CF Ometeotl (.609 / 5 HR / 10 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 7/17/3007 - Judaism icon and Charlotte 3B Abraham hits his first career cycle, the 52nd in league history. On the day, Abraham was 5 for 5 with 2 HRs, 6 RBI and 5 runs scored in Charlotte's 18-6 trouncing of Atlanta in Georgia. 7/19/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius (.500 / 13 RBI / 1.357 SLG) and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.609 / 4 HR / 10 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 7/23/3007 - Memphis LF Jesus Christ is a one-man wrecking crew in Houston as he goes 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 singles, a double, a 3-run HR and a Grand Slam, collecting 8 RBI and scoring 3 runs, parting the Houston crowd into the exit aisles. Memphis easily manhandles Houston for the 12-2 win in Texas. 7/24/3007 - Philadelphia RF Tekkeitsertok hits the 53rd cycle in league history, scoring 2 runs and driving in 2 runs in Philly's 8-5 win over Orlando. 7/26/3007 - Christianity namesake Jesus Christ (.500 / 3 HR / 10 RBI) and Aztec God Ometeotl (.444 / 6 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 7/26/3007 - Taoism icon Lao-tzu collects 5 hits (2 singles, a double, 2 HRs) with 4 runs scored and 4 RBI in Greensboro's 17-8 steamrolling of Pittsburgh. 7/28/3007 - Sikhism deity and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak clubs 3 Home Runs and tallies 7 RBI as New Orleans blasts Stockton 15-7. 8/1/3007 - Memphis RF Jesus Christ (.489 / 14 HR / 38 RBI) wins his first career Batter of the Month Award. In the United League, it's same-old same-old for Ometeotl (.484 / 35 RBI / .580 OBP) as the Pittsburgh CF pulls down his 10th career BotM. Deity BA Leader: Altjira .491 (+.006 over 2nd place deity) Deity HR Leader: Vishnu 73 (+1 over 2nd place deity) Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 161 (+6 over 2nd place deity) Deity SB Leader: uKqili / Anu 68 (+2 over 2nd place deity) Deity Career Walks Leaderboard 1.) Vishnu 496 2.) uKqili 491 3.) Zeus 490 4.) Hunab Ku 483 5.) Siddhartha Guatama 478 6.) A Thetan 475 6.) Lao-tzu 475 8.) Bondje 474 9.) Ra 466 10.) Ometeotl 465

11-24-2004, 02:25 PM	#91 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	September 1st, 3007 Our first three seasons of the DCL have seen one Triple Crown winner each year (uKqili - 3004, Siddhartha Guatama - 3005 and Anu - 3006). This year, one diety in each league is in striking distance of the prestigious award. In the Continental League, Phoenix 2B Confucius has a 10 HR lead and an 8 RBI lead over the 2nd place deities in the CL. However, his .454 average is tied for 4th and trails CL Batting Leader Bondje by .020. Confucius is charging late, hitting .500 for the month of August and could conceivably pull it out against Bondje, who posted a season-low average of .452 for the month of August. In the United League, Sikhism icon Guru Nahak may have an easier time of things as he is currently second in the UL in Average (only .004 behind Hunab Ku), second in RBI (5 behind Ometeotl) and tied for first in HRs with Vishnu. However, Hunab Ku has been a hitting machine as of late, posting a .559 BA for the month of August compared to Nahak's .461. A dark horse contender in the race for the Triple Crown is Hindu SS Vishnu, who is 3rd in Average, tied for first in HRs and 3rd in RBI in the UL. This should be an interesting race down the homestretch for our UL icons. In the playoff race, it would take a collapse of Biblical proportions to unseat New York's chances of reaching the postseason. With 26 games left to play, they are sitting on a very comfortable 15 game lead over 2nd place Houston and hold the DCL's best record. All other division battles are within 3 games, with the exception of the CL East, where Charlotte holds a 7 game lead over 2nd place Phoenix. Monthly Highlights 8/2/3007 - Incan God Viracocha (.524 / 12 RBI) and Sumerian God Enlil (.550 / 3 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 8/9/3007 - Flirting with disaster, CL Mortal Charles "The Fireball" Melton (.583 / 5 HR / 15 RBI) wins his league's Player of the Week Award. Melton issued a statement from an undisclosed location that he was honored to receive the award and had slaughtered 27 goats to appease any hurt feelings. In the United League, the Pygmy Powerhouse, Khonvoum, hit .588 / 4 HR / 10 RBI / 1.588 SLG to pull down the UL's Player of the Week Award. 8/12/3007 - Greek Father God Zeus hits the 54th cycle in league history, scoring 4 runs and collecting 3 RBI, in Little Rock's 9-8 win in Lewiston. 8/14/3007 - Egyptian Sun God Ra hits two singles, a double and two home runs in Raleigh's 16-2 defrocking of Cleveland. On the day, Ra scored 3 runs and drove in 5. 8/14/3007 - Irish deity Anu clubs three home runs in 5 ABs while collecting 7 RBI as El Paso exorcises Cincinnati 15-2 in Texas. Living in Texas appears to be affecting Anu's speech (among other things) as a southern drawl can now be clearly heard interlaced with Anu's natural Celtic brogue. Rumors are swirling that the Irish deity has also been heard making a derogatory joke regarding Mexicans as opposed to his typical target of the British... 8/16/3007 - Norfolk 1B uKqili (.536 / 14 RBI / 1.321 SLG) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.538 / 12 RBI / .552 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards. 8/19/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius hits three singles and two HRs, scoring 4 runs and driving in 5 in Phoenix's 14-9 clubbing of New York. 8/23/3007 - Orlando CF Satan (.526 / 7 HR / 16 RBI / 1.684 SLG) is awarded the Continental League's Player of the Week Award. In the United League, Mayan God Hunab Ku (.474 / 13 RBI / .600 OBP) is awarded his 9th career PotW. 8/25/3007 - Norse Father God Odin collects 5 hits in 6 ABs in Gadsden's game against Lewiston. Two of those hits were collected in the top of the 11th inning, part of a 10 run explosion, which sealed Gadsden's win 18-11. Odin singled, doubled twice, homered twice, scored 5 runs and drove in 5 runs on the day. 8/30/3007 - Voodoo deity Bondje (.600 / 5 HR / 11 RBI) and Irish deity Anu (.462 / 7 HR / 17 RBI / 1.385 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. It was Bondje's 12th career PotW and Anu's 5th. 9/1/3007 - Confucianism namesake Confucius (.500 / 17 HR / 40 RBI / 1.231 SLG) and Stockton 3B Hunab Ku (.559 / 18 HR / 44 RBI / 1.312 SLG) win Batter of the Month Awards. It was Confucius' 2nd career BotM and HuKu's 3rd. Deity BA Leader: Hunab Ku .484 (+.004 over 2nd place) Deity HR Leader: Vishnu / Guru Nahak 86 (+1 over 2nd place) Deity RBI Leader: Ometeotl 192 (+3 over 2nd place) Deity SB Leader: A Thetan 84 (+1 over 2nd place) Deity Career Doubles Leaderboard 1.) Bondje 250 2.) Tekkeitsertok 246 3.) Odin 245 4.) Satan 229 5.) Lao-tzu 226 6.) Vishnu 224 7.) Confucius 221 7.) Jupiter 221 9.) Ra 215 10.) Zeus 213

11-29-2004, 02:40 PM	#94 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	October 4th, 3007 The regular season has come to an end as 8 of our deities advance to the post-season with 18 staying home. In the Continental League, New York (Awonawilona) easily wraps up the CL Northeast, Charlotte (Abraham) wins the CL East and Oklahoma City (Apsu) earns the CL Southeast crown. The wildcard spot came down to a one-game, winner take all match-up between Phoenix and Hartford, who finished tied for the CL Wildcard spot with identical records of 84-78. The one-game series was held in Phoenix, but Bondje and his Hartford teammates pulled out the victory in enemy territory 4-1. In the United League, Pittsburgh (Ometeotl) wins the UL Northwest, Seattle (Khonvoum) wins the UL West and Guru Nahak leads New Orleans to the division title. The wildcard spot was deadlocked between Greensboro and Buffalo, who both finished the season with records of 87-75. In the one game playoff in Greensboro, a slugfest leads to a 13-10 Buffalo win, sending Mohammed back to the playoffs. In the race for the Triple Crowns, Confucius maintained his lead in HRs and RBIs, setting new DCL records in both, but hit only .422 on the month and his final average of .448 was nowhere near Bondje's of .479. So, no soup for the CL deities. In the United League, New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak runs the board, finishing first in Batting Average, OPS, Homeruns (tied), RBI and Runs Scored to win the UL's Triple Crown and pretty much lock up his league's MVP award. Nahak had his best month for Average, hitting .522 in the 4 weeks. Hunab Ku, who held the UL BA lead heading into September, managed only to hit .430 and fell to 2nd place in the UL's Batting Average leaderboard, clearing the way for Nahak to grab the brass ring. Here's how the playoffs shake out: Hartford (Bondje) vs. New York (Awonawilona) Oklahoma City (Apsu) vs. Charlotte (Abraham) Seattle (Khonvoum) vs. New Orleans (Guru Nahak) Buffalo (Mohammed) vs. Pittsburgh (Ometeotl) Monthly Highlights 9/2/3007 - Oklahoma City SS and Babylonian deity Apsu puts his teammates on his shoulders and delivers them to the promised land with 5 hits in 5 ABs and 3 solo HRs in OKC's 6-4 win over Phoenix. 9/5/3007 - Zulu icon uKqili collects 3 singles, two HRs, 5 runs scored and 6 RBI in Norfolk's 14-4 win over Hartford. 9/6/3007 - Memphis RF Jesus Christ (.571 / 17 RBI / .667 OBP / 7 game HR streak) and Gadsden 2B Odin (.526 / 5 HR / 11 RBI / 1.474 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. 9/7/3007 - Norfolk 1B uKqili hits three home runs, including a walk-off 3-run homer in the bottom of the 9th, to give Norfolk the 8-6 win over visiting Charlotte. uKqili had 5 RBI on the day. 9/10/3007 - Norse God Odin goes 5 for 6 at the plate with 3 runs scored, 4 RBI, a triple, two home runs and 3 stolen bases. Odin drove in the winning run with an RBI single in the top of the 14th as Gadsden outlasts Raleigh, 10-9. 9/11/3007 - Phoenix 2B Confucius hits the 56th cycle in league history, his 1st, in Phoenix's 7-5 victory over Hartford. On the day, Confucius was 4 for 4 with a walk, 2 runs scored, 4 RBI and a stolen base. 9/12/3007 - With a 12-6 win over visiting Norfolk, New York wins the CL Northeast crown. 9/13/3007 - Zulu icon uKqili (.586 / 9 HR / 13 RBI) and Norse God Odin (.542 / 6 HR / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 9/20/3007 - In a slow news week, Voodoo deity Bondje (.571 / 14 RBI) and Sikh icon Guru Nahak (.600 / 4 HR / 7 RBI / 1.500 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards. 9/20/3007 - Babylonian God Apsu goes 6 for 6 from the plate with a double, a home run, 4 singles, 3 runs scored, 4 RBI and a stolen base in Oklahoma City's 13-8 win in Hartford. 9/25/3007 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak collects 5 hits in New Orleans' 10-9 win over Little Rock. Nahak managed 2 singles, a double and 2 HRs, including a 423-foot walk-off solo shot to win the game. On the day Nahak also scored 4 runs, drove in 5 and stole a base. 9/26/3007 - Charlotte wins the CL East with a 11-4 win over Phoenix. 9/27/3007 - Oklahoma City SS Apsu (.600 / 14 RBI / 1.550 SLG) and Sikhism icon Guru Nahak (.522 / 3 HR / 13 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. 9/27/3007 - Oklahoma City's 7-1 win over Memphis earns them the CL Southeast crown. 9/29/3007 - New Orleans wins the UL Southwest crown with a 4-3 win over visiting Greensboro. 9/29/3007 - The Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum hits two home runs and drives in 4 to give Seattle an 8-5 win over Cleveland, locking up the UL West crown. 9/30/3007 - Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona clubs three home runs with 5 RBI in New York's 11-5 win over Atlanta. 10/1/3007 - Zulu deity uKqili (.532 / 45 RBI) and New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak (.541 / 36 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards. 10/2/3007 - Awonawilona continues to heat up heading into the playoffs as he hits a single, two triples and two HRs in New York's 10-5 win in Norfolk. 10/2/3007 - El Paso may have been far out of the playoff hunt, but Irish deity Anu wasn't ready to mail it in on the last day of the season as he jacks three HRs including a walk-off 2 run shot in the bottom of the 10th to power his team to a 6-4 win over visiting Lewiston. 10/2/3007 - The UL Northwest crown came down to the last day of the season and Pittsburgh rose to the challenge, defeating visiting Columbus 8-3 to cement their crown. 10/3/3007 - A 3-run 4th was all Hartford would need to earn the CL Wildcard spot as they defeat Phoenix under a hot Arizona sun 4-1. 10/3/007 - It was a slugfest in Greensboro, but visiting Buffalo comes out on top, 13-10, to wrap up the UL Wildcard spot. 10/4/3007 - New York Catcher Awonawilona (.688 / 5 HR / 9 RBI) and Taoism icon Lao-tzu (.556 / 4 HR / 9 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards. CL Leaders Average 1.) Bondje HAR .479 2.) uKqili NOR .467 2.) J. Christ MEM .467 Homeruns 1.) Confucius PHO 103 2.) Awonawilona NY 90 3.) J. Christ MEM 89 Runs Batted In 1.) Confucius PHO 235 2.) J. Christ MEM 230 3.) Awonawilona NY 219 Stolen Bases 1.) uKqili NOR 96 2.) A Thetan HOU 94 3.) Bondje HAR 85 UL Leaders Average 1.) G. Nahak NO .488 2.) H. Ku STO .476 3.) Vishnu .470 Homeruns 1.) G. Nahak NO 100 1.) Vishnu COL 100 3.) Ometeotl PIT 93 Runs Batted In 1.) G. Nahak NO 224 2.) Vishnu COL 223 3.) Ometeotl 217 Stolen Bases 1.) Ra RAL 100 2.) Anu EP 93 3.) Odin GAD 90

11-29-2004, 06:40 PM	#95 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	October 10th, 3006 OPENING SERIES RESULTS Hartford (Bondje) def. New York (Awonawilona) 3-2 Charlotte (Abraham) def. Oklahoma City (Apsu) 3-1 Seattle (Khonvoum) def. New Orleans (Guru Nahak) 3-0 Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Pittsburgh (Ometeotl) 3-0 Records mean nothing come playoff time as wildcard Hartford (85-78) eliminates heavily-favored New York (97-65) from the playoffs in 5 games and Seattle (84-78) dispatches New Orleans (90-72) with ease. In the Hartford/New York series, it was New York's first trip to the playoffs and their inexperience in the post-season shown through. The pressure may have gotten to Awonawilona, who was held to a deity-pedestrian .391 average in the series and never looked comfortable at the plate. Bondje exploded out of the gate for Hartford, however, leading his team to victory with an average of .652. New York seemed to have destiny and momentum on their side following a Game 1 victory in New York, which saw them tie the game in the bottom of the 9th and win it in the bottom of the 12th. However, a 4-run 9th by Hartford cost them Game 2, 9-8. Game 3 in Hartford New York took with ease, winning 10-4 in a game that wasn't even as close as that sounds. But the next two games were even less close as Hartford demolishes New York 15-2 in Hartford and 17-5 in New York to advance to the next round. Awonawilona was shell-shocked in his post-game press conference following the deciding game, "I can't believe it..." he began, "We were riding so high that it hurts even more to fall so far. I think we just got all wrapped up in being the favorite and clinching a playoff spot so early that we kind of took the fundamentals for granted." A tear slid down Awonawilona's cheek, which many assumed to be emotion from the series loss, but it was later revealed that someone in the press conference room had littered. The Charlotte/Oklahoma City series saw a determined Abraham, hellbent on improving his playoff showing from last year when he hit a pathetic .125. He succeeded by hitting .545, but his power numbers still left much to be desired. It's the W's and L's that matter most, however, and the third time was a charm for Charlotte as they advance to the CLCS for the first time. Charlotte lost in the opening round in 3004 and 3006 and they have a few extra days' rest from waiting for the Hartford/New York series to shake out. Apsu fared well in his first trip to the post-season, but one deity does not a team make as they go home defeated. Oklahoma City dropped Games 1 and 2 in Charlotte 11-6 and 3-1 before winning their opening game at home in Game 3, 6-1. Their joy was short-lived however as Charlotte won Game 4 6-2. The Babylonian deity refused comment following the game, but a statement released through the team relayed Apsu's thanks to the fans for their support and a vow to make it to the World Series next year. In the Seattle/New Orleans showdown, all eyes were on Triple Crown winner Guru Nahak, who many foresaw carrying New Orleans to the World Series. However, Nahak's first trip to the playoffs was one that he would probably love to forget as he fizzles out with a .182 average for the 3 game series. Instead, it was the Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum who appeared to thrive on the attention and spotlight of the playoffs, his first, as he finishes the opening stanza with a nice .545 average. Both UL teams with home field advantage were swept from the playoffs as Seattle makes quick work of New Orleans, 5-1, 8-4 and 4-3. In the post-game press conference, Guru Nahak was a little self-righteous, "We got swept by an inferior Seattle team. Obviously, being such a magnanimous deity as I am, I place some of the blame on myself for performing so poorly in the post-season. However, I won the Triple Crown this year, so, if you think about it, they probably wouldn't have been here in the first place if it wasn't for me." Nahak's PR people immediately began spinning the egotistical comments, saying that Nahak took a mix of prescription medications which resulted in light-headedness and disorientation. Mohammed made his first appearance in the post-season since winning the first DCL World Series in 3004 and he looked rusty out of the gate, hitting only .231 against Pittsburgh. It was Ometeotl's first trip to the playoffs, but the pressure didn't get to him as he hits a respectable .429. However, there's 24 mortals on each team and Buffalo's puny humans picked up the slack for a slumping Mohammed. To rub salt in the wound, after losing Games 1 and 2 by scores of 6-5 and 7-6 (11), Pittsburgh mortal reliever William Ballweg balks home the winning run for Buffalo, handing Buffalo the 5-4 win and ending Pittsburgh's hopes. "Buffalo played great, you have to hand it to them," stated Pittsburgh deity Ometeotl, "We were right there with them in every game, but they just seemed to get the lucky bounces when they needed them. For me, I am going to go back to my apartment in Pittsburgh, kick back with some IC Light for a while and then get back to training in a couple of weeks." Championship Series Matchups CLCS: Hartford (Bondje) @ Charlotte (Abraham) ULCS: Seattle (Khonvoum) @ Buffalo (Mohammed) Deity Postseason Stats Bondje (.652 / 6 HR / 13 RBI) Awonawilona (.391 / 4 HR / 8 RBI) Abraham (.545 / 1 HR / 3 RBI) Apsu (.462 / 2 HR / 5 RBI) Khonvoum (.545 / 2 HR / 4 RBI) Guru Nahak (.182 / 0 HR / 0 RBI) Mohammed (.231 / 0 HR / 2 RBI) Ometeotl (.429 / 2 HR / 2 RBI)

11-30-2004, 07:36 PM	#96 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	October 20th, 3007 Championship Series Results Charlotte (Abraham) def. Hartford (Bondje) 4-0 Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Seattle (Khonvoum) 4-1 In the CLCS, Hartford looked very drained coming out of their emotional 5-game series win against heavily favored New York in the opening round of the playoffs. They managed to keep all of the games relatively close, but just didn't have enough left in the tank to pull them out. Charlotte won Game 1 and 2 in front of a lively home crowd 7-2 and 12-9. Then, it was back home for Hartford, but the team with the 2nd highest payroll in the league couldn't buy themselves some heart and drops the next two as well, 5-3 and 9-7. Following the game, Bondje reflected on the season, "It is not a good feeling," stated the Voodoo icon, "We had a payroll over $98 Million this year. But, we got close to the dance, so it could be worse. That's more than we can say about Gadsden...dropping $112 Million and finishing 13 games out of first place...I mean, damn! This is a very determined Charlotte team - I expect them to tiptoe through Buffalo's tulips without any problems." When asked by a reporter why such a powerful and ominous deity would use a phrase as delicate as: "Tiptoe through the tulips", Bondje shoved his foot up the reporter's ass and out his mouth. Bondje's question of "Would anyone else like to ask me any questions regarding the manliness of any phrases I may choose to turn in my infinite wisdom and power?" received no responses... Abraham was a jubilent deity following the series. "I'm elated, of course," Abraham declared while receiving a champagne shampoo from a couple of his Charlotte teammates, "It's our third time to the playoffs and it feels so nice to move into not only the second round, but the World Series as well. I'm so happy right now, I don't even care how many pork sausages were consumed in the park tonight...winning this series has put me in such a good mood that I can forgive such a horrible affront to everything I hold dear. So, if any of my fellow Jews out there have been dying from curiosity about what ham tastes like - give it a shot...but don't make a habit out of it." In the United League, both Buffalo and Seattle were coming off of 3 game sweeps in the opening round. But the wildcard team, Buffalo, carried their momentum like a club, beating the Seattle squad about the head and shoulders for the 3-1 Series win. Buffalo won Games 1, 2, 4 and 5 with scores of 4-3, 4-2, 4-0 and 6-5. Seattle's only victory came in Game 3, a 12-2 rout of Buffalo's squad. "Losing the two in Buffalo got us off to a bad start," declared Khonvoum, "...but dropping those last two here in Seattle was even worse. Our fans were so excited and to let them down really takes a lot out of me. But, they have been great all year and when they gave us that standing ovation at the end of the game...that was really beautiful." "I am looking forward to, again, leading my team to the promised land," stated Buffalo deity Mohammed, "I have been here before. In 3004, we won it all. As I recently heard someone say on television, it will be deja vu all over again. I am the supremest of supreme beings, the cream of the crop, the alpha and the omega. We will win and we will win easily. Count on it." Oddsmakers seem to disagree with Mohammed's sentiments, making Charlotte the 2-1 favorite to win the Series with Buffalo sitting at 4-1. The folks in Vegas feel that Charlotte's pitching staff (ranked 4th in ERA and 2nd in opponents BA) will outmatch and outclass Buffalo's 17th ranked BA. Also, with Buffalo's pitching staff posting an opponent's AVG of .283 (19th in the league), Charlotte should be able to win the crown. Deity Postseason Stats Bondje (.605 / 9 HR / 17 RBI) Abraham (.481 / 3 HR / 7 RBI) Mohammed (.310 / 2 HR / 6 RBI) Khonvoum (.464 / 4 HR / 9 RBI)

11-30-2004, 09:21 PM	#98 (permalink)
enigk Minors (Double A) Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 116 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	3007 DCL WORLD SERIES Game 1 - Charlotte withstood 3 fielding errors and a late Buffalo surge to hold on for the 7-4 victory. Abraham looked like a deity possessed and was named the player of the game, hitting two singles and a homerun, scoring 3 runs, driving in 3 and swiping two bases. Abraham's performance raised his 3007 postseason average to exactly .500. On the Buffalo side of the field, Mohammed had a respectable 2 for 3 day with 2 walks, a single and a double, a run scored and 2 RBI. Game 2 - It was a nail-biter in Charlotte as Buffalo held a 7-4 lead heading into the bottom of the 8th inning. Charlotte rallied as Abraham scored on a sac fly for the 2nd run in the bottom of the 8th. Heading into the bottom of the 9th, Charlotte trailed by one run as Buffalo brought in their closer, mortal Kevin Hassett. Hassett recorded 23 saves with a 3.82 ERA during the year and posted a W-L record of 9-3. Hassett allowed a single to the lead-off hitter, which was misplayed by Buffalo LF Asahiko Kimi, allowing the runner to reach 2nd. A sac bunt advanced the runner to 3rd and a single brought him home, tying the score and sending the hometown Charlotte crowd into a frenzy. Judaism icon Abraham strode to the plate and drove a shot to deep right, but it got hung up in the wind and resulted in a long out to end the inning. Buffalo was held scoreless in the 10th, following a long blast by Mohammed which also was brought back into play by the wind. In the bottom of the 10th, mortal Chadwick Isabel drew the walk which brought mortal Roland Quick to the plate. Quick got a hold of a 2-1 fastball, driving it high and deep to right field, but this time, it was too strong for the wind as it dropped into a cheering crowd in the right field seats, giving Charlotte the 9-7 win in 10 innings. Quick was mobbed by his teammates at home plate and carried from the field on their shoulders as Charlotte would be heading to Buffalo with a 2-0 series lead. On the day, Mohammed was 2 for 3 with a single, a home run, 3 runs scored, 1 RBI and 2 stolen bases. Abraham was 2 for 4 with a single, a home run, 2 runs scored, 2 RBI and a sac fly. Game 3 - In the first game in Buffalo, Charlotte outhit the home squad, 9-4, but lost the game 4-2 with their two runs coming on a 2 run home run by Abraham in the 3rd inning, the only extra base hit of the game for Charlotte. Buffalo was held scoreless until the bottom of the 8th when Charlotte used 3 different pitchers, but they surrendered 4 runs on 2 hits and no errors. The Buffalo bullpen closed the door on Charlotte in the top of the 9th, sealing the 4-2 win to pull the series to 2 games to 1. Mohammed was 0 for 1 with 3 walks and a run scored and was caught stealing. Abraham was 1 for 4, with his 2 run HR in the 3rd. Game 4 - Game 4 was a critical game in the series as it could either knot the series at 2 games a piece or give Charlotte a commanding 3 games to 1 series lead. It wasn't even close as Buffalo pitcher Jacob Brickhouse surrenders 7 runs in 2 IP, dropping his 3007 postseason record to 0-3 with an 8.20 ERA. Charlotte hitters feasted upon Buffalo's pitchers while Buffalo's hitters could only manage a double and six singles in the game which Charlotte won decisively 12-2. When asked if the loss was a 'backbreaker' for Buffalo, Mohammed said: "Backbreaker? Not at all. We had a bad day today and it will make our impending victory all the more glorious." When asked if he attempted to console mortal pitcher Jacob Brickhouse, Mohammed replied: "No. Not at all. You must take responsibility for your actions and grow from them. Babying someone is no way to make them learn from their mistakes. In fact, I told him: 'Hey Jacob, I have heard of a Brick **house, but never a Brickhouse!' I got a good laugh at that one. ...What are these stars? I can't say '**'? ...that angers me." The star of the game for Charlotte was mortal 1B Chadwick Isabel, who was 5 for 5 from the plate with 2 homeruns and 8 RBI. His grand slam in the 3rd inning was the nail in Buffalo's coffin for Game 4. Abraham was 2 for 2 from the plate with 3 walks, 4 runs scored and 1 RBI. Buffalo's deity Mohammed was 2 for 4 with a double, a walk and a run scored. Game 5 - With their backs against the wall and standing in a 3 games to 1 hole, Buffalo and Charlotte fought to a 6-6 tie into the bottom of the 10th inning when Buffalo mortal 1B Eric StPierre drove an RBI single between 1st and 2nd base to win the game for Buffalo, pulling them back within one game in the World Series. Mohammed was 1 for 4 on the day with a solo HR, a walk and 2 runs scored. Buffalo continued to pitch around Abraham, who was 0 for 2 with 3 walks, a run scored and a stolen base on the day. Game 6 - Back in Charlotte, North Carolina for Game 6, Buffalo outhit Charlotte 15-11 and Mohammed was named Player of the Game with a 3 for 5, 2 HR, 5 RBI performance. Charlotte closer William Toms came out for the bottom of the 9th with the 9-7 lead after having surrendered the losing run the night before to an RBI single to Buffalo player, Eric StPierre. The standing fans grew nervous as Toms walked the first Buffalo player he saw on 4 straight pitches. But mortal SS James Bradley was next up and grounded his first pitch into the 5-4-3 double play. With two outs, a two run lead and the Charlotte crowd cheering loudly, Buffalo mortal Eric StPierre came again to the plate as a grin crossed William Toms' face. StPierre was overanxious and was out in front of Toms' first pitch, a changeup, and he grounded it weakly to the 2B who flipped it to first to seal the World Series championship. A visibly red and angered Mohammed stormed from the dugout into the Buffalo clubhouse as Charlotte dogpiled just behind the pitcher's mound to the absolute delight of the crowd. Fireworks lit the night sky as Charlotte fans danced in the stands and complete strangers hugged as though they were long lost relatives being reacquainted again. Mohammed went 3 for 5 from the plate with a single, 2 HRs, 2 runs scored and 5 RBI. Abraham finished the day 2 for 4 with a triple, a solo homerun, a walk, 2 runs scored, 1 RBI and the Post-Season MVP award. "This is unbelievable!" yelled an ecstatic Abraham, with a bottle of champagne in one hand and a B.L.T. in the other. "I am riding on the highest cloud made of the finest silk right now! I mean, I really feel ridiculously good and it hasn't even sunk in yet, I'm just sailing on adrenaline. I hate to say it, but another thing that makes this all so beautiful is that Mohammed is SO full of himself. He's all like: 'I am the best, I am the supremist' blah blah blah...to shove his face in a pile of his own crap is quite the Hannukah present, I'll tell you that!" Following the game, Mohammed could not be found anywhere within the stadium. His locker was cleaned out and no one had reported seeing the Islamic deity. We will have to see if Mohammed was simply avoiding the reporters due to anger or embarassment or if there was something more afoot... Deity Postseason Stats Abraham (.479 / 7 HR / 16 RBI / 17 BBs / 12 SB / 1 CS / .606 OBP) Mohammed (.388 / 6 HR / 15 RBI / 17 BBs / 4 SB / 6 CS / .545 OBP)

11-30-2004, 10:32 PM	#100 (permalink)
UngratefulDead Banned Join Date: May 2004 Location: Bay Area Posts: 3,415 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0x in 0 posts	Man this stuff is hilarious, those diety quotes are priceless.