Deity Competition League
 

BACKGROUND

The year is 3004. Major League Baseball has not existed since the late 2600's when Bud Selig VII was elected commissioner and subsequently ran the league into oblivion. A groundswell of support and nostalgia sweeps the nation after a recently discovered skeleton thought by most scientists to be alien in origin turns out to be that of Otis Nixon. So, a new league is formed. 26 cities pledge their support and are awarded teams.

Meanwhile, at the World Religion Caucus in Rome, what had started as a good-natured game of Scattergories leads to an extremely heated debate regarding which religion is the one, 'true' religion or, at the very least, the closest to it. So, the representatives of the 26 religions at the caucus decide that the only possible way to determine which religion is best is to summon up the deities and gods of their faiths and have them play baseball...

So, through meditation, prayer, rituals, etc. 26 higher beings are conjured into existence and enter the newly-formed league in America...to settle things once and for all.

SETUP

I came up with the above lame premise, but the meat and potatos is that I have created players within a new fictional league in OOTP6 - one for each of 26 religions. Their positions were random based off of whatever position the newly created character happened to be assigned to. (None of the created players will be pitchers - just batters). I then maxed all of their attributes (Batting Ratings and Batting Talent Ratings all set to 150, all positions' ranges and fielding %'s set to 100, etc). They are all Durable in Injury Rating, Extrememly Loyal to their team, don't need a winner, are Great Leaders, are Great in the clutch and goodly consistent. They are all identical in every single way. All parks are identical to maintain additional consistency. Financials are turned on.

The plan is to sim out 25 years and see which deity fares the best amongst his/her/its peers.

NOTES
I have been completely impartial in the setup and will continue to be. I am merely providing this as a humorous read for anyone out there who may be even remotely interested. You should not view this as a support or as a belittling of any particular religion or religion as a whole. (basically - I'm not trying to prove anything or praise any particular religion, I just think it's a funny scenario...)

PLAYERS
Below I have listed the participating religions as well as their representative in the league.

Aboriginal: Altjira
Aztec: Ometeotl
Babylonian: Apsu
Buddhist: Siddhartha Guatama
Christian: Jesus Christ
Confucianism: Confucius
Egyptian: Ra
Greek: Zeus
Hindu: Vishnu
Incan: Viracocha
Inuit: Tekkeitsertok
Irish (Celtic): Anu
Islam: Mohammed
Judaism: Abraham
Mayan: Hunab Ku
Norse: Odin
Pueblo Indians: Awonawilona
Pygmy: Khonvoum
Roman: Jupiter
Satanists: Satan
Scientology: A Thetan
Sikhism: Guru Nahak
Sumerian: Enlil
Taoism: Lao-tzu
Voodoo: Bondje
Zulu: uKqili

The draft will be held shortly - I will post the results as well as subsequent updates as frequently as I can.

Re: the Voodoo representative. Is that Barry Bondje? If so, I protest that this is rigged, and that all the lesser dieties are unfairly disadvantaged.

Inital Draft
 

Round 1:

Columbus pick: SS Vishnu Vishnu
Norfolk pick: 1B uKqili uKqili
Greensboro pick: CF Lao Tzu
Little Rock pick: LF Zeus Zeus
Atlanta pick: C Viracocha Viracocha
Philadelphia pick: RF Tekkeitsertok Tekkeitsertok
Raleigh pick: SS Ra Ra
Houston pick: LF A Thetan
Orlando pick: CF Satan Satan
Pittsburgh pick: CF Ometeotl Ometeotl
Gadsden pick: 2B Odin Odin
New Orleans pick: C Guru Nahak
Buffalo pick: RF Mohammed Mohammed
Stockton pick: 3B Hunab Ku
Chicago pick: RF Siddhartha Guatama
Seattle pick: LF Khonvoum Khonvoum
Phoenix pick: 2B Confucius Confucius
Cincinnati pick: C Jupiter Jupiter
Cleveland pick: C Enlil Enlil
Hartford pick: RF Bondje Bondje
Memphis pick: LF Jesus Christ
New York pick: C Awonawilona Awonawilona
Oklahoma City pick: CF Apsu Apsu
El Paso pick: RF Anu Anu
Charlotte pick: LF Abraham Abraham
Lewiston pick: C Altjira Altjira

All deities are being subjected to stringent drug testing as well as head-body proportion measurements. Any violations will be punishable by...well, by themselves I suppose... :)

May 1st, 3004

The month of April provided an excellent start for some of our deities, while others seemed a tad nervous about the thousands of years of tradition riding on their performance. Voodoo representative Bondje (Continental League) and Islamic representative Mohammed (United League) each won their respective league's Batter of the Month Award.

Monthly Highlights:

4/1/3004 - Odin starts the season off right with a 5-5 performance, including 2 HRs and 5 RBI in Gadsden's home opener win against Raleigh

4/5/3004 - Tekkeitsertok (.556 / 4 HRs / 8 RBI) and Ra (.706 / 5 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

4/6/3004 - Guru Nahak has 5 hits against Little Rock

4/10/3004 - Mohammed hits for the cycle against Gadsden (his HR being a 530 foot Grand Slam).

4/12/3004 - Confucius (.542 / 5 HR / 12 RBI) and Khonvoum (.632 / 5 HR / 10 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

4/19/3004 - Bondje (.682 / 7 RBI) and Altjira (.636 / 11 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

4/26/3004 - Bondje (.538 / 6 HR / 13 RBI) and Khonvoum (.654 / 8 HR / 16 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

4/28/3004 - Bondje continued his early dominance over the league and sealed his Batter of the Month Award by hitting for the cycle against Charlotte.

Deity BA Leader: Bondje .539
Deity HR Leader: Satan / Mohammed 19
Deity RBI Leader: Mohammed 48
Deity SB Leader: Lao-tzu 25

June 1st, 3004

Pygmies were notably concerned, but remained upbeat (and small) regarding their deity, Khonvoum, who, despite his Durable rating, was injured on 5/27/3004 with an Inflamed Back Muscle and will be out 1-2 weeks. Several of the more trash-talking followers of other religions have repeatedly hassled the Pygmies claiming that no true deity would succumb to an Inflamed Back Muscle. Time will tell, however, who lords supreme.

Monthly Highlights:

5/3/3004 - uKqili (.583 / 4 HR / 7 RBI) and Hunab Ku (.615 / 4 HR / 7 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

5/3/3004 - Siddhartha Guatama hits for the cycle against Charlotte

5/7/3004 - uKqili singlehandedly smites Philadelphia, going 4-5 with 3 HRs (1 grand slam) 5 Runs scored and 8 RBI. Norfolk won the game 18-4.

5/8/3004 - The tides turn quickly as Norfolk, coming off of their destruction of Philadelphia, gets smoten by Charlotte's Abraham, who goes 5-6 with 3 HRs, 5 Runs scored and 6 RBI. Charoltte won the game 21-3.

5/10/3004 - uKqili (.565 / 17 RBI / 1.478 SLG) and Ometeotl (.696 / 12 RBI / .750 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards

5/17/3004 - Apsu (.571 / 6 HR / 9 RBI) and Zeus (.739 / 4 HR / 13 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

5/18/3004 - Philadelphia's Tekkeitsertok slams three solo homers against Phoenix. Philly won the game 4-1.

5/24/3004 - Tekkeitsertok (.550 / 10 RBI) and Odin (.556 / 6 HR / 16 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

5/24/3004 - Viracocha has 5 hits against Hartford - including 2 triples and 2 Home Runs

5/25/3004 - Confucius and his Phoenix teammates are NO-HIT by mortal James Petrey of Oklahoma City. When asked for comments after the game, an obviously frustrated Confucius muttered: "Confucius say: we totally blew out there tonight."

5/26/3004 - Raleigh Shortstop Ra hits three Home Runs against New Orleans. He finished the game 3-5 with 5 RBI. Raleigh won the game 12-6.

5/31/3004 - uKqili (.500 / 7 HR / 15 RBI) and Zeus (.615 / 9 Runs / .677 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards

6/1/3004 - Philadelphia RF Tekkeitsertok (.532 / 22 HR / 45 RBI) and Pittsburgh CF Ometeotl (.604 / 18 HR / 42 RBI) bring both leagues' Batter of the Month Awards home to Pennsylvania.

edit:

Deity BA Leader: Bondje .517
Deity HR Leader: Ometeotl 36
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 94
Deity SB Leader: Bondje / Lao-tzu 41

July 1st, 3004

At the All-Star Break, 4 deities have disappointed their devotees by failing to make their respective league's All-Star teams. Sikh icon Guru Nahak, Scientology icon A Thetan, Buddhist icon Siddhartha Guatama and Sumerian icon Enlil will all be watching the All-Star game from the comfort of their living rooms.

Guru Nahak seems to be drawing the most ire from followers and fellow teammates as he has only managed to post a .357 batting average which pales in comparison to the next lowest deity, Awonawilona, who is hitting .403. One unnamed teammate was quoted as saying: ".357?! What kind of deity hits .357? Seems to me that Albert Pujols should have his own religion if that's the case...even though that was 1000 years ago..." We'll see if Guru Nahak can turn things around and really start to light things up.

Monthly Highlights:

6/5/3004 - Celeveland Catcher Enlil goes 3-3 with 3 HRs and 5 RBI in a 11-5 victory over Raleigh.

6/6/3004 - Feeding off the success of fellow Ohio Catcher Enlil, Cincinnati Catcher Jupiter crushes 3 Home Runs with 7 RBI in a 15-6 win over New Orleans.

6/7/3004 - Sumerian deity Enlil (.611 / 13 RBI / .750 OBP) and Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona (.650 / 16 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

6/14/3004 - Voodoo deity Bondje (.542 / 7 RBI / .607 OBP) and Norse god Odin (.714 / 15 RBI / 2.000 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards

6/18/3004 - Pittsburgh's mortal Manny Salinas NO-HITS Buffalo. Islamic deity Mohammed, Buffalo's Right Fielder, rested for most of the game with a scheduled day off. He was 0-1 in a pinch hit situation late.

6/20/3004 - Abraham (.524 / 5 HR / 11 RBI) and Mayan Hunab Ku (.545 / 3 HR / 7 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards

6/25/3004 - Voodoo deity Bondje hits for the cycle for the second time in 3 months against the Satan-led Orlando squad. Hartford won the game 8-6.

6/26/3004 - Not to be outdone, Zulu deity and Norfolk first baseman uKqili hits for the cycle against Charlotte. Norfolk won the game 10-9.

6/29/3004 - Memphis left fielder Jesus Christ goes 5-5 with 2 home runs (ironically, both off of curve balls) in a 10-5 victory over Houston.

7/1/3004 - Abraham (.483 / 17 HR / 36 RBI) and Odin of Gadsden (.547 / 42 RBI / .625 OBP) win Batter of the Month Awards.

Deity BA Leader: Bondje .516
Deity HR Leader: Odin 50
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 136
Deity SB Leader: Bondje / Lao-tzu 58

This is hilarious! Kudos for an original concept wittily presented. Undoubtedly the most LOLs per 9 innings on the boards.

Interesting premise and will continue to watch.

Casual Golfer: "Aww, tough luck Jesus."

Jesus: (watching his putt sail around the hole and in): "Wait for it.........boo yeah!"

This is brilliant.

Awesome thread!

Keep the laughs coming ! :woohoo:

Ah, I love a good sense of humor in a dynasty thread!

Really good idea for a unique dynasty. I hope to read about multiple seasons of the league.

Nice that Raleigh has a built-in slogan for their team. "Shish boom ba!"

Thanks for the compliments - I'm glad you guys are digging it! I made all of the deities exactly 21 years old at the beginning of the season, so I will post how they fare throughout their career up until retirement...I will also have the results of the All-Star game and a few more months of the season shortly.

This is my first time posting a Dynasty Thread, so if there's anything you guys want to see or know that would make it more enjoyable/interesting/whatever, just let me know and I'll do what I can.

This is hilarious.

Is Satan allowed to cheat? ;)

All-Star Game: July 1st, 3004

Well, it should be one hell of an offensive showing at this year's All-Star Game as both team's starting lineups consist of 8 deities each. The starting lineups are as follows:

CONTINENTAL LEAGUE
1.) C Viracocha (.442 / 24 HR / 63 RBI)
2.) SS Apsu (.438 / 38 HR / 88 RBI)
3.) 2B Confucius (.439 / 31 HR / 83 RBI)
4.) CF Tekkeitsertok (.491 / 43 HR / 90 RBI)
5.) 1B uKqili (.495 / 44 HR / 107 RBI)
6.) 3B Bondje (.516 / 45 HR / 103 RBI)
7.) LF Jesus Christ (.430 / 37 HR / 90 RBI)
8.) RF Satan (.436 / 40 HR / 77 RBI)
9.) P Warren Lyon (9-3 / 3.16 ERA / 100 Ks)

UNITED LEAGUE
1.) SS Vishnu (.462 / 36 HR / 88 RBI)
2.) CF Lao-tzu (.492 / 35 HR / 80 RBI)
3.) 3B Hunab Ku (.507 / 44 HR / 83 RBI)
4.) C Ometeotl (.491 / 47 HR / 97 RBI)
5.) LF Khonvoum (.443 / 33 HR / 75 RBI)
6.) 2B Odin (.493 / 50 HR / 136 RBI)
7.) RF Mohammed (.476 / 49 HR / 114 RBI)
8.) 1B Ra (.428 / 44 HR / 95 RBI)
9.) P Russell Miller (10-2 / 3.48 ERA / 170 Ks)

GAME RECAP

Top of the 1st - Viracocha started things off right with a single to CF. Apsu followed with a walk. Confucius flied out to shallow left-center. Following a wild pitch which advanced the runners, Tekkeitsertok blasted a 3 run HR down the right field line. uKqili singled to right. Bondje came up next and grounded into a fielder's choice, leaving him on first. With Jesus Christ at the plate, Bondje stole second and then scored on Jesus' line drive single to CF. Christ stole second, Satan walked and the pitcher struck out swinging, leaving two men on base.

CL 4 / UL 0

Bottom of the 1st - Vishnu tried a little trickery, attempting to bunt his way on on the first pitch he saw. The pitcher easily fielded the ball and fired it to first base retiring the Hindu. Lao-tzu then singled but was thrown out stealing on the next pitch on a perfect throw from C Viracocha. Hunab Ku crushed one down the right field line that sailed foul and ended up with a walk. Ometeotl strode confidently to the plate, but CL Catcher Viracocha nailed Hunab Ku trying to steal 2nd to end the inning. As Jesus trotted off the field, he playfully teased the Mayan god saying: "Thou shalt not steal, Bitch!"

CL 4 / UL 0


Top of the 2nd - Viracocha led off the inning by blasting the first pitch over the left center field wall to give CL a 5-0 lead. Apsu followed by drilling a ball right at 1B Ra who gloved it for the out. Confucius worked the count, fouling off many pitches, including an upper-decker down the right field line. He eventually flied out softly to Mohammed in right. Tekkeitsertok drew the walk but was stranded as uKqili popped out to Odin at 2B.

CL 5 / UL 0

Bottom of the 2nd - Ometeotl worked the count to full, but flied gently out to Jesus Christ in left. The Pygmy deity, Khonvoum, followed with a weak groundout to second. Odin drew the walk but was easily retired as Mohammed followed with a slow bouncer to second which Confucius easily handled for the last out of the inning.

CL 5 / UL 0

Top of the 3rd - Bondje led the inning off with a walk and then stole second on the next pitch. Jesus crushed one down the right field line which, again just sailed outside the foul pole. The very next pitch, mortal Russell Miller placed a fastball right on the black, sitting Jesus down with the K. Satan strode to the plate and took the first pitch for a strike as Bondje stole third easily. He flew out to shallow left, however, leaving Bondje 90 feet away. Pitcher Warren Lyon followed with a swinging strikeout to end their half of the inning, stranding Bondje at third.

CL 5 / UL 0

Bottom of the 3rd - Egyptian Sun God Ra continued the United League's offensive woes with a groundout to third. Mortal pitcher Russell Miller then looked on helplessly as a knuckleball floated right down the heart of the plate for a called third strike. Visibly determined, Vishnu stepped to the plate and crushed a 1-0 knuckleball into the left field seats to get UL on the board. Lao-tzu followed with a drive to left that just cleared a leaping Jesus' glove for back to back home runs, cutting the lead to 3. The tide seemed to be turning as Hunab Ku drove one to deep left, but Jesus squeezed it at the track, ending the inning.

CL 5 / UL 2

Top of the 4th - With new UL pitcher, Francis Gideon, taking the mound, Viracocha led off with a lazy fly ball to left center which Lao-tzu easily corralled. Babylonian deity Apsu then followed by lining a pitch past the outstretched glove of 1B Ra and down into the right field corner. When the dust cleared, Apsu was safe at third with the triple. Confucius brought Apsu home with a line drive single over the second baseman to increase CL's lead to 4 runs. Tekkeitsertok drew the walk, putting men on first and second for uKqili. uKqili grounded one hard to the pitcher, who fired to second retiring Tekkeitsertok, but the throw to first was late, leaving two out and men on the corners. Bondje followed with a hot ground ball between third and short, but Vishnu somehow nabbed it and fired it to first to end the threat.

CL 6 / UL 2

Bottom of the 4th - CL pitcher James Gabriele entered the game and retired Ometeotl on a groundout to SS. Khonvoum followed with a weak groundout to the pitcher for the second out. Norse god Odin crushed one to deep right field, but Satan was on his horse and chased it down at the track to end the inning.

CL 6 / UL 2

Top of the 5th - Jesus strode to the plate and drove a 2-0 curveball over the right field wall to extend the lead to 5. Satan followed with a lazy fly ball out to CF. Following a strikeout by the pitcher, Abraham came off the bench to pinch hit for Viracocha and lined a single into right field. Mortal Charles Melton then pinch hit for Babylonian deity Apsu and took the walk. Awonawilona pinch hit for Confucius and singled down the right field line, scoring Abraham from 2nd and putting men on first and second with 2 out. Tekkeitsertok followed with a sinking line drive into left center which drove in Charles Melton from 2nd and, again, put men on first and second with 2 out. The pinch hitting continued as uKqili was pulled for mortal Chadwick Isabel, who crushed a 3-1 pitch down the right field line for the 3 run HR and giving CL a seemingly insurmountable lead of 10. Bondje drew the walk from the visibly shaken UL pitcher, Gideon, and Jesus strode back to the plate as the CL All-Stars had batted around. Jesus took the walk and Satan followed with a 2 run double to left-center. Gideon threw a wild pitch, moving Satan to third, but struck out CL pitcher, Gabriele to, mercifully, end the inning.

CL 14 / UL 2

Bottom of the 5th - Up against the wall now, Mohammed led off their half of the inning by lining a ball to left-center that had double written all over it, but Tekkeitsertok made a sliding catch to rob him of the hit. Ra took the walk and Altjira came in to pinch hit for the UL pitcher. Altjira grounded a fastball past a diving Bondje at third to put runners on first and second with one out. Vishnu continued to prove that he came to play as he drove a 1-1 pitch over the left field wall for a 3 run homer, his second HR of the game, making it a 14-5 game. Lao-tzu and Hunab Ku each followed with walks, but Ometeotl fell short, grounding into the 6-4-3 double play.

CL 14 / UL 5

Top of the 6th - New pitcher Theodore Forsman took the mound and got Abraham to ground out to 2B Odin. A mortal flew out to right for the second out and Pueblo Indian deity Awonawilona grounded out to 2B to end the inning, 1-2-3.

CL 14/ UL 5

Bottom of the 6th - Ricky Haas took the mound for the CL and easily fielded a bunt by Khonvoum for the first out. Odin followed with a line drive past a diving Jesus Christ in left and ended up with a stand-up double. Mohammed followed by smashing a ball past the mortal 2B for an RBI single and advanced to second on the throw to the plate, cutting the lead to 8. Ra followed with a high fly-out to CF. Jupiter pinch hit for the pitcher and destroyed a 1-1 slider, sending it 452 feet from home plate, over the CF wall for a 2 run homer that dropped the CL lead to 6. Mortal Connie Kerry pinch hit for Vishnu and drew a walk. Lao-tzu ended the inning with a groundout to second.

CL 14 / UL 8

Top of the 7th - Facing a new pitcher, Tekkeitsertok was absolutely robbed of a single on a great diving play by 3B Hunab Ku. Mortal Albert Andrews followed with a double to left-center and Bondje was pinch-hit for by mortal Howard Panek, who weakly flew out to left. Jesus followed with a walk to put two men on, but Satan flew out to right, ending the threat.

CL 14 / UL 8

Bottom of the 7th - Hunab Ku's night was done as he was pinch-hit for by mortal William Trask. Trask singled to right. Ometeotl was pinch-hit for by Kendry Diez, who took the first pitch as Trask successfully stole second base. Diez was hit by a pitch, putting men on first and second with no outs and Irish deity Anu came in to hit for Khonvoum. Anu gave the Irish another reason to drink, as he grounded into a fielder's choice, leaving one out and men on the corners. Anu then stole second with Odin at the plate who drove one into the right field corner for an *Inside the Park Home Run*, cutting the lead to 3. Attempting to stop the bleeding, the CL sent a new pitcher to the mound, who got Mohammed to line out to 3B for the second out. Pitcher Paul Duffin then came to the plate and singled to right field for the first hit of his career. Jupiter followed with a single past the 2B to put runners on the corners and bring the tying run to the plate in Zeus. However, Zeus didn't even have a chance to swing as Jupiter was thrown out trying to steal 2nd to end the inning.

CL 14 / UL 11

Top of the 8th - The CL pitcher struck out swinging and Abraham followed with a hot grounder to second that Odin fielded for the second out. A mortal followed with a weak groundout to short to end the top of the 8th.

CL 14 / UL 11

Bottom of the 8th - Zeus started the half-inning off with a groundout to first. Lao-tzu then drew the walk, drawing a pitching change from the CL. Mortal William Trask grounded into a fielder's choice, putting him at first with two outs. Mortal Kendry Diez struck out swinging, leaving the UL with only 3 outs to come back.

CL 14 / UL 11

Top of the 9th - Awonawilona began the inning by flying out softly to right field. Tekkeitsertok followed with a potential faith-killing solo blast (his second HR of the game) to CF, extending the lead to 4. Only the most faithful of deities still held hope after mortal Albert Andrews followed with a blast down the left field line that the wind blew fair to extend the lead to 5. Mortal Howard Panek followed with a double and UL got a small sigh of relief as 1B Jupiter dove and robbed Jesus Christ of a sure-fire double. Satan finished his offensive day by grounding out to short, leaving him 1-5 on the day.

CL 16 / UL 11

Bottom of the 9th - While some remained to wave their Rally Holy Books, the majority of fans were nervously silent and others began to leave as the UL began their last 3 chances, down by 5. Anu led off the inning with a single to right. Odin drew a walk, putting men on first and second and bringing the crowd back to life...figuratively speaking. Mohammed brought the crowd to its feet as he crushed one down the right field line that, again, just sailed foul. He fouled a number of pitches off, but took a 3-2 fastball between first and second for an RBI single. Mortal Manny Romero followed with a sac bunt, advancing the runners to 2nd and 3rd. The crowd exploded as Jupiter lined a ball into the right field corner for a 2 RBI double, cutting the lead to just two and bringing the tying run to the plate. The CL All-Stars countered with a pitching change, as much to replace their ineffective pitcher, but also to try and 'ice' Zeus, the Greek Father God who remained in the on-deck circle with a fungo resting on his shoulder while the new pitcher threw his warm-up pitches. The crowd chanted his name as Zeus came to the plate with a man on second and one out. Zeus lined one to left-center field that looked for sure to be extra bases, but Tekkeitsertok ripped out the fans' hearts as he dove and made a tremendous catch and fired a perfect strike to second to nail Jupiter, who was already on third when the ball was caught to end the game.

FINAL SCORE - CL 16 / UL 14

A great game that came down to the wire and featured a breath-taking ending as well as an inside the park home run - UL fans were disappointed by the ending but were more than pleased to bear witness to the excitement. Philadelphia RF and Inuit deity Tekkeitsertok more than earned All-Star MVP honors through his amazing defensive performance as well as going 3-4 with 4 runs scored, 5 RBI and 2 HRs.

Greek God Zeus was visibly upset after the game and had to be consoled by other deities. "I was the tying run twice! TWICE! I don't care how many virgins get tossed into volcanos, nothing could cheer me up right now..." He then dejectedly walked off, dragging his thunderbolt behind him.

*LMAO* Unbelievable read... had me laughing the whole time!

How ironic, though, that Jesus Christ and Satan were on the same team. I wonder how much ribbing was going on during the game amongst the diety's...

... and, starting in left field, your lord and savior, the son of God, JEEEEESUS CHRIIIIIST!

This would make a funny movie, or at least a South Park episode...



And I'm not actually Christian, so don't give me any flak about that lord and savior comment, it was for effect

Funny, I always assumed Jesus would play rightfield if He wasnt the closer. And tsk, tsk: Christ steals a base? His Father would not be pleased.

I say Jesus ain't going to be worth a **** until he's 33.

TRADE OFFER FOR The Jews:

The Romans wish to offer you:
1B BARABBAS

for:

LF JESUS CHRIST

Accept Offer
Decline Offer
Check Again After Yom Kippur

August 1st, 3004

The period after the All-Star break saw the majority of the deities having a hard time getting back into the groove. It also saw a somewhat signficant injury to another of the deities. Also, Odin continued to distance himself from the pack in the HR and RBI categories.

Monthly Highlights:

7/5/3004 - Illustrating my point regarding the slow start by deities following the All-Star Break, the Player of the Week Awards go to two mortals who accomplished nothing noteworthy.

7/7/3004 - Babylonian deity Apsu goes 4-4 and clubs three Home Runs with 7 RBI in a victory over Atlanta.

7/8/3004 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak, embarrassed by his poor play in the first half of the season, laces 5 hits in a 14-5 victory over Greensboro - including 2 doubles and 2 home runs. (For the month of July, Guru Nahak hit .427, raising his BA to .374)

7/12/3004 - Buddhism icon and All-Star snub Siddhartha Guatama (.591 / 14 RBI / .679 OBP) and Sumerian icon and fellow All-Star snub Enlil (.579 / 5 HR / 8 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/12/3004 - Cincinnatti Catcher Jupiter hits for the cycle against Columbus.

7/17/3004 - Memphis CF Jesus Christ drives in all 4 runs of a 4-1 victory over Oklahoma City with a 3-4, 3 Home Run performance.

7/18/3004 - Atlanta was next to feel the wrath of Jesus Christ, as he tallies 5 hits against them, including 2 doubles and a home run.

7/19/3004 - Jesus Christ (.621 / 7 HR / 15 RBI) and Ometeotl (.677 / 18 RBI / 1.516 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/22/3004 - Incan God Viracocha tallies the 10th cycle in the league's 4 month history - hitting for the cycle against Charlotte, giving Atlanta a 5-3 win.

7/26/3004 - Chicago RF Siddhartha Guatama (.850 / 13 RBI / .870 OBP) and Greensboro CF Lao-tzu (.684 / 14 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

7/26/3004 - Foiled in his PoW bid by Siddhartha Guatama, Viracocha hits for the cycle *again* in a 7-5 victory over a Bondje-led Hartford squad.

7/26/3004 - The 26th seemed to be a happy day for all except Seattle's Khonvoum. Running the bases in a game against Gadsden, Khonvoum collapsed and couldn't get up without help. Doctors have diagnosed the Pygmy God with a Pulled ACL which will keep him on the DL for 5 weeks. This was salt in the wound for many Khonvoum followers - as he was forced to miss time earlier in the season with back trouble. Khonvoum asked that everyone maintain their faith in him, reassuring them that it is all part of his master plan. (This was reinforced on 7/29/3004 when internal Seattle scouting reports on Player Development revealed that the Pygmy Powerhouse has gained more power).

7/28/3004 - Hindu deity Vishnu laces 5 hits (including a triple and two home runs) and drives in 6 in a 9-3 victory over Hunab Ku and Stockton.

8/1/3004 - Siddhartha Guatama (.593 / 46 RBI / 1.582 SLG) and Vishnu (.515 / 19 HR / 55 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards

Deity BA Leader: Ometeotl .517 (+.011 over 2nd place deity)
Deity HR Leader: Odin 72 (+9 over 2nd place deity)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 174 (+31 over 2nd place deity)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 76 (+3 over 2nd place deity)

September 1st, 3004

The playoff and MVP chases heat up as we enter the homestretch of the inaugural season of the Deity Competition League. A couple deities which had been fairly quiet began turning up the heat, a couple deities who were doing well took their games to a higher level and another deity was felled by injury.

8/2/3004 - Babylonian diety Apsu (.545 / 11 RBI / .677 OBP) and Egyptian Sun God Ra (.556 / 11 RBI / .629 OBP) each win their 2nd Player of the Week Awards.

8/3/3004 - Every silver lining has it's cloud - In the beginning of a very good day for the deities, Ometeotl has his 37 game hit streak snapped.

8/3/3004 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle in Norfolk's game against Charlotte, but the Norfolk bullpen gives up 3 runs in the bottom of the 9th to lose the game 8-7.

8/3/3004 - Raleigh 1B Ra hits for the cycle in Raleigh's 7-6 victory over Pittsburgh. His walk-off home run to complete the cycle came in the bottom of the 9th and gave Raleigh the victory.

8/6/3004 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle again and this time it is in a winning effort as Norfolk defeats Satan and his Orlando teammates 10-5.

8/8/3004 - Flying under the radar for most of the year, Scientology icon A Thetan ropes 5 hits as Houston defeats Philadelphia, 14-8.

8/9/3004 - uKqili's praises continue to be sung and sung loudly as his .696 / 3 HR / 6 RBI performance wins him the Player of the Week Award along with Taoist Lao-tzu (.586 / 12 RBI / .586 OBP).

8/14/3004 - New Orleans Catcher Guru Nahak blasts three home runs and tallies 5 RBI in a 16-1 rout of Stockton.

8/16/3004 - Guru Nahak's power display earns him his first Player of the Week Award as he puts up a .750 / 12 RBI / .800 OBP performance. The Continental League Player of the Week Award goes to Incan Viracocha, his first as well, as he posted a .550 / 14 RBI / 1.650 SLG the previous week.

8/17/3004 - Pygmies finally got the chance to laugh at another faith's icon's misfortune, as Babylonian deity Apsu is sidelined for 1-2 weeks with an Inflamed Thigh Muscle.

8/23/3004 - Jesus Christ (.650 / 6 HR / 10 RBI) wins his 2nd Player of the Week Award and Sumerian God Enlil (.550 / 7 RBI / .625 OBP) continues his hot second half of the season by winning his 3rd Player of the Week Award.

8/25/3004 - Little Rock's Greek God Zeus blasts 3 home runs (4 runs scored and 6 RBI) in a 13-2 ass-whipping of Columbus.

8/30/3004 - Satanists around the globe wore slightly less-dark black robes to celebrate the Orlando CF's performance (.556 / 13 RBI / .625 OBP) and subsequent 1st Player of the Week Award. For the United League, it was old hat for Ra (.591 / 11 RBI / 1.545 SLG) as he pulled down his 3rd Player of the Week Award.

9/1/3004 - Philadelphia RF, All-Star MVP and Inuit deity, Tekkeitsertok (.490 / 15 HR / 40 RBI) and Egyptian Sun God Ra (.543 / 34 RBI) win Batter of the Month Awards. It is Tekkeitsertok's 2nd BotM Award and Ra's 1st.

Deity BA Leader: Lao-tzu .506 (+.008 over 2nd place deity)
Deity HR Leader: Odin 83 (+7 over 2nd place deity)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 204 (+20 over 2nd place deity)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 90 (+4 over 2nd place deity)

October 3rd, 3004

The regular season draws to a close with 8 deities leading their teams into the playoffs, while 18 other deities go home. In the Continental League, Zulu uKqili probably swayed a few MVP ballots his way as he wins the Triple Crown. His 94 Home Runs and 207 RBI were well in front of any other competitors, but his BA of .4858 just edged Tekkeitsertok's .4857. uKqili also led the Continental League in Runs Scored (228) and was second in OPS (1.718). While he did post the best numbers in the CL, Norfolk finished at 68-94, 4th place in their division - so he will be watching from home.

The United League MVP voting should be much more interesting, with Norse God Odin likely getting the nod. His 95 home runs were tied with Ometeotl for the DCL lead and his 229 RBI were 13 higher than Mohammed's 216. However, Odin will also be spending the post-season at home as Gadsden finished 73-89, 5th place in their division.

The lucky 8 deities making the playoffs are:
Atlanta's Catcher and Incan God, Viracocha
Orlando's CF and Satanist icon, Satan
Phoenix's 2B and Confucianism icon, Confucius
Charlotte's 3B and Judaism deity, Abraham
Greensboro's CF and Taoist icon, Lao-tzu
Buffalo's RF and Islamic deity, Mohammed
Cleveland's Catcher and Sumerian God, Enlil
Little Rock's LF and Greek God, Zeus

Monthly Highlights:

9/6/3004 - Confucius (.579 / 5 RBI / .652 OBP) and Guru Nahak (.579 / 13 RBI / .654 OBP) each win their 2nd Player of the Week Awards.

9/6/3004 - Scientology icon A Thetan goes 5 for 5 with 3 Home Runs, 4 Runs Scored and 5 RBI in a 13-2 drubbing of Atlanta.

9/9/3004 - Oft-injured God Khonvoum hits 3 doubles and 2 home runs (4 RBI) in an 11-6 victory over Greensboro.

9/10/3004 - Aztec deity Ometeotl laces 5 hits - 2 doubles, a triple and 2 home runs - in a 17-4 clubbing of Stockton.

9/11/3004 - Judaism icon and Charlotte 3B goes 5 for 5 with a double, 3 home runs and 7 RBI.

9/13/3004 - Abraham (.480 / 7 HR / 14 RBI) and Ometeotl (.563 / 16 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/13/3004 - Mayan Hunab Ku blasts 3 home runs - including a walk-off game winning 2 run homer - in a 7-6 victory over Little Rock.

9/17/3004 - Viracocha hits the 16th cycle in league history.

9/20/3004 - Viracocha (.565 / 7 HR / 13 RBI / 1.652 SLG) and Hunab Ku (.650 / 6 HR / 12 RBI) win Player of the Week Awards.

9/20/3004 - Sumerian God Enlil hits for the league's 17th cycle in an 8-6 victory over Greensboro.

9/25/3004 - Odin hits a single, 2 doubles and 2 triples in Gadsden's victory over Cleveland.

9/27/3004 - The regular season's last two Player of the Week Awards go to Awonawilona (.778 / 9 RBI / .840 OBP) and Zeus (.700 / 5 HR / 12 RBI).

9/29/3004 - Babylonian deity Apsu goes 5 for 5 with 3 home runs and 4 RBI in their victory over the Jesus Christ-led Memphis squad.

10/1/3004 - The regular season's last two Batter of the Month awards are handed out to Apsu (.577 / 19 RBI / .657 OBP) and Zeus (.573 / 14 HR / 32 RBI / 1.329 SLG).

A full listing of the deity's stats will be given after the playoffs...

Deity BA Leader: Hunab Ku .508 (+.002 over Lao-tzu)
Deity HR Leader: Odin / Ometeotl 95 (+1 over uKqili)
Deity RBI Leader: Odin 229 (+13 over Mohammed)
Deity SB Leader: Bondje 102 (+4 over Lao-tzu)

October 12, 3004

OPENING SERIES RESULTS

Atlanta (Viracocha) def. Orlando (Satan) 3-1
Phoenix (Confucius) def. Charlotte (Abraham) 3-2
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Greensboro (Lao-tzu) 3-1
Cleveland (Enlil) def. Little Rock (Zeus) 3-1

The first round of the playoffs saw some pretty poor performances by several deities and a couple really good performances from others. The ripples of the deities performance could be felt throughout society.

"I don't know what to believe in anymore..." noted Theodore Popadopulis, baker and faith-losing Zeus believer. "I mean...Zeus - he is big. He has a flowing beard and muscles that ripple like ocean tides. Then you see Confucius...he is small and old with a long pointy hat. You tell me - which one do *you* think is going to hit .706? That Satan guy looked pretty good...he got some real nice cuts on the ball. Plus, from what I hear, he can increase my business 400%..."

Theodore, or Teddy P. as he likes to be called, was obviously upset by Zeus' poor display during the playoffs (.250 / 1 HR / 3 RBI), which resulted in Little Rock's 3-1 series loss to the Enlil-led Cleveland squad. Zeus could not be reached for comment. According to a statement by his agent, Drew Rosenhaus VIII, Zeus would spend the offseason watching film, weight-training and eating his children so none of them could kill him.

Confucianism, however, received a huge swell in followers as a result of their icon's hitting .706 with 5 HRs and 12 RBI during Phoenix's 5 game series win over Charlotte and their resident deity, Abraham.

Deity's Postseason Stats:
Viracocha .467 / 2 HR / 3 RBI
Satan .500 / 3 HR / 12 RBI
Confucius .706 / 5 HR / 12 RBI
Abraham .389 / 3 HR / 6 RBI
Lao-tzu .308 / 0 HR / 0 RBI
Mohammed .389 / 1 HR / 3 RBI
Enlil .400 / 1 HR / 3 RBI
Zeus .250 / 1 HR / 3 RBI

October 22nd, 3004

LEAGUE SERIES RESULTS

Phoenix (Confucius) def. Atlanta (Viracocha) 4-2
Buffalo (Mohammed) def. Cleveland (Enlil) 4-0

The second round of the playoffs featured Islamic icon Mohammed smiting the everloving hell out of Enlil and his Cleveland teammates, sweeping them in 4 games and outscoring them in the series 32-15.

In the CL series, Confucius continued his torrid hitting to send Incan Viracocha back home and set-up a Confucianism vs. Islam World Series. Viracocha returned home to the bottom of Lake Titicaca, but vowed to exact his revenge next season.

With the stage set for the DCL's first World Series, worldwide gambling could not be more rampant. Obtaining clearance from the league, many of the other deities have been participating in the gambling as well. "I opened an account on Betonsports.com," noted Egyptian God Ra, "it was then that I realized they only take credit cards. Have you ever tried negotiating with Visa with regards to converting gold statues or rare spices into dollars? I was *this* close to razing their families in hell fire."

"I've got quite a bit of coin on Buffalo," noted visibly inebriated Irish deity Anu from McCummins' Pub in Galway, "My mates keep telling me I'm mad going against Confucius, but I just have this feeling, ya know? Hey, Seamus, did you put this ****e on the jukebox?!"

Mohammed was quite confident heading into the series. "I've got a space reserved in my holy of holies." He noted, pointing at an open space on his entertainment center, "I think the trophy will look real nice sitting right there."

Confucius was more relaxed saying that if the universe wishes him to win, then he will. He then went on a 15 minute explanation saying that he was incorrectly credited with creating the phrase: "He who go to bed with itchy ass wakes up with smelly finger."

The Vegas lines favor Mohammed and his Buffalo teammates. Mainly due to their 4-0 sweep of Cleveland, as well as their regular season record of 93-69. Either way, it should be a very interesting series.

Deity's Postseason Stats:
Viracocha .564 / 7 HR / 12 RBI
Confucius .649 / 6 HR / 19 RBI
Mohammed .455 / 4 HR / 13 RBI
Enlil .400 / 2 HR / 7 RBI

Best new writer on the boards. Fun stuff!

LMAO

DCL WORLD SERIES

Game 1 - Confucius goes 0-2, but draws three walks and scores a run in Phoenix's 4-2 game 1 win in Buffalo. Mohammed did not fare much better, as he went 1-3 with a walk.

Game 2 - Phoenix outhits Buffalo 14-10, but loses the game 10-7 as the series draws to a tie at 1 game apiece. Confucius continued to struggle as he was held hitless until the 9th, when his 3 run home run cut the Buffalo lead to 3. But, it was too little too late as his 1-5 performance at the plate was no match for Mohammed (3-4, 1 HR, 4 RBI) and his Buffalo teammates.

Game 3 - The series moves back to Phoenix but Buffalo maintains their edge, as they easily win the game 9-3, giving them a 2-1 series lead. Confucius continued to disappoint, going 1-4 with an RBI single and was caught stealing. Mohammed continued to convert through his actions, going 3-5 with 2 HRs and 5 RBI.

Game 4 - Phoenix draws a line in the sand and destroys Buffalo 9-1, outhitting them 14-4. Confucius goes 2-5 with a home run and 4 RBI as Mohammed goes 1-3 with a triple and a walk.

Game 5 - In their last game at home, Phoenix not only makes a statement, they tattoo it on Buffalo's soul as they rain fire and brimstone down and defeat Buffalo 17-7. The game was back and forth until Phoenix unleashed a 9 run 7th inning, demolishing Buffalo's hopes. Mohammed went 2-5 with 2 2-run homers, matched by Confucius' 2-3 with 2 HRs and 4 RBI. The series heads back to Buffalo with Phoenix holding the 3-2 series lead and with Buffalo's backs against the wall.

Game 6 - Trailing 5-3 heading into the bottom of the 9th, Buffalo showed the will and resolve of a true hero (as well as the luck of the Irish) as they battle back and score 3 in the 9th to win the game 6-5 and even the series at 3 games apiece. Confucius was extremely angry after the game - noting that the 2 winning runs scored on a 2-out fly ball to center that should have been easily caught, but was dropped by the mortal CF, surrendering the game.

"If you ask me," Confucius say, "Someone did something to him while the ball was in the air. I am protesting this game. I was standing at 2B with a clear view and I'm thinking to myself: 'We got it, Big C! We got it!' and then he settles under the ball and starts shaking and his eyes glossed over and the damn thing bounces right out of his glove. I knew this kind of crap might happen if they let the other deities bet on the games...for all I know, it could have been anybody who had money on them. I saw Satan and Bondje hanging out in a luxury box. Between the two of them, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them." Mohammed countered saying that Confucius was just bitter that he is not having as good a series as he is. "Sour grapes," he declared, "Nothing more." Confucius went 2-4 with a home run and 2 RBI in the loss, while Mohammed went 3-4 with a double, a stolen base and a run scored. And so, this series will be decided by a Game 7. Tickets are being scalped for upwards of $7500 dollars as millions wish to bear witness to the deciding game of the first season of the DCL.

GAME 7 - In what many thought would be an offensive slug-fest, the DCL World Series is decided in a 3-0 game. Buffalo pitcher and mere mortal Charles Natal goes the distance and allows only 2 hits and 2 walks to give Mohammed and his Buffalo teammates the series win. Mohammed was ecstatic following the last out (a groundout to 1B by a Phoenix mortal) and flung his glove high in the air. Confucius quietly sat in the dugout watching the Buffalo teammates dogpile on Mohammed in short center field. While Mohammed's post-season numbers weren't as impressive as Confucius', his performance in the World Series was stronger and it earned him Post-Season MVP honors. In the deciding game, Mohammed went 1-4 with an RBI triple while Confucius was held to 0 for 1 with 2 walks and was caught stealing.

In the post-game interview in the jubilent Buffalo locker room, a champagne soaked Mohammed thanked the fans of Buffalo, his teammates and the fans of Islam around the world. He then shouted: "WOOOOOOO!" and sprayed reporter Jack Buck IX in the face with champagne.

In a somber Phoenix locker room, Confucius sat in quiet meditation for several minutes before agreeing to say a few words. "I have walked the path," he stated "but was forced to turn back as it was not meant to be. I have found solace in this and I will find it easier to walk the next time."

Deity Postseason Stats:
Confucius .525 / 11 HR / 33 RBI
Mohammed .475 / 9 HR / 27 RBI

This is hilarious. I hope you keep up with it.

Hey Guys - sorry for the delay in Deity Updates. I have been working on getting a website up and running for all of this so it is easier to follow the deities' progress and my HTML is *VERY* rusty. On the bright side, I have CatoBased the first season and will do so for the remainder of the seasons and should have a site which is somewhat usable in a couple of days or so.

Once I've got it even remotely usable, I'll post the link. I will continue to post the monthly updates and everything here like I did for the first season, but I wanted to get up a site where you can check their cumulative stats and all kinds of whatnot.

Stay tuned!

DEITY AWARDS

World Series Trophy - Mohammed
Post-Season MVP Award - Mohammed
Continental League MVP - uKqili
United League MVP - Odin
All-Star Game MVP - Tekkeitsertok

Continental League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Awonawilona
1B - uKqili
CF - Satan

United League Golden Gloves
Catcher - Altjira
SS - Vishnu
LF - Zeus
CF - Mohammed

To follow the complete stats of your favorite deity - I have uploaded their CatoBase player pages to this website. The site is in the very rudimentary stages and should be considerably more polished as time goes on. As of right now, just the player pages are uploaded - the leaderboards will be next.

April 1st, 3005

Excluding atheists, the collective pulse of the world has been rising in anticipation of the 2nd season of the DCL so religious devotees could laud the praises of their icon over all 'pretenders'. Well, the time has come! It will be interesting to see which deities have taken the offseason as a time to work hard and which have decided to rest on their laurels (or bed of fiery pumice). Insight can be gleaned by reviewing the confidential reports each team compiles during spring training. Normally, these reports are unavailable to the public, but we managed to get our grubby little hands on them...here's how they're looking:

The biggest lazy-assed deity through the offseason appears to be Incan God Viracocha. Atlanta scouting reports indicate that the starting catcher and Father of Everything has lost some bat speed, resulting in less contact, developed a habit for striking out more and his plate discipline seems to have faded. He did end Spring Training on a good note, however, as he did show good strike zone judgement a few days later. He showed up to camp 25 pounds heavier than his normal playing weight. Viracocha attributed it to water weight from residing at the sandy bed of Lake Titicaca and assured his fans and followers that he was a brand new feathered serpent god.

Confucius seems to have taken his World Series loss negatively, as he and Aztec God Ometeotl have lost some bat speed and seem to be striking out more. Both deities, however, have shown good strike zone judgement.

Spring Training appeared to be Good Strike Zone Judgement Day for a large number of our deities, as Siddhartha Guatama, Jupiter, Enlil, Vishnu, Bondje, Altjira, Guru Nahak, Awonawilona, Apsu, Tekkeitsertok, Khonvoum and Hunab Ku all showed good strike zone judgement during spring training.

As for the deities who remained Status Quo and showed no decrease or increase in abilities during the spring - Reigning MVPs uKqili and Odin, Mohammed, Abraham, Anu, Lao-tzu, A Thetan, Zeus, Jesus Christ, Satan and Ra - we'll see if they regret not putting more effort into their offseason workouts and training regimens. "I'm not even the slightest bit concerned," noted Orlando CF Satan squeezing what appeared to be a stress ball, but turned out to be Brittney Spears' severed left breast, "I did some fishing and played some golf and really took the time to find myself...besides, I've been drinking twice as much blood of the wicked over the past couple months, so I'm ready to go out there and do my thing."

May 1st, 3005

The first month of the second season of the second comings showed one of our deities laying the proverbial smack down while others were relatively silent. It's time to really lay down the numbers for 9 of our deities who are in their contract year (Awonawilona, Zeus, Viracocha, A Thetan, Anu, Satan, Jesus Christ, Abraham and Khonvoum). Khonvoum, whose ill-advised decision to hire Master P VI as his agent following the initial draft has the most to gain through free-agency. While his fellow deities have been earning steady base-salaries, Khonvoum's incentive-laden contract dipped to a base of $300,000 this year due to his missing considerable time last year with injuries.

Meanwhile Aboriginals clicked and swung rocks on strings with glee as their icon Altjira had a great month and leads the DCL in all major offensive categories.

Monthly Highlights

4/3/3005 - Roman God Jupiter collects the 18th cycle in league history as he drives in and scores 3 runs as Jupiter's visiting Cincinnati team defeats Columbus, 10-5.

4/5/3005 - Viracocha (.500 / 8 RBI / .526 OBP) wins his 3rd career Player of the Week Award and Zeus (.563 / 9 RBI / 1.375 SLG) wins his 4th career Player of the Week Award.

4/7/3005 - Zulu 1B uKqili hits for the cycle, driving in 3 and scoring 2 runs, but it wasn't enough as Norfolk falls at home to Charlotte, 9-6.

4/12/3005 - Zulu's uKqili (.560 / 13 RBI / 1.520 SLG) and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.714 / 3 HR / 7 RBI) win their 5th and 2nd Player of the Week Awards, respectively.

4/19/3005 - Philly's RF Tekkeitsertok (.577 / 6 HR / 12 RBI) wins his 2nd Player of the Week Award in the Continental League while Zeus (.714 / 5 HR / 15 RBI) brings the United League award home.

4/26/3005 - Orlando finally has a new reason to be called "The Happiest Place on Earth" since the bloody Children's Revolt of 2322 which leveled DisneyWorld as Orlando's Satan (.600 / 10 RBI) wins his 2nd career Player of the Week Award. Columbus remained rainy and grey despite their star SS Vishnu's winning the UL's Player of the Week Award with his .619 / 8 RBI performance for the week.

5/1/3005 - Philadelphia's RF and Inuit deity Tekkeitsertok (.484 / 18 HR / 39 RBI) and Lewiston's Catcher and Aboriginal deity Altjira (.607 / 19 HR / 41 RBI) take home the prestigious Batter of the Month Award.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .607
Deity HR Leader: Altjira / Satan 19
Deity RBI Leader: Altjira 41
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 22

June 1st, 3005

The month of May saw a power surge amongst the deities with quite a number of 3 Home Run games. Aboriginals are spinning their rocks perceptibly slower following a month where Altjira sees himself overtaken in a number of offensive categories. Also, another deity is felled by injury...

5/1/3005 - Phoenix 2B Confucius goes 4 for 4 with a double and 3 solo home runs in a 5-4 victory over Houston. His 3rd home run was his 75th career HR.

5/1/3005 - Greensboro CF Lao-tzu's tao of hitting was on full display as he hits the 20th cycle in league history in a 10-7 victory over Hunab Ku's Stockton team.

5/3/3005 - Confucius (.647 / 5 HR / 8 RBI / 1.706 SLG) and Hunab Ku (.750 / 6 HR / 8 RBI) win their respective leagues' Player of the Week Awards.

5/4/2005 - Altjira remained hot for the first week of May and hit for the cycle with 3 RBI in a 10-7 victory over visiting Greensboro and Lao-tzu, the last player to hit for the cycle only 3 days earlier.

5/5/3005 - The Big Apple became Satan's playground as Satan goes 4 for 5 with 3 HRs, 4 Runs Scored and 6 RBI in Orlando's 12-4 win over New York.

5/6/3005 - Not to be outdone, Memphis' Jesus Christ goes 5 for 6 with 3 HRs, 4 Runs Scored and 6 RBI in their 12-9 victory in Philadelphia.

5/9/3005 - Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum was on fire against Cincinnati, as he hits for the cycle and drives in *9* runs as Seattle doubles up on Cincinnati for a 18-9 victory.

5/10/3005 - Satan continues to scream: "Show me the money!" as the possible free agent to-be wins the CL Player of the Week Award with a .556 / 8 HR / 16 RBI performance. Altjira (under contract until 2008) continued to let his bat do the talking as he hits .667 / 7 HR / 15 RBI and extends his hitting streak to 34 games - taking home the UL Player of the Week Award.

5/10/3005 - Egyptian Sun God Ra blasts 3 HRs with 5 RBI in a slugfest against Columbus which Raleigh ends up winning 15-14.

5/11/3005 - Altjira's hit streak is halted at 34 games as he goes 0-2 with 2 walks in Lewiston's 4-2 victory over Buffalo. An ever-humble Altjira declared after the game: "Hey, we won the game - that's the most important number to me!" He then proceeded to destroy a nearby trash can, injuring 6 in the ruckus.

5/17/3005 - Buddhists beamed as Siddhartha Guatama (.737 / 3 HR / 6 RBI) was awarded his 3rd career Player of the Week Award. Egyptians ironically danced like Americans when they learned that their god Ra (.444 / 15 RBI) was named the UL's Player of the Week.

5/19/3005 - The cycle becomes old hat for our deities as Stockton's Hunab Ku completes the cycle with 3 RBI and 3 Runs Scored against Columbus.

5/23/3005 - Aztec god Ometeotl supports my claim and demoralizes Columbus by getting 5 hits and completing the cycle with 5 RBI and 3 Runs Scored against a oft-cycled Columbus team - the 2nd cycle hit against them in less than a week.

5/24/3005 - They may have kept their names out of the headlines during the week, but that didn't stop voters from respecting the weekly achievements of uKqili (.700 / 4 HR / 12 RBI) and Vishnu (.636 / 4 HR / 11 RBI / 1.500 SLG) as they are awarded Player of the Week Awards.

5/28/3005 - Lao-tzu has 5 hits including a double and 3 home runs (not to mention 3 RBI and 5 Runs scored) as a humbled Columbus team rips Greenboro 12-10.

5/29/3005 - The injury bug rears his ugly head again, this time catching Christianity namesake Jesus Christ right on the back. On 5/29/3005, Jesus was placed on the DL as he was expected to be out for 1-2 weeks with a Sore Back. Jesus has claimed that the injury is probably due to his being forced to carry his own bats to the field. Memphis officials have declared that they will be issuing wheeled golf bags to all players in an effort to reduce back aches. In 52 games this season, Jesus has hit .464 with 28 HRs and 70 RBI.

5/31/3005 - Siddhartha Guatama (.593 / 6 HR / 15 RBI) and Lao-tzu (.667 / 5 HR / 10 RBI / 1.481 SLG) win Player of the Week honors.

6/1/3005 - The Buddhist Bomber's trophy case is starting to fill as he is awarded the CL Batter of the Month Award for the month of May. Guatama hit .558 with 19 HRs and 39 RBI during the month. In the United League, it was Mayan God Hunab Ku's time for recognition as he hits .566 with 19 HRs and 44 RBI to garner the UL's Batter of the Month award.

Deity BA Leader: Altjira .552
Deity HR Leader: Satan / Hunab Ku 37
Deity RBI Leader: Hunab Ku / Zeus 78
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 39

Question, but I think I know the answer:

Has anyone mortal ever won the player of the week/month?

And also, are you using modern settings? Great read, you're really doing a fantastic job with this.

Hey Vris - after the All-Star Break in the first year, two mortal pitchers won player of the week awards (with rather pedestrian numbers). As for the batter of the month awards, it has, to this point, been a clean sweep by the various deities.

I am using the Modern Era settings. I appreciate the compliments - it's nice to know other people are enjoying it as much as I am! :)

Well I guess they have to give nod to the pitchers of the league, even if your dieties are tearing **** up.

July 1st, 3005

The month of June saw two No-Hitters thrown against our deities as well as all of the icons trying to make a last minute run to steal some All-Star votes. And yet another injury befalls an unsuspecting deity...

Monthly Highlights

6/6/3005 - With their deity Khonvoum getting the day off to rest, his Seattle teammates didn't need any help as mortal Seattle pitcher Terrance Alber NO-HITS Jupiter and the rest of a hapless Cincinnati team. The only thing keeping Alber from a perfect game was 3 walks, all by Cincinnati Catcher Jupiter. Jupiter, who drew the 3 walks and stole 2 bases, finally got a chance to swing with two outs in the bottom of the 9th, but weakly grounded out to the 2B, leaving him 0-1 on the day and enciting a mass celebration by the Seattle players. The celebration was briefly interrupted when lightning struck (from a cloudless sky) just a few scant feet from the throng gathered on the pitcher's mound. Jupiter was unavailable for comment following the game.

6/7/3005 - Judaism icon Abraham (.565 / 5 HR / 7 RBI / 1.522 SLG) and Pygmy Powerhouse Khonvoum (.652 / 10 RBI / 1.696 SLG) win Player of the Week Awards

6/9/3005 - The 29th cycle in league history is collected by Mohammed as Buffalo continues Cincinnati's embarassment. Mohammed scored 4 runs and drove in 6 in his team's 8-3 victory over Cincinnati.

6/9/3005 - Sikh Guru Nahak blasts three home runs and collects 6 RBI in his 4-4 performance against Cleveland, which needed all of the help he could give as they squeak out the win against New Orleans, 9-8.

6/11/3005 - Severely disappointed by last season's performance, Khonvoum is a deity on a mission this season (it should also be noted Khonvoum is in a contract year), as he jacks three Home Runs for 7 RBI in a 13-9 victory over Greensboro.

6/12/3005 - Irish deity Anu collects the cycle for El Paso, but it's not enough as El Paso falls to Cleveland 12-7 at home.

6/13/3005 - Adding to El Paso's woes, Cleveland Catcher Enlil clubs three home runs with 5 RBI as Cleveland beats El Paso again, this time 11-6.

6/14/3005 - Siddhartha Guatama (.545 / 3 HR / 8 RBI) and 3004 World Series MVP Mohammed (.609 / 12 RBI / .700 OBP) win Player of the Week Awards.

6/14/3005 - Confucius and Bondje each collect 5 hits in a Phoenix-Hartford shootout which ends up going 12 innings. Confucius had an RBI double in the top of the 12th which held up to be the game winner as Hartford couldn't answer in the bottom half of the inning. Confucius finished the game 5 for 5 with 2 Home Runs and 3 RBI, Bondje finished 5 for 6 with 2 double, a Home Run and 3 RBI.

6/19/3005 - Voodoo God Bondje makes the news again as he hits for the cycle, scores 2 runs and drives in 3. However, just like the last time he made the news, it's not enough as Hartford explodes for a 7 run 6th and wins the game 9-8 in Phoenix.

6/19/3005 - Guru Nahak is held hitless with 2 walks, but it was enough as his teammate, mortal pitcher John Wyatt, NO-HITS Pittsburgh in their own stadium. Pittsburgh deity, Ometeotl had a scheduled day off, but was brought in to pinch hit in the 8th. He grounded into a fielder's choice and ended up stranded at 3rd. There was a mixture of boos and cheers from the Pittsburgh crowd as the game ended on a groundout to the New Orleans Shortstop. New Orleans won the game 2-0 on the strong performance by the journeyman 39 year old pitcher.

6/21/3005 - Confucianism namesake Confucius (.650 / 18 RBI / 1.850 SLG) and Sumerian God Enlil (.588 / 5 RBI) each win their 4th Career Player of the Week Awards.

6/26/3005 - Not just litter brought tears to the Pueblo Indians' eyes, as their deity Awonawilona pulls a calf muscle running to 2nd base on a double in the 1st inning of New York's game against Atlanta. Fellow deity and catcher Viracocha had the day off but was one of the first people to reach the prone Awonawilona at 2nd base. "I am an omnipotent deity," noted Incan God Viracocha, "I have destroyed villages and the unfaithful with a mere flick of my tail with not so much as a second thought...but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings, too." Awonawilona walked off the field under his own power and claims to be at about 90%, but New York officials didn't want to take any chances, as they put him on the 15 Day DL. Awonawilona is not expected to be back to full health for 4-5 weeks.

6/28/3005 - Fresh from his back injury, Christ makes up some ground and earns himself his 3rd career CL Player of the Week Award for his .588 / 5 HR / 11 RBI performance. In the UL, Zeus (.632 / 3 HR / 7 RBI / 1.211 SLG) is going to need a new shelf soon as he earns his 6th career PotW.

7/1/3005 - The Buddhist Bomber, Siddhartha Guatama, is named Batter of the Month for June as his .564 / 12 HR / 28 RBI / 1.308 SLG performance is voted best amongst his Continental League peers. 3004 MVP Odin continues to impress, as he earns his 2nd career Batter of the Month award with his .547 / 15 HR / 37 RBI / 1.337 SLG.

edit:
Deity BA Leader: Altjira .512
Deity HR Leader: Hunab Ku 49
Deity RBI Leader: Zeus 116
Deity SB Leader: Altjira 54